by Carl Leckey
It is impossible to identify her particulars but I can’t help wondering, is she an OSCADA ship?
Mother brings me back to reality when out of the blue she says.
“Adam my dear Son, before we head south I believe now is the time for me to explain the circumstances that led to your birth and the reason you were abandoned in an orphanage.”
I move to a seat much closer until I am sitting directly opposite her.
My Mother is indeed a beautiful woman however her face reflects sadness as she begins to reveal her story.
“I was a young girl when my Mother and Father died. I am not sure of the circumstances but I do know they died within a week of each other.
I was in the care of an aged Aunt my only living relative when the General your Grand Father arrived in France. I don’t know the entire story behind it but I know some kind an oath was taken by your Great Grand Father and my Great Grand Father at the time of the battle of Waterloo. That is something I wish to investigate further when I return to France in the future. Maybe we can do this together?”
I don’t reply just a nod and she continues. “The General, with the consent of my Aunt took me home to England, at first for a holiday with his Daughter. The Aunt passed on soon after we left. To my knowledge I had no other relatives in France. Without hesitation the General and his Wife legally adopted me and brought me up as their own daughter. At first Emily resented me but gradually we became good friends.
Her Brother, your Father was about ten years older than Emily.
On the rare occasions he was home on leave from the army he tolerated Emily and I and treated us with distain. In fact we had very little contact with him. I know the servants disliked and feared him, particularly the young maids. Years went by I wanted for nothing and I led a fairy tale privileged life. Emily had gone off to Switzerland to a finishing school whilst I chose to remain at home. It was about this time the General engaged a new maid Millie your adopted Mother. She quickly became more than a maid she was my good friend and constant companion. It was close to my sixteenth birthday my tutor had gone home for Easter. My adopted Mother, the General’s second Wife.”
Surprised by this information I remark. “Oh I didn’t know that.”
Mother confides. “Yes that was another tragedy the poor General had to bear. Emily’s real Mother died giving birth to her. My poor Emily never had the opportunity to spend time with her Mother at least I had the love of my Mother until I was ten.“
I can’t help myself when I mutter cynically. “You were lucky then.”
The minute I said it I was sorry when I detect the hurt in Mothers face.
I reach over take her hand and apologise. She accepts my apology and wipes her eyes before continuing. “I believe this caused many of Emily’s problems it is as if she blames herself for her Mother’s death. Where was I? Oh! Yes my adopted Mother was ill at that time she had been admitted into the hospital in Dover. The General had word she had taken a turn for the worse he had to leave a few days previously to be by Mother. He wanted to be close to his Wife so he stayed in a hotel near to the hospital.
This left me alone in the house except for the servants.
After dinner I took a book to my room and was reading in bed when unexpectedly Major Carstairs your Father knocked on my bedroom door and called out to me. “Are you alright Angelique may I come in to wish you happy birthday. I have brought a nice present for you?”
He laughed when he said this I had an idea he was the worse for drink.
I called back. “It is not my birthday for a few days I am glad you are home you will be able to attend my birthday ball. I’ll see you in the morning I am already in bed.”
I watched in horror as the door opened he came into my room and sat on the bed by me. I could smell the liquor on his breath. He tried to hold my hand and then he demanded a kiss I refused and told him to leave immediately. He laughed took a flask from his pocket and drank some more. He tried to make me drink I declined.”
At this point the memories seemed to overwhelm Mother she began to cry softly. I sit beside her on the sofa and put my arms around her shoulders.
With a great effort she recovers and continues. “I have to carry on now Adam I must go on now I have begun. I won’t go into details but he forced himself onto me. Afterwards he appeared to sober up and regret what he had done he left the room without a word. Millie heard my screams and came to investigate. Without her comfort and understanding I could not have gone on. I didn’t know what to do or who to turn to. Emily was away in Switzerland, the General had enough on his plate to cope with Mother being so ill. Would Father believe me anyway if I told him that his dear Son had raped his Sister? Although I loved and trusted him completely I’m sorry to admit I had my doubts at that time although these proved to be groundless eventually.
I was terrified at being alone and persuaded Millie to stay with me at nights until the General returned.
I refused to leave my room in case he confronted me although Millie assured me he wasn’t in the house. When I did venture out of my room I didn’t see anything of your Father during the day.
I believed he had left and began to feel safe when on the fifth night he burst into my room he was drunk again. He accused me of having some kind of love affair with Millie. He tried to get into bed with us Millie fought him off and hit him with a warming pan. He stood at the door blood running down his face he looked so evil. I was terrified, he threatened that if I revealed what had occurred he would tell the General he found Millie and I making love together, that was the last I saw of him.
Mother died within a week, he didn’t attend the funeral. I learned he had been posted to Gibraltar at his own request. He wrote me letter after letter apologising for his behaviour and offering to marry me, he even sent a wedding ring.
Why would I consider marrying such an evil man and how could he have married his Sister anyway? I think he was off his head with remorse but I could not forgive him. By this time I was about two months pregnant and didn’t realise it, I had no knowledge of these things. It was when I received yet another letter from him saying he was coming home before being posted to India that Millie and I decided to run away rather than face him again. I stole some sovereigns from Father’s collection Millie sold some of them in Dover.
I took the pistol out of the display cabinet in case he caught up with us.
I tell you this Adam I would have shot him without hesitation. We made it to Millie’s home town of Birkenhead. Her Mother was in service as housekeeper to an old senile gentleman, he lived in a large house by Birkenhead Park. She took us in on the understanding we kept clear of the Gentleman. The house was big enough to hide us in the old servant’s quarters as there was only Millie’s Mother left to look after him. Months went by my pregnancy was becoming very obvious. I was in the garden one day when I bumped into the old gentleman.
I thought we were done for but he addressed me as Matilda and insisted I accompany him on his constitutional around the garden. Millie’s Mother told me that he thought I was his Wife who had died forty odd years ago.
From then on I went along with the charade and met him every day in the garden. It did no harm, it took the threat of being discovered from us and it certainly made the old man happy. In the meanwhile Millie obtained a live in position with Mrs Jones the Lady you know.
I was getting close to my time to have my baby when I decided to go for a walk around the park alone. That’s when I felt really ill. The next thing I knew was when I woke up in the hospital. A caring cab driver had picked me up and taken me to Saint Catherine’s. When they questioned me I couldn’t remember the address where I lived. As I was dressed in poor clothes bought second hand from the market they assumed I was a street waif. I knew I had given birth but when I asked for my child they told me the baby was still born.
I developed childbed fever I became delirious and had a break down. From then on it was a blur I had no idea of time, days or even weeks passed
by but it meant nothing to me. I was moved to the workhouse part of the hospital reserved for mental patients. I have no idea how long I was in there but I do know it was like hell on earth.
Then came the rescue with the help of the Pinketon detective agency. The General and Emily found me and took me back to St Margaret’s. They couldn’t understand why I fought like the devil to stay away from our home until they assured me your Father was in India with no likelihood of returning for years.
When I recovered sufficiently I tried to contact Millie through her Mother which was difficult because Millie could not read.
To make matters worse I didn’t know the address of Mrs Jones’s house.
I received no replies to my many letters and eventually gave up writing. One month led to two then years passed and I lost touch completely with my friend. I often wondered why she never tried to contact me again. It was only when I saw the note book Millie had dictated to Mrs Jones that I realised why I lost contact. While I was in hospital having you the old gentleman in whose house I lived in died suddenly. The house was left to one of his relatives. Unfortunately he did not require Millie’s Mothers service. She presumed I had run off anyway she wasn’t a very caring woman she retired and went to live with her Sister in Southport.
Millie assumed I didn’t want to have any more dealings with her.
I found out later thanks to the Detective agency she had married Mrs Jones’s coachman and they moved into a house in Vine Street owned by the good Lady, the same house she brought you up in. So there it is in a nutshell the whole sorry story. Imagine my surprise when after all those years first the brooch and pistol turned up, then the diary?”
I reply “To be honest Mother I did try to read the diary but you had written it in French and I couldn’t understand it. My Wife looked at it also but decided it was your private business and only read the first page. If only I had persevered I would have known at least half the story?”
Mother replied regretfully. “What a pity I wrote it in French I did so to conceal the contents from prying eyes I suppose. I never gave it a thought at the time as I spoke and read the two languages fluently.” I question her again. “So did you tell the General, and is Emily aware of what my Father did to you?” Mother answered as if she was ashamed of the next part of her life. “I did not say anything right away in fact I had decided to keep it to myself rather than upset them. It was when they questioned me about my pregnancy I had to tell them, in fact I showed them some of the letters he continued sending to the house in St Margaret’s after Millie and I ran away.
I hated doing it to the General and Emily but they insisted.
He immediately disowned his Son and warned him never to come near them again. He was completely cut off from his family the General stopped supporting him financially. This must have hit him hard as he spent lavishly on gambling and drink, his army pay could no way support his lifestyle.
It was soon after your Father received the Generals letter in India he ended his life, he died leaving a massive debt for the General to settle. The General was distraught he never recovered from the shock.
His health deteriorated, within six months he was dead, heartbroken I would say.”
When she finished relating the story I hug her close to me and say,
“Thank you Mother for telling me the reason why, Thank you for not abandoning me as I have always thought you had done. You have no idea what a difference this has made to me. You have suffered so much and I never knew what you had been through. I see now why the painting of my Father was slashed in the coach house. I hope I don’t inherit any of his evil ways.”
Mother hugs me back, wipes her eyes then replies in a businesslike manner, “Now that is out of the way let us discuss the future, or should I say our future. You said you would tell me why you have no children, of course except Mathew?”
“Whoa! Hang on Mother before we move on you haven’t told me everything. How did Millie find me in the orphanage and adopt me after eight years?” She retorts. “Adam you should read the note book Mrs Jones gave to me it explains everything.
She relents and goes on to say. “But I will outline it for you. Millie was employed in a sewing factory where she made friends with a woman.
It turned out the woman was an ex nun that had been involved with the orphanage. The good Lady tried her best to have things altered to no avail. She couldn’t stand the way the children were being treated she left the convent and the nursing order. Fortunately she was present when I was admitted to the hospital and she witnessed my subsequent transfer to the workhouse and the mental ward. Evidently when I was delirious I spoke in French she recalled that. At the time when my baby was taken away from me it appeared the proper thing to do as the doctors said I was unfit for Motherhood. The Lady told Millie the story and everything coincided with my disappearance. The rest is history, after a great deal of heart ache she finally adopted you.
At first Millie intended contacting me but I don’t think she could face parting with you as she had no children of her own.
I intercede excitedly. “Does Millie mention the name of the woman?
I ask you this because I recall there was a very kind nun a Sister Monique. She made life bearable for the kids, but suddenly she disappeared.”
Mother replies. “No I’m sorry she doesn’t name her Adam. But it was definitely through that good lady that Millie discovered you.”
I enquire. “I wonder if she is still alive I would like to find her and thank her for her kindness and for helping to rescue me from the awful place?”
Mother advises. “If she is still alive I am sure our Mr Pinketon could find her, he is a wizard at locating people as we both know.”
I make a mental note to do so. I assume I will be able to contact him on the telephone. I will contact him tomorrow before we leave. I ask her advice. “Right Mother it’s my turn I suppose. First of all what are we going to do about Pamela are we taking her to St Margaret’s with us? I like the girl and she is magic with young Mathew.
The reason I ask this is I think I will have to return to France on my own to break the news about Mathew to Denise. I don’t know how she will respond.
In the meanwhile we will need someone to look after the baby. I can’t see you and Emily suddenly becoming Motherly and doing all the things that go with having a young child can you? If you don’t agree I’m sure my pal Toot’s Wife will look after him until I sort things out, on second thoughts she has kids of her own to worry about.”
Mother replies with a smile. “An excellent idea Adam I was about to suggest it myself, I’m sure Emily will take to her as I have done.
I have already sounded Pamela out and she is very enthusiastic about coming with us.” Mother adds quickly. “Of course I have informed her I will have to consult you first of course.”
Was this time to ask her about the incident I witnessed when she kissed Emily in the car heading for Dover? What about some of the hints I have heard and their sexual preferences? On second thoughts I think I will leave that one alone I haven’t a clue how to approach her on this subject. What business is it of mine anyway I profess to be a free thinker who am I to judge?
Mother asks “Do you intend to tell me why you have no children. I have a feeling you are deliberately avoiding the subject my boy?”
This is the first time she has addressed me in this manner and it makes me smile. “Fair enough I must admit remembering what occurred causes me grief but as you have poured your heart to me then I will do the same to you Mother dear.”
It takes me about an hour to recount what occurred and why we will never have children of our own.
An embarrassed looking page boy arrives followed by the manager.
The boy presents a telegram on a silver salver.
The manager says. “I am sorry about this on behalf of the hotel Victoria I apologise if it has caused any inconvenience. Go on boy tell the gentleman what you did.”
The kid shuffles his f
eet and in a sobbing voice reveals. “I took the telegram to your room sir and left it. I shouldn’t have done it I should have found you and give it to you personally like. I am sorry sir.”
The manager says when he has finished talking. “Right boy go to my office I shall deal with you shortly. The manager apologises again he is about to leave when I ask. “What will happen to the boy?”
He replies. “He will be dismissed from his post immediately. We cannot have that kind of thing in this hotel Sir. Our reputation is based on excellent service and we mean to keep it intact.”
I reply with a question. “Is the boy normally a good worker?”
He answers slightly surprised by my question. “Yes he usually is Sir, but at the moment his mind is on other things of late namely that nurse maid of yours, as most of my male staff are.”
I smile. “Mr Gillon have you ever been in love yourself? Let’s not be too hard on the lad I could be considered the injured party and Pamela is a very pretty girl is she not? Lady Angelique and I would consider it a favour?” I look towards my Mother she nods and smiles.
I continue. “If you would give the lad a good telling off on this occasion and let him remain in his job” The manager looks confused for a moment then agrees. “So be it.” He says and leaves.
Mother remarks, “That was nice dear.” I reply with a sigh. “Ah! He’s only a lad I remember the day I first saw Denise, my knees turned to jelly I can tell you. I fell in love with her instantly. I do miss her Mother.” She reaches over and squeezes my hand. As I open the telegram I say to Mother. “Rank has its privileges doesn’t it?
Would Mr Gillon have taken any notice of me if.”
I didn’t finish the sentence as I digest the contents of the telegram I inadvertently exclaim the words. “Oh Lord!”
Mother enquires “Something the matter dear?”
I reply, “I think this telegram is for you Mother, the boy has made another mistake.”
I pass it over to her. As she reads the content, she also expresses the same sentiment.
