by Alan Carr
‘So, what do you think?’ I said, trying my best to sound confident.
‘We loved it.’
‘Really? What about Dad?’
‘Oh, he thought you were funny. Really funny.’
‘What about that bit where he calls me a poof?’
‘Oh, he couldn’t stop laughing. It was really good. We don’t know how you do it. So brave.’
She’d liked it and, more importantly, Dad had liked it. The more I thought about it, the more I realised that of course he would like it. Why wouldn’t he like it? What was there not to like? Screw the FA Cup, you try and entertain that lot on the other side of that curtain. Tonight the Millennium Centre had been my Wembley and the audience had been the away fans. Yes, I’d had nerves, I needed to be brave, I had to be match-fit, I had to perform. So what if I was stepping out onto a stage rather than a pitch, feeling the polished floor under my feet and not turf under my studs? What’s the difference?
But then I think that Dad always knew there was no difference and that it was me who didn’t get it. For once in my life, I’d missed the joke – and I was supposed to be the comedian. At last I understood he’d always been proud of me. He didn’t give two hoots about my sexuality, or the fact that I was shit at sport – no, he just didn’t want me to be a loser.
Heading home that night, I was on top of the world. Well, it couldn’t get better than that, could it? I thought I’d reached the pinnacle of my comedy career. Where would I go from here? It was only when I got back up to Manchester that I received DVDs of all the Friday Night Projects, but to be honest I couldn’t be bothered to watch them. My agent rang and said, ‘What about this Friday Night Project show? Do you fancy it?’
‘Oh, go on then,’ I said. ‘What’s the worst that can happen?’
Thank-yous
Mum
Dad
Gary
Nanny Carter
Sarah Atkinson
Cherry Boarer
Justin Lee Collins (you are the wind beneath my wings)
Steve Lock
Mary Richmond
Catherine Labram
Carolyn Currie
Melissa Davitt
Michelle Foreman
Karen Bayley
David Raikes
Danny Julian
Addison Cresswell
Channel 4
Manchester
Natalie Jerome (happy now?) and everyone at HarperCollins
Copyright
HarperCollinsPublishers
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First published by HarperCollinsPublishers 2008
© Alan Carr 2008
Alan Carr asserts the moral right to be identified as the author of this work
Some names and identities have been changed to protect the privacy of the individuals involved
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EPub Edition © NOVEMBER 2008 ISBN:9780007287802
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