Cocktails & Dreams

by Autumn Markus

  He was smiling as he flung his bag in the trunk that evening, anticipating the weekend that lay ahead of him, once he’d honored his dad’s request and could get rid of the Barbie. He barely noticed Sofia as she slid into the passenger seat of his car with a bright smile. Answering her questions with polite nothings, he worried at the issue of how, exactly, to approach Jena about moving in. Should he do it right away, or wait until Sunday night?

  Nick still hadn’t decided when they arrived at Jena’s building, and he forgot all about his question when she rose from the stoop, a smile slowly spreading across her face. Ignoring his passenger, Nick exited the car to hold Jena tight.

  “Hey, you,” she whispered, wrapping her arms around his waist and rubbing her hands gently over his back.

  “Hey, you,” Nicholas murmured back and dropped a kiss on her upturned lips. And another. And another.

  He was drawn back to reality by a clearing throat. He sighed and let Jena go, keeping an arm around her waist as he introduced her to Sofia.

  Looking back, Nicholas could later see that this was the exact point where the night went to hell.

  Sofia smiled at Jena brightly, showing all of her teeth like the beauty queen Nicholas had no doubt she’d been. “Aren’t you cute?” She wrinkled her nose as she scanned Jena’s outfit. Sofia’s perfect, silvery-blond bob brushed her shoulders as she shook her head, laughing lightly. “How I wish I could get away with student-chic. Unfortunately, I had to leave that behind when I left school.” She gestured to her own sleek black turtleneck and dark slacks in mock apology.

  Jena glanced down at her soft pink tee, jeans, and her favorite pink sneakers, and laughed. “I guess I’ll never grow up. Wearing flat shoes?” Sofia held out a foot clad in soft leather boots. “Good. Things can get a little pushy at Stevie’s. We wouldn’t want you to get shoved over or anything.” The glitter in Jena’s eye was saying the total opposite. “You might want to be careful of those around the beer, though. They don’t look waterproof.”

  Sofia laughed airily. “Whatever. I have more pairs than I can count.”

  Jena raised her eyebrows as she walked to the car, finally climbing into the back seat when Sofia waited patiently by the passenger door, clearly intending to sit in the front.

  Jena was very quiet on the way to the bar, listening as Sofia prattled on about trips, people and parties she and Nick had in common. For the sake of his father, Nicholas conversed with her politely, looking at Jena in the rearview mirror from time to time. But she never met his eyes, looking out the side window instead.

  Stevie’s was already packed and noisy when they arrived, and Jena disappeared into the crowd after squeezing Nicholas’s hand, trying to find their group. Sofia and Nick waited by the bar. “Your little girlfriend is cute, Nicholas,” Sofia said as Nick handed her the beer he had struggled to the bar and back to get for her. She made a moue of distaste after taking a sip.

  “Jena’s beautiful,” Nicholas stated shortly, plucking the mug from Sofia’s hand and taking a deep gulp. He was handing it back to her when Jena appeared, stopping as she looked from Nick to Sofia.

  “They have a table over here,” Jena said, taking Nicholas’s hand and tugging him through the crowd with Sofia clinging to his other arm. Introductions at the table next to the stage were almost impossible as Travis’s band took the floor with a crash of sound. Nicholas pulled Jena’s back against his chest, wrapping his arms around her as she looked up at with him with a smile and they swayed to the music. After a few minutes, Leisa was tugging at Jena’s arm, pulling her out on the dance floor since Travis wasn’t available. Sofia pushed Nicholas out as well, twining her arms around his neck as she leaned against him. Nick stepped away, looking around for the girl he wanted in his arms. He caught Jena’s quick, piercing stare, and then she looked away to laugh at Leisa’s spastic dancing.

  By the time the song ended to wild applause and another began, Conor was whirling Jena across the floor to the music of her giggles. Nicholas grimaced and followed them with his eyes, ignoring Sofia entirely as she chattered at his elbow. He started across the floor as the last notes faded, figuring that he’d done his duty to Sofia for the night by putting up with her as long as he had. Now he needed his girl.

  He stopped short when he saw Stefan come up behind Jena and pull her against his body. She looked back, laughing, and then jerked forward when she saw who held her.

  Fuck. No.

  “Nicholas—no!” Jena shouted as she caught sight of Nicholas shoving blindly through the crowd. He ignored her, whirling Stefan around to slam a fist into his mouth. Stefan stumbled back and Nicholas followed to hit him again, feeling a sickening crunch as Stefan’s nose broke. And then Nick hit him again. All of the stress and tension of the last few weeks were behind every punch.

  Jena grabbed Nick’s arm. “Stop it right now!”

  Jerking away from her hand, Nicholas shoved Stefan back against a table. He couldn’t even think anymore. “Don’t ever touch what’s mine, fucktard,” Nicholas shouted in the bleeding man’s face.

  “I don’t belong to anyone, Nicholas,” Jena whispered, face white. She helped Stefan stand up and led him toward the door before looking back at Nick. “I’ll talk to you in a minute.”

  Nick stood there, breathing raggedly, as his friends gaped. It had all happened so quickly and off to the side of the stage that very few people had even noticed, aside from those that were nearby.

  “Jesus, Nicholas,” Leisa muttered, following Jena toward the door.

  Nicholas felt a hand against his back. Sofia stood there, looking concerned. “Did you hurt your hand?”

  Barking out a harsh laugh, Nicholas looked at his knuckles, which were already bruising. “Nothing broken. You can tell the surgeon’s spawn by what injuries we check for, huh?” He was starting to feel guilty. “Maybe I’d better go make sure the asshole is all right.”

  Nick started to step around Sofia after a squeeze on her shoulder, but Sofia slid her arms around his waist. She was only a couple of inches shorter than he was, so it wasn’t a stretch to press her mouth against his as she ran her hands over his back, cupping his ass with one hand as she slid her tongue into his stunned mouth. Nicholas froze for a minute and then pushed her away. “What the fuck was that?” he yelled.

  Sofia shrugged, looking at her fingernails. “Your dad told mine that you had to get rid of a little gold digger. I thought that would be efficient.” She glanced behind Nicholas with a sly smile, and he caught sight of a pair of pink sneakers out of the corner of his eye.

  Nicholas jerked his head around to find Jena staring at him blankly, before she headed for the door again. He stared after her, wondering when this night that was supposed to be so wonderful became so horribly fucked up. He fixated dully on his plan to ask Jena to move in with him, tell her he loved her. Instead, he’d brought someone on their date that had politely ridiculed Jena and excluded her, not to mention his being caught flatfooted by the polite monster’s attack.

  After he beat the crap out of someone Jena could have handled.

  While he treated her like a possession.

  The enormity of this train wreck overwhelmed him, and Nicholas suddenly heard a harsh burst of laughter come from his mouth.

  Conor glared at Nick before shoving him backward with a massive hand. “What the hell is wrong with you, Nicholas?” Nick stumbled backward, barely keeping his feet and completely unable to contain the hysterical giggles coming out of his mouth. Conor raised his fist before slowly lowering it with a sneer. He pointed at Nick as he headed for the door. “You fucked up. God help you.”

  After a minute, Sofia drifted toward the bar, casting a worried look back as Nick sat down hard on the lip of the stage.

  All he wanted was for this night to reverse itself.

  If he had the chance to do it over again, he’d tell his father to go fuck himself and apologize to Travis later for skipping this shitty bar. Trav would have forgiven Nick for wanting to wrap him
self around Jena and not let go until the weekend was over.

  As his helpless laughter died down, leaving him weak, the enormity of what he’d done by letting Jena walk out without even trying to stop her hit him. Hoping to God that she would answer, Nick was dialing her cell before the door of Stevie’s closed behind him, leaving Sofia behind to find her own way home.

  He didn’t actually expect Jena to answer, so Nicholas was surprised at her quiet hello. “Jena, don’t hang up,” he blurted.

  She sounded tired. “I’m not twelve, Nicholas. I don’t hang up on people without explanation.”

  “Where are you, Jen? Can we just talk?”

  “On my way home. Conor’s giving me a ride.”

  “Oh.” Nick leaned against his car, trying to organize his thoughts. “What I did, Jena…what I said…it was wrong, and I’m so damn sorry.” He listened to her breathe for a moment, but she didn’t say anything. “Sofia launched herself at me, I swear. Don’t be mad.” Silence. “Please don’t say it was unforgivable,” he finally whispered.

  She sighed. “Nicholas, I’m not mad about Sofia. I saw the whole thing, and I heard her explanation.” She was quiet for a minute. “We’ve never said that we were exclusive anyway.” Jena paused again. “I think we need to take a step back. Everything has moved so fast, and I think…I think we both need to just…breathe.”

  This couldn’t be happening. Not now.

  Nick felt his emotional fuses melt closed as he went into overload. His voice sounded wooden even to him when he answered. “Okay. If that’s what you think is best.”

  “I do. You scared me tonight, Nicholas. And I scare myself because I’m so wrapped up in you, and you can’t even…” She trailed off and took a deep breath. “Call me sometime next week, and we’ll talk, okay?”

  Nicholas heard silence on the line and slowly snapped his phone shut.

  Chapter Fifteen

  THE APARTMENT FELT ESPECIALLY QUIET as Jena sank down on the couch and started to unlace her shoes, trying not to think of the plans she’d had for that night. After only one quick lunch in two weeks, she had been excited to have Nicholas stay the weekend. Not only couldn’t she wait to spend time with him in her bed…and the shower, and the couch, and the kitchen table, and wherever the hell else they could think of…she was finally ready to have “The Talk.”

  Ever since Nicholas said that he loved her, she’d been thinking about that. Of course, she already knew that some part of him felt that way; what worried her was the side of Nick that turned every opportunity to talk seriously into a joke. As time went on, she’d realized that every story he told from his past or his present was funny or exciting. Nothing hard. Nothing affecting. She knew enough from her own job to realize that heartache lay right alongside humor in the lives of people in the service professions, but she would never have guessed that from listening to Nick. Jena knew he had to see those things. Why couldn’t he share them with her? Why couldn’t he share himself with her? She needed to know before she could be sure they had any sort of future together.

  Jena leaned her head against the back of the couch and closed her eyes, feeling a stray tear escape and run down into her ear.

  What a fucked up night.

  She had felt Nick’s tension from the second he got out of the car. It came off of him in waves and showed in the minute shaking of his hands and the set of his jaw. Someone else might miss the signs, carefully masked as they were by his brilliant smile and soft voice, but Jena had become Jedi Master of the Force of Nick’s emotions. She had to be, because he gave so little away, always smiling and joking, and rarely letting down his guard for a minute.

  Jena had never felt for anyone what she felt for Nicholas. Ever. It was hot and complex: layers of lust, and passion, and humor, and tenderness, and all-encompassing need. Fucking need. For his face, and his voice, and his body, and his hair, and his hands, and his laughter, and his ideas, and his mouth, and his…his everything.

  And Nicholas gave it all to her. Everything but his honest emotions.

  Her phone lay silent on the coffee table. Tears welled again as she stared at it, unable to get her mind around the idea that he’d hung up on her after his curt reply to her request for time to think. Jena almost wished she’d obeyed her first childish instinct and let the call to go voice mail, because nothing could hurt as much as thinking that he didn’t care.

  She was in the kitchen, swigging the good Captain straight from the bottle, when Travis burst into the apartment a little while later.

  “Jena!”

  She peeked around the corner and saw him looking around the living room, face tight and guitar clutched in his hand like a bat. He quickly set it down and came to crush her against his chest.

  “Are you all right? I’m sorry it took me so long, sugar. I had to finish the set for Stevie and take Leisa home.” He drew back when she didn’t respond except to clutch him fiercely, and looked around the kitchen. “Where’s the stupid son-of-a-bitch, anyway?”

  Jena shrugged and looked away.

  Travis’s expression was dark when he turned her face back toward him, truly angry for the first time since Jena had met him almost five years before. “Nick’s not here? Groveling? What the fuck is wrong with him?”

  “He called,” Jena said. “Then he hung up on me.” She couldn’t keep the tears at bay any longer, and Trav held her, murmuring soft words as she soaked his shirt. When she finally started to taper off, he snagged the bottle off the counter and steered them into the living room to collapse on the couch. He took a long drink and then nudged Jena’s hand with the bottle until she did the same.

  Leaning over, Trav pulled off his boots and then slumped back, taking the bottle and knocking back another swig before setting it on the coffee table and kissing the back of her hand. Keeping their hands loosely linked, he turned his head to look at her. “Wanna talk about it?”

  Jena shifted to grab the bottle, avoiding his eyes. “Sorry to ruin your evening with Leisa. You were staying over there, right?”

  He grinned. “Hey, bros before hos, right? You being the bro and Leisa never knowing I referred to her as a ‘ho.’”

  Envisioning the look on Leisa’s face if she ever even got a whiff of that word used in reference to her, Jena smiled. “Understood. Thanks, Trav.” They sat quietly, passing the bottle back and forth until it was empty.

  “I love him, Trav,” she finally murmured, feeling the knot in her chest loosen as the rum relaxed her.

  “No shit?” Jena punched him in the arm, and he giggled, apparently feeling the effect of the alcohol as well. “Does he know, Jen?”

  “Yeah. I said so, anyway. I’m an idiot.” She leaned her head on the back of the couch and closed her eyes.

  “Nope.” Travis pulled her head down to snuggle against his shoulder. “Never wrong to tell the truth and keep everything out in the open. I thought you learned that already, Jen.” He paused for a minute, seeming to consider. “Nick loves you, too, you know. I’m not going to ask if he’s told you that, ’cause it’s none of my damned business, but anyone with eyes can see it. He comes alive when you’re around. Away from you…he’s a good guy, but businesslike. Cool, you know?” Travis stroked her hair, and she felt her eyes closing. “You brighten him up, if that makes any sense. And he does the same for you. So you gonna tell me what happened tonight?”

  With her head on Trav’s shoulder and her eyes closed, Jena finally went through the entire terrible night, from meeting the plastic bitch to the minute Nicholas hung up on her.

  Travis was quiet for a minute after she finished, then stood up and went to the kitchen, returning with a bottle of tequila. After sitting down again, he took a long swallow before handing it over. “That is the saddest damn story I’ve heard since the Titanic.” Travis raked his fingers through his hair. “Can you imagine how entirely fucked his day—shit, his week—had to have been to get that kind of reaction from the Iceman?” He shook his head.

  Jena groaned. “
Don’t make me feel guilty, Travis. I had to hand Stefan over to his friends with blood all down his front, nose and possibly some teeth broken, and then hear how much Nicholas’s family hates me.” She gulped twice, grimacing and shuddering as she passed the bottle back to Travis.

  He nodded. “Yeah, I don’t blame you there, Jena. Having Papa Bear after your blood is no joke, especially when he’s tight with our boss. I don’t know how far he’s willing to take his little vendetta, but Call could do real damage to your career.”

  “I never even thought about that, to tell you the truth. I just keep thinking ‘That’s where Nicholas comes from,’ you know? A world where it’s perfectly reasonable to hurt people to get what you want. And I know he doesn’t want to be like that, but…you know?” She passed the bottle as Travis nodded. “And we’re so different in that way, Travis. Sharon and Rob may be completely insane, but they’re honestly crazy.” He snorted laughter. Travis had met Jena’s parents countless times and knew exactly what she was talking about. “That bitch’s kiss didn’t mean anything to me, Trav. What? She rammed her tongue in his mouth and copped a feel?” Jena’s words were beginning to sound mushy to her ears. “Psshht! I’ve been places she can only dream about—”

  Travis clapped his hand over her mouth and winced. “Whoa, there. Definitely more than I want to know.” He waited until Jena was through laughing and nodded at him before he dropped his hand to the couch cushion with a thump. “So, what’s the problem?”

  Jena flopped her head on his shoulder. “I wish it was just that we’re so different. What really worries me is that he’ll always have this part of his heart that I can’t see, because he won’t let me. I feel like we started in the middle of a relationship, you know? We have this huge, intense…thing that feels like it’s taking over the world, and then I realize that we don’t really know each other.” She stopped speaking abruptly, sobered by the thought. “It’s like I have no limits with him and he’s all limits, and I have no idea why it’s that way.”