“That tattoo on your back, is it a literal tattoo or a figurative tattoo? Because I think it might be literal.”
“Which…which one? The phoenix…or the fallen angel?”
“I think you know which one.”
My heart started pounding. The urge to run kicked into overdrive. He knew. And the only reason he would know was because he was like me. Was he working for one of the sides that were at war? Would he turn me over to his boss, whoever that was? Was his whole family a front to blend in, so he could track people like me?
“Calm down!” he barked. I blinked at him stupidly. “Your heart is beating too fast, calm down!”
I ignored him. “You’re going to kill me, or turn me in to whoever you work for. Either way, I’m dead. Ellen is dead, because she knows too much. Who do you work for? It doesn’t matter. I’m dead. Why did you save me if you were only going to kill me? No, that doesn’t matter either. I’m dead.”
He moved along the bench then dropped down to his knees beside me. “I’m not going to kill you!”
“Why didn’t I see it sooner? You knew about me as soon as you saw me. That’s why you zeroed in on me and pretended to be my friend. You wanted to be certain I was like you. I knew you couldn’t just want to be my friend. You lied to me! And I trusted you! You have no idea how much it took for me to trust you!” Tears welled up in my eyes. “Please, don’t kill Ellen! I’ll go quietly if you don’t kill Ellen.”
“Damn it, Clare!”
“Is that why your ‘friends’ came by? To make sure you finished it? What’s your deal anyway? Do you lure people into trusting you then when you’re certain of them, you turn them over to the highest bidder? Are you a mercenary, or do you actually care about the people you kill?”
My voice cut off as he grabbed my arms, his hands like steel. I fought at first, scared for my life, scared for Ellen, not understanding what he was doing. He bent forward and kissed me roughly. Then the visions came, and I couldn’t fight anymore.
I saw the boy at a crossroad in his life. I saw the darkness he had inside him at war with the light. I saw the light winning as he was taught by his parents to love science, to love humanity, instead of playing the role of avenger for his murdered friend.
A man appeared next to Daniel, in a lab somewhere high. He was Native American with strong lines and a handsome, young face. He was patient as he taught Daniel the different elements on the periodic table and how to conduct experiments. There was love in his wise eyes as he looked down at the boy that was Daniel. The light was winning, yet the darkness lurked in the background – a constant presence that whispered to Daniel in the darkest parts of the night.
He got older and went through the tag-end years of adolescence. I saw his first love, a girl named Jocelyn. I saw the intense love he had for her, his complete adoration. She was beautiful and perfect, a blonde angel that made everything in his life brighter and more vivid.
I saw him reach his birthday, and I knew his fear. I watched him go through the change, which was very painful. His pain was my pain. The man and the woman stood by him as he changed from human to hybrid – understanding what was happening before he did – their kindness the only alleviation from the fear and harsh reality of what he was going through. He emerged different, changed. He was more now, but his heart felt like less. Jocelyn fell away, shunning him because of his difference, thinking him a demon – he had told her the truth, trusting in their love. I witnessed his broken heart when she left, never to return, breaking their secret engagement. I watched as he searched for an outlet from the pain, from the darkness. I saw countless women in his bed, women he did not, and could not, love. I saw men dead by his hand; men who were guilty of murder and rape. Men he had no pity for. I saw hours of study and learning as he searched for a way to feel again, hoping those before him had mastered a solution to heartbreak.
The scene abruptly changed from defined colors to blurry and uncertain. A vision of demons and men amassed against him on a great battlefield. Daniel wore antique armor, and as I watched, he raised a silver sword to the heavens with an ear shattering roar. The scene shifted again. A white rose fell on a bloodied floor. I watched the rose fall with curious eyes. I looked up in time to witness Daniel turning into one of those demons he had stood against so fearlessly on the battleground. I felt his terror at that thought. I saw a circle of faces, nine faces, who demanded obedience. I felt his defiance and an unwavering purpose.
The scene changed back, the lines hardening again. I watched him befriend a young man with white hair and yellow eyes, a man who reminded him in spirit of his friend who had died too young. I watched as that friend betrayed him, joining with others who thirsted for death and enjoyed the destruction of the war. I felt the coldness reach into his heart again, the despair overwhelming at the thought that he could trust no one. He was alone in a world full of madness. What better way to deal with the madness, but to be mad?
There was a space then in which everything was dark, a blanket that covered everything. I felt his emotions dim into nothingness. He wasn’t human. He wasn’t angel. He was beast. He was a shadow of the night. No one could save him.
A flicker of light appeared out of the darkness. Jackson, the blond man I had so recently seen in front of my house, appeared in the light. I saw their camaraderie and their laughter as their new friendship developed and grew. I saw how Jackson taught the man not to hate himself so much, to laugh at life, showing him that not all friends would abandon him. As that laughter took hold of Daniel’s soul, I saw a purpose form; a purpose that went back to his childhood and the friends he had watched murdered by life. It was a purpose to protect. To protect the world from the others like him. Resolve and a powerful desire to do good things became his allies. They kept the darkness at bay.
I saw how he protected his family, loving them with a strength that was almost alarming. I saw how he protected humanity from the others, a dark shadow in nameless cities. A Watcher; a hidden protector of humanity. He loved protecting people, but deep down he felt like it wasn’t enough to atone for the mistakes of a lifetime.
Then I saw my face and everything changed. I felt too many emotions to count. I was blinded by the light and the hope rolling from him in waves.
I kept my eyes closed as his hands slid off my arms. The visions danced around inside my head as I tried to remember who I was, what I was.
“Clare?” he said softly. “Are you okay?”
I opened my eyes and looked at him in amazed wonder. I couldn’t imagine any one person feeling so many things. How did he manage? I felt a pressure on my chest, the added weight of all those experiences. It was overwhelming. I reached out and touched his face without thinking, the electricity jumping up between us. The visions were gone, but I felt a whirlwind of overpowering emotions. My own emotions this time.
“I need you to go,” I said softly.
“Please don’t…I just thought if you saw, you would understand that I…“
I put a finger on his lips. “Come back tomorrow when Ellen is at work. I need some time to process everything. There’s too much….”
His eyes, having turned cold at what he took as a rejection, lit up again. He reached out and touched my face wistfully. Anything you want.
For a long moment, neither of us moved. Then he stood and headed for the door.
“Daniel?” I called before he could leave. He paused, his back to me. I sensed he was afraid to look at me. “Thank you.”
“For what?” he asked, still unwilling to look at me directly.
“For saving my life.”
He hesitated before leaving, fighting against a powerful urge. He finally nodded, having bested the urge, and disappeared down the stairs without a sound. When I was certain he was gone, I put my head against the window and started crying in earnest. I let all the emotions come, both Daniel’s and mine, drowning in them, until I couldn’t separate where he ended and I began.
Lost in his past, and our present,
I cried myself into an uneasy sleep.
Chapter 9
When I woke up, it took me a minute to understand why I felt so overwhelmed. I remembered the fire that had surged out of nowhere and the way Daniel had saved me. I remembered both kisses he had stolen and a bubble of warmth settled into my stomach.
Then I remembered the visions of him.
I sat up with panic racing in my chest. One vision in particular had haunted me, invading my dreams. I had woken up because of it. It was the vision of Daniel turning into one of those dark demons. In my dream, I had felt all his fear again, made worse by my own fear.
I set my feet on the cold floor, willing the panic to fade from my chest. The wind gusted as the house creaked and popped in protest. Rain lashed against the glass panes of my dark windows. Outside, a storm was raging out of control. Scared of shadows, the dream haunting me, I wrapped the blanket Daniel had placed around me more tightly and tiptoed across to the stairs. I crept down the stairs and went to Ellen’s room. Quietly, so I wouldn’t disturb her, I pushed back her bedroom door and peered in. She was snoring gently and mumbling incoherently into her pillow. The shadows from the swaying trees outside played on the delicate angles of her face, but she was peaceful. Seeing her there was wonderful, normal, it calmed some of the panic in my chest. Making up my mind, I put my blanket in the chair by the window and crawled under the covers with her.
Her arms wrapped around me as I settled in close. “You okay, sweetie?” she asked sleepily.
“I am now.”
“That’s good,” she mumbled.
I smiled when she snuggled closer and gave a sleepy grunt. It wasn’t long before she drifted off again, her dreams peaceful. I tried to clear my mind, focusing on the peace of her dreams, but the panic was resilient.
Even though I had spent most of my life running at the first sign of danger, I had come to develop a certain level of control over that form of living. I was used to it; it made sense. That world of running was spiraling out of control now, and I didn’t know what to do about it; especially since it was spiraling out of control for a very strange reason. It wasn’t because of the strange fire. It wasn’t the fact that Daniel was the first person I’d met who was like me. It was because I knew he wasn’t just a friend anymore. The panic in my chest at fearing he would turn into a demon, the way I wanted to protect him...those feelings were just too real. Weirdness aside, I had fallen head over heels for that stupid, football-playing angel.
Even though I had seen the intensity of his emotions for me, I wasn’t certain if the vision was real or if it could be a lie. If it hadn’t been a lie, I wasn’t certain I could let someone have that much power over me. Ellen’s love had power, but I knew from years of experience she wouldn’t just leave me. Her love was forever. She had proven beyond a doubt she would love me even if I was a freaky mind-reading half-angel.
My father was a different story. Ellen had given him her heart, and he had returned the favor by tearing it out. Isn’t that, above all the other reasons, why I hated him? I saw the love Ellen had for him, and I saw how hard she struggled against the pain his leaving had caused. Even if things worked out with Sam, if they were happy for the rest of time, my father would always have a piece of Ellen’s heart. She would always be just a little bit less. I knew that if I gave Daniel my heart, he could do the same thing to me. I didn’t want that for myself. I didn’t want someone owning my heart I couldn’t trust. Was it in our nature to walk away? Was it in Daniel’s nature?
I thought over my weeks with Daniel. Was it even possible to feel this intensely in so short a time? Was it just gratitude for him saving my life? I started stroking Ellen’s hair to calm my racing thoughts, taking comfort in the familiar action. I tried to think about it logically, going over every day, every minute we had been together. I thought about our bickering, our playful, intense, conversations, Daniel teaching me about cars, arguing about philosophy, books and ideas, our time hanging out at the café, and going on long walks around town. I analyzed every second, trying to be honest with myself. It wasn’t just gratitude that had me feeling this way. It was more.
I scowled at the ceiling. Who was he to make me feel this way? The anger bounced around my head like some horrible, emotional ping pong ball. I felt so damned dependent suddenly. I sighed in exasperation and watched the play of light from the trees on the wall. I couldn’t decide if when I saw him next I would kiss him or hit him. Both were extremely appealing.
Morning dawned slow and dim. The only thing that kept me from getting out of the bed and throwing anything in reach was the fact that I would see Daniel today; he would come by after Ellen left for work. As I lay in bed, watching the murky light spread across the wood floor, my nervousness growing with every inch the sun spread, Ellen’s eyes popped open like someone had blown in her ear.
“Morning, sweetie.”
“Good morning.”
She touched my face, her eyes full of worry. “I didn’t get to talk to you last night…are you okay? You weren’t hurt, right?”
“No, I wasn’t hurt.” A vision of Daniel throwing me into the pool floated across my eyes. I definitely hadn’t been hurt.
“What happened?” Something scary happened; I can see it in her eyes. What is she keeping from me? She never keeps things from me.
I stared at her even as half-truths popped into my head. She was right. Ellen and I shared everything, and I was keeping a secret that could get us both killed. I took a deep breath then sat up, pushing my back against the headboard for support. I tried to think of the best way to handle this. Looking in her warm, chocolate eyes I knew I couldn’t keep things from her. She had to know.
I told her everything, every dangerous detail, not glossing over anything. She listened in silence, though I could hear her thoughts working overtime. Finally, the thoughts died down and she took a deep breath, surprising me with her calm. “I trust you, Clare. I trust that you know people. If you think Daniel’s dangerous we will leave right this second, no questions asked.” We’ve left for less.
What did I think?
“I don’t think he’s dangerous, not in that way. I mean, I know he doesn’t work for the others but…”
The only thing I had glossed over during my explanation was the fact that Daniel had kissed me, twice, and that I had seen the vision of him. I wasn’t comfortable telling her about that, only mentioning how he had breathed for me.
“I don’t know where…”
“You’re worried about that fire and the thoughts you’ve been overhearing?” she asked.
“Yeah...”
“But Daniel protected you,” she said tentatively. “Would he do it again? We’ve never actually met anyone like you, Clare. One that wasn’t bad. This could be an opportunity for you. You know how little…how little your father told me. You could learn what to expect on your birthday. And, if Daniel were willing to look out for you…I would be willing to stay.”
Images of Sam’s face, of Alex’s face, of friends she had started to reconnect with floated through my head. I ignored the images, determined to do whatever was safe. I had to make sure Ellen didn’t get hurt just because of me.
“I don’t want to be protected, Mom. Besides, what if he doesn’t want to protect us? What if he has a change of heart? What then?”
“A change of heart?”
I clamped my lips shut. I hadn’t meant to say that.
“It’s okay to let people in,” she said.
I started playing with my necklace. “I just don’t want to end up…”
“Like me?” I could hear the pain in her voice.
“Well…yes,” I told her honestly.
“You need to stop thinking like that… Your father left for us.” She sat up. “He left so we could be safe. After I got attacked…”
“What!?” I exclaimed.
“Oh…I didn’t tell you that…I was attacked one night when I was walking home from work. That was when I was pregnant with you and living w
ith Naomi.” Naomi was the first friend Ellen had made after running away from home. Together, they had hitched rides out to Los Angeles where Naomi had a very understanding grandmother. We went to visit Naomi whenever we could, and they talked on the phone weekly. She was like an aunt to me. “It was very sudden, I didn’t know what had happened until it was over…They took my blood.” Ellen rubbed her belly. “Our blood.”
I was stunned Ellen had been attacked and had never told me. I was even more stunned she had been able to keep the attack from her mind. That was something a person thought about occasionally, right?
“My father left because you got attacked? Doesn’t that seem contrary? If he loved you, he should have stayed,” I said pugnaciously, not ready to give up sixteen years of bitter resentment and hate.
“He did what he had to,” she said simply. “I love him, but I knew from the beginning we could never be together the way I wanted to be.”
“But why would anyone want your blood?” I shied away from saying “my blood.”
“I don’t know. Your father didn’t know, either.”
I sighed. “Why is it I just keep getting questions piled on the list instead of answers?”
“I’m sorry, sweetie.” She touched my face “But I want you to stop hating him so much. Love…love comes in a lot of forms.” She threw back her large comforter not wanting to talk anymore. “I have to get ready for work.” She hesitated then added, “Unless you want me to stay home with you? Sam would understand.”
“No, I’m fine,” I said quickly. “Did they cancel school?” I asked wondering how she knew I would be staying home.
“No, but I think you’ve earned a day off for almost dying.”
“Thanks!” I said sarcastically.
She kissed me on the cheek, telling me in her thoughts how glad she was that I was safe. Warmed by her love, I got out of the bed to give her some privacy and went downstairs. Not able to control my restless energy, I pulled down the pancake mix, thinking I could kill two birds with one, delicious stone. By the time Ellen came down, wearing a blue suit that looked stunning against her pale skin, I’d made enough pancakes to feed a regiment.
The Watchers Page 14
