“I’m not worried about Wolfe.” His body heat lashed from behind and pulled her in. The delicious scent of musk and spice surrounded her. Julietta walked faster to gain more space. “I’m more worried about what’s going through that mind of yours.”
She focused on straightening various knickknacks and photos on the antique chest until they were in a perfect line.
“Nothing we should discuss at the moment.”
“I disagree. Considering my dick was deep inside of you less than twelve hours ago, I think I deserve to know your thoughts.”
She stopped and whirled around. He’d moved in like a silent predator, and her body softened into a pool of goo.
She would’ve given money to be able to claim frigidity now.
Her ice queen status was officially trumped by a constant stream of horniness that annoyed the hell out of her. She clung to the annoyance and tried to ignore the hormones.
“Don’t say things like that,” Julietta hissed. “We’re in my mother’s house.”
“Who’s not about to overhear us at the moment. you’re trying to rationalize this thing between us, aren’t you?”
She hated his astuteness. Why did he have to look so hot all the time? Narrowly cut black pants showed off all his assets, and his taupe shirt accented the gold gleam in his eyes. His hair was perfectly tousled for that right-out-of-bed look and smelled freshly washed. Her fingers curled in rebellion. She ached to drag him close and feel that delicious mouth move over hers. Taste his scent that got her drunk. Instead, she needed to have a logical conversation about not sleeping with him again. “I don’t think we should continue seeing each other.”
“I disagree.”
Her mouth hung open. “I just told you this—this thing between us needs to end.”
His lips tightened. “And I said no.”
Frustration snapped her nerves. Why couldn’t he just go away like most men who got rejected? “Well, too bad. our verbal contract is over. you won. We need to concentrate on Purity and getting ready. Let’s agree it’s been a lovely experience, shake hands, and move on.”
He tipped his head back and laughed. Julietta glowered.
“oh, you’re good. Lovely experience, huh? Shake hands?”
He moved so fast she had no time to fight. He yanked her hard against him and devoured her mouth in a kiss so car-nal, so outrageous, her toes curled in her boots and her nipples stabbed into hard points and she moaned helplessly beneath the deep strokes of his tongue. Sawyer ripped his mouth away and breathed hard. “Who do you think I am— one of your lackeys? Do you really believe you can control this thing between us by declaring it over?” Lust and greed and want carved out the features of his face. Julietta stared back at him, fascinated by the raw emotions. “I say no. I’m not going to pretend to shake your hand when I’d rather push my fingers between your legs and make you come. I’m not smiling politely when I’d rather kiss you senseless and force you to confront the woman you are.”
She pushed at his chest, but he didn’t budge. “I know exactly who I am,” she whispered furiously. “A grown woman who makes her own decisions based on logic. A few orgasms between us isn’t enough to risk this deal or my sanity.”
“Tough shit,” he sneered. “I’m not going anywhere, and I don’t play by the rules. you want to sleep chaste and alone in your own bed, fine. But I’ll be flanking your side every day, reminding you of what I can give. I don’t walk away from something because it’s messy and real, baby.”
“oh, yeah? Then what else are you willing to give, Sawyer?” She raised herself on tiptoes and got in his face.
“When the vibrators and the handcuffs and the blindfolds are done, what do you have left to give me? you already said there’s no long-term relationship possible. So don’t give me this crap about you getting messy and real. Baby.”
He released her and staggered back a step in shock.
Julietta pressed her knuckles to her mouth. Had she challenged him to make this a real relationship? Was that what she really wanted?
She had no time to analyze. A noise interrupted the shattering silence.
Mama Conte stood in the doorway with Wolfe. “We are all set now.”
Julietta pulled herself together and pasted on a bright smile. “Great. Let me grab the coats and my purse and we’ll head out.” Sawyer didn’t speak, but followed her lead as they got their belongings and said good-bye. She hugged her mother tight, taking strength from the firm arms around her, and breathed in the comforting scent of home.
“Take care, sweet girl.” Mama Conte stroked her cheek, her gaze sweeping over her face as if trying to find out what troubled her.
“Love you, Mama.”
Wolfe stopped in front of her mother with a strange look on his face. With slow, hesitant motions, he reached out and gave her a half hug, before jerking back with an awkward motion. With a dignity way past his years, he spoke. “Thank you for inviting me into your home, Mama Conte. Thank you—for everything.”
Julietta bit her lip as a tide of emotion overtook her.
Her mother smiled and stroked the boy’s cheek. “you are welcome. you come every Sunday now with Sawyer.”
Wolfe nodded. Julietta stumbled out the door and gave a quick wave to Sawyer and Wolfe before starting her car. Like the demons pitched fiery forks at her heels, she gripped the wheel, imagined her bike, and stamped on the accelerator.
She refused to analyze the complete mess of the evening. Tomorrow she’d wake up stronger and ready to face the day. Julietta snapped the radio to a local station, cranked up the volume, and headed home.
…
Sawyer sat in the dark and tried to figure out what was wrong with him.
The whole way home he hadn’t spoken. Wolfe seemed to be on the same level and contented himself with staring out the window. Something had changed tonight, and he wasn’t sure what to do.
The moment Julietta had tried to push him away, he’d gone nuts. Her cool demeanor had challenged him to prove their connection and caused a deep-seated panic he’d never experienced before. He only knew he wasn’t ready to give her up. Not yet.
Sawyer figured she’d gotten spooked. Unfortunately, he hadn’t helped matters much by acting all caveman, and she’d tossed out the relationship card. Did she want something more permanent between them? Was sex getting mixed up with real feelings?
He had nothing to base it on. He’d never wanted a woman longer than a few nights. Never craved to go deeper than the physical needs of the evening. He enjoyed being in control and bestowing pleasure. But something was different with Julietta, and he didn’t know what to do.
He stared at the painting on the wall. A couple entwined on a bed. The man’s foot snaked between her open legs, his bare back blocking the onlookers’ full view. Shadow darkened the room and highlighted parts of her anatomy.
The curve of hip. The stiff peak of her nipple. The spill of dark hair over her shoulders. The woman’s face filled with a naked longing as she stared at her lover. In its complete stripping down of complex emotions to only lust and need, Sawyer touched peace. He’d always loved erotic art. For a little while, when he stared at a good piece, he was trans-ported to a place he could actually imagine and touch something real. Something he rarely felt in a good sense.
Watching Julietta in her home with her mother soothed his soul. His meals consisted of eating alone at formal restaurants, drive-thrus, or his desk. Sharing a meal forged an intimacy between them that fascinated him.
But, of course, it could never work.
He remembered the night he’d first met Mama Conte.
God, he’d been so young and green, full of raw fury and ambition he’d barely been able to restrain himself. He’d fought viciously for the opportunity of an internship to work at the Plaza hotel in New york, and his boss was the biggest asshole on the planet. reminded him of his foster father—a bunch of mean dressed in a fancy suit with money to protect him. robin had hated Sawyer on sight and mad
e his days as hellish as possible, blaming him for things that went wrong and taking credit for everything right. Still, when he got to accompany robin to Milan on a deal, he felt as if he hit the big time. Boarding a plane, learning Italian, and getting an official passport made him feel alive. Not a ghost in society, but a man who had possibilities. Until that night.
Sawyer had made an impression on the client. His big mistake had been giving out his card in hopes of working with the guy in the future. robin didn’t seem to relish the idea of his apprentice getting ahead of him. When they both hit the bar for a celebratory drink, robin began verbally abusing him. As his voice and fury rose, Sawyer snapped, then fought back.
And got fired.
Sawyer squeezed his eyes shut as the memory cut deep.
The terror at being stranded in Italy, jobless, and having to start over. The humiliation of having everyone in the lounge stare at him, shaking their heads with pity for the poor kid.
Sawyer was dragged back to his past.
Robin stayed at the bar drinking heavily. The plan took root as Sawyer watched him make a pass at an exquisitely dressed woman beside him. Sawyer knew she was a prosti-tute, and as his former boss became louder and more aggressive, he made a decision.
He left the bar. It was easy to buy the video camera. Even easier to make a deal with the hooker for the footage necessary to blackmail and ruin his boss. Sawyer watched the scene play out from the sidelines as Robin staggered and the woman took out her room key, leading him away. She nodded at Sawyer and held up a hand.
Five minutes.
He got up to nurse his beer at the bar while he waited.
And heard the voice.
“He probably deserves it, you know.”
His head swiveled. The woman beside him was dressed in pewter slacks and a charcoal cardigan, and had beautiful, long gray hair twisted up in a bun. The lines of her face were full of humor and grace, and her dark eyes were kind as she stared back at him.
“Scusi?”
The woman smiled and ordered a glass of Chardonnay from the bartender. “I was eating with my friend and over-heard the scene. He is your boss, no?”
Sawyer drummed his fingers on the wood top and glanced at his watch. Four minutes. “He was my boss. Got fired.”
She sighed. “Many people use power for the wrong things. What business are you in?”
“Hotels. We were meeting a client here, but I guess I was a bit too successful.” The hate and bitterness twisted inside him and made him nauseous. Sawyer pushed his beer away.
“Not sure why I thought it would be different,” he murmured to himself. “I was stupid to play by the rules.”
“No. You were brave. Believing in something good is the only thing that can hold us together.”
He paused and studied her. She smelled of sugar and cakes and sweetness. What was her game? His fingers slipped to the small bag that held the camera. He gripped it more firmly and took a swig of beer. Three minutes. “Trust me, I don’t live in the world of the fantastic. You need to protect yourself by using any means necessary. Only the strong survive.”
Suddenly, her hand grasped his wrist. His first reaction was to jerk away—he couldn’t stand anyone touching him without warning—but her skin was warm and her gaze steady as she looked at him. Not just on the surface, but down deep using those brown eyes, so Sawyer sensed she saw every one of his writhing, twisted demons. “Life is more than surviving, don’t you think? Life is about choices. Hard ones. There is something bigger than us out there, something called karma.
Every good deed goes back into the universe, and every bad one reaps retribution. Maybe not here on Earth, but later.”
He shook from a sudden onslaught of emotion. Sawyer sneered in mockery from the slight softening. “Bullshit, lady.
There is no hereafter, and happiness here means money, power, and taking what you want.”
Her smile was gentle and full of so much wisdom he sucked in his breath. “You’re wrong. I know what you want to do, and I don’t blame you. No one could. An eye for an eye seems appropriate. But you’ll only wake up emptier and needing more hate to fill you.” Her fingers tightened around his sudden hammering pulse. “I’m asking you to choose different. Today. Choose to walk away from this, and everything may change.”
Fear shook him like a teething puppy with a new bone.
“Who are you? You don’t know me, or him. You don’t know anything.”
“I know I see something in you that’s so much more than this.” Her grip eased, and she drew some euros from her purse and pushed them across the bar. Then carefully placed a business card next to him. “I’d like to help you. I know someone who runs a well-known hotel, and I think you’d fit in nicely. But you need to decide what you want more.”
Sawyer scoffed at the card that held the name La Dolce Famiglia with a delicate cake sketched on the front. A fucking bakery? A crazy laugh strangled his chest. He was ready to film a porno with a hooker and blackmail his boss. He lived in the garbage because that was what he knew was true.
Any attempt for anything real or clean would only disappoint him. And Sawyer had learned his lesson well.
Hope was deadly.
“Sure, lady. Whatever.” He tucked her card into his suit jacket to get rid of her. “Thanks for the offer.”
She closed her eyes briefly, as if he was her son and had let her down. When she opened them, her brown eyes gleamed clear and bright and sharp as the edge of a broken bottle. “I know you don’t believe me. I probably wouldn’t either. Still, the Lord gives us choices every day, and each tiny one makes up the framework of our life. This doesn’t guarantee terrible things don’t happen to good people. Innocent people.” A sadness clung to her like a cloud of perfume. “Your future can be changed by one decision. One good thing can offset a mountain of bad. But you need to choose.”
She picked up her wine and nodded her head with a grace that made him long for something beautiful in his life.
“Thank you for listening.”
The woman disappeared out of the bar as if she had been conjured up by some weird sorcerer from Harry fucking Potter. Sawyer glanced at his watch and pushed the strange encounter from his mind.
Showtime.
He drained his beer, paid, and took the elevator up to the eleventh floor. The key card to room 117 burned in his grip. He checked the hall and made sure all was quiet. No maid or foot traffic yet. Saywer hefted the camera and fiddled with the buttons, making sure he was ready to film the movie of his life. Finally. His first step of vengeance, even sweeter than beating the shit out of the boys who tried to jump him in the alley he called home or stealing from rich pricks who spent their endless amounts of money on coffee and designer clothes and fancy women.
He slid the key in the door and waited for the click.
The light blinked. Sawyer paused.
The image of Danny ripped past his vision. Of a little boy who looked up to him, who believed he was strong enough to protect him from the demons and keep him safe. His failure rose up to mock him, and years of bullshit and pain raged within his gut. His fingers trembled and he choked on nausea.
This would be his life. A life of no rules, no limits, just an endless spiral of emptiness. Panic reared, and he shook as if in a fever, his breath lodged in his icy chest.
The faint sounds of laughter drifted from behind the door.
A slurred insult. The sound of spanking and a low moan.
Sawyer knew he’d open the door to a scene from porn heaven.
He’d get his job back, get Robin fired, and never look back.
His past blurred into the present, the future. The woman’s words seared his brain until a bright light exploded in his vision.
One choice stood before him, clear and true, with precise consequences.
The other loomed ahead, fogged in mystery, ready to knock him back on his ass for taking a chance.
“oh, yes, baby, just like that, oh, feels good!”
<
br /> Sawyer staggered back from the door and fought for breath. In a drunken stupor, he moved down the hallway and shot down the stairs, running faster and faster away from the demons. He burst through the doors, into the lobby, and out to the sidewalk, dragging in clean air, losing himself in the crowd of people busily shuffling past him with the goal of work, pleasure, family, food, life.
He didn’t know how long or how far he walked. Minutes.
Hours. Finally, he took out the card and studied the address.
He took a taxi, then the funicular into Bergamo, and finally reached the house. His hand shook as he raised it to knock.
The door swung open, and the woman from the bar looked at him.
“I didn’t do it.” His breath rushed out of his lungs. A strange sob rose to his lips. “I didn’t do it.”
The woman’s voice was wrapped in a loving strength promising safe haven. Promising something Sawyer didn’t believe existed. “I am so proud of you. What is your name?”
“Sawyer Wells.”
“Come inside, Sawyer Wells. We will talk. It will all be all right.”
He stepped inside and his life changed.
The memory shimmered and disappeared like wisps of smoke. He was betraying a woman he loved. If Julietta had any feelings for him other than sexual, he’d destroy her and hurt Mama Conte. Julietta was a woman with character, strength, purpose. She was loyal to her family and walked in the light. Deep down, he’d never be enough for her, and the longer they spent together, the more dangerous the outcome. Better to allow Julietta the distance she desperately craved. She deserved a man who was whole and could give her the kind of life she deserved.
Marriage. Babies. A full heart. Not someone who had nothing else to offer her other than good intentions and endless nights of sex.
No, he needed to end it now. Go back to the standard working relationship and be happy with memories.
His gut burned like acid.
“What are you doing?”
Sawyer jerked his head around. Wolfe stood in the doorway in a long-sleeved Nike shirt and boxers. His crazy hair stood straight up at wacky angles. “Nothing.” Sawyer’s voice was empty, as devoid of emotion as his own pathetic soul. “Go back to bed.” He was about to turn away when he caught the look in the boy’s eyes.
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