by Cherry Kay
So here I was, standing before a large mirror while deep in thought. The reflection staring back at me didn’t quite match the young woman I dreamed of as a little girl. A tired, haggard look had dominated my soft darkened skin tone. Once bright eyes now stared back at me with such depth, I feared I might fall into the mire of their shadows. Life had clearly played itself well across the board of my life, twisting itself until I became just another pawn in its game.
Then I looked at the one truly beautiful thing I had. Her name was Hope. Her name also had meaning, but of a different nature. She was the most precious thing I had ever done in my life, and would remain so.
She looked up at me, the age of three almost a given, as she wound her tight little fists into my long dress pants. Her hair was twisted into a tight little bun with a tiny pink bow accenting the dark brown color.
“Mama, you’re so pwetty,” she giggled, beaming proudly at me. It was her favorite thing to say as of late, but it did nothing less than warm my heart.
I bent down to hug her, taking her tiny body into my arms. She felt small, warm, and frail. Nothing in life felt more worth living for than the small bundle of joy in my embrace.
“Thank you baby,” I said, smoothing out her jean skirt that managed to crinkle in the back. “Let’s get you ready for Auntie’s.”
Jumping while she walked as most three year olds often do, she disappeared from the bedroom for a few minutes. This gave me a few moments alone with my thoughts to sort out the day. It would most definitely be a long one.
I finished buttoning the red blouse that was required at my weekend job, and stared at the final product of myself in the mirror. It was the same thing every time. So many times I had aspired to lose a little weight, or at least try to tone up a bit, but there was never any time. Ever since I had my sweet little angel, there had been no time to spend on me. The life of a single mom was one of selflessness.
Furrowing my brow at what I saw in the mirror, I patted my breasts, and then sighed. My best friend always told me I wasn’t fat, and she could be right. Yet, compared to my high school days where I was the thin curvy girl on the cheerleader squad, my figure had changed quite a bit. Granted my curves were still beautifully there, but I felt a lot thicker than I used to be. And beneath the confines of my blouse were the stretch marks from pregnancy that I tried to hide from the world.
Don’t be ashamed, Gabrielle had told me, encouraging me as best she could. You’re beautiful the way you are. You don’t need to look like a model anymore. Besides guys prefer women with a little more to grab onto, if you know what I mean.
Undoubtedly she was right about that, but in the world of females, wanting to be thin and beautiful was something written in our genes. Not anorexic skinny, but to be thin with just enough curve…girls would give most anything for that.
I shook my head. Time was escaping faster than I realized when I glanced at the small alarm clock next to my queen sized bed. I had been in such a hurry this morning that making the bed wasn’t exactly at the top of my list.
Little Hope skittered into my room with her Dora the Explorer backpack strapped proudly, and her princess Mary Jane shoes leaving bits of glitter wherever she walked. “I’m ready,” she announced triumphantly, red smudges of juice on her mouth.
“I’m sure you are,” I said, licking my finger and leaning down to rub her face.
She grimaced and resisted my touch. “Ewwwie mommy.”
She never liked it when I did that, but it always seemed the quickest and easiest way to get the job done. My mother had done it when I was little. “You’ll survive,” I replied, patting her head and standing up.
Bustling around the room to grab everything I needed for the day, my hand reached for my transparent purse. It always managed to end up shoved under the bed somehow. I was definitely an uncoordinated slob. Always had been, and probably always would. It wasn’t as if I hadn’t tried to keep everything organized. When I did, it seemed to last a couple days before everything went into disarray again.
We made it out of the room and down the stairs of our home. It was a rental of course, but it felt homey. There were wood floors and soft plush cream colored couches visible from the bottom of the staircase. To the left was the double doorway leading into the living room, and to the right was the dining room overlooking the quaint little kitchen.
Looking around at the clean place, I wondered what I’d do without the help of my sister. She always managed to find satisfaction in prepping the place up for me after dropping off Hope on the weekends. Without her I probably would’ve had to place my baby girl in some sticky dirty daycare and take on a third job just to pay for her.
Relief flooded over me when I saw my sister Tasha’s car from the front window. The shades were angled just perfectly in view of the driveway.
She was possibly the one and only person I trusted with my daughter. Weekdays were different stories of course. I loathed the idea of daycare, but I didn’t have much choice during the week. There was no one else to watch her while I was at work.
The familiar honk of the old Cadillac outside announced Trisha’s presence. We had but a few minutes before the monotony of the day took its toll.
Dashing to the kitchen counter, I grabbed the now-cold cup of coffee and guzzled it down. There was no time to savor it at all. Hope was already opening the front door and walking out with hyper steps to see her aunt. Moments later I was behind her, tugging the door closed, and fumbling with my key to lock it.
After saying goodbye to my little munchkin, I watched as they drove away from the neighborhood lined with small rental houses. No one had the money to own these days. The market for houses was in such dire straits it was almost impossible to get out.
Making the long trudge to the bus stop, I began to daydream. Sometimes it would make the day go by faster if I didn’t dwell too much in it. It was a bad thing and I knew that, but what was left for me? High school days were over and gone. Would it be such a horrible thing to wish those days had never left? I could be the proud robust girl I had once been, and possibly, I could remake the decisions which wound towards the path I was now on.
Nothing would have tied me down if I had just gone to school and waited to have kids. But now my life was no longer priority. Hope’s was. No matter what happened I had made myself a promise when she was born. She would have the best I could provide. She would go to school, make something of herself, and be the person I had failed to be.
These were the things that constantly riddled my mind. Perhaps it wasn’t what all women at the age of twenty-five had to worry about, and it shouldn’t be. But it was my life, my path, and my responsibility.
The bus was about a ten minute wait as I sat crunching the dry fall leaves beneath my boots. The air was crisp and chill, but nothing worth bundling up for. Georgia was beautiful this time of year, especially on the outskirts of Atlanta. There was no way I wanted to live too close to the heart of it all. City life didn’t seem to suit me at all, and Hope deserved a calmer environment to grow up in.
Driving into the city came with its own set of greetings. Firstly the dank smell of the old bus hit my nose, as it did every morning. The combination of sweat, unbathed passengers, and strong perfume sometimes was stronger or lesser from day to day. However, the smell was always present. It didn’t take much to get used to. Not like I had a choice in the matter.
As downtown approached, the tension in the air increased. People bustled to and fro’ in their work apparel, mostly carrying briefcases or purses. It wasn’t uncommon to see a majority of women wearing fashionable black pumps and their hair tied up in fancy updos. Often, I would glance up at the tall buildings and wonder what exactly was going on inside their thick glass windows. But at night the reflection of the daytime sun would unveil and lay bare the heart of those magnificent skyscrapers.
The rolling bus came to a stop and I paid the driver. Moments later, I was strolling the couple blocks towards Lana’s Hair Cuttery, where
I had been employed for two years. It wasn’t glamorous, but it was a job, nonetheless.
Reaching the last few buildings leading to work, a glint of white interrupted my view. Turning my head to see what it was, I froze mid-step. In the window of the nine-story building with its prestigious glass windows was a piece of paper that said Now Hiring, Secretary Wanted.
Endless possibilities played before my eyes as I pictured a job here. I knew this place. This was one of those marketing design offices that took contracts with large corporate businesses. Perhaps…
I sighed. A girl could dream couldn’t she? But what if there was a chance for something better?
Pulling out my phone, I glanced at the time. Either I went in there for a few minutes to inquire about the job and be late to work, or I would make it on time. Lana would have a hissy fit if I didn’t show up on time to prep everything before opening.
Gritting my teeth as I warred with myself for a good few seconds, I decided to screw everything. Stepping forward, I strode through the revolving doors of the big corporate office building and headed straight for the receptionist at the large cream colored desk. There was no going back now.
I stood before her waiting, noting the extreme blue eyes and bleached blonde hair that lay loosely on her shoulders. Apparently she paid a lot to get her hair to look that nice. She had gentle streaks of amber peeping from her wavy tresses.
She lifted her face from the paperwork she was shuffling through and eyed me shrewdly. There was no hint of welcome in her face. She looked at me as if I were a toad standing in the middle of the sidewalk.
Pursing her thin rouge colored lips, she inquired, “What brings you in to see us today?”
This was my cue. Smiling, friendly, despite the cold vibe of her presence, I replied. “Actually I wanted to find out about the secretarial job you’re advertising in the window. I saw that you’re hiring right now.”
She nodded without faltering her expression. “It’s only seasonal.”
Debating my schedule for a brief moment, I flashed through the hours I had left during the day. I could perhaps pick up a small job in the evenings if they were offering that during the week.
I dared to ask. “What are the hours?” Was my throat just dry, or were my nerves making it sound hoarse? I wanted to cough but didn’t dare under her scrutinizing gaze.
“One second,” she dismissed herself from the comfy swivel chair she sat on and disappeared behind the elaborate door behind her.
Returning promptly with a piece of paper in her hand, she handed it to me. “My boss says twenty hours a week on weekdays. Here’s an application if you’d like to fill it out and bring it back.”
I could tell she was rushing me out the door. Good thing I wasn’t working for her.
Taking the paper gingerly, I thanked her and scanned over it. The job description seemed simple enough, if not super easy. It might do nicely for a few extra hours a day. I might be able to afford a nice Christmas if I pulled everything together in time by December, which was only a month and a half away.
There was nothing left for me to do here. I was already late to my job as of yet.
“Thank you,” I shouted over my shoulder as I scurried around and out the door. I would have to fill this out on my break time…if I even got one today.
Chapter 2
It had been a hell of a day, and went by slower than a snail on a log. I prayed so many times for it to be over, but every time I managed to look at the clock, it had only progressed approximately five long minutes.
The owner and manager, Lana, was in a foul disposition as soon as I entered the store. It was rumored among the employees that she must’ve been clinically bipolar because she was sometimes the sweetest lady in the world. On a dime she would go from pleasantly sweet to vicious. It was a revolving cycle.
When break time arrived after hours of greeting clients for their routine haircuts, I didn’t bother eating. I had half an hour to fill out the application and rush to get it back to the office.
“Don’t be late,” Lana hissed at me as I walked out of the now empty place. She wasn’t afraid to curse around her employees one bit. If there were no customers around, it was fair game.
“I won’t” I retorted while dashing out the door.
A few minutes rushed by until I stood before the tall building of Smith Marketing INC. But I froze inside. Should I go through with this? It was a lot of extra time that I wouldn’t see my baby girl. She barely saw me as it is… Yet I couldn’t bear to see her face when Christmas day came and I didn’t have anything to give her.
Determination rushed through me and my fingertips grew warm again. This was something I had to do.
Before I was able to reach the revolving doors, a voice disturbed my thoughts.
“Allow me.”
I turned to look at the newcomer who was now gesturing for me to join him in the small doorway. It gave room just for two.
“Thank you,” I quickly obliged, taking in the expensive vest and dress shirt he wore on his white pale skin. Everything was perfect from the head down. Not a hair was out of place or a crinkle on his clothes.
I joined him in the small wedge of the rotating doors and walked beside him around to the other side. His gait was one of pride. Even the scent of masculinity filled the air from his cologne. God it smelled so good.
When we reached the reception desk he turned to me with steel grey eyes. Perhaps I should reiterate, for his eyes were dark and smoky, some kind of a mystery lay in their cool depths, causing chills to roll down my spine with vibrating ripples.
The way he stared at me made me feel as if he pierced right through my soul. All I could do was return his gaze unsteadily and look for something else to focus on. He never once smiled, but merely studied me for a second with his hand on his jaw. “Miss Rose,” he finally announced, calling the Receptionist to attention.
Looking at me she flashed a fake smile. “Sir,” she questioned, her voice almost purring like a cat sweet and seductively. Her tone completely changed to that of earlier.
“I seem to have missed my coffee. Fetch me a cup will you, black.” He dismissed her with a wave of his hand. “Thank you Miss Rose.”
It was amazing the speed as she beckoned to his call. Frantically, she stood up and fixed her boobs, adjusting the tight skirt that showed off long slender legs.
Ugh…so perfectly thin, she could probably land almost any man she set those icy blue eyes upon. But from careful observation it seemed to me that she would be willing to bend over backwards for this astute, handsome man. Yet, he didn’t seem to give her the time of day. There was no smile of appreciation, simply a thank you to confirm that she would do as she was told.
“Now Miss,” he turned to me and then paused at the lack of my name.
I smiled cheerfully with high aspirations. “Uh, Ivy,” I managed to stammer under his penetrating regard. “Ivy Green…sir.” I managed to add the last part before tripping over myself even further.
He nodded. “Miss Green, what can we do for you today?”
Miss Rose waltzed in carefully in her high heeled pumps, carrying a steaming cup of coffee. She handed it to him, the smile never leaving her face, and then returned to her seat.
I held out the application in my hand, regretting the speed at which I reacted to his question. “I’m applying to the job offer you had up in the window,” I informed him while gesturing behind me with cold clammy hands.
“Ah yes, that job offer. Well unfortunately, I already hired someone about an hour ago. The position is no longer available,” he admitted gravely. “But,” he said slightly more enthusiastically. “If for some reason things don’t work out I will keep your application in mind.”
My heart sank as the words spilled forth from his mouth like molasses. There wasn’t a hint of care in his eyes. They seemed almost void of emotion except for that lingering secrecy in their shadowed pools. There was something about him that I quite couldn’t grab. A familiarity
in their depths almost toyed with me to no end.
Defeated and disappointed, I smiled, reaching out to shake his hand. That was the thing to do, or so I thought. “Thank you for your time,” I added, and then turned to leave, hoping he didn’t notice how cold I was.
Without looking back, I kept walking. I hoped that my mood might lift just a little. It wasn’t as if my life had depended on this job. But I had gotten my hopes up only to feel the sudden drop of letdown.
As the busy day proceeded and the holiday spirit filled the air, I began to realize that the dashing grey eyed man had never even introduced himself. How odd was that? The more my thoughts toiled over things, the more peculiar I felt. His face wouldn’t leave my head. Those eyes encapsulated me until they almost haunted the very chasms of my desire. There was something alluring about him…something so familiar…and yet so unfamiliar.
Chapter 3
The silver moon’s rays glistened through leaves the color of fall. Their hues of red, orange, and yellow adorned the sidewalks, streets, and lamp posts. Fall was one of earth’s great phenomenons, gracing us with its presence one special time a year.
Shivering from the oncoming chill of November, I hustled speedily through the street towards the underground subway. Casting glances at the cars dominating the road I suddenly wished I had one of my own. How nice it would be to sit in the heat right about now. My jacket was too thin, but I should’ve known to be prepared.
Christmas lights hung over windows making the city light up with color. Even street workers were putting up the last of the décor, all the wreaths having been hung on the posts alongside the road. With open windows in some of the cars, Santa baby and Jingle bells mixed in a cacophony of Christmas spirit. It almost seemed as if every year Christmas arrived earlier and earlier. Thanksgiving hadn’t even gone by yet and everyone was already anticipating Santa Claus.
