by MT Pope
“You don’t have any secrets? None?” I gave him another opportunity to confess. I know that there was pressure to keep a certain persona in the public eye and keep your manliness at the forefront always. I wasn’t mad at it at all. Especially because it helped me rule and roam undetected for so long. They, the world and its standard of manhood, gave me the key to pillage the land that they walked in so freely.
“No secrets.” He kept his cool about him and continued his stance. It was why I wanted him on my team.
“So when were you going to come out of the closet?”
“What closet? Ain’t no closets in here,” he said, playing dumb, and then began to laugh.
“You know what I’m talking about. No one knows that you love dick and ass.”
“Yes, I’m in love with my dick and my ass. Shit, I love all of me.” He was not going to come out and say it, so I had to pull out the ammunition I had in the gun.
I reached in the drawer to my desk and pulled out an envelope that favored the one that I gave his mother awhile ago. I slid it across the desk and waited for him to open it.
He looked at it for a few seconds, and then looked at me.
“Who’s that for?”
“Don’t waste my damn time. Open the damn envelope!” I barked. He was being immature.
He took my seriousness to heart and pulled the envelope off the desk and opened it.
He took out the pictures that I had taken of him and Dre. They thought that they were being discreet and making sure that his father didn’t catch them, but they were worried about the wrong person catching them. That was naïve on his part, but expected.
“You have anything you want to say to me?” I asked.
“So what the hell do you want from me? So you have some pictures of me having sex with a man. What do you want me do? Cry and ask for your help to get over this?” He looked at me with a sarcastic look on his face.
“No, I want you to know that I want you on my team.”
“I’m already on the team.”
“That’s not the team I’m talking about. I’m the guy your father is looking for.”
There was a silence on both of our ends. Mine because I wanted him to process what he just heard. I knew that it wasn’t easy news to hear. Probably unbelievable. Shit, I played my hand well enough not to be believed. I wasn’t perfect, just good at going off other people’s perception. I play the part and do it well. Corey was good at it too. That’s why I picked him, because we had things in common, mainly remaining anonymous. I’m assuming that he put so much energy into playing his role that he missed the signs from the others around him.
“You’re so funny,” Corey started to laugh. My facial expression remained straight and unmoved by his laughter. This made him laugh even more.
“Corey, this is no joke. I’m dead serious.” I leaned in closer to him.
“Get the fuck out of here. No, the hell you are not.” He looked at me in disbelief.
“Corey, I’m the Ghost. I am just like you. I like men and all of my men like men.”
“So you want me to believe that you like men?”
“Corey, I have no reason whatsoever to lie to a teenager about anything. I’m telling you that is who the fuck I am, and I’m not going to explain it.”
“Man, I have to say that I’m blown away.” Corey sat back in the chair that he was in and a smile came across his face.
“What’s the smile on your face for?”
“I have a secret and you have one. We’re even.”
“Corey, there is one problem with your math. We are never even. I am, and will always be, above you. If you want your secret to stay safe with me, then I need all the information on your father’s operation, and I won’t be forced to let him know about his son and his lover, and I am not talking about that pretty chick you have been parading around. She’s a good touch, though, I might add, but I will kill them all, and then you, if I even think that you are trying to out me. I’m sure your father has talked to you about my wrath. I will have no problem killing everyone close to you and letting you watch.”
He looked on with not one word coming out of his mouth. In fact, Corey’s mouth hung open in shock. He didn’t even blink.
“Do we have an understanding?”
He nodded his head in agreement.
“I love you, unlike the world. They will never understand or care about the plight of a gay black man. Even your family. When you are gay, no one is loyal. No one.
“So keep me happy, and it will keep your family and friends alive. Got it?”
“Yes, sir,” he answered.
“I don’t want you to be afraid of me, but I do want you to fear me. There’s a difference. You’ll grow to learn the difference.”
Chapter 56
Leroy
Choices
Corey and I were sitting in a car watching some of my workers work. It was very low-key and calm. Corey had to learn the traits of an addict to get fresh new ideas to supply them and be with me in my meetings to know how to govern the men and the money. I didn’t want him to think that it was easy at all. I wanted him to know that his life was on the line every day, all day. There was a moment of silence that came before this question. “Dad, do you love me unconditionally?”
“Son, you already know that.” I looked at him. “Where is this question coming from?”
“Nowhere in particular. I just don’t hear you say it. That’s all.”
“Corey, I’m out in these streets fighting and scratching to make a living for you every day, all day. I think that’s proof enough that I love you. I put my life on the line for you and your mom all the time. You all are the reason I grind so hard. I want the best for my family.”
“That’s cool, Pop. I appreciate that.”
“I’m hoping that you will show me more than you tell, as I do. Words are nothing without action behind them. I want all men at my table. No punks allowed.” I meant what I said. Only the strong survive, and I believe that with all that is within me.
Corey just nodded his head in agreement. There was silence once again. I enjoyed the bonding time that I was having with my son. I wanted this relationship with him. I was spending too much time in the streets and not enough time at home. The neglect was shown in the question he asked me. He thought I didn’t love him. I had to admit that this was my fault by not rightly dividing my time between my family and the streets. This was my chance to make it right and bring my family back together, so we could take over this city together. Now it was my turn to ask a question and be proactive in my son’s interests.
“Corey, what’s up with that hot li’l mama you been bringing to the game? You got you a winner on your hands. She reminds me of your mama.”
“Oh, Diana. She my girl. I just made it official recently because I wasn’t sure of which way to go. Now I know, and she’s going with me. She is hot too, Dad. She gives some mean head.” Corey smiled as he was thinking about it. I knew that look all too well. His mama was a Magnum mouth herself.
It felt good to bond with my boy. He was right where I wanted him to be. A boy needs validation from his father, and I was going to make sure he got it from me.
“Corey, don’t ever abuse or mistreat her. No matter what she does or says. Because women can be pistols and say some shit that will make you want to hurt them but just ignore it and move past it. Give her the attention she wants and needs. Gifts will never replace time spent, even if it not something you want to do. I’ve made that mistake a few times, and I’m still paying for it.” I laughed at the end of my statement, but I meant it.
“I know.” He nodded in response to my speech. He seemed like he was in a funk.
“Corey, I know you’ve seen me in some weird places and some crazy scenarios, but I want you to know that I love your mom, and I will never hurt her. These streets will take your mind if you let it, and for a moment, I was close to going crazy. But now that you’re on board and learning quickly, I might add, th
is ghost guy don’t know what’s going to hit him. The Grant men are moving in for the kill.” I don’t know what was wrong with him, but I wanted to restore him in any area that he may be down in.
“So you ready for your last year of school?”
“Yeah.” He didn’t sound too convincing.
“Once you finish with that, you can completely focus on the family business and the takeover of the city. I want you to be a high school graduate. I didn’t finish school, and I feel that it would make it easy for you to move up in life when high school is complete.”
“Yeah, that sounds like a plan.” He smiled. It was a weak one, though.
“Son, you seem like you have got a lot on your mind.”
“Yeah, just life, though. Choices and life. That’s all.”
“Son, that is us all day long. Every person must make choices that will affect their tomorrow. We just don’t know what tomorrow gonna hold. I say make investments that will secure your future, even if you not sure what’s in the future. I’m making this money for the grandkids that I may or may not get to see. That’s life.”
“You make it sound so easy.”
“Corey, life is one day at a time. I don’t have an easy answer for you. It gets easier when you live day by day and invest in yourself. Do you believe in you?”
“Yes.”
“Then that’s all that matters. Fuck everyone else, even me and your mom. We can’t make choices or live with those choices for you, so they damn well better be for you.”
“Damn, it’s like that.” He looked at me like he was shocked that I said that. Even though I wanted my son to walk in my footsteps, I wasn’t going to force him.
“Yes, it’s like that. I must respect your choices, even if I don’t like them. And that’s what life is about: choices. They are free to make but may cost you a lot in the end.” Even I was amazed by the last thing I said.
Corey looked at me in amazement. It was a look a father looked for to know that he has won over his son with trust and confidence.
Chapter 57
Monica
Fuck It
Patti LaBelle’s “You Are My Friend” was playing on my surround sound as I lounged in the Jacuzzi tub all by myself. I was enjoying the wine that I copped from Coach once again. I had made up in my mind that I would stop when I wanted to. I was a fucking addict and liked it. Yes, I liked to nod the hell off to sleep from drinking the wine. It was taking more and more to get me lifted, but I didn’t care. All I had to do was make a call or send a text to meet up with my connection. It was that simple.
I was in the house alone, and that was the norm nowadays since my husband and son were in the streets or at basketball games. I didn’t even care, truth be told. I was in a fuck-it type of mood with the whole world for a while now. Everyone was doing them, and I am going to do the same.
I got up out of the tub and sauntered around the house in all my glory. I was naked, free, and loving it. I didn’t care if my son walked in on me or not. He was the least of my worries.
My wine bottle was empty, and I was on the search for another bottle that I knew I had stashed around somewhere. I rummaged through a few cabinets before I found what I wanted. I sashayed back to sit in the tub and in my misery, once again. It amazed me how much energy it took to hold this family together and not focus on myself. It was the price that I paid for being a ride-or-die wife and mother. I lost myself in the shuffle, and now, I’m feeling the results of such.
I took the bottle of wine by the neck, threw my head back with it pressed against my lips, and took a long chug like the professional I was now. I relaxed in the tub and let the bottle in my hand hang over the side of the tub. I lay my head back and looked up to the ceiling. Tears flowed from my eyes and down the sides of my face. The truth was, I did care about my current condition. It just seemed like no one else did. The ones that were supposed to be paying attention to me were doing what they felt was best for them, and I was on the back burner.
“Why me, God?” I shook the bottle toward the sky. “Who going to take care of me? I took care of them for all this time. It’s my time now. It’s my time.”
I felt the effects of the wine kicking in and the pain in my heart and mind easing its way out temporarily. I completely relaxed and let the cares of my world slip away as I relinquished my body to my temporary fix.
Chapter 58
Corey
Trust Issues
They say family is all that you have, and I believe that . . . to a degree. My father said that he loves me unconditionally, but that could change if my secret gets out. I think that he would not understand that I like men. Even if it is his son. Who could hate their own flesh and blood because of something as trivial as being gay? I think understanding will go out the window if he ever finds out. Everyone has a limit or a deal breaker. Was that the one that my father would have with me that would end his relationship with me? I was born into his life by his choice to sleep with Mom. Now I must deal with this shit that I didn’t even ask for. And to add on top of that, a man that my father hates and I admire is gay and using me to get his agenda fulfilled. Talk about being fucked with no Astroglide. I can’t trust either of them.
My mother was on some weird stuff lately. Her drinking was becoming a problem for me to deal with. Today, I got home early from a full day of the Drug Game 101 with my father, fake dating game with Diana, and going out with Dre on the low. I was exhausted, but all of it was fulfilling, though.
I walked into the house with the sound of music playing. I knew that it wasn’t my father because he just didn’t roll like that. I can’t ever remember a time when I came home and he was listening to music. In the car, yes, but never at home. It could only be my mother. I was not in the mood to engage her or anyone else now, so I ignored the music and went up to my room. I was exhausted and just wanted to get some sleep. I’ll deal with her in the morning or later. I’m sure she’ll be up to check on me like she usually does. She was a consummate nurturer. She’ll be fine until later.
* * *
I awoke to the noise of sirens; then my father rushed in my room.
“How the fuck are you up in here asleep and your mother down in the tub unconscious?” He looked at me like he wanted to kill me.
“What?” I shot up in the bed like one of those punching clowns that keep coming back at you. “Unconscious?”
“Yes, that’s what the fuck I said.” He left the room and rushed back down the stairs. I followed suit, seeing my mother in the middle of the floor stark naked. My father went back over to her in a panic.
“Monica . . . Monica . . . Wake up, baby . . . Wake up.” I saw tears in my father’s eyes as he cradled my mom’s head. She was not responding. Her eyes were open. I looked on in fear and shock. I was stuck on stupid. I wanted to move, but I couldn’t. The paramedics rushed in and took over, and before we knew it, they had my mother on a gurney and rushed her out of the house. My father hopped in the back of the ambulance, and I drove behind in the car.
As soon as we hit the hospital, I parked the car and made my way inside to see what was up. My heart was racing, and all types of things were going across my mind . . . mainly death. What if I lose my mother? How will I go on? How can I live?
“Dad, what’s going on? Is she okay?” I rushed up to him as he was standing at a counter with a broken countenance. My father wasn’t the mushy type and seeing him like this was new.
“They not telling me shit. They just took her to the back. I ready to blow this shit up if I don’t get answers.”
“Dad, I didn’t know. I was tired, and I thought that she was just chilling like she’s been. I didn’t think it was . . . she was like . . .” I felt like my heart was breaking, and I didn’t like it. I didn’t like having no control over a situation.
It wasn’t long before Dre came through the door and greeted my father as we were standing near the double doors that I assumed led to the back of the hospital. He glanced my way to acknowledge me,
and I knew that he would address me later. My father was his boss, and I was something else. Something my father wouldn’t understand or wanted to.
It was too much for me to care about that right now. It was on the back burner. I was in a new place with that too.
My father and Dre talked in a hushed tone, and it didn’t take long for Dre to take charge and go to the counter, and then come back to my father near the double doors. I was sitting down in a chair not too far from them for a moment because I was going over in my mind about what I should or could have done to prevent this from happening. A few tears fell, and I didn’t want my father or Dre to see me in a weak moment. Not long after, a doctor came out of the double doors. He walked over to my father and Dre. I hurried over to them with nervous anticipation. I wanted to see what was up—but I didn’t either. I was crazy right now.
“Your wife is not responding.” I walked up as the doctor started talking. “We’re still running tests to see if we can pin-point what’s going on. She was submerged underwater for quite awhile. It doesn’t look good.”
“What the hell do you mean?” my father said in anger.
“With cases like these, the outcome doesn’t look promising. The brain requires oxygen, and if it goes without for a period of time, then things happen that may be irreversible.”
“Is she dead?” I asked. Something in me spoke up. I guess I was being the strong one.
“No, she has very minimal brain function, but we still need to assess the situation. We need to find out how she got into this situation. The police will be called, and they’ll investigate.”
“Okay, cool.” I heard hope in that statement, but I didn’t want to be naïve. I knew her chances were slim.
My father just stood there with a blank look on his face. “Okay, let’s go.” He started walking before we could even say a word. He hopped in the car I came in, and I got in the passenger seat. Dre was in the other car, and he followed us until we got home. I went into the house while those two stayed outside talking. I walked into the room with the hot tub to look for anything that could help get to the bottom of this. I looked at the half-empty bottle of wine on the floor and then picked it up. I put it to my nostrils to take a sniff. I didn’t know what I was looking at or for. I was just grasping at straws for reasons not to blame myself for what happened to my mother. I held on to the bottle and walked back toward the main part of the house; then I grabbed her cell phone off the table and went upstairs to my room. I didn’t know what else to do.
