by Jaime Marks
“John, I don’t trust you.” She shook her head trying to pull away but wouldn’t let her go.
“You may not trust me, baby, but you need me.” He pulled her in, kissing her and she let him. “That’s it baby, let me in. Feel how good we are together.” She cracked and he knew it. He scooped her up and carried her to the bedroom.
She turned back into Mythos’ chest unable to watch the rest. It was bad enough having it in her head. She’d given herself to him willingly that night but by morning she had hated herself for it. The night before she’d been scared and alone, needing to feel loved. In the light of the morning she still couldn’t get past the rape, but they had slept together and she didn’t believe in one night stands. She would have tried to make it work between them but she never had the chance. He’d gotten up, kissed her, and told her it had been fun as he left her lying there in shock.
John had stopped trying to get her attention after that and just showed up randomly in places, watching her. There were times that she was sure he’d been by her apartment and dropped of food or her favorite lotions and shampoos, but she couldn’t prove it. They’d only talked two other times and she hadn’t exactly been able to ask him about it then.
She had agreed to go out with Rick, a kid in her history class. The guy was sweet. One day in class she’d talked about a craving she had for those chocolate covered walnut things from the corner store so he met her in the hall the next day with a box of them and a single red rose asking if he could take her to dinner. He’d even kissed her tenderly on the cheek before he left.
John had cornered her that afternoon outside the school and put her up against the wall, leaning into her. He’d taken her right there, fucked her right where anyone could find them, catch them. She’d tried to stop him…at first, but she’d given into him. He knew her so well and there was so much emotion between them. It was so hard to tell him no sometimes and as much as she hated him the previous few months had left her feeling so lost and alone. John always made her feel wanted, needed in a way she never understood and she’d needed that so badly.
He held her there against the wall by her throat, his eyes searing into her. “Remember this, Steph. You are mine. I know it, your body knows it, and you know it. I give you your space and let you do your thing because I know how you need your freedom so I give it to you, for now. I know you’re lonely but no one, and I mean no one, has permission to touch you in any way. I know you hate that I leave you alone but it won’t always be like this. It just has to be this way for now. As soon as I have everything set we’ll be together but until then your ass had better fucking behave from now on or I promise you there will be consequences.”
He swore that if she dated anyone, he would destroy them. She stood Rick up and blew him off after that. What the hell could she say to him? Sorry but I fucked my ex who will pretty much kill you if I ever talk to you again. She knew John was serious. That manager who had tried to hurt her? John had put him in the hospital. In John’s mind she belonged to him and she had no idea what to do about it. There were days that she didn’t want to do anything and all she wanted was him. Then there were others that she hated him and herself. The entire situation had her tied in knots.
When he had gone after Star? She had no idea what that had been about but she had jumped his case pretty hard in the hall. He could have just ignored her, he was so strong he could have tossed her aside easily. For some reason he had allowed her to rip him back and jump in his face. She’d been so pissed off, she had smacked him. The satisfaction that had shown on his face threw her off and the desire that had coursed through him made her sick.
“Good girl, sweets. Let it flow through you. Own that power, baby,” he whispered pulling her close before he turned walking away without another word.
Byryn had put him in the hospital after that. She was sure of it. When she saw him he had been halfway across the hall and the rage pouring off of him was tangible. John hadn’t come back to school and Kyle had taken to following her. Not that it was a surprise, Kyle was always John’s lackey but he never talked to her. If she looked to him or told him to fuck off he would just smirk at her. Aside from when he came looking for Star he hadn’t said two words to her since the night of the rape.
She lay there frozen in Mythos’ arms as the images finally faded. He had seen everything but he’d just held her quietly while it had all unfolded. As much as she wanted him to love her, to still want her, she knew he’d seen exactly what she had done. He knew exactly who she was, how weak she was. He’d watched her give herself to John, even after the rape; not once but twice. He saw how John seduced her and the things he did to her and she still gave herself to him. She couldn’t give herself to Mythos. John had already taken that honor. She had never had a right to Mythos’ love.
Chapter 4
Mythos sat holding and caressing her through the entire ordeal. It had been difficult to watch the way that boy had manipulated and taken advantage of every situation. John had been grooming her, there was no question. Somehow the boy had guessed she was more than what she appeared and he meant to claim her. He was purposely fostering rage and fear in her. It was why he had tested her with Staryana in the hall; why he was always there watching her. Mythos would see to it that the boy never got near her again, never got the chance to Taint her. John would never lay a finger on her again.
Her pain tore at Mythos’ heart. He now understood why Steph was so certain she should be ashamed and what made her feel as if she was so undeserving of his love and station. She was wrong but he understood why it pained her so. Now he just had to make her see.
She laid there crying silently in his arms, clinging to him. Being so close to her in her mind he could sense her every thought, every feeling. Fear ran through her, fear of losing him. She wished she had never shown him because the very idea of losing him terrified her. She had been so closed off for so long but he had broken down her walls, made her feel with just a single look. She loved him, he could feel it, and he was going to prove to her that not only did she have the right to love him, but that she was always meant to.
“Look at me, caria.” He guided her face up to him and she forced her eyes open. “Is that everything? Are there anymore secrets you keep from me?”
Turning from him she nodded as she choked, struggling to get out the words. “You know everything. So now you see, I already gave myself to him.”
Tears glistened her eyes and streamed down her face as shame permeated her. He pulled her to him and when she would not look at him he gently hooked her chin, guiding her back to him.
“Tell me, caria, did you love him?” He asked searching her eyes.
She turned away a moment and he had to wonder if she would answer, but then she turned back with that hard defensive edge. He wanted to grab hold of her, kiss her, and break right through it, but he needed her to hear him first.
Her voice was soft, raspy and it kept breaking as she spoke, “I thought I did. I don’t think I even knew what love was or how to feel it at that point. But when he…what he did, what they did…it broke my heart. He was all I had. I didn’t even know Star yet.” She squeezed her eyes shut, shaking her head, “I was so numb, for so long. That guy, my boss…it broke me. I was just something for him to use, and when John…I just didn’t want to be alone any more. I wanted him to love me.” Sobs rolled through her. She avoided his gaze as he held her close, rubbing her back.
“Stephynia, will you look at me, please?” The hair had fallen back into her eyes and he could not help but to brush it from her face revealing those gems he loved staring into so much. “He took advantage of you. When you fought them, you exhibited strength and strong will and it caught his attention. He is unawakened Shade. They feed off the pain and confusion and he used yours against you.”
“I know that now. I knew that morning when he left that I was just a toy to him, but I gave myself to him, Mythos. I can’t undo that.” Her body shook as she spoke. She was trying so har
d to rein in her emotions. “You should go.”
“No, I am exactly where I am meant to be.” He kissed her head. “You cannot hate yourself for wanting love, caria, I will not allow it. I need you to love, to feel, because I love you.”
“But…”
He rested a finger against her lips to quiet her. “No, Stephynia, I saw everything you showed me. I know what you felt, what you wanted. I know how he betrayed your heart. I understand why you feel the way you do, but it does not change anything. Do you remember why the Fae may not take a mate before they awaken?”
“Mythos…”
“No, caria, I watched what you showed me. I listened to what you said. Now, I want you to hear me. Let me help you to understand.” He waited a moment until she met his eyes again. “Answer me, Stephynia,” Mythos demanded, challenging her. She needed to fight this, to survive, and he would push her if he had to. “Why is it improper for Fae to mate with the unawakened?”
“Because our bodies change,” she rasped, forcing her voice through the sobs that still rolled through her, but under it, he could feel her fire.
“When you awaken, it washes away the mistakes of the past. It is a rebirth, caria. Before the awakening you are human, bound only by the laws of mankind. However, once you awaken you are complete. Your body of Light forms, your body itself changes, and you are reborn as Fae.” He ran his hand through her hair as he spoke to her, comforting her. He knew he had to get through to her, they were running out of time. He could not be sure while she was in this state but it felt as though she was awakening and he needed to help her feel safe so that the essence that had engulfed her receded.
She stared up at him silently gazing into his eyes as she processed what he had said. He needed to give her time, he was still drawing in her essence trying to stabilize her. It was not as intense as it had been, her rage having died down somewhat. If he could break through this protective shell, if he could somehow help her to see…He had to. He could not bear the thought of losing her.
“What does that mean?” She finally whispered searching his eyes.
“It means, caria, that you have not yet chosen your mate. It means that when you awaken you are reborn. No Fae will have ever touched your body because it will be new. It will cleanse you and you will be pure. In a respect, your human form dies, burned away in the awakening as the body of the Fae emerges.”
“Will I still be me?” She was beginning to calm down. The essence around them was settling and the tears in her form had sealed, the essence no longer ripping through her but until he guided her out of her mind they were still in danger.
“Yes, the consciousness, your memories will remain. Many use it as a rebirth and consider their human existence a different life, because in many ways it is. Your past is your past, Stephynia. Let it be your history, learn from it, but do not allow it to destroy what we feel for one another.”
“How could you still want to be with me Mythos, after everything you’ve seen? Everything you know now?”
“Because you are my caria, Stephynia, and I know that you know what that means because Cymeryn told me he explained it to you,” he smiled coyly at her, satisfied with the soft blush that colored her cheeks even here in her mind.
“Why, Mythos? Why are you so sure of that? You don’t even know me,” she argued.
He wiped a tear from her cheek and offered her a rueful smile. He had no idea how she would take everything he was about to tell her, but she had revealed all she had to hide. He had sensed her mind trying to ascertain the damage. She was completely open to him and she deserved the same honesty.
“Stephynia, I have woken one hundred and twenty-eight cycles.” He chuckled slightly as she gasped and her eyes peeled wide a moment, “I have waited for one hundred and twenty-eight cycles to feel even a hint of what I feel when I am with you. There has never been another who has so much as caught my attention. No Fae has ever been able to calm me, to ease the pain of my loneliness as you have. I have never wanted another in the way that I want you and I know you feel it as well. Here, in your mind, I can feel the secrets of your heart, caria. I know what you feel for me.”
He kissed her passionately pulling her up to him and though she hesitated at first, she melted into him matching his hunger. The need to be so close to her, to show her she was his was so strong that he had to force himself to pull away. “I love you, Stephynia. I mean to take you as my mate and make you my Queen. I have no doubts, nor have I from the first moment our lips touched. My only hesitation is I do not wish for this to be too much for you. You have only just begun this journey.”
She winced shaking her head, “I’m not worthy of your throne, Mythos.”
He pulled her back to him bracing himself. “Only Lucerna can decide that, my love, and she has already acknowledged you as the future Queen, Stephynia.”
She stared up at him in shock. “But I…”
“No buts, caria. There is no arguing with the Divine. If the Goddess Lucerna feels you are worthy of the throne of the Fae, who are we to argue?” He smirked as he watched her try to find some flaw in that logic. He knew there was none.
Steph stared at him in disbelief. She had no idea what she could even say. He knew the darkest secrets of her past…well maybe not the Darkest. She had forgotten the night she had gone back to that house but she hadn’t actually done anything that night. Byryn had already been there and she had watched him all but destroy all of them, including John.
Mythos knew everything else she had done, everything that had happened to her and he still loved her. He still wanted to be with her. She thought he’d be disgusted, think she was a horrible person, but he when he looked at her he only saw her not what had been done to her. She thought she could never be worthy of the throne yet here he was, telling her that a Goddess had already all but named her Queen?
“I, I don’t know what to say,” she whispered.
He smiled warmly at her, caressing her cheek. “You need not say a thing, caria. All I want right now is for you to allow me help you. Will you come back to me, please?”
“I don’t know how,” she whispered in defeat.
“Let me ease you, Stephynia. I promise you, I will keep you safe. I know why you are so scared and what you think. I will never allow him to hurt you and there is nothing he can say to come between us. Please, my love, trust me to protect you.”
She did trust him. She trusted him more than she had ever trusted anyone. How could she possibly deny him anything? He had already given her so much more than anyone had ever even promised her in just their short time together. She rested her head against his chest and nodded slowly. “I trust you, Mythos.”
“Reyana, I do not know if I can hold you much longer,” Cymeryn grunted under the strain.
“Just…a little…longer,” she breathed. The force of it was wearing her down, but the force of the Light within the sphere was weakening. “Soon.” She lessened the intensity of the flow of essence to try to ease some of the burden.
Kato came over and supported Cymeryn. He was still suffering from his injuries. Marcus hadn’t been able to fully heal him before he felt Steph’s fear and Byryn’s panic calling him back to the Palace. “Thank you, Kato.”
“We should stop making this a regular occurrence, Cymeryn,” Kato mused.
“Indeed,” he grunted.
Marcus leaned closer to her ear. “Are you alright, Reyana?”
“Mmhmm.”
“You can’t keep this up much longer, I can sense your exhaustion.” He studied her with concern. He now had one arm around her waist and the other bracing her up under her arm so that he could hold the bulk of her weight. Cymeryn barely stabilized her, his strength beginning to fail.
“Have…to.”
“Use our link, show me how so I can take over. Please Reya, I know you can’t hold this for much longer.”
“Soon,” she murmured sensing inside the sphere. It was too difficult to talk. She needed all of her focus to maintain
. Suddenly the heat of the Light receded and she pulled back the Night and Darkness she was using immediately to prevent it from causing them issue.
“What happened Reyana? Are they alright?” Cymeryn requested urgently, feeling the sudden shift.
She slowly pulled back the Gray and all but collapsed between them. Marcus lifted her into his arms. “Come on, love. I’m summoning Sanytia and you are going back to bed.”
She rested a hand on his shoulder and shook her head. She had to be sure they were both alright. They all turned to see Mythos kneeling with Steph in his arms. Gold energy pulsed over both their skin, but it was stable and somewhat balanced. He brushed the hair out of her face and slowly her eyes opened, her topaz eyes. They stood there watching as they pulled each other into a strong embrace, kissing passionately.
Reyana breathed a sigh of relief and rested her head against his chest before nodding. “Please, Marcus. I’m tired.” She had nothing left in that moment. Exhaustion was quickly pulling her under. She let herself sink into the protection of her mate, certain that she was safe and her brother and his mate would be fine.
Mythos pulled back resting his head against hers. “Are you alright, caria?”
“Tired,” she choked out as she nodded against him.
“Grifyn, Byryn?” He knew they were near but he could not take his eyes off of her.
“Right here your majesty,” Byryn replied, the relief in his voice evident.
“Help me to my feet, if you would,” he requested, unwilling to let her go from his arms. She still had energy swirling along her skin and he was not convinced that she was stable. The currents of the essence seemed to suggest the awakening had been triggered but he had not felt a pulse of essence in a little while so he could not tell.
