“I think He has done that already, Papa,” Natalia smiled.
Then taking her father’s arm, she moved with him across the landing and down the great stone stair-case towards the Chapel.
CHAPTER FOUR
“The last guest has left, M’Lady,” Ellen announced, returning to the bed-room from the top of the stairs.
“Then I must go down to His Lordship,” Natalia said with a lilt in her voice.
There had only been a few people left in the Dining-Hall when she had gone upstairs to remove her veil and tiara and change from her wedding-gown into another dress.
She had said good-bye to her father knowing he was displeased and resentful at having to return to Cumberland so quickly.
She had a deep affection for him, but at the same time she longed above all things to be alone with her husband.
The wedding had been even more wonderful than she had anticipated.
The Chapel with its high pillars and great Gothic arches had been filled with flowers. The altar was white with them and in every window-ledge and against every wall there were clumps of lilies, carnations, gardenias and other exotic blooms from the greenhouses.
There had been a choir of young boys whose voices had seemed to soar like angels towards the Heavens.
The Chapel was packed with all the distinguished nobility of the County, but Natalia moving slowly up the aisle on her father’s arm was conscious of only one person.
Her Knight—waiting for her at the Chancel steps!
When they had said their wedding vows and Lord Colwall had repeated in his deep voice: “With this ring, I thee wed; with my body I thee worship,” Natalia had felt it was a moment so sacred and so moving that the tears had come into her eyes.
She was his wife! She was his! This was the moment she had longed for for three years!
The Marriage Feast, as Lord Colwall had intended, was sensational and an astonishment to his guests.
They had exclaimed over the glazed boars heads, the geese stuffed with oysters, the swans garnished with peaches.
There was even a peacock served with its enormous tail spread fan-like to arouse loud exclamations of surprise from the diners.
Course succeeded course, and the gold goblets from which they drank were kept constantly replenished with champagne.
The Dining-Hall was filled with guests, and yet there appeared to be a footman behind every chair. Natalia had never imagined that anyone could entertain in such luxury.
The flowers in the Hall made it the “bower of beauty” which Lord Colwall had promised.
Natalia thought how wonderful it was to find a man who was so masculine in every way and yet had an appreciation of flowers and gardens.
It would make yet another interest that they could share together, and she longed for the moment when they could exchange opinions on so many different subjects.
‘Now I understand,’ Natalia told herself, ‘why His Lordship wished me to be so well educated! He himself seems to know even more than Papa!’
When the feast was over, Natalia received so many compliments, so many good wishes and so many blessings for her future happiness that it was finally with flushed cheeks and shining eyes that she left the Hall.
She first said good-bye to her father and then she went upstairs to change her gown.
‘Now the house will be quiet,’ she thought as she descended the stone staircase.
In the Hall, Herald, the mastiff, was waiting for her. He had been shut up during the wedding and he ran towards her playfully, glad to be free again.
She put her hand on his head and he walked beside her into the Salon where she expected to find Lord Colwall.
He was not there, so she moved towards the fire-place, thinking she would sit on the hearth-rug and play with Herald until he appeared.
It was then she heard voices, and realised they came from another room which opened out of the one she was in.
She had learnt by now that the Salon in which Lord Colwall had received them last night was called from the Norman days “Le Salon d’Or,” and the one beyond it was known as “Le Salon d’Argent.”
In Le Salon d’Argent she heard Lord Col wall’s deep voice and another which she suspected belonged to Sir James Parke.
'He would be the last one to leave,’ she thought, ‘because he has so ably supported His Lordship all the afternoon and evening.’
The door into Le Salon d’Argent which was to the right of the fire-place was half-open and as Natalia drew near, she heard Sir James say:
“She is enchanting, Ranulf, the most exquisite creature I have ever encountered! So tell me, dear boy, that you have now discarded all those ridiculous notions with which you shocked me the day before yesterday. You will fall deeply in love with this beautiful girl and live happily ever afterwards!”
“Never!”
The exclamation was sharp and loud.
“Listen to me, Ranulf. Natalia is not an ordinary, stupid Society Chit who will be content with a position at the top of your table. She is intelligent, sensitive and will ask more from life than that!”
“I told you when we talked of it before exactly what I want in this marriage,” Lord Colwall retorted. “I require, Sir James, in case you have forgotten, a wife who will give me a son! That is all I ask except that she should be pure and untouched. And this time I have made certain of that!”
“Ranulf, have you looked at Natalia? Knowing that she was her mother’s daughter, I was expecting her to be pretty and charming, but nothing so unusual, or indeed so breathtakingly lovely.”
“You are very dramatic, Sir James,” Lord Colwall said scathingly, “but I assure you that whatever Natalia looks like, it will not affect my resolve never again to love any woman—nor, if I can prevent it, to allow her to love me. There is no place for that nauseating emotion in my life.”
There was a pause and then Sir James said sadly:
“I can only pray, Ranulf, that time will make you change your mind, or perhaps Natalia will do that.”
“In this instance, your prayers will undoubtedly remain unanswered,” Lord Colwall said coldly.
“Then I can only say good-bye,” Sir James said. “It was a very delightful wedding and the County will talk about the Feast which followed it for years to come. I hope that gives you some satisfaction.”
“It does indeed,” Lord Colwall said lightly. ‘It always pleases me when my plans work out in exactly the manner I intended. Good-bye, Sir James, and thank you for your support.”
Natalia stood in Le Salon d’Or as if turned to stone.
She had not moved since she first overheard what Lord Colwall and Sir James were saying in the next room, and as Lord Colwall pushed open the door he saw her.
Her face was so pale that he was instantly aware that something had occurred.
“What is it?” he asked. “What is wrong?”
She did not answer because she felt as if her throat was constricted and it was hard to breathe. Then Lord Colwall realised that the door had been open and she must have overheard what was being said.
“I was talking to Sir James,” he said and his voice was a little uncertain.
“I ... heard ... you.”
Natalia managed to speak the words and now she made her first movement. One small hand crept up to her breast.
Lord Colwall advanced a little further into the Salon.
“It was a conversation that was not meant for your ears,” he said. “I feel sure you will understand that whatever I said to Sir James does not in any way alter the respect I have for you.”
“Re ... spect?” Natalia could hardly breathe the word.
Lord Colwall walked to the fire-place and stood with his back to the fire.
“I must commend you, Natalia, on the excellent way in which you received my employees last night and my friends today. I am well aware that it was a great ordeal for a girl brought up as quietly as you have been. But let me tell you that you came through with flyin
g colours!”
He spoke heavily, choosing his words with care. But now, looking at Natalia’s white face, he realised that what he said had not impinged on her consciousness.
“I did ... not ... understand,” she said in a very low voice.
“What did you not understand?” he enquired.
“That all you ... wanted from a ... wife was that she should ... produce ... an heir.”
Lord Colwall made a little gesture of impatience.
“Surely it was obvious? I supposed that your mother would have explained to you that our marriage was advantageous to us both.” There was a silence and then Natalia said:
“Did you really ... think that I was ... marrying you simply for your ... title and the ... position you could give me ... here?”
“What else?” he asked in surprise. ‘We did not know each other.”
“But we did!” Natalia contradicted. “You came to Pooley Bridge. You saw me and after that everything in my life was changed. You arranged my education, you sent me Crusader, and Mama wrote reports to you of my progress every month. She told me so.”
“It was in fact your mother’s suggestion,” Lord Colwall said. “But surely at such a brief encounter you could hardly expect to engage my affections?”
Natalia raised her eyes to his and he saw they were dark with pain.
“I thought you ... loved ... me.”
For a moment it seemed as if Lord Colwall had also been turned to stone. Then he looked away from Natalia’s eyes to say harshly:
“How could you imagine anything so absurd? So ridiculous? You were only a child when I came to your home.”
“I was ... old enough to fall ... in love,” Natalia answered. “I loved you when I saw you coming towards me through the mist over the lake. You looked as I had always ... imagined...”
She stopped.
“What did you imagine?” Lord Colwall asked curiously.
“It is difficult to ... explain,” Natalia answered. “Papa said once that instead of an angel to ... watch over us, we each have a Knight ... like the ... Knights of Malta to ... guard and protect us from ... evil. In my ... dreams he looked exactly like ... you!”
There was a little throb in her voice which was extremely moving.
Lord Colwall took a deep breath.
“This is not what I anticipated,” he said. “I think, Natalia, the best thing we can do is to sit down and discuss this matter sensibly.”
Obediently, as if she was a puppet that must obey his commands, Natalia seated herself on the edge of the sofa. She put her hands in her lap and raised her eyes to his.
She suddenly seemed very small, very fragile—a waif, rather than the glowing, happy girl who had walked down the aisle on his arm.
“I do not know how much you know about my first marriage,” Lord Colwall said. “There is in fact no reason for you to learn the details. It is sufficient for me to tell you that what happened then made me determined never again, as long as I live, to be embroiled in the misery, the degradation of what is called love.”
“And yet you ... wished to marry ... again?” Natalia said.
“I married so that I could have children,” Lord Colwall replied. “You know the history of my family. You have learnt that this Castle has been handed from father to son all down the centuries. I want an heir, Natalia, and that was why I chose you.”
“Any ... woman could have served the same ... purpose,” Natalia said in a low voice.
“Not any woman,” Lord Colwall corrected. “It had to be someone whom I would be proud to acknowledge as my wife and who would be a fitting mother for my children. You have both these qualities, Natalia.”
“But they are external assets,” Natalia answered. “They do not affect me ... the real ... me. I would never have married ... anyone I did not ... love.”
“It is unfortunate,” Lord Colwall admitted, “that we could not have this discussion before the Marriage Ceremony took place! But I could not be expected to imagine that a girl to whom I had spoken once three years ago would consider herself in love with me or expect me to love her in return.”
There was something almost defiant in the way he spoke.
“I see ... now that it was very ... foolish,” Natalia said in a low voice.
“If you admit that,” Lord Colwall said in a brighter tone, “I think the best thing for you to do is to forget that, by an unfortunate chance, you overheard a private conversation between myself and Sir James. You are my wife, Natalia, and I shall always treat you in a manner to which I am quite certain you can never take exception.”
He seemed to consider his words and he went on:
“There is much here which I am sure will give you pleasure. The Colwall family jewels are magnificent. You will not find me an ungenerous husband in every other way, and I am sure that our children, when we have them, will make up to you for all the shortcomings of their father!”
Natalia was very still and then she said:
“Are you really ... suggesting that, now I know you do not ... love me, I should ... permit you to give me a ... child?”
For a moment Lord Colwall looked embarrassed, but he said in an unemotional voice:
“I can appreciate that you are very innocent in these matters, but you will find it not too unpleasant to accept me as your husband—in fact, as well as in name.”
There was the slightest twist of his lips as he added:
“I am not inexperienced where women are concerned, Natalia, and I am confident that I can make our association, if that is the right word for it, pleasurable for us both.”
Natalia jumped to her feet.
“No! No!”
Lord Colwall looked at her in surprise.
“May I enquire what you mean by that?”
“It means,” Natalia replied, “that I could not allow you to touch me ... now that I know you do not love me!”
For a moment there was an expression of anger in Lord Colwall’s eyes, but he managed to say unemotionally:
“That is a ridiculous assertion, as you must well know. For the moment you are upset, but I have asked you to forget what you inadvertently overheard. In fact I order you to do so.”
“And you imagine ... even if I could forget it ... that I could delude myself into ... believing that you ... love me?” Natalia asked.
“I have told you that there is no point in our discussing love,” Lord Colwall replied. “But let me tell you in all sincerity, Natalia, that I do appreciate that you will make me a very charming wife, and I cannot believe that in the course of a few minutes the love that you have just professed to feel for me has changed into dislike.”
“No, I do not ... dislike you,” Natalia said. “I love you ... although I was mistaken in thinking you love me. But I ... cannot give you a ... child.”
“Why not?”
There was no doubt of the irritation in Lord Colwall’s tone now.
“Because if we had one without you ... loving me ... then it might easily be ... deformed.”
Lord Colwall stared at Natalia incredulously, and then as if he could not prevent himself he ejaculated:
“What the devil do you mean by that?”
Natalia’s hand went up to the pendant which she wore around her neck. She felt her fingers touch the cool enamel of the Knight. Somehow she felt that it gave her courage.
“Will you allow me to ... explain exactly what I mean, My Lord?”
“But of course,” Lord Colwall said courteously, the irritation fading from his eyes. ‘Will you not sit down?”
He indicated the sofa again. But Natalia sank down on the rug in front of the fire.
As if he sensed what she was feeling, Herald came to be beside her and place his great head in her lap.
She stroked him for a few moments until, when Lord Colwall had seated himself in a high-backed arm-chair, she began in a low voice:
“I thought about having ... children and I wanted above all else to give you a ... son.
”
He did not speak and after a moment she went on:
“When I was coming here yesterday and I saw the Castle, I remembered how Mama had told me of the wonderful place it was for the young; a place for children to play Hide and Seek, to run along the broad corridors and to climb the turrets. I knew then I wanted to have not an only child, such as I myself had been, but a number.”
She paused and stared into the fire before she said:
“I am well aware that at the moment you are ... incensed with me for not agreeing instantly to your wishes, but I think when you hear the ... reason for my refusal, you will ... understand.”
“I am listening,” Lord Colwall said.
“I must have been twelve, or perhaps thirteen, when I learned first that a baby could be born out of wedlock,” Natalia began in a low voice. ‘There was a girl living in the village, the daughter of a small farmer, who fell very much in love with one of the farm labourers.
“He was, of course, not of her class and there could be no question of her marrying him. But soon people began to talk of her condition, and I learned from the conversations I overheard in the village that she was having a baby.”
The colour rose in her cheeks.
“The man was sent away—no-one knew where he went—and the baby was born the following winter. His mother died in child-birth and the child was brought up by his grandparents.”
Natalia paused.
“When Jeremy was three years old, he was the most beautiful child I have ever seen in my life. I remember saying to Papa: ‘It seems strange that two quite ordinary-looking people should have such a beautiful child. He looks like an angel!’
“ ‘That often happens with love-children,’ Papa told me.
“ ‘But Jeremy was born in what everybody in the village calls “sin,” ’ I protested.
“Papa looked across the lake before he answered and then he said:
‘When a man and a woman love each other with all their heart, their soul and their body, Natalia, their desire for each other can, I am sure, evoke the Divine Life-Force. It pours through them, and at the moment of conception, they beget a child that is in fact, as we should all be, in the image of God’.”
Sword to the Heart (Bantam Series No. 13) Page 7
