by Tyra Lynn
We made it to Vivienne's and Steve held the door for us. The café was small, with tables in the middle, a bar on one side, a jukebox, and podium on the other. It was still mostly full with the later lunch crowd, but there were two open tables. We seated ourselves at the closest one, and Steve scooted his chair closer to mine.
I noticed we were all looking around the room, trying to be nonchalant, and all failing. It struck me as funny, so I laughed. “Either he’s in the bathroom, or he’s already left.”
Julie and Steve laughed, too. Steve said, “I’ve got the bathroom door; Julie, you take the back tables. Jessie can be my backup, in case I look down and miss something.”
We were still laughing when the young server arrived. I recognized her from school, but wouldn’t have remembered her name if not for her nametag. She obviously recognized me too. She smiled a friendly smile and said, “So what’s the joke?”
Steve, still having fun said, “Well, there’s a rumor a knight has ridden into town, and we heard he was here.” We all burst out laughing at our private joke.
Jennifer, the server, become suddenly animated, “You mean the new guy that just moved here? I heard him talking to your dad,” she looked at me. “Ohmigod, he is the most gorgeous guy I have ever seen! He had the most beautiful eyes!”
Steve frowned, but she continued to talk to me and Julie, coming around to stand between us; her voice had gone up three octaves. “He has the blackest hair, and the bluest eyes, and the whitest teeth, and the most beautiful smile!” She leaned in conspiratorially and whispered, “And the cutest butt.”
We three girls giggled. Steve cleared his throat. Jennifer straightened up then, looking at Steve apologetically. “I’m sorry, what can I get for you to drink?” She took our drink order and gave us three menus. As she left to get our drinks she stopped, looked at Julie and me. “Gabriel. Like the Archangel.” She sighed and turned away. We all burst out laughing again, even Steve.
Jennifer was nice, but not necessarily someone I would put trust in when it came to an accurate description of ‘gorgeous.’ She also thought her boyfriend was gorgeous. He had red, unruly hair, his face was more freckle than not, he was past the ‘big-boned’ side of chubby, and he had a huge gap between his front teeth. His name was Wallace. Everyone called him either Wooly Wally because of his buffalo-ish red hair, or Wally Walrus because of his teeth. That’s the only reason I could remember his name.
That’s also why I cringed. What was this Gabriel guy going to look like? I would not like working around someone who looked like Wally, or worse. At least I wouldn’t have to do it often, so that gave me comfort. Jennifer brought our drinks right back, and I watched Steve take a sip of his coke, watched his lips around the straw. Those were some nice lips. Very nice.
I looked up, and Steve was watching me watch him. I blushed. I was so embarrassed, but he just reached over under the table and took my hand. Jennifer interrupted the brief interlude with “So what can I get for you?”
I hadn’t even looked at the menu. Julie ordered a salad, so I did the same, I wasn’t that hungry. Steve ordered a double chili cheeseburger and fries.
My eyes had somehow ended up looking at Steve's lips again. They smiled at me. Julie groaned. “Kiss already, would you! I won’t look.” She turned her back, sipping her coke.
Steve leaned over and gave me a soft, sweet kiss. It made the back of my neck all tingly, and my breathing deeper. I decided I could get used to it, definitely. He didn’t stay so long it became gross in public, but long enough I knew he would have liked it to last longer. I would have too.
“You can look now.” Steve said, a touch of a husky laugh in his voice.
Julie turned and batted her eyes at us, sipping her coke noisily, with her cheeks sucked all the way in. It made her forehead, eyes and nose look too big, like a Roswell alien, and I suddenly laughed so hard I snorted. They joined in, Julie shooting coke through her nose, and choking for a moment, which only served to make us all laugh harder. My sides began to ache.
I honestly couldn’t remember the last time I enjoyed myself so much. I was glad that Julie and Steve got along well, most of the time we were inseparable. Points for getting along with Julie. My list crossed my mind for the first time since I left my house. The list. The erased words.
I hadn’t realized I stopped laughing and started frowning until Steve poked my knee and asked me what was wrong. It took me a second to make something up. “I was just thinking how great this was, but when school starts—I mean when we’re all back in school—we probably won’t get to do this much.”
Steve scooted his chair against mine and put his arm around me. “I tell you what; we’ll do this every day until school starts if it will make you happy, kiddo.”
I smacked him on his chest, hard, and he guffawed. “Not funny!” I said, but he looked so tickled I couldn’t be mad. I knew it was a joke.
“I’m sorry. I’m just playin’ with ya.” He grinned, and there was something so boyish and innocent in it.
“I know. You’re still a turd, though.” I said, sticking out my tongue.
“You’ll get me in trouble doing things like that.” His eyes took on a different look. “Suck it in before you get in trouble.” I wasn’t sure how serious he was, so I did, but I wrinkled my nose at him and he smiled again.
I had never been much of a flirt, but it seems I was doing it a little, unintentional as it may be. Maybe not completely unintentional, but not entirely on purpose either. I wondered what would happen if it was intentional. Maybe I shouldn’t do it in front of Julie, though. Nope, I wouldn’t, but I wanted to.
After the food came and we had eaten, Steve insisted on paying, but promised to let us pay for our own if we did it again tomorrow. He also left the tip. It seemed automatic for him to do so—I would have to give him points for that, too. The list tried to pop into my head, so I grabbed Steve’s hand before he had a chance to grab mine. I could tell by his reaction, he was both surprised and pleased.
It was a comfortable, slow stroll back to the store, a little talking, a little laughing, and a few comical stories. Steve and I had held hands, walking against each other the entire way. As we crossed the street, we separated slightly, not staying quite so close together. There was still a little bit of weirdness thinking about my dad seeing us together.
When we got to the door, Julie grinned at us and went inside. We stopped outside, and Steve pulled me back away from the windows view. He gave me one long, deep kiss, followed by a couple of small ones. Maybe there weren’t fireworks, but there was undeniably something more than average happening. I could say with complete honesty that Steve was the best kisser I had ever kissed, in real life at least.
I let him hold my hand as we went into the store. My dad was coming from the back, Julie babbling away behind him. I couldn’t tell if she had been trying to buy us more time by occupying Dad, or if she was truly being that talkative. I decided on the former when she smoothly found a way to finish and stop. Steve and I halted by the front counter.
Dad noticed our linked hands, and raised one eyebrow, shaking his head nearly imperceptibly. He didn’t say anything, though. He placed a few new items on a shelf, rearranging the things already there. As he turned around, he asked, “So where are you and Julie headed next?”
If that wasn’t a hint that it was time to go, it sounded like one. I knew Steve needed to get back to work, and Dad was probably a little uncomfortable with the whole ‘me-and-Steve’ thing. I could understand that, completely.
“We’re going back to Julies. I don’t know what we’re going to do, probably stay there, or go to the park a while.” I answered.
“We’re definitely going to the park!” Julie declared.
“Maybe I’ll get to see you a little while later, before you go out.” He looked at Steve as he said the last part.
“Sure, Dad.” I went and gave him a big hug. “I love you.”
Dad hugged me back, “I love you too, swe
etheart.”
He turned briskly and retreated to the back room. Steve walked up behind me and put his arms around my waist, leaning down to my ear. “I’ll pick you up at six thirty, if that’s okay.”
“That’s perfect.” I replied.
He turned me, gave me a quick kiss, and pushed me toward the door. To Julie he said, “Better get her out of here before I get fired.”
She grabbed me by the elbow and ushered me through the door. I threw one last look over my shoulder before the door closed, and Steve blew me a kiss. I caught it.
When we got to the corner, Julie pulled me around the edge of the building. “That was totally crazy!”
“What was? What did I do?”
“No, you didn’t do anything. Well, maybe you did, but you weren’t doing anything wrong. God, the way he looked at you.” She sighed. “He has never, ever, ever looked at anyone like that. I’m telling you, I know. He’s not crazy about you; he is totally in love with you!”
“What?” We weren’t even technically dating, yet.
“Okay, look, I never said anything before now because of, well; you know what I’m trying to say, right?” She stopped and looked at me close. “You really never noticed?”
“Um, I’m not sure. It depends what you mean, I think. I don’t know. Okay, what?” I thought I knew, but I wasn’t saying.
We started walking toward her house, and she ‘filled me in.’ She told me that she had noticed a long time ago, subtle, and not so subtle things. As she talked, I began to realize how much I had missed. Conversations she had had with Steve, with me right in the room, working away. I had been more effective than I thought at blocking him out. It was scary. Could a person do something like that, have life go on around them and not even notice? Evidently I could.
CHAPTER VIII
Much may be done in those little shreds and patches of time which every day produces,
and which most men throw away.
—Charles Caleb Colton
By the time we reached her front porch, my eyes were opened to a lot of things. Some things seemed impossible, I was sure she was remembering wrong. Other things, however, once she said them, I had the faintest recollection. Like when you’re trying to remember something and you know for a fact the memory is there, but you can’t quite get it back. It’s like shadows in your mind, clearly there, but no substance.
“We’re home, Auntie!” Julie shouted as we walked in the door.
“In the kitchen.” She called.
We went back to Julies' room and she grabbed her camera. I didn’t have mine with me, but I didn’t mind. She promised to take any shots I wanted. Julie liked to paint, too, and we habitually took our cameras everywhere. We snapped shots of all the nouns--people, places, and things. Most of the time the digital pictures just sat on our computers, something nice to look at now and then, but others—others inspired art.
Unexpectedly, Julie darted to her computer and punched the power button. As the hard drive whirred to life and the screen flickered, she said, “I have something to show you.”
I walked over to the computer and waited. After it booted, she went to her photos folder. Inside the folder were other folders, listed by years. She clicked the one named ‘2010.’ That folder had others listed by month. She clicked on ‘June -2010.’ There were yet other folders, listed by dates. My computer should be so organized!
She clicked on the one marked for my birthday, ‘6-22-10.’ It had two folders inside, one named ‘Jessie’s Birthday’ and one named ‘Steve.’ She turned in her chair to face me. “Remember all those photos I took at your birthday party?” I nodded. “I didn’t send them all to you. You’ll see why.”
She double clicked the folder named ‘Steve.’ When the photos popped up, she double-clicked the first one to open the photo browser, and then slid out of her seat so I could sit down. I looked closely at the first one. Steve was standing on my right, a little behind me, looking at my face, and smiling. I was looking at a gift on the table. I clicked the forward button.
The next one showed Steve sitting at the table with the others. I was blowing out my candles. He was obviously looking at my mouth, and it wasn’t amusement on his face. I had seen that look, in the truck, when he said he wanted to kiss me. I clicked the next one.
Steve was behind my chair, and I was holding up the necklace Dad had given me. He was looking down at the back of my head, his hands on the chair, his fingers nearly touching my shoulders. He had a contemplative expression. I clicked the next, the next, and the next.
Each photo, Steve was there, watching me. There were a lot of photos. I sat there in silence, wondering once again how I could have missed so completely something so obvious. I remembered Steve being there, but that was all I remembered about his presence. I suddenly wondered, did my dad know?
“I guess I can send them to you now, right?” She asked.
“Yeah.” I was still too surprised to say more than that.
“I’ll send them tonight; let’s go before we lose the best light!” She was whirling toward the door, not waiting to see if I was following. As I stood, I took one last glance at the computer screen, and then followed her out the door.
Luckily, the park wasn’t far from her house. Julie was snapping away as we walked. She had five hundred pictures of the azalea bush we passed, what would six more hurt? We reached the end of the block, crossed the street, walked another block, and entered the park.
It was an old park, full of knarred and twisted trees. Julie switched her camera to macro and got some close-ups of the bark. Near the back of the park, I noticed a small stand of trees. It wasn’t that I noticed them for the first time; I had photographed them many times, and walked around them more times than that.
They were the trees in my dream.
I left Julie taking pictures and wandered toward them. The shadows were dark beneath them and with the sun still bright, it made it hard to focus on the shifting shapes I imagined there. I knew it was foolish, but I was drawn to them. Drawn to one of them, at least.
I knew exactly which tree to go to. It’s funny how dreams sometimes take reality and change it to an alternate version, entirely different, yet the same. It’s also funny how, sometimes, they are precise, like a photo, recreating reality faithfully.
As I approached, there was no doubt, this was the tree. I tried to find something special about it, something that would have made my subconscious mind recreate it, but there was nothing spectacular, nothing special at all. It was just a tree.
I was on the opposite side of the place I had touched in my dream, and my heart sped up a little as I stepped around it. I almost expected to see something carved there, a heart, with J + some other letter inside. There was nothing there, and I couldn’t pretend not to be disappointed. I touched the bark where it would have been, and something felt familiar about it. Almost.
These trees were old, some of the oldest in the park. I didn’t know how old, but some of them appeared downright ancient. I walked around and around them, in and out, lost in thought, until I heard Julie call to me. She was taking pictures of a birdbath—with a bird in it.
It was a bluebird, splashing away happily. I approached slowly so I wouldn’t frighten it. Julie was circling, snap-snap-snapping away. “What were you looking at?” She asked, without lowering her camera, continuing to circle and snap.
“If I told you, you’d laugh.” I leaned over, hands on my knees.
“I can always use a good laugh.” She snapped a couple more shots.
“I had a dream about those trees. It was just weird that I dreamed about them. I don’t normally dream about trees.” I didn’t give any specifics.
“What did you dream?”
“I don’t remember,” I lied. “That’s kind of why I went over there, thinking it would help me remember.”
She stood up, put her hands on her hips, and leaned backwards, stretching her back. “Cool. I’ll get some shots for you.” She was already headin
g toward them before she finished her sentence.
I followed her over, directed her where to point her camera for a few pictures, and then let her take over from there. It was cool below the giant trees, cool and green and shady. The slight breeze made the leaves chatter overhead. The grass was surprisingly thick, considering the lack of light, and it felt inviting beneath my feet.
I didn’t want to soil my new clothes, but I felt like the ground was pulling me down with extra gravity, urging me to lie in the grass. I seated myself in a velvet green patch, then lay back and closed my eyes with a sigh, letting my mind wander, as usual.
It jumped from subject to subject, never staying long on any particular one. Steve, the blue-eyed-mirror-boy, the notebook, the new guy at the store, school, my date tonight—then back around them all again. My musings settled nothing, changed nothing, and discerned nothing new. Just wandering thoughts, with no purpose except to occupy my mind. Coupled with the lack of an imaginary heart on a tree, my previous jubilant mood dissipated.
A shadow fell over me, which seemed odd, since I was already in the shadows. I opened one eye and realized Julie was standing above, blocking the filtered light. “What do you want to do now? We could go to B-n-N, maybe. There’s a new book I want to get.”
I didn’t speak, I just held up my hand. She grabbed it and pulled me to my feet. I brushed the grass and dust off myself, and had Julie check my hair. “Sure, sounds like a plan”
She placed her hands on her hips, giving me a stern look. “Spill it.”
It was times like these I wished that Julie knew everything. It was obvious my mind was preoccupied, and any explanation, short of the complete truth, would leave her wondering what I was hiding from her, and why. I couldn’t tell her, though, as much as I wanted to.
“There’s nothing to spill. I was thinking about Steve, and school, and my dad, and the new guy—and my date tonight.” All of that was the truth.
