by Julia Wolf
Ryan circled his arms loosely around Marcus’ waist from behind. “I love that you have a dance party playlist.”
The two of them danced together and I twirled around them, occasionally stopping to kiss their cheeks or tell them how much I loved them. Marcus had the most random taste in music. The songs ranged from rock to club to rap and even some folk thrown in there. When a song I loved came on I squealed.
“I’m gonna need one or both of you to dance with me now!” I ordered then squeezed my body between theirs, with Marcus behind me and Ryan in front. Marcus’ hands rested on my hips and my arms went around Ryan’s neck. We moved our bodies together in time to the up-tempo beat, rocking our hips back and forth.
“We’ve got a Frannie sandwich,” Ryan said, making the three of us start laughing and we couldn’t seem to stop. It wasn’t especially funny, but we were drunk and having fun and being silly.
Suddenly a deep voice boomed behind us. “What the hell, Ryan? You stealing my girl?”
My head whipped around, and I yelled, “James! It’s a dance party!”
I watched him slowly grin and walk to us. I ducked out of the guys’ arms and threw myself at my man.
“Hi, James,” I said against his lips.
He smiled wider and kissed me lightly. “You taste like tequila.”
I nodded, my head feeling a wee bit heavy. “Your brother gave me many, many drinks. Do you know Marcus? Isn’t he really cute? Don’t they look cute together!?”
“Drunk Frannie is funny!” called Ryan.
I waved my hand at him. “Please! I’m always funny.” Then I frowned at James. “What the hell are you doing here?”
“I live here.”
“Cool. Makes sense.” I patted his chest and spun away from him.
I danced around the living room, James watching the whole time with an amused expression. At some point I threw my boots at him, not looking to see if he caught them. And at some point, Ryan and Marcus disappeared, leaving just the two of us.
When a slower song came on I leaned on James and swayed to the music. He wrapped his arms around my waist and moved with me.
“Mmmm… ‘Cosmic Love’,” he said softly against my hair.
I giggled. “What?”
James ran his fingers through my hair and I melted into his chest. “The name of the song.”
“Hmmm…” And then we danced, slowly circling, my feet on his, completely wrapped up in each other.
I no longer felt silly. Instead, I felt cozy and cared for, sleepy and safe. In that moment, I didn’t think there was any better place than James’ arms.
I nuzzled my face against his chest. “I’m sleepy.”
“Let’s go to bed.”
“Your bed?” I asked.
He nodded once and wove his fingers with mine. I let him lead me to a dark bedroom. I didn’t look around, because all of the sudden I needed my romper off. So, I slipped it down my shoulders and yanked the tape from my chest, then slid it the rest of the way down.
“Ah, that’s better.” I was almost completely naked, just a scrap of fabric for panties on the bottom. “I’m just going to go to sleep now.”
Feeling around in the darkness, I found the bed and climbed into it. I pulled back the comforter and tucked myself right in. Before I closed my eyes, I saw a shirtless James join me. I rolled onto him and sighed.
I nestled my head on his shoulder. “There’s my James.”
“My Frannie,” he whispered, stroking up and down my back the way he liked to do.
“I’m glad you’re here,” was the last thing I heard before I drifted off to dream world.
Twenty-One
The second the on switch was flipped in my brain, several things registered: a throbbing headache, I was alone in James’ bed, and he was a fucking liar.
I could let many, many things slide, but lies were not one of them. Lies were my line in the sand. My mother had lied and deceived and omitted the truth to me for years. She’d make up critical comments from my dance instructors or tell me I hadn’t gotten a part I’d auditioned for when I actually had. It was her way to control my dancing, to shape the outcome of my career. I couldn’t stand feeling like I was being manipulated.
James had definitely lied. He didn’t lie outright, of course, but by not telling me he owned a huge condo—not even telling me where he lived—and was apparently ‘loaded’ as Ryan had put it, he’d deceived me. He let me view him as someone who worked two jobs to make ends meet. Which led me to my next question: why the hell was he tending bar when he clearly didn’t need to? This wasn’t his first lie by omission and I had a feeling Rachel would tell me this was a monster size red flag flapping in the wind on top of a hill covered in other smaller red flags.
Cracking one eye open wasn’t too painful, so I opened both fully. The curtains were drawn, so the room was mercifully dark and cool. I sensed I was alone, so I lay there until I was fully awake and ready to handle whatever I was about to face.
When I got out of bed, I realized I was pretty much naked and the idea of putting back on my pile of sequins wasn’t very attractive. Thankfully James left me a stack of neatly folded clothes at the end of the bed. When I pulled on the T-shirt I realized it must have been Ryan’s since it somewhat fit me, same story with the athletic shorts.
After washing my face and using some mouthwash in the en suite bathroom, I eased open the bedroom door and peered out. The condo was eerily quiet except for a faint clicking sound coming from down the hall.
My head was killing me, so instead of investigating the sound, I went in search of the kitchen, hopeful the coffee gods would smile upon me. And they did, because once I reached the open kitchen, my eyes honed in on a pot full of the nectar of the gods plus a plate loaded with muffins and biscuits. My stomach rumbled at the sight. I stuffed a biscuit in my mouth immediately, then filled to the brim a cup of black coffee. I picked up a chocolate chip muffin and padded out of the kitchen with my mug in my other hand.
James’ condo was huge, especially by city standards. The kitchen, with its marble countertops and sleek white cabinets, was open to a dining area that had a table that looked like it could seat at least twelve people. I probably left a trail of muffin crumbs as I slowly walked into the living room. The same polished concrete floors ran throughout and there was a massive white shaggy rug defining the area. Last night I’d danced around the mid-century modern coffee table and burnt orange sectional couch with my guys. Last night I’d stood on James’ feet as we circled slowly in front of the windows that overlooked the water.
Now I stood in front of the same windows, easing my aching head and queasy stomach with coffee and carbs. I tried to collect my thoughts, to decide how angry I should be. The truth was I didn’t want to be mad at James. It hurt my heart to think of yelling at him. I wanted him to have an explanation that soothed me. But I would not let this go.
After I took my mug back to the kitchen, I went in search of him. I peered into the dark bedroom, but it was still empty. I heard the same clicking sound from down the hall, so I followed it to a partially closed door. Gently I pushed it open and stood in the doorway.
James was facing away from me at an L-shaped desk with three large computer monitors on top. He had on headphones—which explained why he hadn’t heard me moving around the condo—and was typing furiously on a keyboard. The screen in front of him was full of a coded language I would never dream of understanding. He frowned at something on the monitor, then used his mouse to highlight lines of code, and deleted it all.
Before he started typing again I walked into the room. He saw my movement out of the corner of his eye, so he swiveled in his chair toward me and ripped his headphones off.
“Frannie, you’re up.” He eyed me warily.
“I’ve been up for a while.” I stayed a few feet away from him. I knew if I got close enough to touch him I’d sink into his body and forget everything. As tempting as that sounded, it wasn’t what we needed.
He searched my face and nodded. “Yeah, probably too big, but I liked the view.”
I scoffed but didn’t say anything. I waited. It was James’ turn to lead this. I’d asked my questions and hadn’t gotten the right answers.
James scratched his beard and looked around the room then back at me. “I told you I was my own boss and that’s true. I started writing code for fun as a very young kid. I’ve always had trouble with words, but computers speak to me.”
He searched my face, but I wasn’t giving anything away. I wanted to rush to him and wrap my arms around him, but I stood strong.
He sighed. “I developed an app when I was eighteen that helps hospitals and healthcare workers share information. I sold it to a few non-profits at first, but then a very large hospital system offered me a mind-boggling amount of money to buy the whole thing from me. I was twenty, ready to move on to something else, so I sold it. I was in college, and in between studying and classes, I programmed simple apps for fun. When I graduated I started working on another complex one, this time for the service industry. Over the past month, I’ve been negotiating a deal with a major hotel chain to buy it.”
“So, your phone calls and business trips…?”
James nodded. “Yeah, I’ve been immersed in building and fine-tuning this app for a year and I’m just reemerging into the world.”
I ran both hands through my hair and massaged my temples with the heels of my hands. “I feel like you’re a different person than I thought you were.”
He shook his head and said vehemently, “No, Frannie.”
“Why the hell do you have two jobs?” I burst out.
“The bar was Ryan’s idea. When I say I’m just reemerging, I mean it literally. I get so hyper-focused on my work I would go days without leaving this room. I’d sleep for a few hours on the couch when my eyes couldn’t focus anymore, then I’d get back to work. I’ve had a habit since I was a little kid with a stutter of shutting myself away with my computer. It always understood me, and I didn’t have to deal with struggling to communicate. But it got bad this time, so bad Ryan staged an intervention about eight or nine months ago. He moved in and made me take the bartending job so I’d be forced to leave the house every day and actually interact with people.”
I was flabbergasted. The strong, steady James I knew was nothing like what he was describing. When he was with me, he was with me. I never felt like he was pulling away to get back to his screens or running code in his head.
“Are you freaked out?” he asked, his brow furrowed.
“No…I mean, I don’t know! A little?” I rubbed my face and stared at the ceiling. I was too hungover for this.
“If it makes you feel any better about me, I haven’t been like that in months.” I took him in, with his hands palm up in his lap, his eyes sincere and pleading, and I felt the tiny little wall I’d constructed when I woke up blow over with a sigh.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” I asked softly, taking a step closer.
“I want you to like me, Frannie. I didn’t want you to know that I’m this obsessive anti-social freak sometimes.”
“But you could have told me about the other things, this condo, your success…”
He shrugged. “It all goes together for me.”
I thought about that for a moment. “I do like you, James. And nothing you just said has made me feel any differently. But I can’t stand dishonesty. That’s my line. And I know you’ve lied to me twice.”
He started to speak, but I stopped him.
“First, you should have told me I was your first sexual partner. You didn’t, it happened, and I’ve moved on from it. But I do feel that you deceived me. And now, you’re apparently some kind of computer super genius who has a second job for kicks. James, can’t you see how that would appear deceptive?”
“The bar job isn’t for kicks, Frannie. But I agree with everything else you said. My only defense—and it’s a weak one—is that I wanted you and didn’t want to scare you off.”
Exhaling, I nodded. “I shouldn’t have said it was for kicks. I understand eating, breathing, and thinking one thing obsessively. That’s what dance was for me and it’s hard to break that habit. You think just one more pirouette and I’ll quit. But that one wasn’t perfect, so you have to do ten more until they’re all perfect.”
“Yes, yes, yes!” he cried. “That was me, only I’d write one line of code and my mind would race ahead to ten more lines and I had to get it all out or I couldn’t function. Only my mind never stopped racing, so I never stopped coding. Having Ryan here, working at the bar, and now being with you has made me feel human, like I’m connected to the world. Now I don’t want to stay in this room all the time anymore.”
“You’re not as bad with words as you say you are, James.” I walked to him and stood in front of him, my knees between his. Gently, I tilted his face back so he was looking up at me. “Don’t lie to me again. Don’t keep things from me. I don’t want that to be us.”
James exhaled roughly and leaned his forehead against my stomach. “I won’t. I don’t want that to be us either.”
I ran my fingers through the top of his hair and he relaxed against me. If any other man had told me what James just did, I would have been out the door before he finished his first sentence. But I cared about him more than I should after the short time we’d officially been together. And so, I wanted to be his touchstone like he had become mine.
I straddled his legs and sat down on his lap so we were face to face. Running my fingers through his beard, I held his gaze.
“I think you’re really amazing, James. I hope you’ll be able to be open with me so I can keep being all in with you.” I kissed him lightly and he breathed against my lips.
“I hope you’re able to do the same, Frannie.” He held my gaze for a long moment.
I closed my eyes and nodded. Then I opened them and smiled gently. “Can you show me what you’re working on?”
His eyes widened. “Really?”
“Yeah, this is a big part of who you are, right? I want to know.” I swung my body around so I was facing his monitors, then I looked over my shoulder. “Show me.”
James cleared his throat then slid his chair back toward the desk. When he moved the mouse the screen came back to life, full of random words, dollar signs, slashes, and brackets.
I scrunched my nose. “This looks like a foreign language!”
He chuckled. “It is. It’s called TypeScript. This is a node.js app.” He highlighted a portion of the code. “This is the part I'm most proud of. It's the algorithm that runs the whole thing.”
I nodded slowly, my eyes scanning the symbols and letters.
James continued, highlighting another portion. “This part uses machine-learning. That means it’s actually teaching itself.”
I raised my brows. “Are the machines going to take over the world, James? Is this the prologue for Terminator?”
His arm circled around my stomach and he hugged me.
“This is why I like you so much, Frannie. You don’t let me take this shit seriously.”
I leaned back against him and smiled. “I want to understand! But when you tell me you’re programming machines to learn, how am I not supposed to think you’re designing the next T-1000?”
He laughed. “This isn’t quite so sinister. It just means the system had the ability to learn and improve.”
I turned around to face him and said very seriously, “James.”
He furrowed his brow. “Yes, Frannie?”
In my best Austrian accent, I deadpanned, “Come with me if you want to live!”
James appeared stunned at first, then a smile slowly stretched across his face and a deep, booming laugh erupted from his chest. “How, Frannie? How are you so incredible?”
His laughter made me grin. “I really do want to understand! I’m going to the bookstore and buying a Computer Genius Girlfri
end for Dummies book.”
He smiled and kissed me gently. “I thought you were going to be done with me.”
“I didn’t want to be.” I snuggled against him, laying my head on his shoulder. “I feel a lot closer to you now that you’ve shown me this part of yourself.”
I ran my hands across his chest and rested my hand over his heartbeat. Then I picked up my head and leaned my forehead against his. “I’m all in.”
His lips captured mine and he kissed me languidly, his tongue gliding smoothly across mine. One hand held the back of my head and the other wrapped tightly around my waist, securing me to him.
He murmured, “I’ve been all in, Frannie, since the second I saw you.” He re-captured my lips then traveled across my jaw and neck, depositing kisses and nips as he went.
And with his mouth on my skin, I came to the realization holy shit, I’m in love with this guy. It came on unexpectedly and without warning, but I felt it down to my bones. I loved James. I loved him. How did that happen? Yes, I liked him for his beautiful beard, astounding body, and how sweet he was. But I’d let myself dive deep, and before I knew it I was swimming underwater with him. And it wasn’t scary like I thought it would be; it was beautiful. This is where the best fish were, the ones that only lived in the darkness.
Suddenly, I needed him in my mouth more than anything else. I needed to show him how much I cared about him with my most effective method of communication. I slid off his lap and kneeled in between his legs.
“Frannie…” he groaned when I ran my palm over his erection. He lifted his hips when my fingers went under the waistband of his shorts so I could yank them down to his ankles.
I started salivating at the sight of him, thick and hard, with the evidence of his genius mind on the monitors behind him. I gripped his cock and slowly pumped it with my hands. His hips shifted with the motion. Putting both hands on the top of his thighs, I rose up on my knees so I was closer to where I needed to be.
I licked from the base all the way to the crown, taking my time, savoring the taste and flavor of him. When I got to the top, I encircled the head of his dick with my lips and swirled my tongue around the ridge, then I ever so slowly lowered my mouth down as far as it would go. When I came back up, I popped him out of my mouth and looked up at him, while still pumping him with my hand.
