I sighed, long and overdrawn. “I guess.”
Billy’s eyes blazed. “Is that a yes?”
I nodded and smiled, all sorts of happy and content. “I’ll marry you, Billy Wanks.”
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Good Lies
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I sucked my thumb, huddling in the corner of the dingy room. My hair was greasy and matted—it had been days since anybody had washed or combed it. I stank.
I increased my thumb-suckage, watching men in blue uniforms march in and out of the tiny one-bedroom apartment I shared with my mother. Their boots left mud tracks on the gray carpet. Mama would be upset. But then again, maybe she wouldn’t. Mama hadn’t come home in four days, which was exactly how old I was and, coincidentally, how high I could count. Another day and I’d have been shit out of luck. Time would have passed without my knowledge.
A man with a shiny badge and blue uniform crouched in front me, big shoulders blocking my view of the fracas. “Hey there, sweetheart. My name is Officer Daniels,” the man said. He had a nice smile, kind and warm. “What’s your name?”
I backed up a step and bumped into the wall. “Ad-Addison,” I mumbled around my thumb. I clutched my blankie tighter, and the picture I held in the same hand crinkled against my chest.
“What you got there, sweetheart?” Officer Daniels asked. Gently, he pried the glossy photo from my dirty fingers. Officer Daniels’ eyes widened and he whistled low. “What are you doing with a picture of Billy Wanks?” He turned the picture so I could see it. The man in the picture smiled wide at me, a brown bottle in his hand. Mama used to tell me his favorite drink was whiskey. His white-blond hair was spiked, his green eyes the color of emeralds, his lip lifted in a sneer.
I popped my thumb out, touched the picture, and whispered, “Papa.”
“Shelby!” Officer Daniels yelled, standing. “Come take a look at this.”
Another uniformed man hurried to Officer Daniels’ side. “What’s up, Daniels?”
Officer Daniels flicked the picture. “Girl says Billy Wanks is her dad.”
Officer Shelby snorted. “Yeah, and my dad’s Santa Claus. Look at this place.” The officer gestured around, encompassing the threadbare couch, the stained carpet, the fridge that rattled and never had any food in it. “Either Billy Wanks is a real big bastard, or that girl’s mama has been telling her some tall tales.”
“Or,” Officer Daniels said, his teeth on edge. “Maybe he doesn’t know about her.”
Officer Shelby shook his head. “I wouldn’t bet on it, Daniels. Neighbors said this woman was cuckoo, half the time she was strung out on God knows what. She overdosed. She’s a junkie, and she didn’t do her kid any favors spinning stories about rock star fathers.”
Officer Daniels stared down at the photo. “I’m going to pass this along to social services. Maybe they can get a hold of him.”
“Good luck,” Officer Shelby said. “I’ll tell you what. If this is Billy Wanks’ kid, I’ll give you my Christmas bonus.”
One year later
The red and black flannel couch itched the back of my legs. I put my hands under my thighs, resisting the urge to scratch.
“How you doing, sweetheart?” Officer Daniels asked, removing his hat and crouching in front of me.
I smiled at Officer Daniels, poking my tongue through the space where my front two teeth should’ve been. “I lost two teeth this week. The tooth fairy came. And I got extra dessert at lunch today ’cause I shared with Denny during play time.” Outside, kids yelled and laughed as they ran by the window. My foster brother and sisters were playing tag. I sighed deeply. I was so good at tag.
“Do you remember what we talked about last time I was here, Addy?” Officer Daniels asked, drawing my attention.
I puckered my lips in concentration. “You told me my daddy was coming soon.” My face lit up with a smile, awesome game of tag forgotten. “Is he here? Did he come?” I bounced around in my seat.
Officer Daniels twirled the hat in his hands. “He’s here. Just outside in that car. He wants to meet you.” I glanced out the big picture window, at the long black car with glossy windows parked at the curb. I stood ready to run to my father, who I only knew from a picture. Officer Daniels pressed on my shoulder, forcing me back down to the couch. He chuckled. “Just a minute, sweetheart. I want to talk to you before I bring him in.”
A pause. I waited, squirming in my seat.
Officer Daniels rubbed his face. “Jesus, this is difficult. Maybe I should’ve let Sandra handle this.”
Sandra was my social worker. She smelled like mothballs and always squeezed my shoulder too hard. “I hate Sandra,” I confessed on a whisper.
“I know you do. That’s why I said I’d do this. Anyway, look, sweetheart, this is just an initial meeting, informal. Mr. Wanks wouldn’t submit to a blood test until he met you. Said he’d know his kid if he saw her. But the court will require a blood test before they let you go home with him. Addy …” Officer Daniels waited until he had my full attention. “I want you to know, if Mr. Wanks isn’t your dad or if he doesn’t have a place for you in his life, Mel and me have been talking and there’s room in our family for you. Would you like that?”
Warmth flooded my chest. I loved Officer Daniels’ family—his wife Mel, and his son Gabe, who was my age. “Would I get my own room?” I asked. Right now, I had to share with Becky. At night she picked her nose and ate it. She thought nobody saw. I totally did.
Officer Daniels smiled, the lines on his face deepening. “You sure would. And you could play with Gabe every day.”
“I’d like that.” I grinned.
“Good.” Officer Daniels’ smile warmed. “Whatever happens, you just remember you have a place with us. I’m going to go get Mr. Wanks. Wait here.” Officer Daniels stood, replaced his cap and walked out the front door.
I watched through the window as he banged on the limo door. Out came the tallest, skinniest man I’d ever seen. He wasn’t that thin in my picture. He wore all black and a lit cigarette hung from his mouth. He exhaled smoke from his nose, reminding me of an angry bull. Stomping out his cigarette, he followed Officer Daniels to the front door.
I held my breath, everything in my little body wound tight.
As soon as Officer Daniels opened the door, I straightened, locking eyes with the man. I saw a partial reflection of myself. My hair was darker, brown inherited from my mother. But I had his dark green eyes, his cheekbones, his lips.
I let out my breath just as the man spoke. “Fuck,” he drawled in a strange accent. “She’s fucking mine all right.”
“Mr. Wanks, please watch your language,” Officer Daniels said, shutting the door.
Billy ignored him. “What’s her name again?”
“You don’t remember her name?” Officer Daniels flushed.
“Give me a break, mate. You know how many bogus paternity phone calls I get a day? The only reason I came is ’cause I remember her ma.” Billy grinned and ran a hand through his greasy, white-blond hair. He wore a worn black leather jacket, black tee and black skinny jeans. All in all, he looked like no one’s father—too young, too much like a delinquent. “We used to call her Anything Goes Vicky.”
Officer Daniels moved so he blocked my view of Billy. “Vicky was her mother.” His voice lowered. “Her dead mother.”
“Rig
ht, sorry,” Billy mumbled.
“Addison,” I chirped from my place on the couch. “My name’s Addison. Most people call me Addy.”
Billy stepped around Officer Daniels. “Well, little bird. That’s not very rock ’n’ roll.” I shrugged and frowned, feeling suddenly bad. Billy noticed. “Ah, I’m shit at this parenting thing already, aren’t I?”
“Mr. Wanks, since you brought it up, I wanted you know that my wife, Mel, and I would like to adopt Addison. We have a son. And we’ve always wanted a little girl. She’d make a wonderful addition—”
“Hold up, chap.” Billy scowled. “I may be a lot of things.” Officer Daniels snorted. Billy scowled more fiercely. “I may be a lot of things. But a deadbeat pop, I’m not.”
Officer Daniels ripped off his hat. “And how do you think you’re going to care for a little girl? I saw your tour schedule. You’re booked solid for the next two years. Life on the road with a band isn’t any place for a kid.”
Billy’s gaze narrowed. “Now you’re starting to piss me off. I may not know the first thing about kids”—Officer Daniels opened his mouth, but Billy kept going—“but I know that kid is mine.” He pointed at me. My gaze bounced back and forth between Officer Daniels and Billy. “Blood is blood. I’m taking her with me. Today.”
“Mr. Wanks, this is just an informal meeting to establish if you want to pursue permanent guardianship. The court will require a blood test before releasing Addison into your custody.”
Billy inhaled and nodded his head. He didn’t look happy. “Fine. Let me say goodbye then.” Officer Daniels moved. Billy walked forward and knelt in front of me, so we were eye to eye. “Hey there, little bird.” Billy’s lip turned up and he glanced behind him. “A little privacy.” Officer Daniels rolled his eyes and took a few steps into the dining room, where he still had a full view. Billy leaned forward so only I could hear. His breath smelled like cigarettes and coffee. “So I guess you’re my kid. I’m sorry I haven’t been around. But I’m going to make it up to you. Starting now. Do you want to come with me?”
I glanced at Officer Daniels, biting my lip. Trouble was brewing. Transferring my gaze back to Billy, I whispered, “What about Officer Daniels?”
“He’ll be all right. He’s already got a kid, yeah?”
I nodded. True.
“And me, I only got you. It’s up to you, Addy girl. I’ll do the blood test, and we’ll wait and then I’ll come get you. Or I can take you away now. If it was up to me, I wouldn’t wait another minute for us to be a family.”
I thought and thought. I’d never really liked television shows. I preferred commercials. My favorites were the ones for shelters, about dogs awaiting their forever homes. I loved Officer Daniels, liked playing with Gabe, and Mel cooked the best meals. My options were limited. I knew what I wanted: a forever home. And one with my own father, the one I’d dreamt about, was wildly tempting. I nodded slowly, without any doubt. “Yes,” I whispered. “I want to go with you.”
Billy’s face spread into a wide grin. “All right, here’s how we’re going to do this…”
I gazed out the tinted back window of the limo, my breath expelling in little huffs. Officer Daniels stood in the middle of the street, his frame getting smaller and smaller as we drove away. Beside me, Billy laughed and slapped his knee. “That was a fucking great getaway, kid.”
“Do you think he’s mad at me?” I asked, turning back around and sinking into the seat.
“Of course not. But he’s pissed as hell at me. I bet he’s got the cops at my hotel before we get there.” My eyes widened. Billy nudged me. “But that’s why we’re not going to the hotel. I’m taking you home to L.A. with me.”
At that, Billy dug a slim phone from his pocket. He dialed, then used his shoulder to hold the phone against his ear. He tapped out a cigarette from a pack beside him on the seat. Cigarette dangling from his mouth, he froze, eyes on me. “I guess I shouldn’t smoke around you, huh?” I shrugged. My mother smoked around me all the time. Billy tossed the cigarette on the limo floor. “Look at me, parent of the fucking year. I should get an award.” I wondered if he was a little “off his rocker,” a term I’d heard Mel use when describing their neighbor with ten cats.
Billy’s focus shifted to the phone. “Larry,” he said. A pause. Listening. “Yeah, she’s mine.” Another pause. “Because she’s a dead ringer for me. But better. Fucking gorgeous.” More listening. “Well, we’ve got a problem. I took her.” Muffled yelling. Blond eyebrows descended down ominously. “I wasn’t going to leave her. You should’ve seen the place they were keeping her at.” I didn’t understand what he meant by that. The foster family’s house was the nicest I’d ever been to, aside from Officer Daniels. “Look, are you or are you not my lawyer?” Billy listened again and seemed appeased. “Yeah, that’s what I thought. She’s coming to L.A. with me. And I want you to make sure nobody takes her away from me. Do what I hired you to do and we won’t have a problem.” His words were brisk, brittle. Billy hung up the phone and tossed it onto the seat.
I pressed myself further into the plush leather. Maybe I’d made a mistake coming with Billy. A long-ago lesson about stranger danger flitted through my memory.
“What’s the matter, little bird?” Billy asked. I just looked at him, huge tears forming in my eyes. “You scared?”
Admitting fear was a hard thing to do. I said the first things I thought of. “I don’t have any clothes and I left my toothbrush and my foster mom was going to finish reading Charlotte’s Web tonight.”
Billy gave a particularly pained-sounding sigh. He raised his arm. “C’mere,” he said.
I hesitated for a moment then scooted over. His arm fell around my shoulders, pressing me to him. He smelled like smoke but underneath there was an air of cleanliness, a downy scent, as if he’d just pulled on a T-shirt fresh from the drier. “I’m going to buy you whatever you need. Don’t worry about that. And I’ll read to you at night. We might need to stop by a bookstore. I think all I got at my house right now is Rolling Stone and Penthouse.”
“Penthouse?” I asked, lifting my head.
Billy patted my hair. “Don’t worry about that, little bird.”
“How come you don’t call me Addy?”
“I don’t know. Don’t you like ‘little bird’?”
I thought about what Billy had said back at my foster parents’ house. “Is it more rock ’n’ roll?”
Billy chuckled. “It sure is.”
“It’s okay then. What should I call you?”
Billy sighed and was quiet for a moment. “People call me lots of things. My friends call me Wanks. A lot of chicks call me ‘asshole.’ Someday I hope you’ll call me Dad. But we can start with Billy for now, sound good?”
“That sounds good,” I said, and then, “Billy.”
Billy absentmindedly petted my hair again. “You and me, kid, we’re going to be all right, yeah?” I nodded into his side. “Charlotte’s Web? That the one about the pig?”
“Uh-huh, there’s Wilbur, the pig, and Charlotte, and Templeton, and…” My eyes started to close.
After a while I felt Billy adjust me, so I was lying on the limo’s bench seat. Carefully, he draped his leather jacket over my body. “Fucking father of the year,” he muttered to himself.
Two years later
I swayed in the plastic chair, humming a Wanks and Janks song under my breath. It was the middle of the school day. I was missing free choice time. Again. This was my third visit to the office in the same week. Sigh. By the time I returned, all the good choices like board games, Play-Doh and puppets would be taken.
Mrs. Richards, the dour-faced headmistress, had placed me in the hallway. “I’m calling your father this time,” she’d said. I’d been waiting for what felt like an eternity. Tugging at the scratchy collar of my uniform shirt, I wished I could remove it. I’d taken it off once before, leaving me in the checkered jumper sans shirt. Mrs. Inglewood, my nanny, had been appalled. Being half-naked in publi
c wasn’t ladylike. Billy had been delighted. Being half-naked in public was very rock ’n’ roll-like.
The double doors swung open and Billy entered in a cloud of smoke. Dark sunglasses obscured his eyes. He was dressed in all black, his clothes wrinkled as if he’d just rolled out of bed. This was highly likely. Usually, Mrs. Inglewood drove me to school. If Billy weren’t on tour, he’d pick me up and take me to the zoo, or the recording studio, or just home, where we’d eat snacks and watch cartoons. Most days Billy seemed more friend than father.
I smiled, seeing Billy wasn’t alone. Jett Janks, the other half of the band Wanks and Janks, followed close behind. Jett was an amazing guitarist. But even more amazing was his hair, wild, curly and long, it reminded me of an electric cloud. I’d learned to braid on it.
“Uncle Jett!” I cried, jumping from my seat, wrapping my arms around his waist. Jett wasn’t as tall as Billy nor as thin. But he was strong. Sometimes I’d go stiff as a board and Jett would lift me as if bench-pressing weights.
“What trouble did you get into now, little bird?” Billy tugged one of my pigtails. Releasing Jett, I scowled up at my father. “It wasn’t my fault.”
Billy removed his sunglasses and rolled his eyes. “It’s never your fault.”
“This time it really wasn’t.” Cue foot-stomping.
“We’ll see about that,” Billy said. He sauntered to the front desk where Mrs. Paulson, the secretary, watched them. Billy leaned forward, into Mrs. Paulson’s space. A blush crept from her ample bosom to her forehead. “Hey there, love. Could you do me a favor and let Mrs. Dicks know Addison’s old man is here?”
Mrs. Paulson nodded. Pushing a button on the intercom, she stammered into the receiver, “Mrs. Di… I mean Mrs. Richards. Addison’s father is here.”
Hard Lessons: (A Wild Minds Prequel Novel) Page 20
