“Don’t mind us. We’ll be upstairs,” I said, and before they could even start to question his late night visit, I towed him behind me as I crossed the length of the living room, walked down the hall, and climbed up the stairs to the second floor.
Dakota said nothing as I led him to my bedroom, but he followed me inside and even took his time glancing around the room when I shut the door behind us.
“Your room is huge,” he commented, turning his attention to me. “It’s almost triple the size of mine.”
I laughed. “Yeah, well, it’s comfort at its best.”
Warily stepping forward, Dakota motioned to the bed and asked, “Do you mind if I sit?”
I could really see the exhaustion on his face and I began to wonder why he’d even bothered coming over when it was obvious he could do with a few good hours of sleep.
“Not at all. Go ahead.”
He sat on the edge of the bed and because I wanted to keep that distance between us, I walked over to my computer desk, pulled out the chair and placed it a few feet in front of him before plopping on to it.
“You look tired, Dakota.”
The corners of his mouth curved up. “I am tired.”
“Why didn’t you wait until tomorrow to talk?” I asked more out of curiosity than anything else. I really was glad he was there, but he looked so tired that I felt bad for him. He could be home, resting comfortably on his bed instead of sitting on the edge of mine, tempting my mind into thinking inappropriate thoughts as I gazed at him.
“The truth?” he asked, arching an eyebrow.
“Of course.”
“I wanted to talk to you in a setting where you wouldn’t be tempted to speed off. And I didn’t call because I didn’t want you to hang up on me. It’s important that we talk.”
I almost laughed as he said that. He knew me so well even when we barely knew each other. He had been able to read that much into me and know that had we been someplace else I would have probably done just that.
“For the record, I’m not going anywhere. And,” I kept my eyes on him as I added, “I think I know what you want us to talk about.”
He tossed a skeptical look in my direction. “You do?”
I leaned against the chair’s back rest and sighed. “I’ve been thinking about what you said earlier. And it makes sense to me. You agreed to this crazy scheme of mine because you were upset over what happened. But because you’re attracted to me, you’re afraid that something might happen we will regret later. Since you are emotionally unavailable, you don’t want this thing between us to go too far. Does that about cover it?”
Dakota stared without saying a word for a few seconds. His dark eyes bore into mine, his lips set in a thin line. I couldn’t tell if he was angry or disappointed. He wasn’t very easy to read sometimes.
“More or less,” he replied at last. “But it’s not that I might do something that I will regret later, but you might. I don’t want that to happen.”
Never in my life did it ever occur to me that he might be more worried about me than about himself. He thought that if things went too far between us, and we stepped things up a notch, that I might get hurt? I was so stunned I only gaped. And to top things off he was saying that if something did happen between us, he wouldn’t regret anything. Wasn’t it too soon for him to be so sure of that?
“You’re worried that if we…” I thought about sugar coating it, about watching my language, especially since I have a bit of a potty mouth but then realized we’re adults. “Have sex, and eventually things between Margaret and you work out, I might resent you?”
“No. I’m worried that you’ll get hurt.” The truth was visible in his eyes, they blazed with honesty. “It’s no secret to you at least, that I still care for her. A five year relationship is not something you get over overnight. We went through a lot together. But I have to be honest, fighting off the attraction I have for you is getting harder and harder.”
“I don’t expect you to fight off anything, Dakota.”
He rewarded me with a half-smile. “And by this point I’m not really sure I even want to try to work things out.”
This was news to me. I had assumed that he’d want her back eventually. That he’d do anything to get her back since it was obvious he really loved Margaret.
Arching my brow, I asked, “Why not?”
Dakota hunched over a bit, resting both forearms on his thighs, and gazing down at the carpet. “I don’t think I’ll be able to trust her anymore. I mean, I’m sure trust will be a huge issue between us. Whenever she starts to distance herself, I’ll always wonder if she’s stepping out on me, and I don’t think I can live like that.”
If I had any doubts about how he felt about her, they would have died instantly the moment he said that. It almost felt as if I could see into his heart by the way his voice sounded.
“She called me today.”
I straightened up in the chair. “What did she say?”
“She confessed a few things.”
“Are these things I want to hear?” I asked, regretting it the second I did.
“Maybe,” he warned. “I didn’t have much fun listening, and I doubt you will.”
I sighed. “Let’s get this over with.”
Dakota shrugged. “Okay. Well, she started off by confessing that she’s been seeing Kirk for a little over a month now.”
Well, I hate to admit it, but when I’m right, I’m right. Not that that made me feel any better. If anything, it made me feel worse. I’d had reason to doubt him after all and that ticked me off even more.
“And that this hasn’t been the first time she’s cheated.”
Shock didn’t even come close to describing what I felt. Dumbstruck definitely hit the mark. Why had Margaret had a sudden change of heart and decided to confess her deepest—possibly worst secrets she’d been hiding? Was she finally ready to admit her mistakes? Had she gotten her fill of Kirk already?
“She had the sudden urge to confess her past sins?” The words oozed of sarcasm, which was something I could barely hold back by this point.
He laughed, but the gesture did not meet his eyes. It was more of a forced action. “She was drunk. I could tell. And I don’t think she was confessing anything? I think she was just…” he stopped, refusing to finish the sentence but I did it for him.
“You think she was rubbing it in your face because of me.”
He straightened up and ran one hand over the back of his head and then further down, where it lingered on the back of his neck. He looked stressed, tired, upset, and that knowledge touched something deep in my barely human soul.
When he snapped his head to the side, the bones in the back of his neck cracked loudly. And I recognized that as a sign of tension. He was stressed out. Exhausted. Drained. And I could read everything just by looking at him.
“Maybe. I doubt the rumors didn’t reach her. Especially if she’s still involved with Kirk.” He said as he lowered his hand. “But I also think she was being honest. This hasn’t been the only time I’ve noticed a change in her behavior. A couple of years ago she started to act strange. Just like she did a little while ago, right around the time she claims to have started seeing Kirk, and now that I know for sure she was cheating this time, I can only assume that she’s telling the truth about that guy she went home with two years ago.”
“You didn’t think back then she was stepping out on you?” I asked incredulous.
“I had my suspicions, but I never had proof. After a while, I assumed she was stressed out because of school and since she reverted back to her old self soon thereafter I thought it was just something she had been trying to work through at the time.”
The girl really needed to get her ass kicked. How could she have someone as wonderful as Dakota and cheat on him? Not once, but twice. But then I recalled something Audrey said a few days ago and I studied Dakota hard. Had he cheated on Margaret first and she was only getting back at him for what he’d done? Did
she have some ulterior motive for her actions or was the girl simply a tramp?
“Dakota, have you ever cheated on Margaret?” I blurted before I could think to analyze what was going to rush out of my mouth. What if he took offense? Worse yet, what if he said something I might not like.
I could see the truth on his face even before he opened his mouth to respond.
“No. I’ve never cheated on her. I had no reason to do something like that. At least…she was everything to me. I wouldn’t have messed things up like that. If I had a problem or any type of issues with the relationship, I would have talked to her about it.”
And I believed him. He definitely gave me the impression of being the kind of guy that would have communicated any misgivings he might have had when it came to his other half.
It was hard for me to understand why, then, had this girl chosen to engage in a sexual relationship with somebody as shallow and conceded as Kirk? What had Dakota done that was so terrible she needed to step out on the man who’d devoted five years of his life to her? Was there something I was missing here? What piece of the puzzle had I overlooked?
“Can I ask you something?” I moved the chair forward until only a space of a foot, if not less, kept our knees from touching.
Dakota bobbed his head up and down. “Go ahead.”
“Would you have cheated? I mean, if you’d found out earlier about Kirk and Margaret, would you have cheated on her?”
The stunned look on his face almost made me want to laugh. He stared back at me as if he couldn’t believe I’d just asked him that.
“Before you respond, I want you to be completely honest with me,” I added. “Don’t let your feelings for her do the talking.”
Dakota opened his mouth to respond twice, and twice he clamped his lips shut as if he wasn’t sure what to say. I waited patiently for him say anything, but he didn’t look too sure of what that should be.
After a moment, however, he finally said, “You mean cheat with you? Or someone else?”
Did it really matter? Cheating was cheating? But just to see what his reaction was, I said, “With me, of course.”
He actually chewed on his lower lip, his gaze mirrored uncertainty. Though I couldn’t be sure, it seemed to me he was having a difficult time trying to figure out what to respond.
“I don’t really know, Janessa. I’m not sure I would have done something like that. I mean, I think you’re beautiful. And yes, you’re incredibly attractive. Sexy. Even a blind guy can see that. But I’m not the kind of guy that uses girls and then dumps them,” he finally said. “I wouldn’t feel okay with it. I wouldn’t want to hurt anyone the way I wouldn’t want my sister to get hurt.”
At least, he was honest. Any other guy would have said yes to see if he could get in my pants or to try to get me to sympathize. But Dakota went in a different direction. Letting me know he would have thought about it, but eventually would have decided against it.
“What if I wanted you to use me like that?” I kept my eyes on him as I pushed the office chair forward until our knees actually touched. The way his gaze wavered definitely didn’t go unnoticed by me. “What if I wanted us to get even in more ways than one? Would you have done it?”
Dakota met my gaze determinately but did not respond right away. Instead, he breathed in and out slowly, as if afraid that by releasing air too quickly I could read the truth and know what was really going through his head.
After a brief moment, he let out a groan—yes, an actual groan—and said, “You’re not going to make this easy on me, are you?”
The bark of laughter that left my mouth then was totally against my will. There was nothing comical about the conversation. The sexual tension was so heavy in the room I would have needed a pair of hedge clippers to cut through it. Yet, watching Dakota’s reaction to my inquiries was just about the sweetest and most confusing thing I’d ever seen. It led me to believe he wasn’t used to girls hitting on him. And having conversations like these were probably not an everyday thing for him.
“I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.” I stopped laughing but couldn’t fight off the amused look that clearly showed on my face. “I just wanted to see what your response would be.”
Dakota shook his head from side to side, but he still smiled good-humoredly. “Yeah, well, I never thought a simple question would be so hard to answer.”
“To be honest, it wasn’t such a simple question. But it shouldn’t be so hard to respond. A yes or no answer would suffice.”
“How can I answer yes or no when I don’t know what I would have done?”
“I’ll answer for you then.” I sobered up quickly. “You wouldn’t have done it. Your feelings for Margaret would have kept you away,” I added, almost challenging him. “You would have thought about the possibilities just like you are now.” I grinned.
“Thinking and acting are two different things.”
I couldn’t agree more. “Yes, but thinking about it expresses the desire to do so.”
“Only if I act on my thoughts, which I haven’t.”
Not unless he counted that smooch he planted on me at the campus parking lot.
“Ah, so you have thought about it.”
“Let’s just say I’m tempted.”
Finally, he actually said something that closely resembled the truth. Well, at the very least it sounded sincere. I’d noticed from day one how he looked at me. I wasn’t blind. I could see—feel his attraction to me. But he tried so hard to hide it.
“Temptation is good.” I leaned forward in the chair. “I’m tempted too.”
“I’m not sure I agree with that. Temptation can be bad sometimes. If Margaret and I were still involved, I would have done anything to keep away from you.”
“You would have done anything to keep away from temptation?” I asked with smirk.
Dakota squeezed his eyes shut, but nodded somberly.
Well, I’d finally gotten him to admit a lot more than he appeared comfortable with. This was progress at its best. He was opening up and this could only bring positive results for me.
Holding back a grin, I said, “We’re just talking. Nothing more. You came here looking to clarify something and you have. You haven’t cheated on Margaret. Technically, you two aren’t together as of right now anyway. And even if something happened between us, no one could really blame you.” Yes, that was my inner she-devil talking. She just couldn’t help but throw the line to see if he’d let himself be hooked.
“That may be true, but…” He hesitated. “I didn’t just come here because I wanted us to talk.” His gaze met mine again. “I wanted to see you.”
“Because you had a bad night?” I asked knowing that wasn’t the reason but wanting to know what he would say. “I thought you’d do anything to stay away from temptation,” I teased.
“My night was pretty shitty but that’s not the reason why I wanted to see you.”
“All right. You have my attention. Why are you really here?”
“I don’t know if you can relate, but in some weird way, when I talk to you, I forget about all the bad things that have happen lately. You make me forget all the negativity in my life.”
His response sounded so damn sincere I began to panic. No one had ever said something remotely as sweet as that to me before and I really had no clue how to take it. Or what to say. How could someone be so nerdy and sexy at the same time? And since when do I find that a huge turn on? Was there something seriously wrong with me?
Since my sense of panic threatened to take the best of me, when Dakota once again tensed a little and pushed his shoulders up and then back, I took that as an opportunity to say, “You look like you’re carrying a lot of tension on your shoulders.”
Not surprisingly he responded with, “It’s been a little tough the past few days. With all the school work, a lot of idiots looking to pick a fight at work, and then this whole thing with Margaret…I’m—”
“About to pop like a balloon,” I
finished.
“Just about,” he responded with a smile.
“I can help ease some of that tension.” Before he could reply, I hurried to my feet, walked behind him and said, “Take off your jacket.”
Dakota slipped out of his black leather jacket and draped it over the chair I’d been sitting on before setting back on to the mattress and resting his hands on his thick thighs.
“And don’t worry, I’m not going to bite.”
A low, soft chuckled escaped his lips. “That’s the second time you’ve said that to me.”
“And I mean it. I won’t bite. Not unless you want me to.”
His response to that was a long, deep sigh.
Smiling, I immediately set out to massage his shoulders with strong, easy strokes of my hands. His muscles were knotted in some places, making me aware of just how stressed he really was. Things hadn’t been easy for him and he carried the weight of the negativity in his body, buried deep within his muscles.
Gliding the tips of my fingers up his neck, I drew imaginary circles over his warm skin, gently working the tension he seemed to carry with him. After about a minute, he began to relax.
“Does that help?” I asked.
His response was a weak nod.
“You’re definitely tense,” I said. “How long has it been since you relaxed?”
“With classes and two jobs I barely have time to think,” he responded, his voice barely audible.
“You really deserve to go out and have fun once in a while.”
“I’ve tried, but I’m always too busy,” he said. “Which reminds me, do you still want to go to the club this weekend?”
I nodded, but quickly realized that since his back was to me he couldn’t see me. “Sure. Why not? It will probably be fun.”
“Good, because I spoke with my boss and he gave us the okay. But it has to be on Friday instead of Saturday.”
“Really?”
“Yeah. He had a hard time believing I’d be part of the group reserving one of the VIP rooms though.”
“Why is that?”
“He’s a good friend and he knows I don’t go out much.”
I shook my head. “Even your boss knows you don’t have a life?”
Payback is Sweet Page 16
