“Because there are more women than time,” Liam snarked. Connor kept staring at him until Liam looked at Cian. “You feel like that? Like you haven’t stuck with anyone because it’s too dangerous?”
Cian sighed. “How the hell am I supposed to find time for something like that? And if I did, then what? Connor’s right. What woman in this day and age wants to live like Mom? She’s practically a shut-in, and Pop too, now he’s not managing things. They do stuff in the neighborhood and at church, and that’s pretty much it.”
“Yeah, but Mom’s never wanted more than that,” Liam protested.
“And if she did, how would it work?” Cian asked back. “What if she were twenty-five and had a job she’d spent years going to school for? Would she bring guards to work with her? What about kids? I guess they’d have to go to St. Pat’s because that’s the only school in town where we can station our guys on the street outside the front door like Pop did when we went there.”
Liam’s expression turned somewhat desperate. “Finn?” he asked.
Finn shook his head. “They’re right. I know we’ve never talked about it, and I don’t think about it a lot, but they’re right. I can’t imagine many women today would want to live the way we do. It’s one thing for them to spend a night with some guy who seems dangerous and bad, it’s another to live like us.”
“I really thought we were all on the same page here,” Liam said. “I don’t want one woman, I want as many of them as I can get. I thought the rest of you felt the same.”
“The point isn’t what we all feel,” Cian corrected gently. “It’s what Connor wants. He doesn’t want this. I can understand that. Can you?”
Connor watched Liam warily. He was on his way out the door no matter what, but damn, he didn’t want his last interaction with his brother to be like this. He’d thought he would slip away and leave Cian to tell them all what had happened, but now he was here facing them, he knew he needed Liam’s blessing.
“I can understand it,” Liam said finally. “I’m going to miss the hell out of you, but I can understand it.”
Connor exhaled the breath he’d been holding for ten minutes and said, “Thank you.”
Liam turned to Cian. “How’s this going to work?”
Cian picked up a manila envelope from his desk. “I have new identities for you both,” he said. “There’s a car registered in your new name sitting out back—California plates. There’s also ten thousand in cash in here, and the number of an offshore account that’s in your new name with another hundred and fifty thousand. If you need more—”
“Jesus, Cian.” Connor shook his head. “I’m not going to need more. I’m not even going to touch what’s there.”
“You never know when you might run into problems. What if you or Jess get sick or hurt and need to go to the hospital? What if you get in a car accident or—”
Connor stepped closer to his brother and put a hand on Cian’s shoulder. “Thank you,” he said softly. “Thank you for always making sure I’m taken care of. Thank you for helping me do this, and for cleaning up my messes. I’m not going to need the money, because you showed me how to be a man. How to do these things for the people you love. I love Jess, so I’m going to take care of her. I’m going to make you proud.”
“You already have,” Cian replied before grabbing Connor around the neck and pulling him close so their foreheads touched. “You’re doing the right thing,” he whispered. “And I’m beyond proud of you.”
“There’s one thing you’ve left out,” Liam said, clearing his throat. Connor and Cian pulled apart, both turning their gazes to him. “What are you going to tell Pop?”
Cian sighed. “I’ve thought about it a lot. There’s no good solution, but my best is to use the one leverage we have with him—Mom.”
“Explain,” Finn said, a frown on his face.
“We can’t tell them Connor’s been killed. Pop would insist on seeing the body. We can’t tell them he’s vanished because Pop would turn the city upside-down looking for him and start a hundred wars in the process.” The rest of the brothers nodded. “But if we tell him Connor’s run, he’ll go nuts trying to find him, and while I don’t think he could, it’s a risk I’d rather not take.”
“So how do you keep him from hunting me down?” Connor asked.
“By going to Mom first and explaining why you left. If she’s on board with your plans—with your dream to have a regular life with Jess and babies and all the things Mom cares about most—she’ll tell Pop he can’t look for you. And then, even if he does, he won’t do it with any enthusiasm. It’ll be a half-assed attempt at making himself feel like he’s in control. He won’t really want to find you, because he’d have to admit to Mom he’d defied her wishes.” Cian looked at each brother in turn. “She’s his one weakness.”
“Mom will never get over Connor leaving without saying goodbye,” Finn remarked sadly.
“But he’s going to leave her a letter,” Cian added, turning around and picking up a pen and piece of paper off his desk. He handed them to Connor. “Tell her what you’ve told me. Tell her how you feel about Jess. Tell her who you’re going to become. She’ll understand. And she’ll help protect you from the biggest threat—Pop.”
Connor nodded, not able to speak for the moment.
“Okay,” Liam said. “I guess you’ll need a few minutes to write that, and then you’re going to get in a car and start fresh.”
“I’m having a hard time with the idea I might never see you again,” Finn added.
Connor scratched the back of his neck and gave them all a wry smile. “Yeah, I try not to think about that part too hard.”
“You’ll see him again,” Cian vowed as he looked at Finn. “You’ll all see him again, and when you do, a lot of things will be different.”
Liam’s head tilted in question, but Cian wore that look they all knew well—it said don’t ask, because I won’t tell.”
Ten minutes later, Liam and Finn had moved bags from Connor’s car to the new one, Cian had spoken to Jess about what her father needed and reassured her he’d make sure Sean was taken care of no matter what, and Connor had written a very difficult letter to his mother that his brothers would deliver in a few days when he and Jess had had plenty of time to get far away.
The actual goodbyes were short, done in the crowded hallway near the back door to the club, with only the MacFarlane brothers and Jess there. And as Connor stood with one arm around Jess’s shoulders and the other around Finn’s neck, he looked at Cian and Liam and recorded every tiny detail about that moment in his heart.
Later on, he’d lie in the dark wherever it was they were going, and he’d remember the feeling—the feeling he’d taken for granted most of his life, that of being part of a greater whole, of being something more than just Connor. He was a MacFarlane, and no matter what name he went by, he’d always keep that in his heart.
“You need to go now,” Cian said, giving Connor a gentle slap on the cheek.
“Yeah, I know.” Connor sighed and released Finn, then he kissed Jess on the temple.
“Slán abhaile,” Liam said, his voice thick with emotion. Be safe.
“Slán abhaile,” Connor answered. And then he turned and gently directed Jess out the door ahead of him. He didn’t look back, because he knew if he did, he wouldn’t go. He didn’t break down, because he knew if he did, he’d never stop. Connor walked to his new car, got in, and drove to his new life, because if he didn’t, he’d never forgive himself.
The next three days, Cian, Finn, and Liam rearranged the family business. They decided to split Connor’s duties managing distribution between Finn and Liam. Liam already handled the security aspects of distribution, and Finn had ideas for more efficient ways to handle getting product onto the streets.
“Why didn’t you ever suggest any of this before?” Cian asked after Finn explained the ideas to him while the three of them sat at a table next to the windows in the swanky restaurant at the top
of the Chicago stock exchange building.
Finn shrugged. “It was Connor’s gig. I didn’t want to step on his toes. He needs—needed—to have his own territory. It’s gotta be hard being the youngest of four, you know?”
Ricky was standing in the corner behind them, and he tapped his earpiece, listening for a moment before he leaned closer and bent down, speaking quietly. “Mrs. MacFarlane is in the elevator on the way up.”
The three brothers looked at each other and grimaced. Cian knew none of them wanted to break their mother’s heart, but they’d put it off as long as possible. If Connor didn’t show up at their parents’ house soon for a meal or something work-related, both of their parents would start questioning his whereabouts.
The lunch went as well as could be expected. Angela cried quietly, then read her letter, tears streaming down her face as she nodded.
“Mom?” Cian asked when she was done. “Are you going to be okay?”
“Yes,” she said, her voice gaining strength with each word. “I’m going to be okay because Connor and Jess are going to be okay. He’s meant to do this, I feel it. It’s what God wants for him, and I can’t fight that. I don’t even want to.”
There was a collective sigh around the table as Cian relaxed for the first time in days. Then Angela MacFarlane surprised them all.
“Now,” she said, straightening her spine. “How are we going to keep your father from going after Connor and dragging him home?”
Cian’s gaze shot first to Liam, whose eyes were wide with surprise, then to Finn, who only shrugged.
“Actually, Mom, that’s kind of why we met you here instead of at the house.”
“You know he’s going to lose his mind, don’t you?” she asked, taking a sip from the wine they’d ordered for her even though she rarely drank.
Yes, Cian knew the old bastard would lose his mind, and while he didn’t look forward to the fallout, he also took great pleasure in besting his father.
“We were hoping you could help with that,” Liam added.
Angela sighed. “I wish you boys had told me about this before he did it.”
“Yeah, but then you’d have had to act like you didn’t know what was going on.”
“You think I can’t act?” Angela huffed. “You forget, I’ve been acting like I have no idea what you all do for a living for over three decades.”
“Jesus, Mom,” Liam choked out as he swallowed his whiskey wrong.
Cian cleared his throat awkwardly.
“My point is,” Angela continued. “If I’d known about it earlier, I could have done something to prepare your father—subtly, of course. Now we’re just going to have to spring it on him and endure what comes next.”
“I’ll handle that,” Cian stressed. “It was my decision, I enabled it, and I’ll be the one to take the blame with Pop.” No way was he allowing Robbie’s wrath to fall on the rest of them. It had been his decision. It was his burden to bear.
Angela’s eyes grew damp again. “Do you really think that’s the best idea, mo grá? I think we should present it as a group.”
Cian gave her hand a squeeze and sighed. Some people might have blamed his mother for allowing Robbie’s abuse, but Cian knew she was as much a victim as the rest of them. Robbie MacFarlane was a tyrant, and an entire city suffered his abuse.
“Mom’s right,” Liam said. “No way you’re taking the blame for this. I could have stopped him that afternoon, and I didn’t. I listened to what he wanted and what you guys thought about it, and I decided to let him do it. Since then, I could have told Pop so he’d send people out after Connor. I didn’t. This was as much on me as you.”
Finn and Angela both nodded. “If I’d known beforehand,” Angela said, “I wouldn’t have made him do anything differently. This is what he wants—” She held up the letter, giving it a small shake. “He deserves the chance to live his life how he wants. But your father won’t see it that way, so we’ll all have to buckle in for the ride and hope the stress doesn’t kill him.”
Cian didn’t have to say Robbie’s death was the least of his worries.
“This was you,” Robbie snarled, his face a mask of rage as he jabbed a finger in Cian’s face. “Your weak fucking leadership. You didn’t have the balls to bring your brother to heel, and now he’s wandering around with some piece of tail instead of here helping his family like he should be.”
“Robert!” Angela snapped from her seat on the sofa where she sat with Liam on one side and Finn on the other. Cian rested an arm against the fireplace in his mother’s living room and stared with dead eyes at his father. It was a stare he’d perfected since that first time on his eighteenth birthday. And he dreamed of the day when he’d be able to use it for the very last time, the day when his father was finally gone.
Robbie barely spared Angela a glance before he started in on Cian again. “You think you can keep him from me? You think whatever bullshit IDs you got him can hide him? I’ll find who supplied them, and they’ll tell me exactly what name he’s using now. I’ll drag his ass home and make sure the woman isn’t ever a temptation again.”
Angela stood stiffly. “Robert Patrick MacFarlane,” she gasped. “You will not speak about my future daughter-in-law this way!” She marched over to where Robbie stood. “I know this hurts you.” Her voice turned watery. “But we have four strong, independent sons. And they’ve kept your business running smoothly. We have more money than anyone has a right to, and what matters is that Connor is healthy and happy. He’ll come back to us when he’s ready, but until then, I want you to let him be.”
Robbie’s glare continued, his gaze darting between Angela and Cian. At last, his color began to return to normal, and he cleared his throat. “I’m sorry for swearing, mo chridhe,” he said. He turned to Cian, then Liam and Finn. “I’m ashamed of you all,” he said, his voice husky. “I didn’t raise you to treat family and the family business like it’s a choice. You do what your family needs you to, and Connor should have been told that. Out of deference to your mother’s wishes, I won’t go after him—now. But in six months or a year, I promise nothing. Because I’m only accepting this temporarily. Connor has obligations here, and I won’t allow him to shirk them forever.”
Cian didn’t move a muscle. Let the old man rage. He’d never find Connor. Cian had made sure of it. But just to be sure, he needed to push Lila harder for dirt on Robbie. She’d said it could take a while, but that excuse could only be tolerated for so long.
“That’s fine,” Angela said softly, stroking Robbie’s arm as she held his hand. “You’ve had a shock. Let me get you a drink, and you can relax with some rugby on TV for a bit. I’ll see you boys at Sunday dinner,” she instructed before whisking their father out of the room.
“Holy shit,” Liam muttered when they’d left.
Cian pushed off the fireplace mantel. “It could have gone worse.”
“Yeah,” Finn grunted darkly.
“And when he gets bored and decides to go after Connor in a few months?” Liam asked.
“One thing at a time, brother,” Cian answered. “If you ever take over all this mess, you’ll learn that real fast. When you’ve solved a problem for today, then you move on to the next one. Because the problems never end.”
Chapter 21
It was seven forty-two on a Thursday night when Lila finally confronted Xavier. She’d avoided speaking to him for nearly a week once she figured out he was working with the Russians. What she’d learned was bigger and badder than she was comfortable with, but she knew the longer she waited, the more likely he was to do something that would put Cian in danger.
She came into the office and spent all Thursday afternoon working on updates to Cian’s business. And she waited for her only coworker to leave, enabling her to speak privately with Xavier.
While there were plenty of dark websites operating from laptops in people’s basements, Xavier had always had a front for Rogue. He rented a small office in a run-down office park with a
sign out front that read: “Elite Software Specialists.” It enabled him to launder enough money to look like a legitimate businessman. Hackers or “programmers” coming and going at all hours of the day and night didn’t trigger any warnings at all to the property owners, and while most Rogue staff worked from wherever they wanted, Lila and a few others had always been in Chicago, so they came in to the office when it suited them.
As the door closed behind Lenny, a man who’d worked at Rogue for at least three years and never spoken a word to Lila other than “Hey,” and “See ya,” she shut down her laptop and stood. She’d spent most of last night in bed, trying to think about how she’d approach Xavier, but as nothing had come to her, she decided she had to get it over with. She knew as much about Rogue as he did, and she doubted he wanted her to quit because he was being a greedy bastard.
Once he knew she was on to him, Lila was certain Xavier would give in and extricate himself from whatever he’d gotten mixed up with. Or, at the very least, he’d find a way to do it without damaging Cian MacFarlane. She felt certain he didn’t want her to tell Cian what he was up to.
“Yeah?” Xavier asked without looking up when Lila entered his office.
“We need to talk,” she said, leaning against the doorframe.
“Okay.” He kept clacking away at his keyboard.
“I need you to look at me while we do,” she demanded.
Xavier froze, his gaze swinging to hers. He lifted his hands off the keyboard. “Whoa, sorry. Didn’t know this was something so important.” His tone was mocking, and, coupled with what kind of guy she was rapidly learning he was, it pissed Lila off no end.
“Yeah,” she said, eyes narrowed. “It is important. I want to know why you asked me to watch Cian MacFarlane.”
“Maybe I don’t trust him,” Xavier said, leaning back in his chair.
“Maybe I don’t trust that,” she answered, one eyebrow raised.
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