by Jaime Marks
“Trina, don’t force me to take up my Mother’s habits. I need out and I will get it one way or another. Please just see to Kylion.” Her heart ached. As Byryn’s mate she would be his Mother. The boy had even started to call her Mom. Now she wasn’t sure she could handle being his mate and how unfair was that to that boy who had already been through so much.
Tina nodded grudgingly as she moved aside. “Fine, but I will send him after you if you don’t take your guards.”
She nodded and left in silence, lost in her thoughts. She reached out asking Ryo and Tryxia to give her space while she cleared her head and headed out of the castle. She knew where she wanted to go. It probably wasn’t the smartest move at the moment but she was pretty sure if she had to she could lose her guards so they were either going to let her go or she was going to take matters into her own hands. She needed to remind herself somehow, but she needed space too. There was only one place that could give her both.
Ryo grabbed her gently by the shoulders. “I am not sure where you are headed, Princess, but the plateau is on lock down for the moment. No Fae aside from the patrols is allowed to enter the woods.”
She cursed under her breath and considered her options. There was another way off the plateau in the Palace but if they were on lock down it might not be safe. Images of Byryn’s life ran through her mind haunting her and she groaned in frustration. She didn’t want to see him like this. When she was this upset all she wanted was him and now he was the one thing that was haunting her. She had to get out of her own head for a while.
Star headed back to the Palace. She couldn’t take this and there was only one place she knew she could go where she could feel close to him again and clear her head. Dodging Ryo and Tryxia was going to be difficult but she just needed to time it right. She had found the hidden opening weeks ago and it led right into the cavern where the cottage sat. For some reason she felt she needed to keep it to herself though she knew that she should tell Marcus. Now she was glad that she hadn’t.
Her turmoil was suffocating him. He couldn’t stand the pain she was feeling, let alone knowing he was the cause of it. He had to do something, anything for her.
“I’d like to accompany you, my lord.” Byryn turned facing Mythos, “I know you’ll make a point of warning John and Kyle off Staryana as well, but I’d prefer to remind him of the consequences myself.”
“If you prefer, Byryn,” Mythos nodded watching him with concern.
It wasn’t really that he didn’t trust them and he knew John wouldn’t forget, but he felt like he had to do something for her. She didn’t want him near her and he had to grant her that space. Pain coursed through him again. She had all but fell off the bed to get away from him, disgusted by the things she had seen him do. He’d lost her. She was his everything and he would never hold her again.
It didn’t matter if she hated him, or could no longer bear his touch, he would keep her safe if it was the last thing he did. She was so beautiful, so pure. It didn’t matter what Alayne did to her mind, she was innocent and sweet. A Light existed in her heart that he had never experienced before and he couldn’t let it die. He would never let her fall into the Darkness, and Alayne would never lay a hand on her.
The door to the suite was thrown open. “Forgive the intrusion my lords but I needed to be sure and I need Byryn,” Ryo huffed as he tried to catch his breath.
Byryn turned to him in fear as he sent out his senses and let out a breath of relief. He knew where she was. “It’s alright Ryo, she’s safe.” He tried to reason his head around the best way to handle this. He wanted nothing more than to go to her, but she ran from the Palace to get away from him. “Marcus, will you take Ryo and Tryxia down to the fort I built in the woods. Apparently Staryana does have her Mother’s ability to evade her guards.”
“No,” Marcus replied with a shrug, “but I’ll gladly take you.”
“That’s not a good idea. She doesn’t want to see me,” he winced as his voice broke. “It was too much. I disgust her now and I can’t fault her for that.”
Cymeryn shook his head and leaned forward resting his chin on his hands. “Do you think her sensibilities are any nobler than her Mother’s, Byryn? Because I can assure you they are not. I can also assure you that your exploits pale in comparison to mine. She needs you, Byryn. You are bound. You will work through this.”
He turned as he felt Marcus’ hand on his shoulder. “Go to her. Help her through this. Nothing can break the bonds that bind us together. Your past hasn’t changed since you’ve met. It’s always been there. If it was meant to be a factor you never would have bound.”
“He’s right, son. Just because we bind to our mates doesn’t make everything easy. Our relationships take work to keep things right between us. There will always be things that occur that cause issues, but we work through them together. Just as you and Star must do now,” Grifyn offered. “Neither of you will ever be complete without the other.”
“The love that binds us never disappears, Byryn. Consider Reyana, Cymeryn and Marcus. There were over a hundred years and any multitude of obstacles between them yet their love survived.” Kato pulled Demytria into a chaste kiss. “Your aunt and I were separated for over forty years and the Darkness in her heart was overwhelming, but the love in her heart, the love of our bond survived. Trust us when we say she still loves you, Byryn. It is only your own stubbornness that will determine this.”
Glancing around the room he didn’t know if they were right, but she was alone in the woods at the moment and it wasn’t safe. His irritation with the situation was growing. “Just take me, Marcus, she can’t be there by herself.”
He blinked and looked around regaining his bearings. She sat there in the little make shift fort, her knees curled into herself as her body shook from the sobs that were rolling through her. He’d built this hut for her the day they’d come here. She’d been overwhelmed and needed to get away from everyone then too.
“We’re only a thought away, Byryn. I will leave the two of you to your privacy, just be on guard,” Marcus offered.
Byryn nodded as he misted away. He watched her a few moments trying to figure out what he could even say or do to soothe her. Really he should probably leave her alone, just stay in the woods and keep her safe, but he couldn’t bear to see her cry. He could only hope his presence didn’t make things worse for her.
Moving silently through the woods he approached her. She was so lost in her pain she didn’t even notice him. His essence washed over her as he sat at her side. “I’m so sorry, Staryana. The last thing I want is to cause you this much pain.”
“I’m so confused, Byryn.”
She didn’t look at him but it shocked him when she leaned against him. He tentatively brought his arms around her, unsure if she would even accept the gesture. It was a relief just to be able to comfort her.
“I do love you, Byryn. Your past scares me. It’s horrific and I can’t even imagine how I’m supposed to come to terms with it, but just the thought of being without you…” She shook her head and he gently caressed her trying to somehow ease her. Having her this close was a balm on the pain that had formed in his heart.
“I love you too, brightness. I wish I could make this right but I’d be lying if I said that I knew how. Being so distant from you is tearing me apart,” his voice broke and she looked up at him.
“How do you cope with all the guilt, the regrets I felt in you?” She whispered. “It’s so intense.”
He let out a slow breath. “Honestly, on my own I don’t do so well.” He kissed her head out of habit and worried a moment that he was pushing their boundaries but she only turned into him resting her head against his chest and the tension in him eased some. “You, Grifyn, Marcus, and lately Cymeryn are generally there to help me through when I need it. Mainly I just try to look forward and make it right as I go.”
“You’ve done good with Trycen and Kylion.”
He nodded but really couldn’t think of anythi
ng meaningful to say. “My older brother Wycelion is here. He’s in love with one of the unawakened females, Perylia. I’m hoping he’ll join the Guardians once he’s Redeemed.” He was just making small talk really. Having her this close, being able to talk to her at all, was more than he had hoped for. He wanted to make it last as long as he could.
She sat quietly with him a while before breaking the silence. “You didn’t feel it before. The guilt, the shame of it. You didn’t feel anything for any of them before Michael,” she spoke so quietly that he wondered if he was supposed to respond.
He had no idea what she was expecting. He wouldn’t lie to her. She deserved to know the truth of who he had been.
“No, I didn’t. I never knew anything other than the life I was shown. I don’t really remember my Mom. I only know her name because Trevyn would talk about her from time to time. I think he might’ve of actually regretted killing her because she was the only one he ever brought up that wasn’t still alive. Sometimes now I wonder what she was like, how she treated me. Considering what Trevyn likely put her through I can’t imagine I was exactly a blessing. I don’t remember if she loved me, played with me, or even took care of me.”
She looked up at him but remained silent so he continued, “When I met Michael, he confused the hell out of me. I could break him and punish him and he never once gave into his Darkness. In trying to teach him about our world, I think he actually taught me more about his. I had to understand it in order to try to counteract the weakness, well what Trevyn saw as weakness in him. After his punishment I was shaken. I was so confused. At the time, there was no Gray. I knew there was no other way, but Michael almost made me wish there was. He made me question so much I had done.”
He felt tears brimming his eyes and she reached up and wiped one away. He watched her a moment. “I went to see his Mom to try to understand. I had just come back from there when I met you, Staryana. Even then you were like this bright star that lit up the entire world in a way I had never experienced. I wanted to taste you so badly, to take you, but I couldn’t bear the idea of the pain my world would inflict on you even then. The pain I would inflict on you. You were so innocent and pure that the last thing I wanted was to tarnish that bright glow that drew me to you.”
He shrugged wishing he had more to offer her. “You know the rest. After that I only followed Trevyn’s orders. I stopped letting my desire and impulses guide me…aside from in protection of you. At the same time, the Darkness was barely restrained in me. It isn’t a justification, Staryana, and I realize it wasn’t enough but it was the world I was born to; the world I still fight to protect you from.”
“I know, Byryn, and I knew about your past it’s just…” She trailed off and stared off into the woods.
“It’s alright, brightness. I know it’s a lot to handle. I know the burden all too well.”
Light surged through her as she grimaced in pain as a moment of panic pierced his heart. “Will you? …Can I balance you, Staryana? If you’re not sure I can get Marcus or Cymeryn in an instant, but I can’t bear for you to suffer.”
She looked up meeting his eyes. It seemed like forever that she sat there staring at him and the intensity of the Light in her continued to grow. He had no idea where her mind was, or why she just sat there staring into his eyes when he could feel the pain in her. Her eyes squeezed shut at the intensity of it.
“Please, brightness,” he whispered, “please, just let me ease you.”
When she finally nodded he breathed out in relief, pulling the essence from her as he allowed his to flow into her, slowly finding that balance within between them both. When the pain receded the tension in her eased and he tightened his embrace. “I don’t have all the answers, baby. I knew this would be a lot for you to take. That’s why you had to know before your awakening. I couldn’t bear the thought of…” He trailed off unable to finish the sentence.
She sat back and looked at him. “I don’t want to be without you, Byryn.”
He kissed her out of habit, the need to be closer to her immense, but she pulled away and it nearly broke him in two. “I’m sorry,” he whispered.
She looked to him with tears in her eyes. “So am I.”
He knew they should go back to the Palace. If there was an attack she was far too vulnerable down here and Alayne would never pass up on the opportunity to obtain her. When they returned, however, he had a feeling it would be to separate rooms. Right now she was here with him, in his arms and he would savor it for as long as she allowed.
Her Light pulsed through her again and his eyes widened. He reached out balancing her again. “Are you alright, brightness?”
She nodded. “I think so. It just seems to be happening more often now.”
He grimaced. She was going into her awakening. If not today then very soon. The day they’d waited for so long was finally here…but now she would go through it without him. He rose slowly pulling her to her feet. “We should get you back to the Palace, Staryana. I don’t think Marcus can mist you right now and we can’t risk you going into the awakening down here. There’s a chance that an attack is coming and as much as I’m not ready to let you go, I won’t put your safety in jeopardy.”
“What happens when we go back?” She asked hesitantly.
He breathed deeply trying to hold back the tears he knew were shimmering in his eyes. “Whatever you want to happen. If you aren’t comfortable staying in our quarters anymore, you can go back to your own room and I’ll have Trina bring you your things. I won’t deny that I want you to stay, but I would never force you to do anything you didn’t want to.”
She nodded but didn’t respond. He wasn’t sure she really knew what she wanted yet. She was still clutching his hand and he could tell she needed to feel connected to him in some way; but she couldn’t handle anything more than that right now.
“I think you’re awakening, Staryana. I would never pressure you either way, but you should decide what you want before we get back to the Palace. If you can’t handle being connected with me like that, I know either Marcus or Cymeryn would gladly see you through. I don’t think your Mom can because of the pregnancy, though.” He studied her carefully. Just discussing this seemed to cause her to stiffen. He had no clue what she would want. “If you still want me to see you through it but you aren’t ready for more than that, I promise you I’ll respect that. The awakening can even be witnessed, it often is if there’s a courtship without a betrothal.”
He pulled her gently and they began walking back to the Palace but she stumbled as another wave of essence passed through her. This time it was Dark which struck him as odd but he simply balanced it within her. She was born Shade. It wasn’t that strange really, her essence generally surged together. “Baby, I know you don’t want me too close right now, but will you please let me carry you. I can tell your struggling and I want to get you to safety as quickly as possible.”
She looked up into his eyes and nodded. Those hazel eyes held his gaze as he gently lifted her into his arms and he had to bite back on the need to kiss her. She looked so scared, so uncertain, and he would give anything to be able to ease her. He probably held her closer than he had the right to but he needed to feel her. “Is this alright?”
“Yes.” The word was almost a seductive whisper and he closed his eyes allowing the sensations it brought him to wash over him. He didn’t know what the future held for them but he would hold onto the memory of every touch, every feeling, and every sensation, because this world was going to be a very lifeless existence for him without her.
Chapter 9
Mythos stood by the mantle talking to Marcus and Cymeryn as she watched them. They were still discussing John and Kyle. It was a completely uncomfortable situation but it couldn’t be avoided. She met Mythos’ eyes as he turned to her and he approached her.
“I know your thoughts, caria. You can still change your mind. If you cannot handle them being here I will turn them out. I hate the fact that you will be here w
ith them when I am gone.”
She drew a long breathe but then shook her head. “No, Mythos. This is the right choice, unfortunately. We need to retain the unawakened’s trust, and we can’t do that without proving that each of them is entitled to the same opportunities and chances without fear of judgment for their past. Cymeryn, Demytria and Byryn may be an example that we’ll forgive the past but they’re also amongst the Lucerna Lines and mates of other high ranking Fae. We can’t pick and choose, as much as we might like to, and they can’t believe we do either.”
He knelt before her and pulled her into a chaste kiss before meeting her gaze. “You have no idea how very much the Queen you are in this moment, Stephynia. Your strength, your wisdom and selflessness; I could never ask for more. It is rather enticing to see you command this so easily.”
She blushed a moment as she met his eyes. “I’m just doing the right thing, Mythos. That hardly makes me a Queen. You just see me that way because I’m your mate and that grants me the title in your eyes. Titles don’t grant the ability though.”
He beamed at her as he kissed her again. “We are not mated yet, my caria, though it pleases me that you would call me such.”
Cymeryn shook his head with a secret smile on his lips. “Are we that bad, brother?”
Marcus chuckled, “It wouldn’t surprise me if we are, but if we aren’t we should definitely endeavor to be.”
They all laughed and she must have turned beet red because she could feel the heat emanating from her cheeks. Mythos reached up and caressed them softly, taking her face in his hands. “I love it when you blush.”
She huffed at him but she wasn’t angry. She simply smiled coyly. “Wait, my King. I’ll pay you back for it.”
“I look forward to it.” Smirking mischievously, he kissed her forehead and rose. “Haylia will be by to set something up to help you relax shortly.” She shot him a questioning look but he only smiled. “I told you I fully intend to pamper you, caria. Now that I no longer need to hide it I suggest you simply enjoy it and relax,” he mused with a smile.
