Cocktails & Dreams

by Autumn Markus

  She felt him sigh. “It started well enough. My mom and I were talking almost normally, and then Dad got on the other line. Even that was going fine, and then he brought up…our engagement.” He scratched the side of his neck with his free hand. “I guess I sort of gave him that impression when I talked to him yesterday.”

  Jena felt her heart stutter, but she kept her voice slightly teasing as she replied. “Do you have a plan that I don’t know anything about, Nicholas?”

  “You know all my plans. I want it all. The ring, and the house, and dinners with old friends, and the babies, and holding your little old wrinkled hand as we shuffle across the street. Everything.”

  Jena stared at him, blinking rapidly. She finally drew a huge breath. “You suck, Cooper,” she croaked out.

  Nick looked stunned. “What?”

  Crawling into his lap, Jena straddled his legs and wrapped her arms around his neck. “You always know exactly what to say that will make me crazy.” He relaxed and smiled, linking his hands at the small of her back.

  “So I’ve been told.” He leaned forward and laid his head against her chest. “What do you think of my plan?” he asked quietly.

  Jena chuckled. “Listen to my heart, Einstein. First it stopped beating, and now I think it’s gonna pop right out of my chest and hit you in the eye.”

  “Ew. That’s romantic,” he deadpanned, rubbing his cheek against the cashmere of her sweater. She smiled, playing with the hairs at the nape of his neck. Nicholas tipped his head forward slightly with a sigh. “That’s nice.”

  They relaxed for a minute before Jena asked, “The engagement didn’t go over well with them, huh?”

  Nicholas settled her back on his lap with a slight frown. “Not exactly. My mom cried, of course, but she didn’t seem unhappy. Even my dad was joking around, saying that we had to come to Boston for Christmas…”

  “That doesn’t sound so bad,” Jena ventured when he paused.

  “Yeah, that part was okay. Then he started in on how difficult it could be to have a family in school, or during residency. I told him that I didn’t plan on getting married until I finished my education. Then came the responsibility lecture on how I needed to be careful so that there were no ‘mistakes’…and I sort of lost it. I told him that anything that happened wouldn’t be a mistake, and I had to be a better dad than he was in any case. He was still spluttering when I hung up.” Nicholas looked down, frowning.

  “Harsh,” Jena said quietly, and he looked up. “Nicholas, you have some real control issues with your dad that you need to work out.” He frowned and tried to shift her off his lap, but she held on, sitting down hard on his knees so he couldn’t move and turning his face toward her. “Look at me. Mom asked me if we used raincoats or I was on the pill. Embarrassing, but it’s totally normal for parents to worry about their kids. ‘Worry,’ I said, not ‘control.’”

  Nicholas nodded ruefully. “True. So you think I should call them?”

  “Yep. First thing when we get home.”

  The tension she’d started to feel growing between them dispersed as Nicholas smiled. “Yes, boss,” he answered, cupping her head in his hand and bringing her face to his for a kiss. He eased back to lie on the ground, wrapping his arms around Jena as she lay atop him, and Jena lost all track of time, until she felt a tap on her head.

  “Good Lord, get a room.” Travis’s drunken voice was amused.

  “Better yet, let’s go home,” Leisa chimed in, trying to hold up Travis, who towered over a foot above her head. “Nicholas, will you help me before the Leaning Tower of Drunk goes tumbling down?”

  Nicholas and Jena exchanged one more kiss before they stood up, chuckling as they brushed dirt off Nicholas’s back and jeans. He took over for Leisa, snickering as Travis tried to tell jokes and forgot most of the punch lines. Nicholas poured him in the Jeep and then got dragged into the back himself as Travis thought of more jokes. Leisa giggled and slid into the passenger seat as Jena started the engine.

  Jena was surprised to see a limousine in her parents’ driveway when they pulled in. “What the hell?” she muttered, opening the car door hurriedly and jumping out as Sharon walked down the drive.

  The others got out just as quickly, faces serious.

  “Mom?” Jena asked.

  Sharon wrapped her arm around Nick’s waist. “Honey, I’m so sorry. It’s your dad. He apparently had a stroke yesterday afternoon, and it’s taken your mom a while to track you down. She sent the car to get you to the airport and on a plane as soon as possible, sweetie.” She hugged him tightly.

  Nicholas’s face was white, but he absently returned her hug. “Okay. All right. I need to get my stuff together.” He took a shuddery breath and stepped away. “I need to change, too. I smell like a fire, and I can’t inflict that on the other people on the plane.” He walked toward the house, talking to Rob for a minute before heading for the stairs without looking back at Jena.

  Jena stood staring after him, stunned. After a second, Sharon gave her a little push toward the door. “Go. He’s upset, and he’ll want you.”

  After two hesitant steps, Jena tore up the stairs, nodding at her dad and the driver who was waiting patiently. By the time she reached the landing she could hear the shower running, so she quickly packed a carry-on bag and sat on the bed to wait for Nick.

  He entered the room and shot her a tight smile.

  “I’m so sorry, Nicholas,” Jena said, her eyes filling with tears as she walked over and put her arms around him.

  He hugged her perfunctorily and then quickly released her so he could dress. He sat on the bed to tie his shoes. “Can you send me more clothes in a day or two, Jena? Just throw them in a box and send them FedEx. I’ll leave my parents’ address for you.”

  Jena stared at him, lost for words as he calmly tied the other shoe and stood up, buckling on his watch. She finally found her voice as he looked at her inquiringly, like he was wondering if she heard him.

  “Y-yeah. Sure.” She sank down on the bed. “I thought…well, I could bring them to you, if you’d like.”

  Nicholas smiled briefly, a rictus of the lips that didn’t reach his eyes. “Thanks, but I’m not sure that’s the best idea.” He grabbed his coat and wrinkled his nose at the smell.

  “I—Why?” she stammered out as he turned to grab his bag and sling it over his shoulder.

  “Well, seeing as it was this whole thing that probably set him off in the first place, why do you think?” Nick looked around and grabbed a cap that he’d tossed on the dresser the day they arrived from Davis. “What did you do with my phone the other day?” he asked, opening the door.

  “It’s on top of the china cabinet in the dining room.” The flatness of her voice as it came through numb lips seemed to get through to him, and he turned around with a sigh. Jena felt like she’d been slapped and was sure it had to show on her face.

  Nicholas’s face twisted into a scowl for a second, and he muttered, “Fuck,” before closing his eyes and rearranging his face into a pleasant blank. “Look, I’ll call you when I know something, okay?” He stepped closer and leaned down to kiss her forehead, stroking over her hair with a shaking hand. “Bye,” he whispered, and then he was gone.

  Jena heard voices at the foot of the stairs, staccato speech and the sounds of goodbyes. The front door opened and closed, and she heard the low purr of a big engine pulling out of the driveway.

  A gentle knock on the door a few minutes later startled her. “Jena? Sweetie?” Sharon opened the door slowly, sticking her head inside and searching her daughter’s eyes. “Is everything okay?”

  Jena nodded vacantly. “Fine, Mom. Just a little shocked.”

  Sharon came in and sat on the bed next to Jena, wrapping her arm around Jena. “Honey, these things happen,” she said soothingly, stroking Jena’s hair. “You’ll see. When you get there—”

  “I’m not going, Mom. Nicholas said he’d call me when he knows anything, and we’ll figure something out the
n.”

  Confusion bloomed in Sharon’s eyes. “But…Jena…”

  Jena had to get her mother out of the room before she spilled the whole humiliating story and ruined any chance of her parents ever speaking to Nicholas again. “Mom, I’m really tired, and this has been a hard night. Do you mind if I take some time alone to catch up before I go to bed? We’ll have to leave early tomorrow—I need to send Nick some clothes.”

  “Sure you don’t want dinner, honey?” Sharon stood, eyes still troubled, and leaned down again to kiss Jena’s hair when she shook her head in the negative. “Okay. I’m sure he’ll call sometime tomorrow, and you’ll be able to plan better.”

  “Mm-hmm,” Jena answered, beginning to change into her nightgown as Sharon closed the door. Lying on her bed, Jena flipped the pillow to mask the Nicholas smell, but it surrounded her. After a few restless minutes, she grabbed the afghan and a throw pillow off the chair and made a bed on the floor, listening to voices come and go outside the bedroom door until the house was quiet.

  And then she listened to nothing.

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  THANK GOD THERE WAS A FLIGHT to Boston boarding a little over an hour after Nicholas got to the airport in Medford. Getting to the gate went surprisingly fast, mainly because he had only a carry-on, and Nick found himself with a little time to spare before boarding. Flopping down in a seat, he dropped his bag and tried his mother for what felt like the hundredth time since the short trip from the Bakers’. He was lucky to catch her in the cafeteria, grabbing a cup of coffee before she headed back to William. The relief in her voice when Nicholas told her that he was just getting on a plane made him glad that he got hold of her before the long flight, and he tried not to keep checking the pitiful state of his battery as she gave him the sketchiest details on his dad’s condition, saying that they’d talk about it more when Nick got home.

  Nicholas got a lump in his throat as he hung up, realizing that Boston wasn’t his home any longer, no matter that it was the place in which he grew up and spent most of his life. His home was sleeping in a little house in Ashland, and he didn’t want anything more than to hear her voice and apologize for being the biggest fucking idiot in the world.

  He’d noticed the hurt in Jena’s eyes despite her blank face as he was gathering up his stuff, and he’d assumed it was because he stupidly turned down her offer to come to him in Boston. It wasn’t until it was almost time to board his plane that he finally realized with rising horror how awful he’d been to Jena. He couldn’t deny that he had an irrational impulse to believe he was responsible for his father’s stroke, no matter that he knew better, and the guilt at how he’d last spoken to his father was eating him up. Jena, though, had been nothing but kind, no matter what happened between Nick and his parents, and had even encouraged him to make things up with them more than once. And like a dick, he’d hurt her, pushed her away. Again. Despite his assurances to Rob that he had every intention of marrying his daughter, of keeping her safe and never hurting her. Hell, Nicholas hadn’t even really kissed her before he left, and he wanted to talk to her more than he wanted to take another breath right at that moment.

  Another check of her phone was futile, and Nicholas cursed the childish impulse he’d had not to deal with his parents. Jena had followed his lead and turned off her phone, and Nick thought she’d probably not turned it on yet. Boarding his flight, he waited impatiently for the cabin crew to stop giving him the eyeball when he started to dial his phone. They were in the air and well on the way to San Francisco before he tried the Bakers’ home number.

  A groggy Sharon answered, but her voice quickly turned warm and concerned as she asked about Nicholas’s mom and dad. He answered her questions as patiently as he could, jiggling his leg and resting his forehead in one hand as he waited for a pause in her flow of words, but he finally had to break in.

  “Listen, Sharon, I’m on the plane right now, but I need to talk to Jena. I said some stupid things tonight, and…” His words trailed off. He had no idea where to go from there.

  Sharon was quiet for a minute. “I figured,” she finally said. “Let me check if she’s awake.” Nicholas chewed his cuticle, straining to hear any hint of Jena’s voice in the background. He was disappointed when it was Sharon who returned. “I peeked into her room, Nick, but she’s fallen asleep. I’ll pass on your message when everyone is up. It shouldn’t be more than a few hours—they’re leaving very early. Jena said something about wanting to get some things to you right away.”

  Nicholas breathed a sigh of relief. If Jena was thinking about taking care of him, everything must be all right. She must have realized that he didn’t mean what he’d said. “Great.” Nicholas leaned back in his seat. “If you hear from her when she gets home, tell her I’m thinking of her, and thanks for the clothes, okay? I gotta go, Sharon. Tell her I love her, okay?”

  He closed his phone and steepled his fingers in front of his face, trying to calm down and ignoring the curious look from his seatmate. Time dragged as he shifted impatiently in his seat, waiting until he could reasonably call Jena in the morning. Her phone was still going to voicemail when he changed planes in San Francisco, and once he was settled on the Boston flight, it was too late to try anyone else.

  Close to dawn, though, Nick couldn’t wait any longer. He thought for a minute and settled on trying Travis’s phone. His antsyness over shutting down the CrackBerry had been clear, so Nicholas thought that one had the best chance of being turned on.

  It rang twice before Travis answered, and Nicholas got a sick feeling in the pit of his stomach at the reserve in Travis’s voice, asking the right polite questions about Nick’s dad but nothing more. Nick was surprised to hear that they were already on the road and asked if he could speak to Jena. The temperature of Trav’s voice dropped even more.

  “She’s asleep in the back, Nicholas. I don’t think she got any rest last night at all, so I’m not gonna wake her up now. Do you have a message?”

  Nick fisted his hand in his lap. “Is she okay?”

  “Does it matter?” Travis bit back, and rushed on in a low voice before Nick could answer. “I don’t know what the hell your problem is, and Jena didn’t say what happened, of course, but she’s my best fucking friend in the world, and I know when something’s up with her. You did or said something assy, I know it. The fucking ironic thing is that she thought you might have shown the real you that night at Stevie’s, and I defended your ass. Fuck…” He trailed off to a bitter laugh, and Nick heard a voice in the background. “Leisa is telling me to shut my damn mouth before I say something that can’t be taken back, so I will. One last thing, though. You will be the luckiest man alive if she lets you in again, and if she does, it won’t be with any help from me.” The line went dead.

  Son of a bitch.

  Nicholas waited impatiently through the next couple of hours, checking his watch so many times that his seatmate kindly informed him what time they were supposed to land and asked if this was the first time he’d flown. Nick answered her absently, ignoring her speculative look. The only woman he wanted to talk to should be pulling up to their house at any minute, and he wanted to give a few minutes for Travis to leave before he called.

  As soon as he deplaned in Boston, Nicholas called their landline, hoping that Jena’d answer. After five rings, just when he was about to give up, she finally picked up, answering in a low, tired voice and asking the same polite questions that Travis had asked about Will Cooper. Nick’s heart sank. He didn’t want polite; he wanted to be inside her head and know what she was really thinking.

  He rushed through his answers, as he really didn’t know anything yet, and tried to think of the right words to apologize for what happened the night before. “Jena…sweetheart…I’m sorry for—”

  “I know.” Jena cut him off in a flat voice. “You were worried about your dad.”

  Nicholas was glad that she understood, but something still seemed off. “If you wanted, you could come out,
” he said hesitantly, trying to read her mind through her tone, but it wasn’t working.

  “No need to complicate things. My mom said you asked about your clothes. What do you want me to send, Nicholas?”

  Her even tone made Nick feel a little better, and he tried to convince himself that everything was okay. “Um…whatever you think I’ll need. Until I see my dad and talk to them, I don’t know how long I’ll be there. It might be a while.” The full impact of that hit him, and Nicholas realized that this was the closest he would be to his heart for God knew how long. “Jena, are you sure you can’t—”

  He heard her cell ringing in the background. “Nicholas, that’s my mom. Probably wondering if I’ve heard from you. I’ll talk to you…whenever.” Her voice became strained at the end, and all Nicholas wanted was to see her face, to know what was going on behind her eyes.

  “I’ll call when I know something, okay?” he said, wincing when he realized that they were the same words he’d used the night before. “I love you.”

  “I know,” she answered. And this time it wasn’t funny. She ended the call without saying anything else.

  Nicholas argued with himself as he waited his turn in the cab queue: one side of him wanting to be relieved that Jena had sounded almost normal on the phone, but the other side was wary of the silences between her words. As a lovely counterpoint, his mind worried at what Travis had barked at him and fuck—Nick didn’t want to be standing in the snow outside Logan, no matter how guilty it made him feel about neglecting his parents. He wanted to go home and figure out how to fix what he fucked up, because Mr. Reality had beaten his Mary Sunshine side into submission sometime while he was sleeping in his seat, and he knew he was in trouble.

  A taxi finally pulled to the curb in front of him, and the cabbie gave Nick, disheveled and luggage-less, the side eye, muttering, “I must be out of my mind,” as he closed his door. In the silence of the cab, as the driver kept glancing suspiciously back at him, Nick called his mom. He was relieved when she answered and said she’d be waiting outside the main entrance of the hospital.