by Andi Bremner
“So,” she began with a steadying breathe, she sounded as if she were making a declaration, “I have decided something. I have decided that it is time you left. You’re eighteen now. Old enough to be on your own. I’ve supported you for long enough, poor Kent has supported you long enough and I don’t think I can handle the disgrace of being your mother anymore. Maybe without you here then Kent and I will finally stand a chance.”
Kent was never going to leave his wife, but even after twenty years my stupid, pathetic mother was still clutching at straws doing anything and everything to make him come to her. Including it seemed, finally getting rid of me.
I swallowed down the bile that was threatening to rise. “I—um—I don’t have anywhere to go.”
“Oh really? Well can’t you go back to where you’ve been? Or doesn’t he want you anymore?”
“I haven’t been anywhere,” I told her, “I haven’t been with any guys.”
She laughed. “Such a lie. You are a slut of Tony Hurst’s. Oh? You look surprised. Didn’t think that I knew that did you? Oh yes, I’ve heard all about your relationship.”
I didn’t dare ask what she was talking about. “Tony is just a friend. We play in his bar.”
“You can go live with him,” she snapped, “or someone else. Or maybe now that they’ve had you they don’t want you. I always warned you that would be the case.”
I bit my tongue. “Please. I have nowhere to go. Just give me a few more weeks to work something out.”
She was silent and for a moment I thought that she was about to back down. That her motherly instincts had kicked in and she would find some compassion, some love for me even. Hopefully I raised my eyes to hers only to be met with the cold, clear blue of her eyes.
“You have until the end of the week. And then I want you gone.”
She turned and stalked out, leaving me cold on the floor in the bathroom, the hot tears only now beginning to squeeze their way out of my eyes.
What was I going to do now?
****
Luke
I was meeting Trinity at The Bean. It was in between both our places she had assured me, although I had no idea where her place was. I got a flash of all that stuff piled up in her car and a hard knot formed in my gut but I pushed the thoughts out of my head. I didn’t want to go there. I didn’t even want to think it.
“Hot date?” Toby glanced up from the sofa where he was perched watching a repeated football game with a bunch of our mates. I knew these guys, these were my guys, my friends from primary school. Troy, Harry, Jake, and Dylan. They too glanced up at me and I noted a few raised eyebrows.
“Melissa?” asked Troy.
I shook my head. “No.” I didn’t want to tell them about Trinity. Not yet.
Jake pursed his lips. “Melissa is going to be gutted.”
I seriously did not want to be talking about Melissa right now. “We’re over. She needs to move it on.”
“Best tell her that mate,” Jake informed me, “because Heidi tells me she is still prattling on about you guys just taking a break. Slowing things down a little.”
“We’ve slowed it down so that it’s almost in reverse,” I informed him, “and in saying that it does not mean we are going to be rehashing what’s been.”
I sometimes felt a little weird about the fact that I was with Melissa for five years, that I had devoted so much of myself to her, that she had been my first everything and yet … I felt nothing. It had taken me six months to work up the courage to end things with her and then when I had, all I’d felt was relief. No sadness. No remorse. Just relief that it was over.
Was I that cold and heartless that someone that I loved—that I’d said I love you to on countless occasions—that I could discard them so easily.
I guess it probably meant I hadn’t really loved her in the first place. She just fit in. With me, my family, and friends, my life. With everything. But in the end, it wasn’t a life I wanted to continue. I didn’t like the direction it was headed in.
“So if not Melissa then…?” Dylan prodded.
“Someone.”
“Oh right.” Troy laughed. “Someone. As opposed to no one.”
“A girl,” I gave in.
Jake laughed. “That’s a relief. I mean I didn’t think it was a dude but you know, stranger things have happened.”
I punched him on the arm. “Fuck off.”
“Oh shit,” said Toby suddenly, his face changing, “you’re going out with Trinity!”
“Trinity?” Troy snapped his head round to me, “lead singer of that chick band?”
He knew that? I wanted to ask him how but I didn’t get a chance because the other guys were all asking me a hundred more questions.
But what caught my attention was Toby who was slowly shaking his head. “Hey man, you don’t wanna tap that. I promise you.”
I frowned. I didn’t like hearing him talk like that. Not about Trinity. “Leave off.”
“No man, I’m serious,” he continued soberly, “that girl has some serious issues. I mean some stuff going on. Stuff you can’t probably imagine.”
I thought of the bruise. The shit piled up in her car. I didn’t want to imagine but it wasn’t hard.
“Leave off, Toby,” I warned.
He shook his head. “I’m not saying this for your benefit dude,” he said quietly, “it’s for hers. She might strut her shit on stage like she’s as tough as nails and in some ways she is, but dude… She’s not for you. She’d never fit in your world and you’ll make her feel like shit if you make her try.”
Toby was annoying me now. “It’s a date. Lighten up. I’m taking her out to dinner—alone—not inviting her over to meet my mom.”
“Whatever dude. But I just thought you should know. Leave her alone. She’s not the one for you.”
No. Melissa was supposedly the one for me, but Melissa was not what I wanted at all.
****
Luke
Trinity was seated at the counter when I arrived, chatting to the staff. She was dressed in a navy dress with thin straps and had heels on. Her short, blonde hair was tucked behind her ears and she had only the slightest hint of makeup on.
Her tattoos were gone. Interesting.
The door tinkled when I walked in and she looked over, her face lighting up in such a smile when she saw me that I wanted to spend the rest of my life walking in and out of that door if she would smile at me like that.
Fuck. I had it bad.
Returning her smile I made my way over to her. “Hey.” I let my gaze wash over her. “You look pretty.”
She beamed. “Thanks. You look okay yourself. Not so sweaty this time.”
I blinked at her and then remembered the run that morning and yesterday. Shit, when she’d mentioned sweaty my mind had gone straight to other things.
I swallowed hard. “Ready to go?”
She nodded and bounced down from the stool, waving a quick goodbye as we walked out of the coffee shop. I led her down the street to my car and opened the door for her before running around to the other side.
“Where are your tats?” I asked when we were buckled in.
“My what? Oh. They’re fake.”
“Fake?”
“Yeah, I get them done on Saturdays when we have a gig. They’re temporary and generally only last a few days before they wash or wear off.”
I stared at her. Then I burst out laughing.
She frowned. “What’s so funny?”
I shook my head. “Fake tattoos. You are such a surprise Trinity. Such a surprise.”
I drove through town toward the Italian restaurant I’d booked. I knew this one, the food was great and the ambience was quiet but not too intimate. I didn’t want her to feel awkward on our first date, although I couldn’t say that wasn’t how I felt. I felt like a fifteen-year-old boy going on my first date.
I wondered if she would let me kiss her at the end.
We made small talk on the way, I talked abou
t college, told her about my family, and she talked about the band and the girls. She didn’t mention her family.
I pulled into a space outside the restaurant and turned to her.
She smelled like roses. I remembered the rose she’d dropped down her pants at the gig and felt my insides harden. She’d smell like roses down there too, I was sure of it.
There was no way I was going to get through this evening. All I could think about was kissing her, touching her, and tasting her. She looked so sweet and innocent and I just wanted to wrap my arms around her, pull her close, inhale her, and breathe her in. My whole body was taught and edgy. I was going to stuff this up if I didn’t do something. Now.
“Trinity,” I began, holding eye contact, “we are going to dinner and I am going to spend the whole dinner thinking about kissing you. Wondering if you will let me kiss you and wondering what you will taste like. But I want to listen to you, talk to you without that distraction. So, if you wouldn’t mind, can I ask you something?”
Her eyes were wide and she nodded.
“Will you let me kiss you tonight?”
She licked her bottom lip and nodded again.
“Can I kiss you now?”
She sucked her lip in this time and nodded again her eyes wide.
I didn’t hesitate but slid across the seat toward her. Her lips were glossy and wet and when I touched them with my own, she jumped a little and stiffened. Fuck, she tasted like heaven. I nudged her lips open and slipped my tongue inside her mouth, tangling it with hers. She made a little sound at the back of her throat and leaned in toward me, her hands coming up to rest on my shoulders.
It didn’t last long but it was fucking awesome. When I pulled back I looked down at her, her mouth open, lips plump, and eyes shut. I knew that if I started kissing her again I wouldn’t want to stop. Suddenly, kissing her before dinner didn’t seem like such a great idea. Now I had a raging hard on that was going to annoy me all night long.
Finally she blinked and opened her eyes before her cheeks changed color and she ducked her head.
“Now,” I announced opening the car door and enjoying the feel of the cold air on my face, cooling me a little, “now we can eat.”
I was a bit wrong on that assumption. I did eat, forced myself to eat, but only because I was trying not to think about kissing her. It was as if she hadn’t been kissed before, not from anything she did that was awkward or bad, but because of the stain on her cheeks afterwards and the surprised little noises that she made when I opened her mouth with my tongue.
Man, I had to stop thinking about things like that. It wasn’t helping me focus.
Trinity, for her part, sat opposite and quietly ate her food, throwing tentative smiles my way every now and again. With her dressed this way, with her face bereft of the heavy makeup and the piercings and tattoos, it was hard to reconcile this girl here, who looked so fresh and innocent, with the girl who oozed sex up on stage out front of a rock band.
“You are staring at me,” she commented after a few moments.
“Sorry,” I blinked and forced myself to look away from her, “it’s just hard to imagine you up on stage when you look like this.”
She glanced down at her dress and then back at me. “Look like this?”
“You know, normal.”
For a second I thought maybe I might have said the wrong thing but then she giggled. I liked the sound of it, it was clear and genuine and it did funny things in my gut. “I have to dress different in order to dance and sing on stage like I do. There is no way I would be brave enough to get up there and sing looking like this.”
“You’ve always sung rock?”
She shrugged. “More or less. I may not have the right type of voice that people generally associate with rock but it’s what I like to sing.”
“You sound a little like—”
“If you say Mariah Carey I am walking out of here,” she warned, her blue eyes flashing.
I grinned. “I was going to say Kate Bush. You have that operatic sound. Were you the kind of kid whose mother signed them up for singing lessons?” My mother was that kind of mother, Brooke had been doing singing, dancing, and drama lessons for years. I remember being dragged along to boring rehearsals and concerts for years until I was about thirteen. At that stage though I was old enough to not only stay home by myself but also actually enjoy the girls in high cut leotards.
Judging by the look that caused her face to cloud over Trinity didn’t have the same mother as I did. “No. I’ve never had lessons.”
I wanted to ask more questions but I suspected the conversation was closed. And I hated that look on her face. I wanted her to smile again.
“So it’s all natural,” I said, making my voice as light as possible, “you’re naturally talented.”
She smiled and looked down at her plate. Better.
Feeling good I glanced around the restaurant for the first time taking in the other diners. It was one of my favorite restaurants, intimate but not overly too suggestive. I’d been here many, many times over the years. With family, with friends, and also with Melissa.
And there she was.
Shit.
I lowered my eyes back to the food, throwing a smile in Trinity’s direction. Melissa was sitting across the room, having dinner with her parents. As far as I could tell they hadn’t noticed me yet and I really, really hoped it would stay that way. It was fucking stupid of me to bring Trinity here, I should have known that we would bump into someone I knew. And of all the people…
“Everything okay?” Trinity asked suddenly.
“Sure,” I smiled again, flicking my eyes quickly in Melissa’s direction.
Trinity noticed. “Do you know those people over there?”
“Hmmn.”
“If you want to go say hello I don’t mind.”
God she was sweet. I didn’t want to go say hello, I wanted to pretend they weren’t here and they didn’t know me.
“It’s fine,” I replied.
“Oh, well they’ve seen you anyhow,” she said, her voice changing, “and coming over.”
Fuck. I did not want to have a scene with Melissa right now. Not in front of Trinity, not when things were going so well.
I glanced up to see Melissa storming across the restaurant. She was a tall girl, almost as tall as me and a formidable creature when she was pissed. And right now, she looked pissed. Her face was all pinched and tight and there were way too many lines between her brows.
I forced a smile on my face as she approached. “Melissa, hi, how are you?”
“Who is that?” she said not even looking at Trinity.
I needed to keep this friendly. I needed to calm Melissa down. “Melissa this is Trinity. Trinity this is Melissa.”
“Nice to mee—” Trinity began pleasantly.
“I don’t know what you think you’re doing, Luke,” Melissa interrupted her, ignoring her completely and directing all her anger at me, “are you trying to make me jealous? Are you trying to embarrass me?”
“Melissa this is not the time.” I said quietly, imploring her with my eyes to calm down. I don’t know why I bothered. I had seen Melissa angry many times over the years and there was no calming her down. There was more just riding out the storm.
“What? Are you afraid I will embarrass you in front of your date?” Then she turned her attention on Trinity. “And you know you aren’t really his date don’t you? Luke and I have been together for five years. Did he tell you that?”
Trinity paled and her bottom lip trembled, but she didn’t respond she just stared up at Melissa with confusion etched all over her face. I was so angry at Melissa right now that if she was a bloke, I would have hit her. But that wasn’t going to make Trinity feel any better.
I reached across and grabbed her hand instead, forcing her eyes to look at me. “And broken up for two months. We aren’t together anymore.”
“We are taking a break,” Melissa spat, “did he tell you that? Or did
you already know?”
“I didn’t know,” Trinity objected, her voice cracking slightly, “if you’ll excuse me.” She stood up, pulling her hand away from mine and hurried from the table. I watched her go, unsure if I should chase after her and explain or give her a minute to gather her thoughts. The latter was probably a better idea, plus I still had Melissa to deal with. The girl needed to understand that we were over once and for all.
I glared at her opening my mouth to speak when she smiled. I couldn’t believe it. The bitch actually smiled. “I’m not sure what you were playing at Luke, bringing her here tonight of all nights. But it worked. I hope you are happy. I’m jealous and I’m very angry. You are just lucky that I am so forgiving.”
I stood up and leaned across the table, hands braced on the edges to stop me from doing anything stupid. I was so angry I was trembling and could feel the table moving beneath my weight. “I don’t give a shit if you are forgiving, Melissa. I am not asking for your forgiveness. I haven’t done anything but take a girl I like out on a date. We are broken up. Broken up. It’s not a break, it’s a break up.”
“Luke…”
I didn’t listen to anymore, instead I left, doing what I should have done straight away and following the path Trinity had taken. I found her outside in the parking lot, rummaging through her purse. I reached her just as she pulled out her phone.
“Trinity—”
She looked up, her face pale. She was visibly shaken by the encounter with Melissa. I wondered, briefly, if she would be as shaken if she was dressed in her rock chic attire.
“It’s okay,” she said, “she was just lashing out because she’s hurt. She obviously really cares about you.”
“We were together for a long time and it would be a lie if I said I didn’t still care about her. I do. But whatever we had between us is long over.”
She nodded but didn’t say anything more. I wasn’t sure if she believed me but I didn’t want to keep talking about Melissa.
“Do you want to leave?”
“I think so,” she said, “do you mind taking me back to my car?”
I didn’t want to take her back to her car. I didn’t want the night to be over.
