by Joan Wolf
He penetrated and it felt so good. Her body closing around him felt so good. She held on tighter as he drove inside her, softening her, stretching her, until the bell was clanging so loudly that it could not be denied, and she convulsed around him, her body shuddering again and again and again with pleasure.
He held her close, and said huskily, "I love you, Molly."
"I love you, too," she replied.
"Will you make an honest man out of me and marry me?"
She didn't even hesitate. "Yes, Alberto, I will."
Molly waited until the following evening to break her news, when Ben was in bed and she was sitting in the living room with Kate and Daniel. Daniel was reading the New York Times and Kate was reading an article about Potomac horse fever in Equus when Molly said, "I have something to tell you."
Two sets of eyes looked up. Brown and aqua regarded her with anticipation. Molly took a deep breath then said, "Alberto and I are going to be married."
Kate looked stunned.
Daniel said, "That's wonderful, Molly." He got up and came over to kiss her. "Alberto is a lucky man."
"Thank you, Daniel."
Kate didn't say anything.
"Kata?" Daniel said.
"Are you going to live in Colombia?" Kate asked tensely.
"We will spend half the year in Colombia and half the year here."
"Oh."
Daniel said quietly, "Kata, aren't you going to wish your mother well?"
She looked at him. "Yes. Of course." She also got up and came to kiss Molly. "Congratulations, Mom."
"You're upset," Molly said.
"No! It's just that I'm . . . surprised."
"How can you be surprised, Kata? Molly and Alberto have been smelling like June roses ever since they met."
Kate sat back down on the sofa. Her face looked strained. "I'm just dense, I guess."
"I'll be in Connecticut for half the year, and Colombia is only a plane ride away," Molly said. "It won't be the same because I won't be living with you anymore, but I will still be around."
"It won't be the same," Kate repeated.
"No. It won't be."
Kate looked down at her hands. "Ben will miss you terribly."
"Ben now has a father as well as a mother. And he has two other grandparents. He will get over missing me."
Kate bit her lip and said in a small voice, "I don't know if I will."
"Oh, honey." Molly went over to the sofa, sat beside Kate, and put her arms around her. "Things are changing in our lives, and I know how you hate change. But change is life, Kate."
"So everybody keeps telling me." Kate sounded desolate.
Over her head, Molly's eyes met Daniel's.
He said, "Don't worry about Kata. She will come around. She just needs some time to adjust her thinking."
Kate laughed shakily. "That's true. You know how one-track I am, Mom. It's just hard to think of my life without you."
"I will still be a part of your life, but in a new way."
"Yes." Kate mustered a smile. "I wish every happiness to you and Alberto, Mom. You deserve it."
Molly smiled back. "Thank you, dear."
"Have you set a date?"
"I want to finish my cancer treatment first, and Alberto wants to introduce me to his family."
"Are you going to be married in Colombia?"
"No, we will be married right here in Connecticut."
"So . . . we're talking about June? July?"
"June, if I can make all my chemo appointments. If I even get a little sick, they won't give them to me. Or if my blood count is too low, they won't give them. So the date is tentative."
"Does Alberto want to wait until your cancer treatments are finished?"
"No, I do. I want to feel like my normal self when I embark on a new marriage. On the other hand, we don't have unlimited time to wait. We're neither of us young anymore."
Kate said, "Of course you're young, Mom."
"Thank you. And do you know something? When I'm with Alberto I feel young."
"Don't you feel young when you're with us?"
Molly said straight-faced, "Sometimes I feel a million years old."
"Mom!"
Molly laughed. "I'm just kidding." She stood up. "I'm going upstairs to read my book in bed. I'll see you both in the morning."
"Good night, Mom."
"Good night, Molly."
"Good night to the two of you."
When they had heard Molly's door close, Kate and Daniel looked at each other.
Kate said, "I never ever thought that she would marry him."
"I think it's wonderful," Daniel said. "They have a lot in common. I think they will enjoy their life together very much."
Kate pushed her fingers through her short cap of black hair. "This will probably sound colossally selfish, but who is going to watch Ben and give him his dinner while I'm teaching?"
"You will have to hire someone."
Kate puffed up her cheeks and blew out.
"In fact, if I may make a recommendation, you should hire a couple. The woman can act as housekeeper and baby-sitter, and the man can do the heavy work around the house and the barn."
"Oh, right, as if I have the money to do that."
"I will pay for it."
"No, you won't."
"Kata, look ahead. You are young now, and full of energy, but what are you going to do as you grow older and physical work becomes harder? Someday you are going to have to face the fact that you need paid help."
"Daniel, it isn't all that easy to get paid help."
"Where do the other barns get their workers?"
"Mostly, they hire Mexicans. But frequently there's a language problem. I don't want to hire someone I can't speak to. How would I let him know what it was I wanted him to do?"
"I am sure I can find a couple in Colombia who would be happy to come to the United States and have steady jobs."
She gave him a defiant stare and didn't say anything.
"Will you at least think about it, Kata?"
"I'll think about it." But her expression told him that her mind was made up.
He said, "You are the most stubborn person I have ever met."
"It takes one to know one," Kate returned.
At that, he laughed.
Kate got up, went over to Daniel's chair, sat on his lap, and kissed him. "You have such a sunny disposition. Ben takes after you that way."
"How does he resemble Colleen?"
"When he lifts his head a certain way, I can see her in him. Most of the time I just see you."
He said soberly, "You should have children of your own, Kata. You should be able to look at a child and see yourself."
"I plan to have children of my own. It's called adoption."
"It isn't the same."
"The result is the same. I love Ben as much as I would have if I'd given birth to him."
"Yes, but he's your sister's child."
She put her hands on either side of his face and looked into his eyes. "That doesn't matter. What matters is that, when someone puts a child in your arms, instantly, that child is yours. You don't even think about where he came from. All you know is that he's yours."
"But you miss the whole experience of giving birth."
Kate laughed. "Believe me, that is a bonus, not a hardship. How could I ride if I was pregnant?"
He smiled. "God forbid that you wouldn't be able to ride."
"I would be miserable."
He smoothed his left forefinger along her cheekbone. "I could find a couple to work for you. Please think about it."
"Where would they live, Daniel? I don't want strangers living in the house with me."
"We could find them an apartment."
"And who would pay for the apartment?"
He didn't answer.
"Look, I appreciate your concern for me, but it isn't necessary. The only help I need is someone part-time to be with Ben after school."
"Let's ch
ange the subject," he said.
"Good idea."
"How much do you love me?"
She gave him a long, slow kiss, then, when she had lifted her head, she said, "A lot."
The old farmhouse was quiet, with Ben sleeping and Molly reading behind closed doors. The only sound was the occasional hum of the refrigerator. He cupped her face in his hands. "When I'm with you like this, I feel at peace."
He kissed the tip of her nose, and she nestled her head against his shoulder. "Oh? I thought you felt horny."
He chuckled. "That too."
"I feel peaceful when I'm with you, too."
He smoothed her hair away from her forehead. "You should have your own children."
"Is that why you haven't asked me to marry you again? Because you can't have children?"
"It's part of the reason, yes."
She could hear his heart beating steadily against her cheek. "We'll adopt children. I'll bet there are plenty of Colombian children who need a good home."
"I'm sure there are."
"So that's not a problem, Daniel. We'll have children. Ben needs to have a brother and a sister."
"Mmmm."
"So will you ask me to marry you again?"
"Kata, I might not have a job. I can't make plans for my future until I know where I stand in regard to this hand. If I can pitch, then I will ask you again." "And if you can't?"
"We'll cross that bridge when we come to it." She stayed silent, listening to the rhythmic beat of his heart. Then, at last, she said, "All right."
* * *
35
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The end of February came, pitchers and catchers were due to report to spring training camp, and Daniel left for Florida. And Molly and Alberto flew to Bogota for a long weekend with his family.
"For God's sake, Mom, take care of yourself," Kate urged her mother as they spoke together in the living room the night before Molly's departure. "Colombia is not the safest place on the planet. I wish Alberto's family had come here."
"He wants me to see his country. He feels bad that it has such a terrible reputation. He says that Bogota is beautiful, that it's built on a plateau and everywhere you look you can see the mountains. The mountains are always green because they're too close to the equator for it to snow."
"It may be beautiful, but it's dangerous," Kate retorted.
"There is potential danger everywhere, Kate. Look at what happened to Ben at Disney World. Ironically, he might have been safer if Daniel had taken you on a vacation to Colombia."
"I suppose . . ." Kate did not sound convinced.
"I'm nervous about going to Bogota, but not because I'm afraid of being kidnapped. What if Alberto's family doesn't like me?"
Kate snorted. "Like that could happen."
"It could. His daughter might resent his marrying again. He told me she's grown used to being the center of his life."
"Mom, it is impossible not to like you."
Molly smiled. "Thank you, dear, but you are not exactly an unbiased source."
"Everyone likes you, Mom. In school all of the teachers like you; the administration likes you; the students like you; my students like you. Why should Alberto's daughter be any different?"
Molly laughed. "You make me feel better."
"What if you don't like her?"
"I'll fake it."
They both had laughed.
Kate thought back to this conversation as she drove home from the airport after seeing Molly and Alberto off.
Mom looked beautiful this morning. There's a glow about her when she's with Alberto. I guess it's a good thing that he's so unlike Daddy. She must love him in a different way.
She arrived home in time to meet the school bus, and she and Ben, shadowed by Cyrus and Samson, walked back to the house together. "Did Nana leave?" Ben asked.
"Yes, I drove her and Alberto to the airport this morning."
"Alberto is nice. It's okay that Nana is going to marry him, isn't it, Mommy?"
"Of course it's okay. In fact, it's wonderful."
"Are you and Daddy going to get married, too?"
"Would it be all right with you if we did?"
"It would be great! It means that Daddy would live with us all the time."
"How would you like it if we went to live at Daddy's house? You would have to change schools and make new friends."
"Wow," said Ben. "Daddy has a pool."
"You wouldn't mind moving then?"
"My friends could visit me, couldn't they?"
"Of course."
"Great. Let's move to Daddy's house."
"What would I do about the horses?"
Ben said sensibly, "You can drive up here to take care of them. Then, when you're finished, you can come back to Daddy's house."
"It's not as easy as that," Kate said grumpily.
"Why not?" His clear, straight, little-boy stare was hard to avoid.
"Because there'd be no one living here, Ben. Suppose a stable fire started in the middle of the night? No one would know until it was too late, and all of the horses had been trapped in the barn. Someone has to be on the premises—someone has to live on the premises—when you have stabled horses."
"Oh." Ben shrugged. "Then I guess that Daddy will just have to come and live with us. Maybe he'll miss his pool and build one for us. Wouldn't that be great?"
After a moment, Kate said, "Yes."
"When are you getting married?"
"We haven't decided to get married yet, Ben."
He was crestfallen. "Do you mean you might not?"
"I mean we haven't decided. But you'll be the first person to know when we do decide, I promise."
"I'm going to pray that you and Daddy get married," Ben said.
"You do that," Kate replied. "Now go on upstairs and change your clothes."
Daniel called that night. "I had an X ray today and the bones have healed."
"Thank God," Kate said fervently.
"I have two weeks of physical therapy before I can start throwing again."
"What kind of physical therapy?"
"Strengthening, mainly. I've lost strength in my whole hand because of its being inactive for so long."
"Have you tried to hold a ball?"
"Yes. And it feels different. The doctors say that it could be because of the general weakness of the hand."
"That sounds logical."
"Yes."
"It must feel good to be able to use it again."
"Yes."
"Are you depressed because it's so weak?"
"Yes."
"It will get better, Daniel. Give yourself some time. The first part of rehabilitation is over; the hand is healed. You knew you were going to have to do physical therapy."
"I knew it, but still I hoped that the ball would feel more comfortable in my hand than it did."
Kate didn't know what to say to him, so she said simply, "I love you."
"I love you too, Kata. God, I wish you were here."
"I wish I was there, too. Ben has a pack meeting tomorrow, and I'm the only one here to take him."
That got a laugh out of him.
She said, "Hang in there, Daniel. It will be all right. Your son has been praying for you faithfully every night."
"That's nice."
"Yes, it is. And it might even be efficacious."
"God, I hope so."
"Do you want to talk to him?"
"Is he there?"
"He's in the kitchen, I'll get him."
Daniel and Ben spoke for five minutes, then Kate got back on to say good-bye. She hung up the phone, and said to Ben, "Is your homework done? Do you need help with anything?"
"No, I finished it all. Can I watch television?"
"There's nothing on tonight. Why don't we read our books together?"
"Okay."
"Pack your school bag first," Kate said. "Then go upstairs and get your book."
Daniel worked hard at his therapy a
nd after two weeks, the doctor said he could start to throw.
At first, it felt awkward. The fluidity of windup and pitch that was his signature wasn't there. He threw for three days to one of the catchers and the arm felt better each time he threw.
But would it be the same?
The question had haunted him ever since the accident had happened. It was such a delicate thing, pitching. It depended on how you gripped the ball, how you hid the ball, how you released the ball. A change in any one of those things, and the pitch was off.
What will I do with myself if I can't play baseball?
That was the other question that haunted him. Money wasn't the problem. He had made enough money to last him the rest of his life. But he had to have something to do, some career that he loved. He would never love anything as much as he loved baseball, but surely there was a profession he could take up.
He could go to law school; that was what his father would advise. Or he could earn a degree in architecture. He had once told Kate that he liked to build things, and she had said that in his second life he could be an architect. Perhaps she was right.
But it was hard to generate any enthusiasm for the profession of architecture when it was baseball he wanted with all his heart and soul.
When Daniel wasn't thinking about his hand, he was thinking about Kate. She loves me. No matter what happens, I have that to hold on to. Kata loves me.
She was so beautiful; her spirit was so .. . pure. It astounded him that he was the first man to have touched her, both in body and in spirit.
She loved him. She was one of the most self-sufficient people he had ever met, but she loved him. She wanted him to be a part of her life.
If only he weren't damaged goods.
He thought about it every night as he lay in his lonely bed. What if this hand doesn't come around? Will I have the right to ask Kata to marry me?
He was damaged goods. He couldn't give her a child, and he was in danger of losing the thing he did best in the world.
He thought that Kate would marry him if he couldn't pitch. She had questioned whether he was going to ask her again. She wouldn't have done that if she wasn't going to accept him.
