“What happened?” I asked.
“There was a car accident.” A tear rolled down my cheek. Asher gripped my elbow and led me to the high wingback chair that faced the fireplace. “Sit.” I followed his command and eased myself down into the chair.
“Why didn’t he tell me?”
Asher shrugged and looked away.
“Why didn’t I tell you what?” A deep intense voice came from the doorway. “What’s going on?” His face was obscured from my view, but I heard the flaming intensity in his breath. Asher directed his eyes toward the mantel not speaking a word. Chase let out a small ragged sigh. His footsteps stopped directly behind my chair. “I’ve had enough. I’m done here. This was a mistake. We should have never come here.” He crouched in front of my chair and looked at me. “You’re crying, baby?” He swiped at the moisture that collected under my eye. “Damn it, Asher, what the fuck?” The glimpse of sadness in his eyes was replaced by anger. He looked up at Asher. “She’s crying. Fuck ... I’m getting you out of here.” He pulled me from the chair and led us directly through the front door. He slammed it closed before drawing me into a tight embrace.
12
New reality
By the time we approached the Ben Franklin Bridge it was ten thirty. Home. Up until today, the four-mile round trip trek across the majestic suspension bridge was my favorite run. However, it paled in comparison to the high I had from running in Central Park. After our brief appearance at the birthday brunch from hell, blowing off steam was imperative. Six miles of unexpected green mixed with concrete jewels encased by towering skyscrapers was a runner’s dream. With my sneakers and Pandora alone I could have been a pig in shit replaying the weekend’s highlights. Hell, other than the meeting the family fiasco, the whole weekend was a highlight. Quite possibly of my life.
I put music on the backburner though and resorted to running and talking. The loss of Chase’s twin sister was understandably heartbreaking. I hoped one day he would open up to me, but after witnessing his eyes when he walked in on Asher’s and my conversation, I steered clear of any topic family-related. I would have strapped an oxygen tank to my back to keep him from retreating into his head. So by mile two, with some mild coaxing, he finally engaged again. Dr. Playful was back. And in an attempt to keep the conversation light, I rehashed funny Sierra stories and told him all about my Cape Cod beach obsession. He talked about Asher and some of their crazy antics, pre-professional life.
It was a good eighty degrees out, despite being early evening, and Chase hadn’t even broken a sweat. Museum Mile marked the halfway point, and all but a thin sheen covered his arms and legs. I, on the other hand, was a puddle and needed to wring out my panties. He teased me mercilessly when I begged for a break. If he hadn’t been sex in sneakers I probably would have quit. Instead I pushed up the West Side and back down the East, before passing the beautiful Carousel and looping back west to finish at Tavern on the Green. Awesome.
Even in my short visit, it was obvious the two sides of the park seemed to have their own distinct personalities. Chase explained it like different specialties in medicine; city neighborhoods had their stereotypes as well. Terms like rich, old money, sophisticated, and class obsessed referred to his parents’ neighborhood—more like his God-awful mother who made Main Line brat sound like a compliment. Versus liberal, artsy, eccentric and wealthy, when he referenced his side of the park. I sensed that Chase’s address was nothing more than polar opposite from his parents. It was crystal clear he hated the idea of stereotypes. Period. It seemed as well as he fit his born and bred Upper East Side neurosurgeon stereotype, he defied it. After all, most surgeons wouldn’t even risk waving their hands between sensored elevator doors, never mind box. Dr. Contradiction.
It was getting dark as we crossed over the bridge into Center City; the Philly skyline was in view. We were almost home and still hadn’t spoken about tomorrow. Reality was setting in. I shifted in my seat to shake off my nervous energy.
“What’s the matter, baby? Why so quiet?” Chase thumbed my cheek, stopping in front of my house. “Talk to me, Blue.” His brow furrowed with concern. He was incredibly sweet.
“Just thinking about this weekend, how amazing it was, how amazing you are. Just a little sad it has to end. And then there’s tomorrow-”
“Let’s get one thing straight. Nothing is ending, so get that thought out of your head. Now. This weekend was just the beginning. And as for tomorrow, my only concern is which bed we’ll be waking up in. Understand?” Feminists around the world would cringe at his tone, but damn, I found it sexy as hell. “I figured you would run in and grab a change of clothes, because we’ve already established,” he pointed to the backseat lined with shopping bags from our little city escapade, “none of that is work appropriate; that is, if you care about the wellbeing of my patients. Then we’ll head back and stay at my place. It’s closer to the hospital and since one of us needs to be up before sunrise, it seems like the best choice for tonight. We can figure out the rest later.”
Wait, one of us? The rest? Not sure which to address first, my filter-less mouth took care of that.
“What do you mean, one of us?”
“Blue, who are you kidding? Not only did you almost kill yourself trying to keep up with me in the park, which by the way was pretty fucking hot if I forgot to tell you, but you’re not getting to sleep anytime soon, follow me? Baby, the way you sleep, you’ll be lucky if you make it in by nine tomorrow.”
Anger rose from my gut.
“Let me see if I get this ... so now that I’m fucking the boss, I’m suddenly eliminated from morning rounds. Oh that’s professional, not to mention insulting. Maybe in your world, the rules don’t apply, but the rest of us-”
Chase’s mouth covered mine before I got a chance to finish my tirade. The kiss was excruciating. Pulling away only inches his eyes nailed mine.
“First. The only thing insulting is you calling what we share fucking. Got it? Second, just so you know, I have never made a case manager round in the morning after the first day. Ever. Until you. I laid eyes on you—damn, I contemplated adding fucking midnight rounds just to spend more time with you. If you’re going to be pissed, be pissed about that. And while I’m at it, I personally don’t give a shit who knows about us. Understand? We’re both adults. And there’s not a person at that hospital who would question your professionalism. They all love you, and they should. You’re awesome at your job. But it’s your call. I’ll give you that. I’ll go along with whatever you want, for now ... but I can’t promise people won’t figure it out. Blue, I’m a lot of things, but actor is not one of them.”
Speechless. There were no words. None. Zero. Damn this man leveled me. My heart almost pounded out of my chest. I grabbed his face between my palms and kissed him like my life depended on it. His lips were my new heaven. Soft, possessive, safe. Hoping my tongue’s assault spoke the words that I knew I couldn’t. I’m sorry.
“Beautiful, you ... fucking ... kill ... me,” he breathed, forehead to forehead. “Can you please go pack a fucking bag? I really need to get home and make love to my girl ... in our bed.”
Make love...
My girl...
Our bed…
Done. I was done. This beautiful man owned my broken heart.
I packed a bag—several days’ worth—and we went back to Chase’s apartment where he did as he promised.
He made love to me.
Soft and sweet.
Hands entwined above our heads, stomach to stomach, tongue cherishing tongue.
Every delicious push ... every kiss, spoke silent novels.
As broken as I was ... as tormented as his intense eyes said he was…
We were perfect. We fit.
No apologies. No explanations.
Just us. Perfection.
My head rose and fell with each of his breaths as I rested on his very naked chest. “Chase?” He softly kissed the tip of my nose. His room was dark and warm and smelled of
us.
“Yeah, baby,” he whispered.
There was no fighting my tears. “I’m broken. I’m not what you think.”
“Baby, we’re all broken. You ... you are everything. And so much more.”
“Chase ... why?”
“I don’t give a shit why, Blue. The past twelve days have been the best damn days of my life. I keep asking myself, why me? I don’t deserve you ... not even close, period. None of you. Not your smile, not your laugh ... not that look in your eyes when you come and scream my name. None of it. You are pure sweet. I’m anything but. I tried to stay away. Damn, I tried.”
There was something familiar about those beautiful grey eyes that mirrored my own. He wasn’t just tormented; he was broken too.
“When you said the rules didn’t apply in my world—baby, you weren’t wrong. Fuck, you were more right than you’ll ever know. It’s fucking toxic. I’m toxic. You-”
I interrupted him because it wasn’t so long ago that his words could have been my own. “Chase, don’t-”
“Blue, baby. I couldn’t walk away now if I tried. You’re mine. Hear me? Mine ... say it.” Even in the darkness of the bedroom his eyes were as passionate as his words.
“Yours.”
“Look at me.” I was, but I knew what he meant. Look past the outside; dive deeper. “I know I don’t deserve you. But I won’t share. I can’t. I’m not built that way. Not any of you. You’re mine, baby.” He needed reassurance as much as I did that this was real.
“Yours, baby ... yours.” Because as much as I was his, he was mine.
Then Dr. Possessive did what he does and made love to me again. And suddenly sleeping in seemed like the best idea. Ever.
13
Girl coffee
Iglanced at my phone trying to focus, still half asleep. I had to change that damn text alert chime. And I really needed to stop sleeping in contacts.
I’m in labor
Oh my god. Pick up. Why wasn’t she picking up the damn phone?
“Hey, Asspuck. What happened to calling when you got home?”
“Sier, where are you? It’s too early ... you okay, the baby?”
“Oh. I’m not in labor,” she said wryly.
“Sierra! What the hell is wrong with you? I almost had a freaking heart attack.”
“Good, that’s what you get. Now you know how I felt. Maybe you’ll think twice before disappearing for a weekend without calling to let me know you’re okay. For all I knew, Dr. Hot-as-Balls kidnapped and killed you.”
“Dramatic much? I texted you.”
“Oh, you mean your sorry I have to cancel, explain later text an hour before we were supposed to meet. That text?”
“K, Mom, point made. Are you done being annoying?”
“Hell no. Now I want details. And don’t leave out the good parts. Damn, you weren’t kidding. Holy shit, he’s hot. But please say he’s not always that intense. He looked like a man possessed. I couldn’t tell if he wanted to rip your clothes off or Guy’s eyes out more. I can’t believe I left you. Shit. I totally wasn’t thinking. My damn placenta brain. With Dodd away all week I was horny, and then when you didn’t answer your phone, I felt like total shit that I encouraged you. I just, I don’t know, I didn’t expect him to be so...” Sierra was rambling. Sierra never rambled. And that made me feel guilty.
“Stop. I get it. You’re so right. I’m sorry. I should have called, but really ... you don’t have to worry. He’s definitely intense, but that’s only one part of him. He’s the real deal, Sier,” I paused. It was difficult to describe it or define it. “I can’t explain it, but it’s good. He’s good. I think I trust him ... am I crazy?”
“Fine, you’re forgiven, but the jury is still out on Dr. Fucknuts. Speaking of—still waiting. How was it? Should I call him Dr. Crowbar? When they are that insanely hot, it’s a flip of the coin whether they actually know how to use the damn thing, so which is it? Please say you scored heads?”
I chuckled. “You have serious issues, you know that, right?”
“Absolutely, but that’s why you love me! Don’t leave me hanging.”
“Fine. Yes. Definitely heads ... umm ... all around.” If Sierra only saw my smile.
“That’s freaking fantastic.” Her belly laugh was contagious even over the phone.
“Okay. Are we done now? I have to get ready for work, and I’m seeing you for lunch in only a few hours.”
“Wait. You’re not at work? It’s almost eight. Where the hell are you?”
Oh, lying sprawled out in Dr. Sex’s massive bed, naked.
“Oh. We stayed at Chase’s last night. We got back from New York a little late, and his apartment is closer to the hospital.” Not to mention Dr. Sexy is also Dr. Possessive and not really big into sharing, not even with my apartment.
“You were in the city? What? But why aren’t you at work? Did your vagina need a sick day?”
“Ha-ha. NO! Just going in a little late.” I wasn’t even sure where to begin with that one. I gave in on the whole morning rounding thing last night, but I had a feeling we needed to re-address that issue. I did not need to bring up Dr. Dominant just yet.
“Hmm. Sounds a little suspect to me.”
“Sier, can we finish this at lunch? I really have to get ready.”
“Oh shit. I almost forgot. I saw Kate at Whole Foods yesterday and she seemed a little down in the dumps over shithead, so I invited her to lunch. That’s the other reason I called early. I knew you probably wouldn’t want to announce you were screwing your boss at lunch.”
Obviously.
“Thanks for the heads up. See you later then.”
“K. Oh, and Lil … for what it’s worth, I hope he’s the real deal. You really do deserve it.”
“Thanks, Sierra. Honestly, I don’t know what to hope for. But I’ll admit, for the first time in a long time, I feel pretty lucky.”
“You should, after all, you got heads.”
Freak!
I lay in Chase’s massive king-size bed covered in stark white linens. It reminded me of his Manhattan mausoleum bedroom, but not as cozy. It was simple and bare and lacked color, a clean slate. I wondered if he just moved in or simply liked it that way. According to his best friend, he picked Philly over two other cities he had strong ties to. Granted, if Constance was my mother, I probably would have picked California. A six-hour plane ride seemed like a sane distance from his bat shit crazy mother. And I was in her company for less than an hour. Boston, though, was still a bit of a mystery. Chase mentioned during dinner that he attended BU’s six-year combined undergraduate MD program, and Asher mentioned something about a business there. Boston could have been a solid choice if he wanted a break from his toxic world. Not that I was complaining about his ultimate choice. Definitely not complaining. The past few days gave me small glimpses and snapshots—enough to know I desired more. Everything. I needed him to trust me enough to share. Pot meet kettle.
Suddenly the room’s silence was drowned out by a loud monotone voice with a familiar message. 95 is backed up, Academy to Cottman. No shit. I chuckled to myself. Three years and always the same exact traffic report. After a second, I got out of my own head and realized the news was coming from the alarm clock that was now across the room. Last night, I had smiled seeing the fluorescent hue bedside, illuminating the obscene hour Chase finally tucked my very sated body tight against his for the night.
Dr. Bossy must have set it for me before he left, strategically moving it so I couldn’t snooze. Totally has my number.
But the news, really? It seemed like a stupid thing to notice. But I finally made the connection. His anxiety around music had to stem from the death of his sister. I remembered how melancholy he got when I asked him what happened to his high school band, the band he shared with his sister. A real tragedy. Music must have become too much of a reminder after she died, but for some reason I seemed to be the exception. He allowed me to choose music for his OR cases, and he chose music for our
night at the planetarium, knowing how much I loved it.
I slapped the alarm clock hard and headed for the bathroom. The sleek earth tone marble sanctuary was filling with steam when the apartment door buzzed.
Despite my slight embarrassment opening Chase’s door as the obvious overnight guest, questionably dressed no less, I was more than pleasantly surprised.
“Good morning, Ms. Porter, sorry to bother you. Dr. Colton wanted me to deliver this.” The quirky doorman I recognized from my first visit handed me a steaming Starbucks cup. Mmm. Definitely has my number.
Thanks for the latte.
Very sweet :)
I knew he was probably getting ready to start a case, but I sent him the text anyway. His quick reply made me smile.
No. Sweet is the way you taste.
But I’m glad you enjoyed your girl coffee.
Hope you had enough time to put some clothes on.
Dr. Sweet, meet Dr. Possessive...
And here I thought you set the alarm
so I wouldn’t be even LATER for work??
Did he really time the alarm for the doorman’s coffee delivery? No. Crazy talk.
Your boss says you’re not late.
But your boyfriend is waiting for an answer.
If you must know-your case manager is naked,
getting in the shower because she is LATE for work.
But your girlfriend answered the door in your robe.
Reminder for my case manager girlfriend
I don’t like to share.
Not even with the shower.
See YOUR beautiful soon. Xo.
Mouth open, heart pounding, sex twinging ... speechless.
How did he do that again?
“Where were you this morning?” I jumped at the sound of Guy’s voice at my back. Damn it, I totally lacked a plan. “Why weren’t you at rounds? You sick?” I closed my tablet and swiveled on my chair. “Chase said he heard from you this morning, said you were going to be late. Is everything okay, doll? It might be none of my business, but I just know how you are, you never like to be late.” He was sincere.
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