22
Voice
“Sit down, baby.” I perched myself on the shower bench and leaned against the slick cold tile, closing my eyes. The warm spray pounded against my sore limbs. Between my insanely early morning run and standing on spike heels for four hours straight, I wanted to collapse. I took a large cleansing breath as the steam from the shower billowed between us. My eyes fluttered open to find Chase’s heavy-lidded gaze devouring my body. He languidly dragged his tongue along the seam of his lips before clamping down on his bottom lip. My nipples immediately tightened in response, shooting a deep ache straight between my legs. I, too, leisurely lowered my gaze to take in all of him. And there was a lot of it. It was evident exactly what I was doing to him and the lust in his eyes told me he knew exactly what he was doing to me.
“You are so freaking sexy,” I gasped.
“You ... you’re beautiful inside and out.” He knelt down in front of me and picked up one of my feet. The pad of his thumb circled over each of my toes before he made his way to the arch of my foot. I moaned in spite of myself. “You fucking kill me when you look at me with those sweet eyes.”
“Mmmm.” I floated in bliss as he treated the other foot with the same tenderness. All those years after the rape I drifted emotionless and colorless, accepting that as my new reality. Somehow this man crushed my wall, made me feel safe again, introduced me to honest intimacy ... and loved me. He loved me.
His gentle assault continued to my calves and then my thighs. It was heavenly.
“God Chase, that feels so good.”
“I going to make you feel even better … turn and kneel on the bench, baby.”
My body tightened for a split second, a split second too long for Chase not to notice.
“Blue, what is it? Talk to me.”
Shit, my insecurities were ruining the moment. Images of my face planted against my hard desk as fuck-face raped me from behind twisted my gut. I quickly stood and turned to face the tile wall, hoping a coy smile could mask my reaction. I refused to let that fucker invade our intimate moment.
“Talk to me, baby,” Chase whispered again, his warm chest now against my back.
“It’s him.”
Chase’s body tightened. “It’s him, what?” he growled, knowing as much as I did our moment was crashing. “That motherfucker took you from behind. Didn’t he? Son of a bitch.”
I jumped when he slammed his fist against the shower wall then buried his face in my neck.
“Chase, please. Don’t let him ruin this, please, this is ours. I want you ... I need this, please.” I couldn’t let that bastard win. He had no power over me. Not anymore.
“I’m sorry, baby. I’m so fucking livid about what he did to you, but you’re right. No more, Blue.” His voice instantly softened. He slid his hands up across my stomach to cup my breasts, gently tugging on my hard buds. “I want to erase those memories. I want to be your only memory.” His mouth kissed and sucked at that spot between my neck and collarbone. My head fell to the side giving him better access. My temple rested against the cold tile, sending a shiver up my spine. He wrapped his arms around me, hugging me tightly. His wet tongue swept up my neck until it hovered over my ear. Then he began to hum. My breath caught. I was stunned into silence, listening and savoring every sweet note. I’d never heard him sing. The tension surrounding music in his life was because of his sister. A place he never visited. The part of his life he kept trapped deep beneath his beautiful, yet he was bringing me there. To that hole in his heart. I could tell he sensed my body relaxing again. “Get on your knees for me, only me. I would never ever hurt you, baby, you have to know that. I promise to take it slow, but we are going to do this. We’re going to wash it all away forever.”
I did as I was told without a bit of hesitation. I trusted him. I loved him.
“I love you so much,” he whispered, smiling against my cheek before he peppered me with sweet soft kisses. And then I heard his voice. Low, deep, and masculine.
My eyes welled. He was singing my favorite song. All those times he let me choose the music in the operating room, when he said he couldn’t care less, he listened. Took note.
I reached behind and touched what I wanted. What I needed. I brought him to my entrance, urging him on. I was so wet, so ready. He gently slid inside me, and I gasped at the pure tenderness. His soft breath continued to bathe the nape of my neck. He was intoxicating. Tears of pure joy poured down my cheeks as he pushed deep into me from behind, erasing every sour memory, making sweet love to me.
“I won’t give up on us.” His arrangement was the sweetest I’d ever heard.
His embrace tightened around my chest while he continued to sing. I couldn’t tell where my body ended and his began. The promise in his message was crystal clear. He was done running and willing to fight for me, for us.
“Lili, truth. We are worth it.”
He owned my heart and my soul. My climax built within minutes. His length grew harder as he rocked against me, filling me. I knew he was getting close and I wanted our release to be together. His voice was raspy and sexy as hell as he sung through his roaring orgasm. He shuddered once against me, causing me to join in our earth shattering union.
He slowly pulled out and nestled us onto the bench. “Look at me, Lili.”
My blissfully sated lids opened to his tender gaze.
“I love you so fucking much, you are my world.” He buried his face into my neck and clung to me. I was his lifeline as much as he was mine.
“About time you lovebirds left the room,” Sierra shouted from Dodd’s lap.
Chase laughed and I totally blushed, but was hopefully hidden by the night sky. We had spent most of the early evening reacquainting each other with every square inch of our bodies. We finally joined the rest of the gang on the beach for a late night bonfire. The only illumination coming off the dark ocean backdrop was the swirls of reds and oranges escaping from the crackling wood. The scene around me was pure contentment. My friends were laying on cozy blankets enjoying late night cocktails. Their soft voices, laced with laughter, were drowned out by the ocean waves crashing on the shore. This was peace. I was finally at peace. My body trembled slightly; maybe the breeze off the water gave me a chill.
“You chilly, baby? I’ll run to the room and grab another sweater,” Chase whispered as he pulled me tight to his side, running a hand up and down my arm.
“I’m fine.” Better than fine. More fine than I’ve been in three years. “Just really happy,” I whispered back.
“Me too, Blue. Me too.” His grin killed me.
“So he’s finally sharing you?” Sierra rolled her eyes in Chase’s direction. Her sarcasm was lost on no one.
“And so it starts,” I mumbled with apologetic eyes.
Sierra walked over and tugged on my hand, leading me back toward her spot in front of the fire. Chase didn’t let go of my other hand.
“Look at you two, it’s like you’re glued together.” She pouted her lips in the most unattractive way. I had to remember to tell her, she needed to rethink her grossed out face. For sure.
Dr. Possessive might have agreed to share for a few hours, but that didn’t stop him from staking his claim. He picked me up and tossed me over his shoulder.
“Chase,” I whined, giggling like crazy. If it were anyone else, I probably would have been seriously turned off by such caveman antics. But I wasn’t. It was Chase. My Chase. And I loved how much he needed to feel close to me.
“Oh fine, you can come too,” Sierra’s eye roll was a little warmer this time. Dr. Charming was working his magic.
“Thanks, but I’d like that invitation to extend to your spa day when you’re soaking in seaweed and wearing those fluffy robes.” Chase flashed that killer smile. Sierra didn’t have a chance.
It was Sierra’s turn to laugh. She turned to look at me as Chase was putting me down. “That’s it! I’m calling him Dr. P ... possessive and pushy.” Everyone including Chase erupted into
laughter. My BFF was caving. I knew she would see past intense Chase and see the man I loved.
“Sorry, Chase, you’ll get used to her soon enough. Blunt and bossy are her middle names.”
“Whatever, Dodd,” Sierra huffed, waddling toward her seated husband. Yep, she was officially a waddler.
“What, hun? I love that about you, you’re always so matter of fact.” Dodd seductively ran his hands up Sierra’s side, pulling her down onto his lap and kissing her deeply. PDA was not lost on those two. “Lord help me, though, if our baby girl has half your sauce. I’m in trouble.”
“Get a room! Make a baby ... oh wait, you already did that,” Jack yelled from the other side of the bonfire as the catcalls filled the air. We all laughed again.
“See, Sier, you can dish it, but you can’t take it. Dodd’s gotta suck your face to keep you from pouting.”
Even though Sierra was funny, super sarcastic and hard as a rock on the outside, her heart was warm and fuzzy. And she was my rock through thick and thin. Always there to pick up my pieces, no matter day or night. I thought back to how many times over this month alone she saved my ass from falling over the edge into that deep dark hole.
“No, I just like when he sucks my face.” Typical Sierra.
I grinned. “You’re too much, Asspuck.”
Chase had joined Dodd on the blanket, falling back onto his elbows. His linen button down pulled across his chest just enough to see that tanned skin I craved. He was so sexy and all mine. I couldn’t help but smile. He totally caught me checking him out, then cradled me onto his lap and whispered in a low gravelly voice, “Dr. P can think of a couple other areas I would love to suck right now.”
Oh no he didn’t. God, I hoped it was just a whisper. I blushed bigtime.
23
Brushed nickel
Chase fished through his wallet before yanking out a white card. He swiped it over the keypad just outside the car window, allowing the gate to open and for us to pass. The large white sign read KimCore. So this was his company.
Our ride from Cape Cod was relatively quiet. For the most part we made idle chitchat while I focused on how Chase brought me to a place I never thought possible. A place of love and happiness. But I also knew Chase was seeking closure, and returning to Boston, where his sister died and was laid to rest, was weighing heavily on his shoulders. This visit was crucial to his healing process. And important for the health and progression of our relationship.
My phone chirped inside my bag, pulling me out of my head. From its muffled sound I assumed it was somewhere in the bottom of the endless pit. Chase smirked as I dug deeper.
“Blue, truth. That’s the worst fucking bag I’ve ever seen,” he teased while slowly driving through the parking lot.
“Hey. It was a gift and it’s designer.”
“It’s luggage. It’s got to go.”
I scrunched my nose in protest, which lasted all of two seconds. He shrugged his broad shoulders, looking adorable, as if to say—what, am I wrong? We both laughed, relieving the tension we refused to admit was building in the car once we hit Boston.
Chase parked the car. “Tell you what, after lunch, we’ll go shopping and replace your designer luggage with something that doesn’t weigh as much as you. Sound good?” His knuckles softly brushed across my cheek, reaching my lips, where I gladly returned the sentiment with a kiss.
“Sounds good,” I said, because it did.
It had nothing to do with a bag or shopping, it was the promise of later. Of us being an us. No more second-guessing. Chase expected me to object like I always did when he talked about buying me things, but his expression changed when he realized I wasn’t going to protest, at least not this time.
“So?” Chase nodded toward the phone I’d finally found. I had to admit he was right—the damn bag was annoying.
“Oh, it’s the buyer of the luggage. She just wanted to say thank you again. They’re on the train.”
“Do you think Sierra’s pissed you didn’t go home with her?” His tone implied the answer didn’t really matter. Dr. Possessive was back in full effect.
“No, she was fine with it. I think she’s warming up to you.” That was the truth. Sierra wasn’t surprised in the least when I told her this morning at breakfast that I wouldn’t be traveling back with her and Dodd.
“Warming. Really? That’s what you call it. Let’s make sure you pick her out a bag this afternoon too. That way we can try and expedite the thaw.” Chase winked, and I chuckled. He was freaking adorable when he wanted to be. “Come on, let’s go.”
I glanced around. The parking lot was dead. It was Sunday; I probably shouldn’t have been surprised. “Not a slave driver, huh?”
He smirked at my joke and made his way around the front of the car. “I wanted to give you the private tour.” Grabbing my ass, he dipped his head down and sucked on my bottom lip. “Hmm. So much for private,” he mumbled against my lips. Chase must have heard the car, because I sure as hell didn’t. The only thing I heard was my pulse jack-hammering in my throat like it was our first kiss. Please God, in the name of all things holy, don’t let that ever change.
Chase kissed my nose, and then we watched the black Porsche Cayenne pulling up alongside us. I really do love the kissing the tip of my nose thing too.
The dark tinted window slid down, revealing a snickering Asher. “Waiting for me, or was I interrupting?”
“Nice to see you too, asshole,” Chase huffed, removing his hand from my ass to give Ash one of those guy fist bumps through the window.
Asher hopped out of the car and kissed me on the check. “Gorgeous as always, Lili, great to see you smiling.”
I had to admit—Asher’s wink was sexy, but paled in comparison to Chase’s.
“C, always a dick, but I expect nothing less. Let’s get you two inside before you put on a show for our parking lot cameras. I’m sure the security guards wouldn’t mind though.” He laughed and shook his head. “Boss and his girl going at it.”
“Watch it, Ash, my knuckles are healed, but your cheek is looking pretty tempting.”
I knew Chase was teasing, but I winced, now knowing the reason for his battered hands.
“Enough, tough guys. Think I might get to see the inside of this place anytime soon? I’m expecting the deluxe tour.”
Chase possessively tucked me into his side. It was my turn to laugh. Like he had anything to worry about.
“So you two are staying with me tonight, right?”
“Yeah, if you don’t mind. Got a few things to take care of this afternoon, but thought we could all grab some dinner, hang out tonight.”
My heart sped up a little thinking about the heavy day in front of us.
“Of course I don’t mind. Sounds great. Must be nice, huh, being able to take off whenever you fucking feel like it? Slacker, I’ve got to try that.” He oozed sarcasm, jabbing Chase with his elbow.
“Yeah, I can see how rough you’ve got it, jackass.”
I failed to share in their humor; instead, I rolled my eyes remembering that I hadn’t actually taken tomorrow off. I wasn’t even part of that decision. Unbeknownst to me, Chase had called my supervisor and told her I wouldn’t be in. Although nothing—I mean absolutely nothing—would have stopped me from being here with Chase, I needed to make that call. Needless to say, explaining the concept of boundaries to Dr. P filled in the areas when we weren’t making idle chitchat on our ride from the Cape to Boston. As I should have predicted, Chase had zero patience for such a discussion and opted for distraction. Damn him. This topic would be revisited, whether Dr. Bossy liked it or not … and when his miracle fingers were out of reach and unable to dissolve my irritation in seconds flat.
“Cool. We should hang low and get some take-out.”
“Ash, that sounds great,” I said.
Hang low sounded perfect. I was totally exhausted. But all the reasons why I was so wiped trumped my fatigue. At three in the morning Chase had snuggled into my side, l
ong after I lost count, and breathlessly whispered that I was his favorite reason to lose sleep. I had no argument. None. Zero. Who needed sleep? So totally overrated. I smiled to myself.
However, my smile faded when we walked through the sleek marble lobby—a modern masterpiece—and past a life-sized black and white portrait of Chase’s sister. No name on a sad brass plaque underneath, just a massive oak framed picture; an exquisite piece of art. It was Kimi. KimCore. Her long hair cascaded down her petite frame, and her eyes shined bright, even in the absence of color. I knew they were a beautiful shade of blue, from the photos I saw and from how Chase described her. But in this portrait, towering larger than life, her eyes sparkled a magnificent crystal grey. The color of rare sea glass. I was staring at Chase’s eyes. She looked like exactly what she was, a seventeen-year-old ready to take on the world. The scripted quote that trailed along the bottom read: A selfless life was dedicated toward creating a better life for others. The meaning of those simple words confirmed that Kimi’s life was not wasted. Because of Chase. His strength, his determination, his undying love for his sister saved and created better lives for an infinite number of people after her. Chase gave her a beautiful life.
Asher shuffled us toward the elevator. It was no surprise that we didn’t linger in the lobby. Instead, I witnessed Chase’s conflicting emotions as we moved through a series of long hallways. Happy to show me around, yet somber, his shoulders appeared heavier. He explained how and where the actual equipment was constructed. It was truly amazing, all of it. But thick melancholy loomed in the air. Asher seemed oblivious or was used to ignoring it. Probably the latter. He covered by talking non-stop about all of Chase’s accomplishments and the company’s performance. Asher was clearly proud of their success. I realized Chase never allowed himself to feel accomplished; his guilt and grief were always in the way. This place—his company—was an epiphany of pure greatness stemming from his worst nightmare. How did you recover from something like that? I squeezed his hand and softly smiled up at him. I hoped one day he could enjoy his success without the extra weight. But deep inside I wasn’t sure that would ever happen. We walked most of the way in silence, listening to Asher chatter. I never let go of his hand. He never let go of mine. We weren’t running anymore. This was us for the long haul.
Beautifully Awake Page 29
