by E. S. Moore
“But even while I knew I was getting better inside, I was still torn up. When Ethan was asleep, I’d sometimes watch him and think about everything I could no longer do. It was hard to simply get through the day sometimes.”
I nodded in a way that I hoped told him that I understood. I’d been to my own dark places.
“But I got over it. I learned that even though I couldn’t do something as simple as clap anymore, I could still be important to someone. I refuse to shirk my duty out of fear of failure. Just because I’m missing a part of myself, doesn’t mean the rest of me is useless.”
Jeremy sighed and forced a smile. “So anyway, thank you for not kicking me out when you came back. Thank you for giving me a reason to live.” He raised his bottle toward the bar.
I didn’t trust myself to speak. Bart brought over a pair of beers, clearing away the empties as he did.
I waited until he was gone before I forced a smirk to my face and said, “No problem.” I wanted to sound cocky, but my voice broke on the second word.
Jeremy seemed to get it, though. He broke out into a wide grin, picked up his beer and tipped it my way. “To staying alive.”
I raised my own bottle. “To staying alive.”
Our bottles made a faint clink as we tapped them together.
5
It was late when we finally decided to call it a night. Thanks to our higher metabolisms, neither of us were drunk, but Jeremy looked like he was ready for a good long nap. I told him I’d meet him at home and waved him off when he offered to follow me home. I had things I wanted to do and didn’t want an audience while I did them.
Jeremy gave me a friendly smile and wave as he slipped into the black car Jonathan had given him after I’d pretty much destroyed his old clunker. He started it up, waved once more, and took off out of the parking lot.
Besides my Honda, there were only two other vehicles in the lot. The bar had remained dead all night, though at one point it had started to pick up when a group of eight Purebloods came in for about ten minutes. Otherwise, not much had happened.
As soon as Jeremy was out of sight, I got on my motorcycle. I was in a strange mood after spending the night drinking with Jeremy. I felt like there were things I should do before diving headfirst into the Left Hand problem. If I didn’t, then these things would nag at me, distracting me from what I really needed to focus on. If I left now, I was pretty sure I could get them all done before first light.
I drove toward Delai, wishing I could forget about the place. There was nothing I could do to help the people trapped inside the mystical town. Di’leviathan—Levi to me—was an angel who dedicated his life to “curing” supes, though his cure was more of a mental wipe that turned the people into mindless shells he apparently could control through his will.
He’d planned on doing the same to me. If it hadn’t been for Beligral’s Sight, I’d probably be staring blankly at a wall right now. Levi had a calming influence, something I should have picked up on long before it was pointed out to me. Only through the demon’s help was I able to avoid succumbing to Levi’s mental touch long enough to see what he really was.
But now, the town was gone, as were its inhabitants. I knew they were out there somewhere, but I couldn’t get to them. When Levi discovered I’d learned what he was, he kicked me out. The road, the town, and everyone who lived there, vanished as if they’d never existed.
Still, I found myself drawn to where I’d last seen the town. Sienna, Levi’s adopted daughter, was there. I’d promised to save her.
I drove fast and hard, just wanting to get this over with. If I saw that the town hadn’t magically reappeared, I could put it behind me for a few days. I knew deep down that it wouldn’t be there, that I’d more than likely never see Delai or Levi again, but damn it, I had to try.
The empty field came into view and I walked my Honda off the road a way before staring off into the distance. There was nothing out there. I wasn’t sure if Levi could see me when I came here or if he’d completely forgotten me by now. I’d come here a few times and screamed at the sky, challenging the angel to fight.
It was probably a good thing he never answered. I had a feeling a fight between me and a creature that was akin to a demon wouldn’t end up in my favor.
I sat there for a few minutes before walking the motorcycle back onto the road. I didn’t have time to go wandering the empty field in the hope I would see something promising. Nothing had been there before, and I figured it would be the same now.
I took off toward home. There was a moment when I very nearly changed course and headed toward Adrian’s place. I could feel him out there. I was pretty sure Davin would be with him and I really wanted to talk to the vampire about the Left Hand. I wasn’t sure if his insanity would allow him to tell me anything of use, but it was worth a try.
But not yet. I had one more thing to do.
I arrived home with a little over an hour to spare before night. I pulled into the garage, shut off the engine, and made for the side door. I used the fingerprint reader Ethan had installed at every outside door. The door unlocked with a click and I stepped inside my sanctuary.
The smell of bacon nearly overwhelmed me as I entered the kitchen. I wasn’t sure when I’d actually eaten anything of substance. My mouth watered and I glanced at the stove. It was cold and the bacon grease had long ago congealed in the skillet. My stomach grumbled and I mentally promised myself I’d eat something later.
Ethan was sitting on the couch, an empty plate beside him. The TV was on, but I don’t think he was watching it.
“Hey,” he said, rising as I came in.
“Hey.” I hesitated and then took off my coat, followed by my shoulder holster and belt. I wouldn’t need weapons where I was going.
“I take it you didn’t get into a fight?” he asked as he walked past me, into the kitchen. He rinsed off his plate and set it in the sink.
“Not tonight. I’ll try harder tomorrow.”
He laughed and returned to lean against the wall between the dining room and living room.
“Where’s Jeremy?” I asked. I rolled my shoulders, causing my neck and back to both pop. It sounded like someone balling up a sheet of bubble wrap. I hadn’t fought anyone, but my body was stiff and tired.
“Asleep,” Ethan said. “I think. Apparently, he had a few too many to drink tonight. I guess his wolf couldn’t keep up with it.”
I smiled. I still couldn’t believe I’d sat there drinking with him. I couldn’t remember the last time I relaxed in a bar with someone.
“So, how did it go?” Ethan was nervous and was trying to hide it. He fiddled with the bottom of his shirt, rubbing at a stain that wasn’t there.
I shrugged. “As good as it could, I guess.”
“Any idea what happened?”
I sighed. “The Left Hand. They crucified the werewolf and left him in front of the Den.”
Ethan’s eyes widened. “Are you serious?”
“Serious as can be.”
He licked his lips and gave a little shudder. “What are you going to do about it?”
“Same as always,” I said. “I’ll go out, find them, and then take care of the problem.”
“Maybe Beligral could help?”
He said it like he didn’t want to. I had a feeling he’d promised the demon he’d bring it up. I wasn’t sure how much Beligral knew of our world and I didn’t want to add to his knowledge by recruiting his help.
“No fucking way,” I growled. I took a deep breath, closed my eyes, and then forced an apologetic smile. “Sorry,” I said. “I just don’t want to deal with him on top of everything else right now.”
I glanced toward the back door. Time was wasting and I wanted to get this done.
“I’ll be back in a minute,” I said.
Ethan nodded and went back into the living room. I turned and unlocked the back door. I had to mentally ready myself before sliding it open and stepping outside. When I closed the door, it autom
atically locked. I’d have to use the fingerprint reader to get back inside.
I walked the worn grass toward the woods where Thomas’s grave lay. This was going to be hard, like always, but a sense of serenity washed over me when I saw the unmarked stone beneath the tree. Thomas might be dead, but it felt like his spirit was still around, watching over me.
I knelt by the stone and placed a hand on it. “Hey, Thomas.”
There was no answer, of course.
“I just wanted to come out here to let you know that I’m still trying.” The wind rustled my hair and even though I knew it wasn’t him, I took it as a response. “I still fuck up every once in a while, but I haven’t been nearly as bad as before.”
I ran my fingers over the stone. I’d have to get his name carved into it sometime. While the plain marking would suit him and would also prevent others from messing with the grave, he deserved more.
“I . . .” I felt my throat close up and coughed. I refused to cry. “I’m sorry things turned out the way they did. Maybe someday I’ll find a way to fix this.”
I instantly thought of Baset and how she’d been brought back from the dead. Could the same be done for Thomas? Could her necromancer, Henri, somehow bring him back to life without the gruesome consequences?
No. I refused to do that to my brother. Even if he could avoid coming back as a rotten half-corpse, there’s no telling in what state his mind might be. There’d been so little left when he’d been tainted. It was impossible to believe that things would magically get better after rising from his grave. In fact, I could only see them getting worse.
“I’ve got to head back in now,” I said, hand still on the stone. “It’s going to be light soon.”
I stood. “Sleep tight, Thomas.”
I turned and went back into the house.
Ethan was sitting at the table, head bowed when I came in. The TV was off and the house, except for a single lamp in the living room, was dark.
“You okay?” he asked when I entered.
“Yeah.” I didn’t sound it.
“Did something else happen while you were out tonight?”
I almost laughed. Ethan was so good at reading me. The only time I ever went to see Thomas’s grave was when I had something on my mind. It calmed me in a way. He knew that. Ethan could often tell when I wasn’t telling him the whole story.
I took a seat across from him. “Nathan wasn’t at the Den when I got there. Jonathan wouldn’t tell me where he went.”
Ethan frowned. “And you think he might have had something to do with this?”
I shook my head and shrugged. “I have no idea. It strikes me as odd that when something this big happens, he’s nowhere in sight.”
“Maybe something else drew him away.”
“Yeah, but why wouldn’t Jonathan tell me?”
“It might not have been Cult business.”
I just gave him a look. The Luna Cult was Nathan’s life as far as I knew. He’d want to be there when Jonathan and I talked strategy. I don’t think he trusted me with him. He wasn’t my biggest fan and would much rather be there whenever I was alone with his Denmaster.
Of course, we hadn’t been alone this time. Keira had been there nearly every step of the way. A frown crept onto my face.
“So what else is bothering you?” Ethan asked. “I can tell there’s something else going on.”
“Nathan wasn’t there. It’s a big deal.”
“And?”
“And what?” I refused to look at him.
“And there is more to it than that. Come on, spill it.”
I sighed. “And there was another werewolf at Jonathan’s side instead.”
“I see.” Ethan sat back. “So, um, you don’t like this wolf?”
I chewed over that for a long moment. “I don’t know. I barely know her.”
“Ah.” I could hear the smile in Ethan’s voice.
I looked up and glared at him. “What’s that supposed to mean?” His grin widened. “Her.”
“What about her?”
“Exactly.”
I narrowed my eyes and he laughed.
“Competition,” he said with a wink.
“Competition for what?” I felt my face growing hot.
Ethan just shook his head as he stood. He picked up my bundle of weapons and tucked them under his arm. “I’ll go ahead and take these down tonight. I’ll work on them tomorrow sometime. Maybe by then, you’ll figure it out.” He walked away chuckling.
I grumbled something decidedly unfriendly, but couldn’t stop the smile from crossing my face as I headed for the stairs. I felt a little woozy from too much to drink and decided it was time I soaked it out of me. A bath sounded really good by then.
I paused outside Jeremy’s bedroom door. He was snoring loudly inside. I smiled, marveling once more at how I was coming to accept the werewolf as a part of my family. A few months ago, I was ready to kick him out, and now I was sharing drinks with him.
I rested my hand on the door a moment before heading to my room. It wouldn’t do to have Ethan come back upstairs and see me like that. He’d never let me hear the end of it.
I entered my bedroom and closed the door behind me. My head was far clearer than it had been earlier. Sure, the Left Hand were going to be a problem and I still had Baset and Adrian thinking they could control me, but I was starting to feel like I could deal with them. If I took everything one step at a time, I’d find a way out from beneath their thumbs.
I started to strip down, but stopped about halfway through.
I was humming.
I had to really think about that.
My life had been such a mess over the last few years, I couldn’t remember when I last sang, let alone hummed. Normally, when I’d come to my room at the end of a night, I’d be a mess inside, too busy trying to figure out what disaster I’d have to deal with next.
But things had changed. I had changed.
Smiling and naked, I walked into my bathroom and started the bath. The windows in here were covered so that no sunlight would penetrate the room. I could bathe for as long as I wanted without worrying about the sun’s rays.
I looked into the mirror as the bath filled. My back was still scarred, my body hard with muscle, yet I didn’t think of myself as ugly anymore. The scars weren’t my best feature, but they proved that I’d survived some pretty tough situations. No matter what life threw at me, I could handle it.
The tub filled and I turned off the water. I sank down and closed my eyes. I wouldn’t sleep. I didn’t need to. But I could enjoy these quiet few moments alone.
6
I felt beyond relaxed when I headed downstairs the following night. For once, I was going to head out, do something dangerous, and wasn’t going to torture myself over it. Last night had done me some serious good. It was as if all the stresses of my entire life had bled away into a small little ball tucked in my gut. I could feel it there, but refused to let it expand and overwhelm me.
Ethan was sitting at the table sipping coffee when I came down. His hair was mussed and he looked as if he’d just gotten up a few minutes ago.
“Sleep well?” I asked, surprised at how chipper I sounded.
Ethan grumbled something into his coffee.
I laughed and stretched. My body creaked nearly as much as my leather. I was feeling a little stiff and there was a headache lurking, but I had a feeling that had more to do with what I drank the night before than anything major.
I grabbed my coat off the back of a chair and folded it over my arm. “I’m going to head out. I’ve got a few things to take care of tonight.”
“Where?” Ethan managed through a yawn.
“Not sure. I’m hoping once I get going, I’ll figure it out.”
He frowned slightly into his mug.
“I’m not holding out on you,” I said. “I really don’t know where I’m going tonight. I want to take care of the Left Hand, but don’t know where to look. I’ll drive around a b
it, see what I can find.”
“K.” Ethan sighed and gulped down his steaming mug of coffee. I had no idea how he didn’t scald himself. “I’m going to have a shower.”
He lumbered past me as if his clothes were weighing him down. I wondered how long he’d stayed up after I’d gone to soak in the tub. I hadn’t paid much attention to whether he’d even gone to bed at all.
I watched him ascend the stairs and stagger into the bathroom. As soon as the door was closed, I headed downstairs for my gear.
Ethan had checked over some of the stuff the night before, telling me he’d stayed up later than he should have. The gun and weapons were resting on top of the table, looking fresh and ready. I checked the Glock to make sure it was fully loaded, and slipped it into the shoulder holster he’d set aside. I was in the process of putting it on when Jeremy came down the stairs.
“Do you want me to come?”
I glanced at him as I finished settling the holster in place. “Not tonight. You should stay here and keep an eye on Ethan.”
“I could call Jonathan and he could send someone else to sit with him.”
I paused with my belt halfway around my waist. It wouldn’t be such a bad idea to have someone watching my back. The Left Hand had snuck up on me before. They’d done the same to countless vampires and werewolves. As much as I wanted to believe I could handle myself, I knew it would be safer to have someone else there with me.
But could I really risk getting Jeremy hurt again?
“I’m just looking tonight,” I said. “I don’t plan on doing much else.”
“And what if you come across the Left Hand?” he asked. “I’m pretty sure you wouldn’t simply walk away.”
I sighed and finished putting on my belt. I grabbed my knives and sword and sheathed them. My coat came next. It settled around me, hiding the weapons.
“I can take care of myself,” I said. “I need to do this alone.”
Jeremy looked like he wanted to protest some more. He took a breath like he was going to speak, but it came out as a sigh. He bowed his head and stepped aside.
