by Jaime Marks
She drew a ragged breath and tried to speak but her voice wasn’t cooperating. It felt like she’d been crying for days. He nodded and walked over to the nightstand pouring her another glass of water then stood there offering it to her. She didn’t know why but she just stared at the glass a while letting her head clear. No one moved. It was like they were waiting for her mind to catch up with the rest of her or something. For her, it was more like waiting to see what her emotions would do. She’d been numb, completely numb for as long as she could remember now. She hadn’t felt anything aside from anger and fear. She was more than capable of controlling that and shoving it aside. Now it was all rolling through her in waves that she neither understood or wanted.
Finally she reached out, took the glass and drank it slowly. They waited patiently until she finished. It was annoying really. She didn’t need all this attention and the last thing she wanted was their pity.
When she was finally able to make her voice work she replied, “I’m fine, but I think if my awakening’s over then you should all just go.”
Byryn studied her shrewdly a moment. She hated when he did that. It generally meant he knew where her mind was and as far as she was concerned he was the last person that she wanted to know. “If that’s what you want, Felycia, I’ll go but don’t send Devyn away just because you don’t think I approve. You shouldn’t be alone right now and if he’s who you feel comfortable with so be it.”
Did she feel comfortable with him? If she did, that was even more reason why he should go. “No, really, I’m fine. I just want to be alone a while.” Alone so she could figure out a way out of here. She had to get back to Earth.
Trina leaned over grabbing a robe which she skillfully slipped on covering herself as she slipped from the covers. “If that is your wish, I will leave you to rest, but you will be attending the banquet this eve and you will don formal robes. I’ll have the seamstress attend to you later. Your brother will also ensure you have a guard detail for the time being. We have much to discuss when you feel up to it.”
She sighed heavily glaring at the female but there was no avoiding it. Trina had seen everything in her mind. She just hoped she wouldn’t tell Byryn. “Fine.”
The last thing she really wanted was to deal with guards and public appearances. She could avoid it but it was pretty clear these three Fae would come looking for her if she tried to skip out. She’d have to play along until she figured out some way out of here.
“Felycia…” Devyn hesitated seeming almost as unsure of himself as she was. “If it would please you,” he glanced at Byryn, “and with your brother’s approval, I would like to escort you to the banquet this eve.”
Her eyes widened. What the hell did she say to that? She glanced nervously at Byryn who appeared to be exchanging glances with Trina at the moment but turned to look at her with a smug smile.
“Well little sis,” Byryn began crossing his arms. “What’s it gonna be? I’m not gonna allow you to continue to isolate yourself, which I can tell is precisely what you intend on trying to do. I have the authority to make this decision for you but I’d rather you just give all this a try. I may not be particularly fond of Devyn at the moment but I’ve noticed that you haven’t once, since I entered this room, pulled your hand away from him.”
She looked down at his hand holding hers and her mouth dropped open slightly. She had no idea how to respond to this, but it was her anger that surfaced and took over. Her head shot up and she met Byryn’s eyes with a hard glare. “Really, Byryn? Now you want to decide to control my life for my own good? How well did that work out for either of us last time you tried to rescue me? You’re no better than Father was. You think you can do and say whatever you want,” she spat out instantly regretting the words but holding fast regardless.
Byryn cringed but never broke eye contact with her. He knew exactly what she was doing. Felycia was feeling things she didn’t want to feel. She didn’t know how to respond so she was lashing out to throw him off and push him away. If he let her, she would close him out as well as everyone in this room. She’d pull herself back into that shell of hers and start rebuilding those walls until she could block the emotion and keep them out. She might even attempt to take off.
In the past he’d always respected her wishes but she had a chance now. She could have a life that was worth a damn and after everything she’d been through there was no way in hell he was gonna let her throw it all away. If she couldn’t do this on her own, he’d make damn sure he pushed her in the right direction.
When he spoke his voice was quiet but firm, “Trying to hurt me now, Felycia? Am I getting too close? I can sense it little sister, your walls are down and it scares the hell out of you. You’re feeling things for the first time in years and it terrifies you because it means someone might just manage to wedge themselves into that heart of yours that you keep locked so deep inside.”
Devyn glanced between them uncomfortably. “Perhaps I should go and allow you to discuss this?”
“Yeah...” She started but Byryn cut her off.
“No.” He met Devyn’s confused stare. “I have no idea what your intentions are for my sister, Devyn, but wherever they lie it’s clear to everyfae that you care for her. If you care about her as much as I think you do then you need to hear this as much as she does because you need to realize that winning her heart is a battle. If you let her go now she’ll run from this and you’ll have a hell of a time breaking through those defenses of hers once she’s rebuilt them, if you can even find her.”
“Byryn, you son of a bitch!” She spat. “What the hell is your problem today? What? You think just because I awakened that it absolves you of our past? All the sudden you think it entitles you to have a relationship with me?”
He shook his head and fought to keep his voice level and calm, “No Felycia, I don’t. I won’t ever stop paying the penance for what happened that night, despite the circumstances I faced. I know how badly I hurt you and I hate myself for it most days,” he admitted. “You may think I’ve forgotten but it never fades. I just love you enough to give you the distance you need to heal, but I won’t stand idly by and let you ruin your entire life over this shit. You can’t keep shutting people out just because you’re afraid they’re going to hurt you…just because I did.”
He could feel Devyn’s sudden rage and he knew he was right. That Fae was bonding to her. Felycia had already found her way into his heart and even the idea that someone had hurt her was making him livid. He’d already touched her heart too. It was clear she wasn’t even as comfortable touching his Mom as she was Devyn and that was miraculous.
First of all she never let any male so much as bump into her and second Trina had awakened her. There should be an instant comfort between them. She was ok with Trina, they had definitely connected, but the connection to Devyn was somehow stronger. Letting him touch her was second nature to her already whether she wanted to admit it or not.
Felycia shook her head, her stare vehement. “Who the hell gave you the right? Who the fuck do you think you are?”
Now he strode over to the bed not wanting to pull this card but he was more than willing to if he had to. “Do you really want the answer to that? I have every right, but I don’t want to do that to you, Felycia. I don’t want to pull rank on you because I damn well know you’ll never forgive me even though I know you’ll end up happier for it in the end. I don’t want to tell you what to do, little sis. I want you to open up and let us in. If I thought for even one second that giving you time and space wouldn’t be the worst thing for you right now I wouldn’t push you like this; but I can sense it and I know you better than you think. If we all walk out that door right now, you will shut us out and never let us in even as far as we are right now. You’ll deny yourself the love and companionship that you deserve and you’ll take off the first chance you get. I can’t allow that.”
Devyn took a deep breath. “Felycia, look at me please.”
She glowered at B
yryn but when Devyn hooked her jaw and pulled her to him she hesitantly broke the stare and Byryn could see it, the instant vulnerability, the need and want but absolute fear that he knew was there. She wanted to trust, Devyn. She wanted to let him in despite herself and that was exactly what had her running.
He wouldn’t have picked Devyn for her. The male had been harsh and judgmental with everyone here that meant something to him aside from Felycia. He was commanding, a force to be reckoned with that had been hardened by war, but maybe that was just was Felycia needed; someone with the strength to fight for her. Obviously the Divine thought so because only true mates formed bonds that quickly. It was too early to tell really, but he’d never seen Felycia react like this to anyone. If Devyn wasn’t her mate he’d be shocked.
Devyn stared into her eyes a moment trying to collect his thoughts. He was infuriated with Byryn, but he could also see and understand what he was trying to tell him. Felycia was terrified of feeling, terrified of letting anyfae get too close. Staring in her eyes now, sensing her, he could tell she was incredibly fragile and vulnerable at the moment. The awakening had left her raw as it did with all. It erased everything except your memories and left you fresh to start new. It broke down the walls around your heart and opened you for the new life you had been granted. It was the rebirth of the Fae.
He looked her over, studying her. She was so beautiful and delicate. He should leave her alone. He was not a delicate male and he had no desire to bring her more harm, but she had already distanced herself from Byryn. He could feel her pulling away from Trina. She wanted to run from him, from what she felt was happening between them, but she could not manage to shut him out with him as close to her as he was in this moment. If he walked out that door, Byryn was right, she would shut him out and build a wall so high that it would be all out war to break it down again. He caressed her cheek as he searched her eyes surprised to know that it was a battle that he would willingly fight.
“Felycia, my dear girl,” he shook his head, “I cannot even begin to explain why this is happening between us. If I told you I understood it, I would be lying to you. I will not force it upon you, however. I know you wish me to leave but I also know that your brother is right. The second I walk out that door you will try to close me out of your heart.”
Her eyes squeezed shut a moment and he waited. When she opened them again they glistened with unshed tears and she went to talk but he let his thumb slide over her lips silencing her before she could argue with him.
He squeezed her hand letting his essence flow through her so that she could feel his words. “I already explained to you earlier that I have no idea what my intentions are but I also find it incredibly hard to stay away from you. Know that when you speak next if it is to tell me to go, I will respect your request and do so…but also know that I will be back. I told you dear girl, you deserve love and kindness. You have my friendship, and for now that is enough. I must sort through the confusion in my own mind before I can ask for or offer to you more.”
He smiled smugly a moment letting her feel his resolve before continuing. “Your brother seems to think if I walk out of this room that in order to win your heart I will have to break through your defenses and wage an all-out war to get through to you. He forgets that I am the Commander of the Fronts. I am more than comfortable with war when it is necessary. If I decide, I want your heart, Felycia, know that I will break through every wall you put up to have the right to win it and I shall do so artfully. I promise you dear girl, I am not yet ready to simply let you go.”
He ran his thumb over her lips a moment fighting the urge to kiss them. He watched her breath hitch and wanted to give in to that desire more than he cared to admit, but he was not ready for such things yet and certainly neither was she. He slid his thumb away. “Now Felycia, I will ask you again and I will abide by your decisions. Will you allow me escort you to the banquet this eve? I will see you there regardless, but if it would offer you some comfort I would gladly have you at my side. And do you wish me to leave you to rest?”
She stared at him in shock. What in the world was she supposed to say to that? She wasn’t even sure how she felt about any of this. All she knew was that really she should tell him to leave and no she wouldn’t go to the banquet with him. She glanced at Byryn who stood there staring at her expectantly with a dare in his eyes. Devyn wouldn’t allow him to force her into accepting his invitation but she’d be forced to attend one way or another. Byryn wanted her to stop running, to stop hiding inside herself and give this all a shot. She didn’t know if she could do that.
As long as she could remember she’d been running. First she ran with her Mother and then she ran for her own survival. After what happened she’d had no choice.
When Byryn had brought her to the safehold Trevyn flipped out saying she had dishonored him and ordered the attack. Byryn refused. Instead he took the beating their Father had given him, refusing to hurt her. She remembered watching it, terrified that he’d kill him but Byryn was so strong. He took everything Trevyn threw at him.
It all seemed to fuel his rage. After two brutal beatings and Commands Byryn was barely restrained in him with Darkness pulsing around him. He was barely holding onto his control when Trevyn drew a dagger and slice deeply into his throat. He lost it. Byryn had turned on everyone and everything in that room as Darkness surged through him but Trevyn only smiled smugly as he Commanded him to take her. His previous two Commands had failed, Byryn’s mind, his will was too strong, but the last had unleashed him on her and he lost himself to it. As badly as he was bleeding she had no idea how he had survived it all.
Afterwards someone had taken care of her, tended to her wounds while she slept and left food for her to eat when she woke. It had taken weeks for her to regain her strength. Byryn himself had hurt her, but when he unleashed the members of the Brood that were present on her they had all but torn her to pieces. Her Father had told her he was selling her off once she was healthy enough to get him the trade he wanted, but one morning when she woke up the chains were gone and the cell door had been unlocked. She had run through the tunnels and bumped into a little boy, Kylion. He wanted her to play hide and seek outside with him and led her through the hidden passages. Once they were outside he gave her some money and clothing, hugged her and told her to that she needed to run and run fast. She had tried to take him with her but he just shook his head and said he had to stay. He also promised that he would find her when she needed him to. She asked him if he meant himself but he just shook his head and said he couldn’t but that he would make sure she had what she needed when it was time.
Looking in Byryn’s eyes now any doubt she’d ever had of who he was left her. His eyes softened briefly almost as if he knew her thoughts. Really she had always thought it had been him, that he was the one taking care of her and how she had managed to escape them so many times even when they’d gotten close to finding her.
Too much time had passed since she’d acknowledged Devyn but she still had no idea what to tell him. She met his eyes expecting to be greeted with annoyance but he looked to her with only patience and respect. She had no idea how she was supposed to deal with this male. She thought she should tell him to go but the truth was she didn’t want him to. She looked to Trina but she simply nodded to her from where she stood leaning against the wall.
“These are your decisions, Felycia. If you are comfortable I will take my leave,” Trina spoke suddenly surprising her. “If you want I can come back once I’m more appropriately attired.”
Her words shot through Felycia and she glanced down at herself. With a gasp she clutched the quilt to her chin. When she met Devyn’s eyes again they glinted with humor and something she couldn’t understand.
He ran a finger down each of her cheeks. “You are quite lovely when you blush, dear girl. Worry not, I will take my leave. I can sense your discomfort, although this…” He ran the back of his hand down her cheek caressing it once more, “is quite enjoyable.” He
rose and kissed her hand. “I will be back to retrieve my answer regarding this eve.”
“If I have to go to the banquet…” Felycia stammered.
“You do,” Byryn and Trina stated firmly.
“Fine,” she snapped a moment but reined in her temper when she faced Devyn. “I’ll go with you, but only as a friend and I’m only staying as long as I have to.”
“Which will be for the entire event,” Byryn stated flatly causing her to grind her teeth.
“Thank you for granting me the honor. Your friendship is all I request, my dear,” Devyn replied kissing her hand again before turning to Byryn. “Come, if you would, Byryn. There is a matter I would discuss with you.”
Byryn’s eyes narrowed but he nodded stiffly. “I’ll see you at the banquet, Felycia. I know you’re pissed at me, but I’m only looking out for you little sis.”
She didn’t bother to respond. She was too confused and too angry. The two of them left leaving just her and Trina.
“I will leave you the remainder of the noon to rest. A seamstress will be by about an hour before the banquet. You should be ready to dress by then…” She paused by the door. “You will also need formal robes for the Queen and King’s mating tomorrow as well as Byryn and Princess Staryana’s. There is a ball after that. You might wish to take that into consideration with your choice. I would like you to also pick suitable daily robes. Your human attire will no longer suffice nor do I believe it would fit properly. This is a new start for you, Felycia. I know it’s difficult but please, give this a chance. It will be good for you…and eventually Bryce.” Trina left quietly.
She groaned in frustration and flopped back onto the bed. She thought when she awakened she’d be free of this life. Originally she figured once this was over she’d leave. She realized now that Byryn would never allow it. She needed to get back to Earth. There were people she’d left behind that she had to check on and once Shrevyn knew she’d awakened there’d be hell to pay.
