She hated it.
Footsteps echoed behind her and she pushed the thought aside. Julietta turned and caught his profile. The sunlight poured over him, accenting the clean slash of his scar and bathing his features in golden warmth. With the graceful precision that was part of his core, Sawyer walked through each room and studied the final layout.
She bit her lip. “What do you think? Anything can be changed. We’ll have to commute a bit to work, but this area completely charmed me.”
He stopped in front of the glass doors leading to the terrace. Stone floors led to an extensive garden with a small lagoon pool. Julietta imagined working on her laptop and sipping espresso in the quiet space as the sound of gurgling water soothed her.
“It’s beautiful.”
His husky voice rippled across her ears in a caress.
relief poured through her, and a smile curved her lips. “I’m glad you like it. There’s a whole extra wing I thought Wolfe could make good use of. It’s like his own apartment, but not so separate he can disappear for days without us noticing.”
He flinched as if in pain. “What’s wrong?”
“I didn’t specifically talk about living arrangements with Wolfe.”
She frowned. “He knows we’re getting married. Where else would he go?”
Sawyer shifted his feet. “My old place. I don’t think he wants to live with us. even though he has no idea about our situation, he assumes we’re honeymooners. It will make him uncomfortable.”
“What type of conversation did you have with him?”
“General stuff. That we decided to get married because we’re a good fit. Told him his position in the company was unchanged and we’d continue like we have been. He never asked about where we’d live, so I didn’t bring it up.”
Julietta watched his sudden discomfort and shifted through the possibilities. “you’re afraid to talk with him, aren’t you?”
“What do you mean? We’ve shared space for a while now. We talk every day.”
She shook her head. “No, not really. you talk about work. That’s it. Listen to your own words—you share space.
I think you’re afraid to delve any deeper in case you upset him. As long as you keep it light and uncomplicated, he’ll stay.” Her gut lurched with pain for him and the boy he’d taken under his care. Her voice softened. “Sawyer, he needs to know you want him. I see the way he looks at you. Wolfe would never ask, but he’s looking for your approval. If he thinks he’s in the way, he’ll chew off his own hand to get away. He’ll refuse to be a burden on anyone.”
Sawyer spun around and glared. “of course he’s no burden. you don’t know how it is for kids like him. They’ve been kicked in the teeth and emotionally tortured. I never want him to believe he’s trapped or owes me to stay. If I keep it light, he won’t feel any pressure. I just want him to be safe. Try to protect him.”
Another layer peeled off before her. Julietta stared at the man who was about to become her husband and wondered if she’d ever be safe from him. His sexual appeal was magnetic but something she could fight. His determination to protect Wolfe snuck past every defense. He loved Wolfe, but he didn’t know how to communicate or deal with it.
Julietta realized he didn’t know how to care about another person in a permanent way. His past told him commitments ended in pain. God knows what he’d gone through, but she had to show him a different path. Prove in some way that there was so much more for him if he only opened up.
Sawyer deserved it. Wolfe deserved it.
She fought the need to hold him and stood still. “I’m not going to pretend to have the same kind of background, to experience the type of pain you both went through. But I do know he’s a nineteen-year-old kid who needs something he can cling to. Something solid. He needs you, Sawyer.”
He jerked as if slapped. “I’m doing the best I can,” he growled. “Jesus, why are you pushing him? If he wants his own space, I can’t blame him. He can’t be forced into an uncomfortable situation.”
Sensing she neared a dangerous precipice, Julietta listened to her gut and pushed. Her heels snapped as she closed the distance and stood before him. Chin up, she got in his face and challenged him. “He needs the exact op-posite right now. Giving him space means you don’t give a shit about him. Letting him work things out in his own time translates that you don’t want to be bothered. Are you that much of a coward? Do you only want to do half of the work to help him and then scurry away because it gets too messy?
you got him off the street and gave him a job. But the moment emotion is involved, you freeze up and deny it’s even there. or is that something you just want to accuse me of?”
Stunned recognition filled tiger gold eyes. Something seemed to break inside him, a memory that drove him to lose control and slip into the wild, animalistic persona always shimmering beyond his surface. He gritted his teeth.
“you think a hug and heart-to-heart chat can fix what’s wrong with us? We’re way past that, baby. It’s a fucking miracle he doesn’t jump anymore when someone touches him, let alone share some fun memories. How about the nights spent on the street in freezing temperatures under dirty newspapers and smelling like shit? Fighting over a half-eaten hot dog in the garbage? Watching a kid get the shit beaten out of him and not lifting a finger to help?” The darkness rose up and claimed him. His body shuddered and she knew it wasn’t about Wolfe any longer, but his own dreadful past rearing up. “Whenever I tried to protect someone, I made it worse. I learned to step back and not get involved, because it was safer for everyone.”
“Not now,” she said firmly. Julietta grabbed his hands and squeezed. He stared at her with eyes half focused.
“That was before, because you needed to survive. Now you need to live, Sawyer, and so does Wolfe. you need to give him more of yourself even though you’re scared. Wolfe has a chance because you got to him in time. Do you under-stand?”
“What if I make it worse? I don’t want him to . . . leave.”
Her heart shattered, and she stepped into his arms.
Laying her head on his chest, she buried herself deep in his warmth and bled for the little boy who never had anyone to help him. He responded to the embrace and hugged her back hard and clung. “He doesn’t want to leave you,” she whispered. “He just needs to know you’ll fight for him. That you care enough and that he’s not a charity project you pick up and play with.”
Silence fell between them. Julietta stayed in his arms for a long time and let her words sink in. When his heart stopped hammering, and his grip relaxed, she eased out of the embrace. His gaze probed her face, searching for something she was terrified of. “Why do you care so much?” he asked.
She took a shaky breath. “Because I see him in you.”
Julietta turned and took a few steps back. Waited for him to grab her and challenge the statement. Push her to cop to the emotion like he did all those hours in the bedroom, wringing out every honest response her physical and emotional body hid from him. But he said nothing. Disappointment flooded her, but she told herself it was a good thing. Better to keep the relationship on neutral ground or they might destroy each other. “We’d better go. I have a meeting at noon.”
He followed her out in silence.
…
Sawyer rapped on the door and tried to ignore his sweaty palms. Un-fucking-believable. He’d gotten dragged into pa-rental hell without the benefit of any previous experience.
But Julietta was right. Time to grow some balls and take control of this situation.
The kid opened the door. “I’ll take one of those meat-ball subs.”
Sawyer snorted. “I’m not here to take your dinner order, smart-ass. I have leftovers from yesterday we can heat up.”
“Cool. What’s up?”
Wolfe wore one of his usual long-sleeved cotton shirts, a pair of jeans, and white sport socks. His headset fell around his neck, and the echo of some loud type of rock music pinged in the air. The crazy spikes of his
hair were damp and soft, falling into thick curls that told Sawyer the kid had once had a nice set of locks before he decided to torture them. “I wanted to talk for a minute.”
A wall dropped between them. The easy manner disappeared, and a gleam of resolution pierced through tur-quoise eyes. “Sure. Umm, listen, I was gonna say this to you later, but I figured you had a lot going on with the wedding.
I’m heading out.”
Sawyer moved into the room, causing Wolfe to back up. Dread settled in his stomach, but he kept his tone light.
“Heading out where?”
Wolfe shifted his feet. “you’re getting hitched, and I’ve got itchy feet. Figure I’ll help you finish out this deal and move on. Maybe back to New york.”
“you don’t like working for me anymore?”
“No, I like it. Let’s be honest, man. We never spoke long-term arrangements here. I’ve been saving my money for a while, and I think I can support myself now. After all, you paid me a great salary. you’ve helped me a lot, and it’s time to get on with your life. Do you think you could give me a recommendation? If you want to, of course.”
Sawyer took a deep breath. His nightmare was coming true. Perhaps Julietta was right. Behind Wolfe’s blank ex-pression, a glimmer of misery and anxiety shone in his eyes.
He’d normally agree with Wolfe in an effort to make him happy, let him carve his own path in life. But Sawyer realized he was just a kid who had no direction. No one cared enough to ask him to stay.
He was taken back to that night in a flash.
“Please don’t go, Sawyer.” Danny’s face was full of fury, pleading, rebellion. It was dark, and a sliver of moonlight leaked from the broken blinds and played upon the mattresses. “I’m coming with you.”
He stuffed the few clothes and belongings he had in the bag and kept his head averted. He was afraid to leave Danny alone with Asshole, but the sooner he got out, got a job and a place to stay, he could come back and get him. If he stayed here, his foster father could still use Danny as leverage. If he left, maybe the kid would fall off the old man’s radar and he’d get some peace.
The plan was simple. Get out, get successful, and save Danny. Then go to the authorities and nail the son of a bitch.
His time had finally come.
He reached out and squeezed the boy’s shoulder. The sharp thrust of bone met his palm. Sawyer ignored his foster brother’s trembling lower lip and forced a smile. “Listen, dude, it’s going to be all right. I’ll get a job and come back for you, and we’ll leave this shithole behind. In the meantime, keep low. Don’t push him, and when he drinks, lock yourself in the bathroom; there’re weapons in there in case you need them.”
“Okay.”
The flat acceptance told him Danny didn’t believe him.
When he left, he swore he’d make it right, but a few months later, his opportunity was gone for good.
Sawyer stared at the boy before him, the past and pres-ent mingling in a strange psychedelic haze. He’d failed Danny. If he let Wolfe walk away without a fight, he’d never forgive himself. Something deep inside him broke open and oozed out in a big mess he usually refused to deal with. His instincts screamed for him to run away and not look back.
Instead, he crossed his arms in front of his chest and stared hard at the boy.
“I don’t want you to go.”
Wolfe jerked. ran a hand through those damp curls. “I told you I’d stay to finish the deal.”
“I’m not talking about the deal. I’m talking about you.”
He took a ragged breath and tried to say the words. “you do an incredible job for me with Purity. When I first took you in, I just wanted to show you another way to go. I was your age and barely surviving when a guy did me a favor and helped me. Changed my whole future. That’s what I originally wanted for you, but I never thought about how long you’d stay or what would occur. I never say it because I suck at mushy crap. But I got attached. I like having you around. I like the man you’re becoming. And I don’t want you to leave.”
The vulnerability of exposing himself made him want to bolt for the door, but he forced himself to stand still. The shock on Wolfe’s face was almost worth it. His mouth hung open in an almost comical way before he realized it and snapped his lips closed. “But—but you’re getting married.”
Sawyer shrugged. “So what? Julietta wants you to come live with us, too. We got a big-assed mansion where you can have plenty of space and privacy. Plus Julietta cooks.
And we get to go to Mama Conte’s house on Sundays if we want. No maid, though, and I have a feeling women get pissy about that sort of thing, so you’ll need to be neater.”
The boy bit at his cuticle in the nervous gesture Sawyer noted meant he was thinking hard. “I don’t want to get in the way. Don’t want to be a charity case.”
His voice flicked like a lash. “Don’t say that. you’re no charity case to me, damnit. I care about you. I think you’re an awesome kid, and I want you to stay.” He paused.
“Please.”
Sawyer caught the gleam of delight in the boy’s bright blue eyes at the admission. Finally, he had done something right. “okay.”
Sawyer grinned. He had won. “Get your crap packed, because it has to be done by Saturday. And you’re coming to the wedding. We’ll have dinner afterward and then go to the new digs.”
“No honeymoon?”
“Nah, too much work. Are we good?”
Joy bloomed when Wolfe slowly nodded. A banked relief carved out the features of his face. For a crazy moment, he ached to give the boy a hug, but he kept his reaction muted, sensing it would be too much emotion for both of them to handle at the moment.
“okay. We’re good.”
“Cool.” Sawyer walked out of the room, shut the door, and leaned against it in relief. once again, his ice queen had been right. He hadn’t wanted to delve into the snake pit with Wolfe, but it had been worth it. He wanted him in his life for the long term and if Julietta hadn’t challenged him, the boy would be walking away and leaving them both unhappy.
He wondered what other type of surprises his wife-to-be had in store for him.
The dominant part of his makeup roared to shove past both of their barriers and take her to bed. once he put his hands on her, she would melt and allow herself to give up control. But after only two nights, he already craved more.
Going into a marriage with a woman who threatened his sanity wasn’t smart. How would he handle the intimacy of seeing her on a daily basis? Sharing meals? evenings? He needed time to find his balance, and that meant no sex. For now. Companionship. Work. Simple rules. Simple emotions.
As long as she never wanted more from him.
Two years. He needed to bear down and last two years before he’d be able to walk away, knowing his promise was technically fulfilled. He wondered what it would be like to be a real husband to her, to build a life with children and family and fullness. But the empty place inside him was too cold, an endless landscape of Arctic ice.
yes. It was too late for him.
He accepted the fact and trudged into his bedroom.
Chapter Thirteen
Julietta gazed down at the diamond on her finger. Three carats, princess cut, flawless in clarity. The setting was platinum gold with no other diamonds fighting to compete.
Her husband knew her taste well—simplicity and elegance.
Too bad he wasn’t real.
The ceremony was exactly what she’d wanted. Thank goodness Venezia and Dominick were in London for business. She wanted no family members there to witness the sham occurring before a Catholic priest. She’d always dreamed of getting married in Colleoni Chapel with its famous rose window showing off the flanked carved medal-lions of Caesar and Trajan. The intricate detail and intimacy of the small church in Bergamo provided the perfect back-drop. Her elegant Rivini wedding dress was exquisite with detail, from the tightly fitted strapless bodice to the spill of chiffon of the fuller skirt, fluid with mov
ement in a deep creamy white color. The diamond combs held her hair up in a classic upsweep and flashed bright within her dark hair.
Her shoes were custom-made, with encrusted diamonds over the four-inches heel and toe, playing a game of hide-and-go-peek as she walked down the aisle.
When she moved to the high altar, the rich murals and frescoes etched on the walls exploded with images of color and sacredness. Her mother and Wolfe stood by their sides as light streamed through the stained-glass window and Julietta waited to see if God would send down a thunderbolt in a sign that this marriage was doomed.
Instead, the day was mild and spring warm, and the singer lent a haunting note of beauty as she sang, her voice along with the organ’s chords lifting and echoing toward the arched dome ceiling and stirring emotion Julietta refused to recognize. Her mother beamed with pride and a satisfaction that ripped at Julietta’s heart. When she recited her vows, she wondered if her father’s spirit was finally pleased.
Unlike her sisters, she’d rarely dreamed about weddings and had never imagined walking down the aisle with anyone.
When she gazed into those shattering golden eyes, her heart lurched in a beautiful agony of need. The truth whispered deep inside her in mocking tones.
She wanted it to be real.
What would it feel like to be the woman Sawyer loved?
The one who opened up all those dark, dusty corners of his soul and let fresh, clean air blow through? He’d possess his mate with a fierceness and primitive air that no man could equal. But there was also a sweetness in his soul that called out to her. She remembered him bathing her so tenderly, the gentle touch of his finger across her cheek, the passionate way he’d ordered her never to demean herself.
The Marriage Merger mtab-4 Page 20
