Cloud Walking (A Find You in the Dark novella)

by A. Meredith Walters

  So, maybe it was the alcohol talking, but I think I liked Clay right then. Because I could see how much he cared about Maggie. Body language didn't lie and his body was practically shouting how much he loved her. And she didn't think he thought of her in that way...psh...she was an idiot. Or blind.

  “Hey guys!” I yelled, overly boisterous. Maggie smirked as I joined them. I tried to smirk back, but I think my face ended up doing something else, because Maggie just looked at me oddly. I glanced over at Clay and my heart softened toward him. He looked so adorably awkward. Completely out of place but obviously not wanting to leave Maggie.

  “Clay, I'm so glad you could make it!” I grinned at him and he blinked at me in confusion. Then I did something that totally took him by surprise. I hugged him. I mean, I launched myself at the poor guy and held on for dear life. He was rigid as I squeezed. I was just so happy that he loved my bestie. I wanted them both to be happy forever. And ever.

  At some point during my consumption of beer number three, I had mentally deteriorated into a twelve year old.

  I pulled back and grinned at Clay, who seemed to be trying to smile back. Was there something wrong with his face? His mouth was twitching strangely as though smiling was physically painful for him. I was about to ask him about it when I heard Maggie's barely audible groan.

  I looked behind me to see Daniel. My heart sped up and I felt even happier than I had a second ago.

  Then I saw who walked entirely too close beside him. Stupid Kylie Good. I ground my teeth together and gripped my hands into fists so tightly that my nails dug into my palm. No! He was not permitted to ruin my good time! Oh, I hated him! But darned if I didn't love him too! There were those stupid contradictions again!

  “Mags! Rach! There you are! I've been looking everywhere for you!” Daniel gave Maggie a hug. When he pulled away from her, he turned to me as if to do the same but I took a small step backwards. I was not in the mood for his 'friends only' hugs. No freaking way.

  I couldn't stop the nasty snark that bubbled up. I glared at Danny, who was giving me a nervous smile, as though he knew niceties were not the agenda for the evening. “I seriously doubt you were looking for us, Danny. You seem busy enough.” I smirked at Kylie, who looked as though she were chewing glass.

  I couldn't help but give her the once over. She was fake as fake could be. Fake hair coloring (because I knew she wasn't a natural blonde), fake nails, fake tan. Fake, fake, fake. And she clung to Daniel's arm as though she would superimpose herself to his side. Feeling insecure much?

  Maggie's eyes flashed to me and I recognized the please don't look she was shooting my way. But sweet, demure, never speaks up for herself, Rachel was doing some talking.

  I tried to ignore the hurt that flashed across Daniel's face. There was that annoying momentary weakness and I wanted to take back my hatefulness and smooth things over. Because that's what I always did. But then I just had to look at who he was with and the fact that that's who he was always with and I got over it.

  “What the hell is your problem, Rachel? If I've done something to offend you, just tell me already.” Daniel's voice was hard but I knew him well enough to know that his pissiness hid how much it bothered him that I was mad. I should have been thrilled by that, but those three stupid beers did nothing but ignite my anger even brighter.

  Maggie tried to make excuses; she tried to move me away from the scene that was brewing. I noticed Clay inch toward me as if to block me from Daniel, but I shoved forward and found myself right up in Danny's grill.

  I wanted to grab a hold of his shirt and pull him toward me. I couldn't stop myself from staring at his mouth and I wanted to kiss it so badly I could taste it. But I wasn't allowed to do what I wanted. Because we weren't like that.

  And then Clay was moving me away and my blurry mind went with it without too much thought. “Help me find the keg,” he said as he took me by the elbow and steered me through the crowd. I looked up at Clay, who glanced down at me with an amused smile on his lips.

  “What?” I asked a little defensively. Clay shrugged.

  “I'm sensing some baggage back there,” he said walking beside me with his hands shoved in his pockets. Looking at Clayton Reed without his normal icy stoicism, I could almost see what Maggie saw in him. He was definitely cute and what girl wouldn't want to put her fingers through that thick, dark hair of his? I swore to myself that I'd try to be less judgmental where he was concerned. Heck, maybe we could even be friends.

  “Nah...just Daniel stuff. He gets on my nerves sometimes,” I answered lightly. Clay lifted an eyebrow in disbelief but didn't say anything else about it. He didn't push for answers I didn't want to give. Yeah, maybe he wasn't so bad after all.

  Now that I had the guy alone and he actually seemed open to talking, I thought I'd do some best friend recon and try to dig for Maggie related info.

  “So, Clay...” I began, slowing down our pace a bit.

  Clay sighed. “So, Rachel...” he said back. I snickered. He really wasn't into small talk.

  “Our girl Maggie is pretty great, isn't she?” I said innocently. Clay looked at me from the corner of his eye and I saw his jaw tense a bit. Hmm, I think trying to get anything out of him was going to be like trying to break into Fort Knox.

  “Yeah, she's cool,” he answered, not giving anything away. I felt a little light-headed from the booze and stopped walking all together. I put my hands on my hips and frowned at him.

  “She's cool? Really? That's all you can say? You stare at her like a starving man looking at his next meal. So cut the crap and give it to me straight. Do you like her or not? Because she's pretty freaking special and I would hate to go all bruiser on you if you hurt her,” I warned. Being threatening was not my forte. But I wanted this guy to know that if he hurt Maggie, he'd have to deal with me. For whatever that was worth.

  I half expected Clay to laugh at me. I mean, who would really take my I'm a hard ass act seriously? But he didn't. He stopped and turned to face me. His hands never left his jeans pockets but he was giving me his undivided attention. He seemed to be taking my warning very seriously.

  “I don't want to hurt her, Rachel. Ever. And she is special. The most special person I've ever met. I want to promise you that her heart is safe with me. But...” He seemed to choke up as his words trailed off.

  Wow, he was really intense. It was sort of all consuming. I knew he cared about Maggie. More than I had originally thought. But that didn't change the fact that there was something sad and tortured about Clayton Reed. He seemed to be saying as much with his cryptic half thought.

  It worried me.

  A lot.

  Clay cleared his throat and looked me straight in the eye. “But just know that she's really important to me. The most important thing in my life.” He clenched his fist over his heart. And for a second, I forgot to breathe. How easy it was to forget everything else when confronted by such passion.

  It was my turn to clear my throat. “Well, I'm glad to hear that,” I said a little awkwardly. What else was there to say? Just don't go psycho on my BFF, please? That probably wouldn't go over too well. Deep down, I really wanted to like him. But I was still a little unsure, though so far this evening, I had thawed considerably.

  My buzz was starting to wane and that just wouldn't do. “Let's go find that keg,” I said, trying to inject some perk back into my voice. I couldn't do serious anymore. I needed to drink and party and forget about my own heartache.

  Clay's face relaxed and he seemed just as relieved as I was at dropping our conversation. He followed me into Melissa's house. He seemed uncomfortable and stayed close to my side. We finally located the keg in the garage. I quickly found a cup filled with frothy, beer goodness. Clay looked at the keg as though he expected it to open its jaws and swallow him.

  “Do you want anything?” I asked, wondering what his deal was.

  “Uh...” Clay looked strange. What was his problem? Before I could give it much more thought we w
ere surrounded by a group of football jocks and the ubiquitous cheerleader or two.

  Louis Feldman, the quarterback on the football team clasped Clay's shoulder. I noticed the immediate tension and I had to say I was intrigued by the exchange going on in front of me. Clay was such an enigma; I understood why Maggie was so entranced by him. He had all the makings of the popular boy. Hot as hell, aloof, the sensitive loner type. But he seemed to shun all of that. If my heart wasn't so wrapped up in dumb Daniel Lowe (and if I was a backstabbing bitch) my best friend may have had a fight on her hands when it came to Clayton Reed's attention.

  “Dude, you're the new kid, right?” Louis asked. Clay pulled away from him.

  “Yeah,” he bit out, looking at the much larger guy with apprehension. I remembered the way he had been targeted by Paul Dewlader his first week of school and I understood his hesitation.

  But Louis was a decent guy, if lacking a few necessary brain cells for basic functioning. Louis jerked his head in the direction of the keg. “Wanna do a keg stand? It would be seriously cool.” Clay looked like the guy had asked him to streak naked through the party.

  He needed to lighten up. No one could be that uptight and not be miserable. I nodded in agreement. “Go for it, Clay. I really have to see this.” I urged, pushing him in the back as Louis slung an arm around his shoulders in a guy half hug thing that always seemed strange to me.

  “I don't think so,” Clay said firmly, trying to pull away. I gave him another playful shove.

  “Don't be such a snooze. This is a party! You only live once. What will it hurt?” Okay, I was like some bad afterschool special. When had I become the captain of the peer pressure team? But I really thought Clay needed something to chill him out. His angst was giving me a headache.

  Clay wavered a bit and Louis grinned. “Yeah man! Come on!” And Clay allowed himself to be pulled toward the keg.

  I stood on the sidelines as Louis and another football player lifted Clay off his feet. I cheered him on as Clay guzzled beer from the tap. See? I was bonding with the guy. I was such a good friend, trying to be all buddy-buddy with the boy my best friend was into.

  Or maybe not.

  The next few minutes were a bit of a whirlwind. One minute I was chanting Clay's name, the next Daniel was pulling me toward the garage door. I tried to wrestle against Daniel's grip and I could see Maggie intercepting Clay over his shoulder.

  What was going on?

  “Let go of me!” I yelled, once we were outside. Daniel dropped my arm like it burned him and glared at me. I pulled myself upright and leveled my own glare right back. Two could play this game, butt hole.

  “What was that back there? Encouraging people to get alcohol poisoning isn't normally your thing.” Daniel's words were hard and brittle and I lifted my chin.

  “I was just getting the poor guy to have some fun. You should thank me for helping to pull the stick out of his ass,” I griped, turning my back on Danny and swiftly walked away. I made my way around the side of the house and found a swing set.

  I was feeling obnoxiously sober and I didn't want to be. And I sure as hell didn't feel like spending said sobriety with Daniel Lowe when he was being condescending and preachy.

  Of course, he followed me. Because alone time was asking too much. “Danny. Please. Just give it a rest,” I pleaded, not above begging him to back off. My head was starting to hurt and my happy fun time was clearly over.

  Now that Daniel and I were alone, I was starting to feel the mortification for my earlier behavior. I had been a little too obvious in my dislike for Kylie. Raging bitch isn't usually my color and I couldn't believe how easily I had worn it. My jealousy issues were getting a little out of hand and I knew if I didn't get it together, I would be in danger of losing one of my longest and most important friendships.

  As much as I craved something more with Danny, the thought of losing him all together because of my snippy and bitchy attitude was heart crushing.

  But that didn't mean I couldn't speak my mind. Because playing doormat Rachel was getting a little tiresome. “Look, I was trying to have a good time. Clay was trying to have a good time. What's the big deal?” I asked shortly, looking over at Daniel.

  Daniel sighed. “Well, apparently he's a recovering alcoholic or drug addict or something. Maggie said he has a snarly history with that stuff.” Well crap, that made me feel like a complete and total jerk. Not that I knew about it, but still. Why didn't I just put a darn crack pipe in his mouth?

  “Well...jeesh,” I mumbled, sitting down heavily on the swing and began to pump my legs back and forth. Daniel dropped his head and sat down on the other swing, rocking himself a bit as I moved the swing at full force.

  We didn't say anything for awhile and I finally slowed down until I was gently swaying beside him. “When did things get so screwed up?” I asked quietly, the sounds of the party seemed a million miles away. It was just Daniel and me and the multitude of unspoken things between us.

  Daniel let out a noisy breath. “Good question, Rach,” was all he said and we drifted into silence again. After a few more moments, he turned to look at me. “I'm an asshole. I know that. I haven't always treated you the way you should be treated. And I'm sorry for that. But I really love you, Rachel. You and Mags are my best friends. If I've ever made you feel less than crucial to my life, I apologize. Because you are important to me. Actually important doesn't even cover it. You are fundamental to who I am. There is no Daniel Lowe without Rachel Bradfield.”

  I felt tears burn the back of my throat and I had to blink them away before they rolled traitorously down my face.

  That was the thing about Danny. I could hate him so completely. Wish him a thousand painful deaths. But then he pulled out the big guns. Using that amazing sensitivity that was always there just below the surface to remind me of why I loved him so much in the first place. And while I truly wished his words were said in a “non-friend” way, I couldn't deny how wonderful they were all the same.

  My anger fizzled out. There just wasn't a place for it in my heart at that moment. So I looked him straight in the eye and took a chance. “Danny. I love you too.” I tried to put every ounce of my feelings into those four words. Wishing him to see that I meant them in a way that was completely and totally life altering. For me. For him. For what we could be together.

  Daniel's eyes darkened as we looked into each other's eyes. Maybe he did see it. Maybe this would be it. That moment when we could be that something else.

  “Hey guys.” Daniel and I broke eye contact and looked up to see Maggie coming toward us. And then we looked back at each other. The air continued to hum with words unspoken. Our eyes clung to each other. Danny's mouth opened then closed. He seemed to be struggling with something to say. Then he gave himself a little shake before we turned to look at our friend.

  Chapter Eight

  ~Daniel~

  Things weren't so bad. Everything was coming together and for the first time in awhile I felt pretty damn good. Rachel and I had come to an unspoken understanding after Melissa's party. While we weren't close to having the old ease we were used to with one another, it was getting there.

  Hey, she was looking at me without murderous rage, so I take that as a rounding success.

  Kylie had backed off, moving onto her latest flavor of the day and for the first time since that crazy relationship began, I wasn't bothered by it. I welcomed it even.

  My mom was out of town for the week with Stephen and my dad had phoned to let me know he'd be in town later this afternoon to finalize some paperwork from the divorce. I was stoked about spending time with him. Is it completely fucked up to admit that I had a favorite parent? Because Dad was mine, hands down.

  I had seriously considered going to live with him after he had moved. But as much as I disliked my mom most of the time, I didn't want to leave my friends and my school in the middle of my senior year.

  Everything was going pretty freaking great.

  Well...almost.<
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  Because there was Maggie.

  As satisfied as I was in other areas of my life, not everything was syncing up the way I wanted it to. Maggie was noticeably distant. She spent all of her time with Clay. Rachel and I barely saw her anymore.

  I sat across from her and the tortured hero himself. Man, he played that deep and mysterious card well, I'd give him that. But I found the whole thing a little creepy. I couldn't get a read on the guy and that bugged me. I watched as Maggie and Clay made excuses to touch each other. She was practically drooling into her lunch as she listened to him talking about poetry, or art or something equally boring and meant to make girls drop their panties for him.

  I wasn't sure this guy wasn't just one big act. Sure, he seemed all angst ridden, but who's to say that wasn't just a giant fishing line all set to lure unsuspecting girls into his trap. Yeah, I was being a bit paranoid, but like I've said, the dude bugged me.