“Rules, Billy,” I said, even as I rocked back and forth. Oh, that friction again, it was my new best friend.
“What are they?” Hands snaked under my big T-shirt and cupped my breasts.
“I don’t think we should touch or kiss or anything around the band or Addy.” Boundaries, boundaries, boundaries, I repeated the mantra over and over in my head. Billy tweaked a nipple and the sensation zipped right through me and into my core. I bit my lip. What had we been talking about?
Billy nuzzled my neck. “My god, you smell like open windows and vanilla. I want to make you come again. Please, darling.” How could anyone deny such a request? I threw my head back and grinded myself against his length. “That’s it, take what you want. Ride me.” A hand stilled me, holding my hip while Billy’s other removed his cock. He slid the head against my labia, stroking it back and forth. His other hand stretched behind me, pressing on the small of my back. “Whenever you’re ready, flower.”
I opened my eyes, locked gazes with him. It felt as if a freight train was running through my blood. Despite that, I slowly sunk onto him until I was fully seated. Billy closed the distance between us, kissing me soft and slow, his touch so tender I nearly burst into tears. This meant something. It had too. “You feel so good flower. Divine like heaven or maybe hell, I don’t know.” He gripped my hips, guiding me up his hard length and easing me back down. It was the sweetest torture. A hand traveled over my hip, then a thumb rubbed against my clit. Tension mounted inside me. Exquisite torture. My hips bucked, my body chasing what Billy was offering. I came hard, the force threw me forward, my face went into Billy’s neck, his skin muffled my scream. He held me down while he came on a groan. We sat slumped together again. My thighs trembled. They’d never gotten such a workout.
“Shit,” Billy swore.
“Yeah.” I smiled and dismounted, fluid running down my legs. No condom. Where was my head at? It was in the clouds. “I’m on birth control,” I offered. “And I’m clean.”
He scrubbed a hand down his face. The cigarette behind his ear had fallen to the bedspread, tobacco spilling out onto the sheets. We’d broken it during our thrusts. “That’s good. I’m sorry, flower. I wasn’t thinking.” It was good to know I affected him as much as he affected me. “I sure as hell don’t want any more kids.”
Knife meet heart. Why did that hurt so much? I’d dreamt of a big family one day. Billy’s words were just another reminder that whatever was happening was temporary. My disappointment must have shown in my face, because Billy was quick to qualify. He tilted my chin up so I was looking directly at him. “Don’t get me wrong, flower. Addy’s the light of my life. But I’m a shit parent. You and I both know that.”
“You’re not,” I disagreed vehemently. Every parent had their flaws. Billy’s were larger than most, but he was affectionate and loving toward his daughter, and that said a lot.
“My own kid won’t even call me dad.” He’d brought that up before. It really bothered him. I understood. To Billy, Addy calling him “dad” meant some validation that he was doing something right. He wanted to earn the title, be worthy of it. He grabbed the back of his neck, sucking in a deep breath. “You don’t want me to be the father of your children, flower. I was meant to have just the one. I’m a terrible father and I’m an even worse boyfriend.”
There it was, he couldn’t have been any plainer. No kids. No relationships. If I wanted to be with Billy I’d have to take him as is, in his used, temperamental condition. “If we’re going to keep doing this I need a promise from you.”
His eyes flashed to me.
The sheet balled in my hands. I wished I had pants on, or at least underwear. “While we’re exploring whatever this is …” I gestured between us … “You can’t be with other girls. I won’t see anyone either.”
His mouth twitched. “Are you asking me to be your exclusive fuck buddy?”
I winced at the term. “Yes.” I hurried to fill in the rest, to list my rules. “And I don’t want Addy or the band to know about us.”
He snorted. “It’s a little late for that, or did you forget about Jett seeing us?”
I straightened up. “So maybe the band knows, but I want to try to limit our exposure. And I do not, under any circumstances, want Addy to know what’s going on.” If we fizzled, when we fizzled, I didn’t want Addy to be caught in the crosshairs. I’d hug all my hurt and keep it private, do my best to carry on.
Billy made a sound of much unhappiness. He didn’t like being told what to do; it went against his life motto of: I do what I want and everyone else be damned. A great and heavy silence passed. “What if I don’t agree?” he asked.
I shrugged, tried to act like it meant nothing. “Then we write this off as a mistake and move along as we were.”
His lip turned up in obvious distaste. “I don’t care for you calling what just happened mistake. And I care even less about hiding.” A great, tense silence passed. I stared at him. He stared straight back at me. A standoff. Finally, Billy relented. I kept from hollering at the win. My victories against him were so few. “Fine, if that’s the way you want it. I’ll be your dirty little secret.”
I licked my lips. “What about the exclusivity part?”
“I haven’t been with anyone in months.”
I arched a brow. “Really?”
“And I don’t see myself wanting anyone else for a while.”
“So you agree?”
“I won’t be pinned down. I’m not the sort of man who builds white picket fences and has a dog in the yard.”
His words struck a chord in me. To Billy, commitment was some type of cage. He was meant to wander, to be free. “I’d never dream of clipping your wings. I just want to be the only one you fly next to for a while.”
He nodded once. “Okay.”
I felt something lighten in my chest. “Okay.”
“Now come back here and sit on my lap. No more talk about rules, darling. I want you again.”
He didn’t have to ask twice. I launched myself at him, at the same time throwing caution to the wind. And hopefully Billy wouldn’t be able to tell I was all in—heart, body and soul.
Turner sat across from me at the dining table. I sipped a cup of tea, generously sugared and splashed with milk. The reddish-blond drummer chewed cereal slowly as he studied my face. I rubbed my cheek, wondering if I had a mark there. Milk dribbled down his chin and into his beard. I was surprised women flocked to the dirty drummer. Since living on the bus, I’d been privy to his hygiene habits, which were few and far between. Turner believed showering after a show washed off good luck. A very stinky superstition.
After our third round of sexy times, the band had reclaimed the bus and demanded we cease and desist all intimacy, lest they hurt their virgin eyes. Billy had emerged from the bedroom, jeans riding low, sans shirt and a cocky swagger to his steps. “Wonderful news gents,” he announced. “Flower and I have made up. I’ve forgiven her for dallying with the tutor and she’s promised never to stray again. It’s going to be a long, rocky road, but we’re rebuilding trust.”
I felt my cheeks pink and made myself busy fixing a cup of tea, then I settled myself, cup in hand, across from Turner. Since then the drummer had been staring at me. “I can feel you thinking,” I said to him. Up ahead, Jett sat in an armchair, guitar in his lap. Billy next to him. Chord snoozed on the couch. I wondered if the bassist had a thyroid problem; he seemed unusually sleepy.
Turner cocked his head. “You don’t look any different now that Billy’s had his way with you.”
Oh, I should’ve let Turner continue his scrutiny, I shouldn’t have engaged. I sighed. Turner grabbed the cereal box, a manic-looking leprechaun juggled marshmallows on the front. “Do you guys eat any cereal that doesn’t have a cartoon character on it?” I asked, hoping to waylay the conversation.
Turner shrugged, dumping toasted oat pieces and multi-colored marshmallow shapes into the bowl. “I thought you’d look a little more deviant,
but you look the same?”
“The same?” I asked. I couldn’t help myself.
“Like strawberries and cream, fresh as a daisy.” He chuckled. Turner could always make himself laugh. Along with stinky superstitions, he had an even stinkier sense of humor.
“Hardy har har,” I replied.
“Hey, mate,” Billy hollered. “My lovemaking doesn’t make women deviant; it makes them radiant.”
I palmed my head, fingers scrunching my tangled hair. I was still wearing Billy’s T-shirt and had on a pair of his sweats. I needed a shower.
“You just remember,” said Turner in a low voice, pointing his spoon at me, “Billy’s like a bowl of curry. What you do with him today is going to burn your ass tomorrow.”
I burst out laughing. “I don’t even like curry.”
“That’s what they all say.” Turner shook his head. “That’s what they all say.”
The bus doors opened and Addy stomped on board. “I’m back,” she declared, carrying a bag from the aquarium shop.
“Little bird,” said Billy. “What you got there?”
Addy smiled. She withdrew a stuffed dolphin from the bag. “I’ve named him Gary Marshall, dolphin cop, he polices the oceans.”
Billy laughed and took the dolphin from Addy. “A dolphin cop, huh?”
“Yeah, and I got this.” Another stuffed animal emerged from the bag. A seal. “I don’t have a name for him yet. He’s a seal so maybe Sam?” she scrunched up her nose, unsure.
Billy’s mouth settled into a frown. “A seal?” I had flashes of Thanksgiving evening. A Navy SEAL? I’m not familiar. And I’m not intimidated by a man who’s the member of some porpoise group, Billy had said. “Unfortunately, bird, we’ve got a strict no-seal policy on this bus now.”
Addy’s frown matched her father’s. “We do?”
“Yep, no seals allowed.” He tapped her nose. “Your seal will just have to find some other place to sniff around. This bus is closed for business. Isn’t that right, flower?” He sent me a heated look over his daughter’s head.
I looked away. An onslaught of emotions had my jaw working. I tried not to read too much into Billy’s words, his proprietary feelings toward me. Were his flares of jealousy evidence of affection? Or did he just feel like I was an object, something he owned, something he paid for. Yikes, the thoughts I’d boxed up earlier sprang free. You’re his nanny, and current bed partner, nothing more. I cleared my throat of whatever emotion was lodged in it. “Addy, sweetheart. You need to take a shower. You didn’t take one last night. And it’s almost dinner, then we’re having an early bedtime.”
Addy stuck her nose in the air and marched toward me. “You can make me do whatever you want, but my mind is free.”
Billy barked out a laugh. I patted her head. “That’s lovely, sweetheart. Make sure your free mind washes behind its ears and in between its toes.”
Addy showered and after, we ate mac and cheese with the band. Billy sat next to me and once or twice I had to block his wandering hands under the table. A roadie boarded the bus and revved the engine. We’d drive all night and end up in Boise, Idaho. The band would play there for one night, then we’d move on to Vegas. I settled Addy in her bunk, and she requested Jett play her Taylor Swift songs until she fell asleep. He complied, his sexy croon filling the bus with acoustic renditions of the pop star’s greatest hits. She fell asleep quickly, but Jett kept playing.
“It’s disturbing how many Taylor Swift songs you know,” Billy said while Jett strummed a bridge.
“Girl’s got catchy tunes, mate.” Jett strummed away and I lay back on the couch. I still needed that shower, but I wasn’t in any hurry. Someone turned down the lights. I let my eyes close. I’d sleep for a few minutes, then get up and take that shower.
A tongue ran up my neck, followed by nibbling teeth. Little tingles raced up my spine. I came awake slowly, my eyes fluttering open. I lay on my side on the couch and somehow, my very large, blond rocker had wedged himself behind me. I could feel his hardness against my back. A hand positioned itself against my stomach, holding me against his obvious erection. I moaned, thighs clenching. The cabin was empty. And the bus wasn’t moving.
“What?” I said in a daze of lust and sleep. “Where are we?”
“Everybody’s sleeping. Mike stopped to eat and take a rest. It’s just you and me, flower.” Mike being our roadie turned bus driver for the evening.
My eyes traveled to the back of the bus. The curtain was drawn, separating the bunks from the cabin. Still, anyone could wake up and walk out. The hand moved from my stomach to my hips, turning me. “Easy now, darling. This shouldn’t take very long. Just stay still for me, all right?” My thighs tensed, I was laying on my stomach now, Billy above me. His hand slid under my sweats, palmed my ass then dived deeper, stroking my cleft. “Jesus, flower, you look fantastic like this. All sleepy and wet for me. I watched you sleep for a while.”
“That’s kind of creepy,” I breathed out.
His big hands stroked my back, moved my hair away from my neck. Then I felt him cover me, he sucked my skin and bit down where my shoulder met my neck. The jolt of pain blended into pleasure. “If you think that’s creepy, you don’t want to know what I was thinking.” I kind of did. My muscles clenched. Heat pooled at my core. Oh shit, did the curtain just move? I froze. “Fuck, I want you.” Billy rose up. I heard the unmistakable sound of a zipper and then hands were tugging at my sweats.
I wiggled and darted away, curling my body at the end of the couch. I stuck up a hand, shook a finger at him. “No.”
Billy frowned, hands on his fly. “No?” He didn’t seem to understand.
“Addy’s five feet away, we can’t,” I explained.
He looked down. “My dick says otherwise, darling.”
I licked my lips. I hadn’t given him that blowjob I’d promised myself yet. I shook my head. “Rules, Billy,” I reminded him.
His glower intensified. Billy usually got what he wanted, and when denied he could throw an epic fit. I steeled myself for the tantrum. “What am I supposed to do about this then?” He motioned at his still-obvious erection.
“There’s lotion and tissue in the bathroom,” I ever-so-helpfully suggested.
He snorted. “I don’t want my hand. I got standards you know. That’s like asking me to eat a hamburger when I’ve had filet mignon.”
Oh, well that was kind of nice. “Maybe you could take a walk.”
Clearly, this suggestion was worse. “A walk?”
“Yes, any time you have … sexual feelings …” I don’t know why I dropped my voice … “you take like a, therapeutic walk. Maybe the fresh air will help.”
A line appeared between his eyebrows. He nodded. “All right, then.”
I relaxed and smiled. “Good.” See, this wasn’t so bad. We were having a mature conversation. I did adulting super well.
“We’ll just go to bed,” he said.
Somewhat disappointed, I stood and stretched. Had I wanted Billy to insist? No, I didn’t. I wanted my rules. I needed my boundaries. Boundaries were good. They kept my heart safe and Addy secure. I sauntered to the bunks, Billy following. I paused at mine but Billy wrapped his fingers around my wrist and pulled me toward the back bedroom. A lamp from behind the door partially lit the dark space.
“What are you doing?” I whisper-yelled.
He gave me a blank look. “Taking you to bed.”
“Rules, Billy, remember?”
“Of course I remember. That’s why we won’t be fucking. We’ll keep it clean. Purely PG. Although,” he stepped closer to me, “I wouldn’t object if you wanted to have your way with me.”
“We’re not sleeping in the same bed together.”
A pretty pout graced Billy’s face. “But I’ll be so cold and lonely.”
“Sorry.”
“At least kiss me goodnight then.”
I tilted my head at him and crossed my arms.
“Kiss me goodnight.” He said
, letting his voice rise. Someone shifted in their bunk. “Kiss me, flower,” he demanded even louder.
“Fucking hell, kiss him already so the rest of us can go back to sleep.” It was Turner. He swore and muttered some more before quieting.
“Fuck off, Turner,” said Billy. His attention returned to me. “You heard the man. Kiss me. Kiss me now before I scream down this whole place.”
“You’re impossible.” I stepped closer until our toes met. “You wouldn’t wake up Addy.”
“Darling.” He cupped my cheek. “You don’t know half the things I would do for you.” My heart expanded and felt too big for my chest. Why did he have to say such sweet things? It didn’t seem fair to lead me on like this. Especially when I wanted so badly to be led. “Besides, the girl sleeps like a hibernating bear.”
I chuckled. It was true. She’d slept through a small earthquake in L.A., a groupie screaming her undying love to Jett and a busted bus tire. Her ability was something to envy. I was a light sleeper. Each small noise jolted me awake.
“Come to bed with me, flower,” he tried one more time. “I have something to show you. It’s in my pants, it needs special care and attention.” He did a slight thrust with his hips, highlighting his hard-on behind his partially unzipped fly.
“Oh my god,” Turner groaned. “Now I have to hear about your dick, too?”
I almost gave into Billy’s plea. Almost. I sighed. “I can’t.”
His lips brushed mine. “You sure I can do nothing to convince you?”
“I’m sure.”
“That’s very responsible of you.”
I sighed again, this time sad and long. “I know.”
He kissed me. “I’m getting a hotel in Boise.”
I gave him a smile. “Okay.”
Hard Lessons: (A Wild Minds Prequel Novel) Page 13
