I break away and stare down at her, her hair spread out over the grass.
“I take it you like that, huh?”
“More than you know,” I breathe.
“We’re going to be okay, aren’t we?” she asks with a slight smile.
I grin back at her. “We’re going to be better than okay.”
Nova
We fall easily back into our lives. Getting back to the normalcy feels good. I still have my moments, and Jace does too, but for the most part, we feel like us again.
I drop onto the couch beside him and lean my head on his shoulder, reading the words he scribbles across the page of his notebook.
“It’s beautiful,” I whisper. The words speaking to a part of my soul. I know the song is about us, but it’s bigger than that. It’s for anyone who’s ever faced heartbreak of the worst kind and come out stronger because of it.
“Thanks.” He doesn’t look at me, just keeps scribbling and erasing.
“You really should think about selling your songs. They’re amazing.”
He closes his notebook and clears his throat. “About that …” he pauses, searching for words. “I think I’m ready to pursue getting some of my music sold.”
My face lights up. “Jace!” I cry in excitement. “That’s amazing.” I wrap my arms around him and hug him. He hugs me back, burying his face in the crook of my neck.
“It feels right, to do this now,” he says, letting go. “I …” He looks away, his jaw tight. “I want to make Beckett proud. I want to be more than a bartender. I want to be someone my kids can be proud of.”
I swallow thickly. Tears pooling in my eyes. “It’s funny you should say that.”
He stares at me with an odd look, waiting for me to continue.
“My period’s late, and I counted up the days … It works out perfectly for the day in New York.”
He stares at me and then his mouth drops open. “Are you serious?”
I nod, and begin to cry. “I’m scared,” I admit. “Terrified, actually, of everything that can go wrong, but … I’m so, so, so happy too. It’s not for certain yet, I need to take a test.”
He jumps up. “I’ll go get one.”
I laugh. “Right now?”
“Fuck yes, right now.” He scurries around, looking for his wallet. He locates it and sticks it in his back pocket.
“You.” He points at me. “Sit right there. Don’t go anywhere, I mean it.”
“Jace—”
“I’ll be right back,” he promises.
He dashes out the door and is gone in the blink of an eye.
I stand, because no way am I listening and sitting on the couch the whole time he’s gone.
Instead, I head to the spare bedroom he turned into my space—my den, as I call it.
I’m working on a painting for us. It’s simple, but I think that’s why I love it so much. It’s our hands clasped together, on top of the bed sheets, with just the barest hints of our bodies showing so you know we’re curled into one another.
Something about is so much more intimate than the photographs I take.
I think it’s the fact it’s taken me so long to create it. It didn’t appear in the blink of an eye.
My paintbrush strokes across the canvas, breathing life into it.
It’s cathartic and helped me a lot in the last six weeks since being home.
I’ve been working some with Joel too, and our clientele is building. Being in the city helps. There are more people who think outside the box like us.
I hear the key being put into the door so I set down my brush and scurry over to the couch, plopping onto it a second before the door opens.
“I got a few, so you could take more than one.”
He holds up the plastic bag and shakes it, closing the door behind him.
“I can’t believe you actually listened to me,” he says, nodding to me on the couch.
“I know, shocker, right?”
“Now go pee.” He hands me the bag.
“I don’t have to pee yet,” I joke.
He glares. “Then down a liter of soda and go.”
I shake my head, stifling a laugh, and take the bag from him. “On second thought, I think I do need to pee.”
“Mhmm.” He crosses his arms over his chest and follows me to the bathroom.
“Go.” I motion him away.
“Nuh-uh.” He forces his way inside. “I’m not going anywhere.”
I sigh. I know from his tone of voice he’s serious.
I set the bag on the counter and grab one of the boxes. I open it and read the directions before sitting down to pee.
I finish and set the test on top of the box. I wash my hands as Jace tries to peer around me.
“What’s it say?”
I push him away. “It takes a few minutes. Chill out.”
“Can you take another now?”
I glare at him. “I’m sorry but I don’t possess that much urine in my body. Sorry to disappoint you.”
“Hey, there’s still my soda idea,” he suggests.
“Which is an awful idea,” I add.
“I’m nervous,” he admits, grabbing my hips and tugging me to him so our bodies are flush.
“Me too. It’s so soon.”
“It’ll be okay.”
“You can’t know that,” I remind him. “Besides, it might not even be positive,” I remind him, though in my gut I know it is. “It should be ready now,” I mumble. Looking up at him I add, “Can you look first?”
“Are you sure?” He hesitates.
I nod.
He lets go of me and steps around me to grab the test. He squints at it, and then looks at the box to confirm.
“What’s it say?” I beg, my emotions torn. On one hand, I’m scared to death for it to be positive, on the other I’m afraid it’s going to be negative and I know I’d be crushed.
He smiles slowly. “It’s positive.”
“It’s positive?” I ask, tears rushing to my eyes.
“It’s positive,” he confirms.
“Oh, my God,” I cry, throwing my arms around him.
He squeezes me back, burying his head into the crook of my neck.
He lets go and takes my face between his hands. “I know this journey is going to be hard after what we’ve been through, so fucking hard, but don’t keep your worries and doubts and fears to yourself. I’m going to have them too, you know, and we need to talk about it.”
I nod. He’s right. I bite my lip and pause. “D-Do you think this is an insult to Beckett? This happening so soon?”
He shakes his head. “No, I don’t. If anything, I think he’s trying to tell us it’s okay to begin our lives again. He’s not going anywhere, he’s always with us. This doesn’t change that.”
I hug him, and he hugs me back, I don’t know how long we stand there but eventually both our cellphones start ringing incessantly and we have to let go.
I answer mine first. “Xander?”
“Hey—so, um, Thea’s water broke in the middle of the grocery store and we’re on the way to the hospital now. She wants everyone to be there to see the baby.”
“Sure,” I reply.
In the background, I hear Thea scream and then curse, “I hate you, Xander Kincaid! I hate you so fucking much! You knock me up again and I swear to God I’m going to kill you!”
I can’t help but laugh. “I can tell the contractions are in full force already.”
He sighs. “You have no idea.”
“We’ll meet you guys at the hospital,” I promise. “See you soon.”
I hang up and turn to Jace. “Is everything okay?” he asks.
I smile. “Looks like the baby is coming today.”
He whispers, “I don’t think the baby comes that fast, Nova.”
I smack his shoulder and he laughs. “Xander and Thea. The baby is coming.”
“I knew that.” He chuckles.
It doesn’t take us long to leave, and Sasha
glares at us as we go. She doesn’t like to be alone. She’s a pretty unusual cat.
We arrive at the hospital and dash into the waiting room. Cade and Rae are already there.
“Do you know anything?” I ask.
Rae shakes her head. “Nothing yet.”
Jace and I take a seat beside them and get comfortable.
“You guys look good,” Rae comments. “It’s nice to see you … normal.”
In those first months after we lost Beckett, I wasn’t present. I mean, I was here but I wasn’t here. Not in the mental sense. I don’t even remember seeing my friends, but I did, and from what I’ve come to learn, my behavior scared them.
I shut down. I didn’t want to live, and that was wrong of me. Beckett is gone, but I’m not, and I need to live my life fully and happy because he can’t. Shutting everyone away, hiding, losing my mind, all of it is an insult to his memory.
“Thanks,” I reply. “I’m getting there.”
I still have moments where the sadness feels like it’s going to suffocate me, but it doesn’t last.
Jace grabs my hand, entwining his fingers through mine. I look up at him, and he looks at me with such love in his eyes. I hate I ever doubted we could get through this together.
“I can’t believe Xander and Thea are going to have two kids,” Cade changes the subject, shaking his head.
Jace laughs. “I can’t either, and two girls at that. They’re going to have their hands full.”
“That’s for sure,” Rae pipes in. “At least they’re cute.”
“I think it’s good they’ll be close in age,” I add. “They’ll have a built-in play partner.”
At the clearing of a throat, we all look up and find Xander. “She’s here. Would you like to meet her?”
We don’t answer with words; we stand, and it’s answer enough.
We follow Xander down the hallway and to the room. It’s probably too many people to be in the room, but when have rules ever stopped us before?
Thea sits up in the bed, looking entirely too good to have just given birth. Her hair falls around her shoulders in soft curls, and her makeup has hardly budged. In her arms is a little pink bundle with a smattering of dark hair peeking out of the hat.
“That was a quick labor,” I tell her. “You’re amazing.”
She laughs. “No, not at all. I started having contractions last night and ignored them, so by the time my water broke in the store and we got here, it was almost time. I was too late for an epidural again.”
“So,” Cade starts, “what’s the kid’s name?”
Xander moves up beside Thea and kisses the side of her forehead. “Meet Xoey Tate Kincaid.”
“Xael, Xoey,” Cade sing-songs, “what’s next?”
“Nope. No. Not happening. No more,” Thea says adamantly.
Xander looks at us with a smirk and mouths, “She’ll change her mind.”
“Can I hold her?” I ask.
Thea looks at me tenderly and nods. “Of course.”
I step forward and gently take the baby from her. She’s small, her face scrunched up and her eyes swollen, but she’s perfect. A total doll.
“Seriously, though,” Cade breaks in with a serious tone, “when did we get old enough to be having kids?”
Thea glares at him. “You’re almost thirty. You’ve been old enough for a while. Get to work.”
He laughs and shakes his head, wrapping his arm around Rae’s waist. “What do you say, Sunshine? You ready to get to work yet?”
“Maybe,” she replies.
“Maybe,” he repeats. “I’ll take it.”
Xoey wiggles in my arms and slowly opens her eyes to look at me.
“Hi,” I say softly. “Aren’t you beautiful?”
She wiggles her nose and I take it to mean she knows. She’s so tiny and perfect. Holding her doesn’t pain me as much as I thought it would. In fact, I feel a sort of peace settle over me.
When one life ends, another begins.
As much as the end hurts, the beginning is always a miracle.
Jace
I watch Nova carefully from the corner of my eye as I drive her to her first doctor’s appointment.
I haven’t told her, since I don’t want to upset her, but I’m scared if something goes wrong she’s going to plummet worse than before.
Do I believe something is going to wrong again?
No. I definitely don’t.
But I still can’t shake the fear of what if.
I swear those two fucking words are the worst in the English language when paired together.
“What’s wrong?” Nova asks me.
“Nothing,” I reply automatically.
“Jace,” she warns. “We said we were going to be open with our feelings, remember? That includes any doubts you might be having.”
“I can’t hide anything from you, can I?”
“Nope.” She smiles blindingly at me.
I sigh, tightening my hand around the steering wheel. “I don’t think anything is going to go wrong this time, I really don’t, but … but I still have this fear something might and I’m going to lose you again.”
She shakes her head adamantly. “I was coming back to you before you came. Trust me, I realize what an idiot was, and I’m not going to make the same mistake again. I promise.”
My chest eases slightly. “Have you heard from Owen at all?” I haven’t asked about him, because frankly I haven’t wanted to know, but the thought of him is always there, prickling in the back of my mind like a pesky mosquito.
She shakes her head. “No, and I haven’t contacted him. I’m sure he’s angry with me, and I can’t blame him. What I did … going to him, I gave him false hope even though that was never my intention.” She looks away sadly.
“He’ll find his own person one day,” I tell her, reaching for her hand with my free one, “and when he does, he’ll realize what a fool he was for holding on so long when there was something else out there, greater, waiting for him.”
She nods and smiles back. “You’re right. All I want is for him to be happy like I am.”
“He will be, one day.”
We arrive at the doctor’s office and I park. Both of us sit still, staring at the building.
Nova’s the first to move. “We’re going to be late,” she warns.
She doesn’t sound worried, or stressed, but she could be hiding it, or maybe I’m doing enough of it for the both of us.
I get out and follow her inside, my heart racing.
My feeling that everything is going to be fine is suddenly gone once we’re inside the cheery yellow waiting room. My gut is screaming that they’re going to tell us something’s wrong, or not quite right. I feel shaky and sick.
I take a seat while Nova signs in.
She sits down beside me and looks me over. “Are you okay? You don’t look so good—you’re sweating.”
I wipe at my forehead. “I’m fine,” I respond.
“Don’t lie to me,” she says in a stern voice.
I groan and pinch the bridge of my nose. “Something feels different.”
“Different?” She repeats. “Different, how?”
“I don’t know,” I practically whine, swinging my hands desperately. “It just does.”
I fully expected her to the be one losing her mind in this place, not me, and yet I think I’m pretty close to being put in a straight jacket and sent away.
She grabs my hand. “Jace,” she says softly, “we haven’t even made it to the room yet. Breathe.”
The fact she’s the one comforting me is almost comical.
But at least one of us is level-headed.
When her name is called I feel like throwing her over my shoulder and dragging her from here. We don’t need any more disappointment in our life.
I don’t do that, though. Instead, I follow Nova as the nurse leads us back to a room.
While Nova gets undressed I sit in the corner, my leg moving up and down restl
essly.
I want my optimism back. Where the fuck did it go? It’s like I dropped it somewhere.
Nova hops up on the exam table. “Chill, Jace.”
“I can’t help it,” I bite out through my teeth, resting my elbows on my knees and crossing my hands in front of my face in a praying motion.
“As much as your behavior is uncharacteristic, I’m secretly glad you don’t have your shit together like I thought.” She grins at me, her legs swishing back and forth.
I glare at her. “I’m glad one of us is enjoying this.”
The door opens and Dr. Illias walks in. She gives us a kind smile. “I have to say, I’m surprised to see you two, but extremely happy. How have you been?”
Nova looks at me and then back at the doctor. “It’s been a rough couple of months, but we’re much better.”
“I’m glad to hear that.”
She washes her hands and sits down on her stool.
“Ready to take a look?”
Nova nods and lies back. She turns her head and looks at me, reaching out her hand for mine. I give it to her immediately and she holds on tight, letting out a deep breath. It looks like she’s more nervous than she’s letting on.
I scoot closer as the doctor gets everything ready.
I hold my breath, and a moment later an image pops up on the screen.
I stare at it, blinking, trying to figure out what I see.
“This doesn’t look right.” Panic rings in my voice. “Something’s wrong.” Apparently, my gut was ahead of the game.
Nova looks at me, worried now. “Is something wrong? What’s going on?”
Dr. Illias laughs. “Stop jumping to conclusions, everything is fine, in fact it’s perfect.”
I shake my head. “Something’s off about it. You’re lying. Tell us like it is.”
“No,” she laughs again. “I’m serious. This is a beautiful ultrasound.” She points at the screen. “See there, that’s baby number one, and there is baby number two.”
Silence.
I look at Nova, she looks at me, and then we both look at the doctor.
“Excuse me,” I start, clearing my throat, “what do you mean, baby number one and baby number two?”
She looks at me completely amused. “Exactly what it sounds like—you’re having twins.”
“Oh, my God.” Nova bursts into tears and I have no idea whether they’re happy or sad. All I feel is shock.
Broken Hearts (Light in the Dark Book 5) Page 21
