by Amy Clipston
Her thoughts moved to Tristan, and she realized that she hadn’t told Amanda about him or the Andersons.
“I met the new family that moved into that vacant English farmhouse last week,” Lydia said while picking at more blades of grass. “The family is really nice.”
“Oh?” Amanda raised an eyebrow and then bit into her cookie.
“The son is seventeen, and then there’s a daughter who is four,” Lydia said. “The father is starting a new job at one of the nearby universities. The son’s name is Tristan, and he’s going to be a senior in high school in the fall. And the sister is Michaela.” She smiled. “She has this adorable little puppy named Bitsy, that is so funny. The other night, Titus, Irma, and I took a box of pastries over to the family, and we had a nice visit. Michaela took Titus and Irma upstairs to see her room and meet the puppy.”
Amanda’s expression transformed to concern, but Lydia continued her story without acknowledging it.
“While Michaela took Titus and Irma upstairs, I spoke with Mrs. Anderson and Tristan,” Lydia began, while fingering the ribbons hanging from her prayer covering. “They were very interested in our one-room schoolhouse, and Tristan said he’d like a tour sometime.”
Amanda shook her head. “You aren’t going to give him one, ya?”
Lydia shrugged. “I don’t know. I might sometime if he happens to stop by. It’s not like I’m going to plan it.”
“Lydia,” Amanda began, lowering her voice and glancing around at the friends sitting close by before continuing. “You know it’s not wise to get involved with an English bu. The bishop frowns upon it, and your parents will too. Just keep your distance before you wind up in trouble.”
Lydia squelched the urge to roll her eyes. “I know that, Amanda. He’s just a friend. We’re allowed to have friends.”
“Don’t play with fire.” Amanda lifted the last cookie from her napkin, broke it in half, and handed a piece to Lydia. “You don’t want to be lured into the English life. It would break your mamm’s heart.”
Lydia did roll her eyes at that comment. “You’re only sixteen, like me. Why do you talk like you’re forty?”
Amanda laughed. “Mammi says I’m wise beyond my years too. I guess it’s a gift.”
“Or a curse.”
Amanda swatted her arm. “That’s not very nice.”
“You deserved it for misunderstanding me. I don’t like Tristan that way,” Lydia said. “Besides, Tristan has a girlfriend back in New Jersey. I just think he and his family are nice. That’s it. Nothing more.”
Amanda looked unconvinced. “You went on about him and his sister.”
Lydia stared across the pasture at Joshua and finished the cookie. “You know who I have my heart set on. There’s only one bu for me. I just wish he’d realize it.”
“He will,” Amanda said as she popped the last piece of cookie into her mouth. “It’ll happen in God’s time.”
“I know.” Lydia sighed, and leaned back on her hands.
7
Lydia,” her father called from the family room late Sunday evening a week later. “Please come back in and sit with us.”
Lydia sucked in a deep breath while placing a glass in the sink. She knew it wasn’t good news if her parents wanted to speak to her alone after her siblings were in bed. Then standing in the doorway to the family room, she saw her parents sitting next to each other on the sofa, while holding hands and frowning toward her.
“I know it’s bedtime,” Dat continued, “but we need to speak with you.”
She sank into a chair across from them and looked back and forth between their grim expressions. They seemed to be the only expressions they wore since Ruthie had visited various specialists last week. The dark circles under her eyes were a stark contrast to the powder blue of her mother’s eyes, and the crow’s feet outlining her father’s chocolate eyes seemed more prominent. It seemed as though her parents were aging right before her, and it scared her.
“Is this about Ruthie?” Lydia asked, her voice in the same strangled whisper as when she first heard about Ruthie’s illness.
Her parents exchanged worried glances.
“How are things at the schoolhouse?” her mother asked with a forced smile.
“School is fine,” Lydia said, looking back and forth between them again. “You don’t have to sugar coat this, Mamm and Dat. I know things are bad. Please just tell me the truth. I promise I’ll be strong.”
Dat blew out a sigh. “Your mother is leaving tomorrow to take Ruthie to the hospital to start her treatments. We knew this was coming, but we didn’t think it would come so soon. She’s going to stay there at least a few weeks.”
“She’s leaving tomorrow?” Lydia voice rose and her mother immediately gave a warning glance telling her to keep her voice down. “I thought we might have some time before this happened. She has to leave tomorrow?” Panic shot through her.
“The doctor said we have to go as soon as possible,” Mamm said. “He had to schedule the treatments, and they start this week. We have to stay in the hospital for a while. The treatments have many risks, but the risks are less if she is at the hospital instead of at home. Also, the drive back and forth can be expensive. It’s just better for us to be there.” She sniffed and dabbed her eyes with a tissue she fished from the pocket of her apron. “I’m going to stay with cousins who aren’t too far from the hospital. It will save us a little money.”
Lydia let the words soak in. Although she’d read about the treatments, she was still taken by surprise to hear this news. She had no idea her home life would face this upheaval so quickly. “So you and Ruthie will be gone for a few weeks?”
“That’s right,” Dat said. “That means you’ll need to run the household and also work. I’ll help as much as I can, but I’m going to take on more flooring jobs to try to help with the bills.”
Lydia felt her shoulders droop as if the weight of this turn of events were physically causing her to hunch. This is all happening too fast. She studied her mother’s sad face. “I’m going to miss you.”
Mamm sniffed again. “I’ll miss you, Titus, and Irma, but this is how it’s going to be for a while. I thought you could come and visit us on Saturdays. I’m not certain if Ruthie is allowed to have visitors, but we’ll figure that out as we go along.”
Dat squeezed Mamm’s hand. “We’ll get through this with God’s help.”
“I know, mei liewe,” Mamm whispered. “I keep telling myself that.”
Lydia watched her parents and wondered when life was going to be normal again. How long would this dark cloud of Ruthie’s illness stay in the house? It was almost too much to bear.
Mamm met Lydia’s gaze again. “I think your mammi is going to travel with me and stay for a while. Your aenti Kathryn is going to take over running the bakery. I know she’s capable. She definitely is gut at giving orders.” For a mere moment, Lydia was comforted by her mother’s brief smile.
“I wish I could go with you,” Lydia said, her voice thick. “Maybe I could help with Ruthie.”
“I need you here,” Mamm said while dabbing more tears. “Irma and Titus need you, and we also need you to keep working.”
“You told us you were strong, so I am simply going to tell you. Things are bad for us financially,” Dat said, his expression pained. “I need to ask you to contribute your entire paychecks to the household fund for a while. Unfortunately it may be for a long while.”
This is worse than I ever imagined! Lydia took a deep breath in an effort to calm her frayed nerves. “I understand.”
“And, again, I’m going to pick up as many extra shifts as I can,” he said. “It still won’t be enough, however. The cost of these treatments is overwhelming. There’s no way we can possibly pay it all off, and making payments is going to be a burden.”
Mamm cleared her throat. “We’re going to speak to the bishop about the medical bills, but most likely we’ll have to apply for state support because the cost is so high.�
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My parents need to ask for assistance? There isn’t enough money to pay the medical bills and the household bills? How can this be happening? “I’ll do all I can,” Lydia said, her voice still thick. “I’ll work as much as possible. I can ask for more hours at the bakery.” She felt as if the walls were closing in around her.
Mamm shook her head. “No, I can’t have you away for more hours. I need you to keep up with the chores at the house. I’m sorry that it’s going to be a lot of pressure on you, but you’re the oldest. We need to just get through these treatments and then see where God leads us with the illness.”
“I know,” Lydia whispered, folding her arms across her chest. She wondered if she was as strong as her parents believed her to be. Could she handle both working and running the household?
“Ach,” Dat said as he stood. “We better get to bed. Tomorrow will be a long day.”
Mamm wrapped her arms around Lydia as she headed toward the stairs. “We’ll get through this, Lydia. God will see to it.”
“When are you going to tell Irma and Titus?” Lydia asked as they stood on the bottom step.
“Tomorrow morning at breakfast.” Dat snuffed out the propane lamp and switched on a battery-powered lantern before stepping over to join them at the stairs. “We only found out this evening when we received the message from the doctor.”
Dread flooded through Lydia. “This is all happening so fast. I don’t know if I’m ready for it all.”
“We’ll all get through this somehow. Go on now, Lydia,” Mamm said with a gentle push. “You must get some sleep. We’ll rise early tomorrow so we can deliver the news to Irma and Titus. We wanted you to know first so you can help us tell your siblings.”
Lydia pressed a hand to her neck and wished the tension that knotted there would release. After wishing her parents good night, she disappeared up the stairs and into her room, gently closing the door behind her. She flipped on her portable lantern and then studied the plain white wall where ominous shadows seemed to taunt her.
With tears filling her eyes, Lydia climbed into bed. Her eyes moved to the ceiling while worry, anguish, and confusion swirled around her, much akin to the night when it felt as if her bed were spinning out of control.
Now it was her life that was spinning out of control. Her mother and baby sister were leaving in the morning, and Lydia would now be surrogate mother to her middle siblings. Her life wouldn’t be her own anymore. What did that mean for her involvement in youth activities? She knew the answer to that question—she would no longer be able to participate. In less than twenty-four hours, she would go from being a normal sixteen-year-old Amish girl to being a mother to her siblings and a breadwinner for her family.
Will this spinning ever stop?
She covered her face with her hands while tears flowed from her eyes. Rolling to her side, she sobbed until she fell asleep.
The following morning, Lydia jumped out of bed thirty minutes early, dressed, and rushed downstairs to start making breakfast. She dreaded how Titus and Irma would take the news, and she hoped she could lighten her parents’ load by doing extra chores.
When she reached the kitchen, she turned on the propane lights and surveyed the counters while considering what to serve for breakfast. She would make her father’s favorite — eggs and fried potatoes.
Pulling on her sweater and grabbing a portable lantern, Lydia rushed out to the hen house and loaded up her apron with eggs. Back in the house, she quietly pulled out the supplies she needed and began cooking.
Her mother appeared in the doorway several minutes later and gave Lydia a surprised look. “What are you doing?”
“I thought I’d get started on breakfast so you and Dat can figure out what you want to tell Irma and Titus,” Lydia said, placing a platter full of fried potatoes onto the table. The enticing aroma caused her stomach to growl.
“Your dat went outside early to start on chores so we can talk to Titus and Irma and let them digest everything before they leave for school.” Mamm grabbed a pot lid and placed it over the potatoes to keep them warm. “You’re very thoughtful, Lydia. Danki.” She glanced at the table. “I’ll get the dishes and utensils.”
“It’s okay,” Lydia said, cracking an egg. “I can set the table while the eggs are frying. You can go check on Ruthie.”
“All right,” Mamm agreed.
Lydia continued to cook. She pulled a fresh loaf of bread from the cabinet and found two jars of homemade preserves in the refrigerator. By the time Irma and Titus came downstairs, breakfast was served.
“Gude mariye,” Mamm said to the children. “Please have a seat. We’ll wait for your dat to come in and then we’ll have our blessing.”
Titus and Irma sat and exchanged surprised glances. Lydia knew they would be confused, since they were used to taking care of chores before eating breakfast.
The door opened, and her father came in from completing his chores in the barn. He spotted the food set out on the table and smiled. “That smells appeditlich.”
“Lydia cooked,” Mamm said with a sweeping gesture. “She was cooking when I got downstairs this morning.”
“Danki, Lydia,” her father said, shucking his coat. “You did a wunderbaar gut job.” He washed up at the kitchen sink and then took his place at the head of the table.
After silent prayer, Lydia passed the platters around the table, and they filled their plates with eggs, potatoes, and bread. Her mother kept the conversation going, asking questions about what the children thought they would do in school today.
Lydia felt as if she were holding her breath, waiting for her parents to share the news of Mamm’s plans to leave for the hospital with Ruthie today. It was almost torture to listen to the chitchat, knowing a more important issue was hanging over them, like a dense fog smothering the air in the room. At one point Lydia almost asked her mother to just tell Titus and Irma the news. But she knew that she would be punished for speaking out of turn.
After they finished eating, Irma started to stand up to help clear the table.
“Wait,” her father said. “We need to discuss something.”
“I thought so,” Titus said. “Something fishy was going on when breakfast was ready when we came downstairs.” He turned to Lydia, and she forced a smile in an effort to reassure him that things would be okay.
Irma sat back down. “Ya. I did too.”
“You’re right,” Dat began, pulling on his beard while he chose his words. “There is something going on. Your mother and I have some news to share, and it’s going to be difficult to tell you. We wanted you to eat early so you can think it over before you go off to school today.”
Irma’s eyes widened. “Did something happen to Ruthie last night?” She turned to Lydia. “You said prayers would help! Why didn’t they help?”
“It’s okay,” Lydia said. “Nothing happened to Ruthie last night. She’ll be fine.”
“Calm down,” Mamm said, taking Irma’s hands in hers. “Listen to your dat.”
Irma sucked in a breath and Lydia rubbed her back.
Lydia swallowed a sigh. This is going to be much more difficult than I thought.
“Remember when we told you Ruthie was going to need special treatments from the doctor?” Dat began.
“Ya,” Titus said, folding his napkin and turning to Mamm. “And you said she’ll have to be in the hospital for a while, and Mamm will have to go with her.”
Irma looked back and forth between her parents, and her mouth gaped. “You’re leaving us? You’re going to the hospital with Ruthie?”
“Only for a short time,” Mamm said, patting Irma’s hand. “I will be back.”
“And I will take gut care of you while they’re gone,” Lydia chimed in. “You don’t have to worry about that.” She tried to keep her tone light, even though the task of acting as her siblings’ mother felt like a huge mountain she’d never be able to conquer.
“Are you going too, Dat?” Titus asked, looking confus
ed.
“Only your mamm and Ruthie are going,” Dat said, still fingering his beard. “Your mammi Elizabeth is going to go too, to help your mamm.”
“When are you leaving?” Titus asked, his frown deepening.
“Today,” Mamm said. “A driver is going to pick us up after you leave for school. We’re going to pick up Mammi on the way.”
“Today?” Irma’s lip began to tremble as she stared at Mamm. “I don’t want you to go. I’m going to miss you.” Irma jumped up, came around the table, and hopped into Mamm’s lap.
Mamm held her close and kissed her head. “You will be fine, mei liewe. We’ll talk on the phone, and you can even write me letters. It will be just fine. I’ll be home before you know it. I need you to be strong and to behave for Lydia and Dat. You need to do your best in school and help out with the chores at home. Can you do that for me?”
Irma looked up at Mamm and nodded while sniffing. Tears splattered her pink cheeks.
Lydia wished she could wake up from this surreal nightmare. How could she possibly take the place of their mother? She’d never be able to comfort Irma like their mother could. Her mother was the woman who kept the household running without any flaws. She knew just what to do in any situation. Why would Lydia’s parents put this pressure on her? It was just unfair. It was impossible for Lydia to achieve that at sixteen.
“We’re going to be okay,” Dat said, and Lydia wondered if he was trying to convince himself as much as the rest of them.
Irma wrapped her arms around Mamm, and Lydia hoped her mother wouldn’t cry. Seeing her mother shed tears would make this situation even more painful.
Unable to take any more of this sadness, Lydia stood. “I’ll take care of the dishes while you all talk.” She carried the plates and glasses to the sink and started the hot water. Her parents continued to reassure Irma and Titus that everything would be fine, and she hoped they were right.
