by Stacy Borel
I wanted to find out.
When I moved to take the smallest of steps forward, he shook his head. His eyes flashed to Foster, and I knew that was my warning. He wasn’t going to go there. He gave me one final look before going to his bedroom, and when I heard the click of his door, I wanted to reach my arms out and beg for him to take me. As soon as he was out of sight, I was left standing there feeling cold, and my eyelids fluttered.
Someone poke me and see if I’m still breathing. My skin felt flushed, and tears formed at the back of my eyes. I wasn’t an emotional person, but I somehow felt rejected. Why even be so ballsy in front of me? To tease me? To let me know he knew I was attracted to him? I wish I wasn’t.
“Hey, you okay? Your face is all red.” Foster’s voice broke through my thoughts. He peeked down the hall, and thankfully, nobody was there. “If you’re that hard up to see the roomie, just go knock on his door.”
The mere mention of the word hard made me blush even more. I seriously needed to stick my face inside the freezer right now and cool off. I can’t believe I reacted like that when my cousin was only a few feet away from me. Crew’s eyes erased my rational thinking to the point of stripping my clothes off without a care to who else was around.
Pathetic.
I relaxed my shoulders and tried my best to look like I hadn’t been desperate enough to hump a stranger’s leg to get some relief. “Would you stop giving me a hard time about him? I’m not interested,” I deflected.
His focus remained on his game, but the corner of his mouth tipped up. “If you’re not interested, then brunettes with small titties are now my type.”
I couldn’t help the laughter that escaped my lips. “You know what? You’re an ass.”
“We’ve already established this.”
“Well, then you’re an even bigger one than we previously determined.” I sat down next to him and pondered for a moment. “Okay, so maybe I find him attractive, but it’s not a big deal. He’s not the first person I’ve ever found attractive, but that doesn’t mean I’m interested enough.”
Foster spoke into the microphone when his game ended that he would be back on tomorrow, then set his stuff down. I was pretty sure he was playing with Chase. “Ash, just because you’re going to school and trying to be this big responsible adult doesn’t mean you have to ward off people. There are many couples who meet in college and go off to get married and do all that happily-ever-after shit.”
I grinned. “That happily-ever-after shit will bite you in the ass if you don’t watch it.”
“Never.”
“Mmmhmm. I guess we’ll see. But let’s get one thing straight. Crew means nothing.” I was terrible at lying, even to myself. “And if I so much as felt the desire to go on a date, I don’t think I’d go after my cousin’s roommate.” Another lie. “Attraction is just that, an emotion that can be ignored or set aside. Besides I’m not a horny male like you with some crazy itch I need scratched.” And lie number three for the win!
“Okay, now that was just rude.” He rolled his eyes.
“Rude but true. Also, let’s just say as a hypothetical that it was mutual, and we started dating—”
“You sound so formal,” he interrupted.
“Shut up,” I grumbled. “Anyway, we got into a relationship or, hell, just slept together. What happens when things go sour? Then there’s this person living in your home, a home where I come quite often, and now everybody is all sorts of uncomfortable.” I sat back and folded my arms over my chest. “Point for Ashton.” I commended myself.
He got up and grabbed a glass off the coffee table. As he walked to the kitchen, he continued talking. “Okay, and what if it didn’t go sour? What if the attraction was indeed mutual, and you two hit it off so well that he’s ‘the one,’ or whatever the hell you girls like to say.” I heard some clattering before he reappeared in the living room. “Point for Foster.”
“Careful. I might have to wash your mouth out for mentioning forever.”
“I’m talking about you, not me.”
I swatted at his thigh, but I missed. Giggling, I said, “This entire conversation is insane. Put it this way, there will be nothing to figure out. I’m awkward, at best, around him, and I have too much going on. School is what’s important right now and being comfortable here is definitely more important than any little crush.”
He bent at the waist, and his heavy hands came down on my shoulders. “Your loss. Could be the best sex of your life.”
My cheeks warmed, and dangerous warm golden eyes full of promise flashed in my mind. I lifted my shoulders to brush him off. “Ewww … not a subject I’m tapping into with you. It’s bad enough I have to watch you flirt with your next conquest.”
He grabbed the remote and sat down one cushion over from me so he could stretch out his legs, his feet landing on my thighs. I made a face. He moved them off but was still grinning like an idiot. “Is that what they are? Conquests?” He flipped on ESPN and zoned out, effectively ending the conversation.
I sat there pondering his words. It was definitely not something I would speak to him about again, but I needed to talk to someone. All things Crew seemed like uncharted waters. I wanted to brush off my basic attraction, but I needed to be honest with myself. If he walked back into this room, my body would react the same way no matter how much I willed it not to. The laws of attraction were full of gray areas. I didn’t even know Crew’s last name, but that didn’t stop my lust from bubbling to the surface.
I had quite a few friends. Since graduating high school, I’d kept in contact with some, but none who I considered my best friend. My mom was more my best friend than any girlfriends I’d had in school, but I could guarantee she didn’t want to hear all the dirty details. The subject of hot tattooed roommates would have to be tabled for now. I did know someone else who I could be an open book to and not feel judged. Standing up, I grabbed my things.
“Hey, where are you going?” Foster asked.
“The craft store.”
“But you’re off tonight.” His brows furrowed in confusion.
“I know. I, uh …” I tried to think of an excuse. He knew just as well as I did that if I wasn’t scheduled to work, you wouldn’t catch me stepping foot in there. Too bad I wasn’t a crafter because then I could claim the need for stamps or twine. “Holly just sent me a text and asked me if I had any notes for the economics exam, so I’m going to bring her mine.”
He watched me for a moment as though he knew I was up to something. “Holly goes to school?”
I wasn’t thinking quick on my feet. Holly was short for Holiday Noel, my twenty-seven-year-old co-worker. As festive as her name was, she was an all-black-wearing goth chick who sang in a punk band and had never stepped foot on a college campus. She said society wasn’t going to conform her into a basic principle-practicing, law-abiding citizen. She wasn’t Republican or Democrat. She wore pants under her bohemian funky patterned skirts, and she rarely wore makeup. While she might sound a bit earthy, she was the farthest thing from a recycler, and she drank diet soda like chain smokers puff on their cancer sticks.
“Night classes,” I reiterated with a shit lie. She keeps her nights free to sing at the bar.
He rolled his eyes and sighed. “Whatever you say.”
“I’ll see ya later,” I called as I went out the door. I refused to look down the hall as I passed by.
He would be prying me for answers later, but I wasn’t going to think about that right now. I drove to the shop, and with the exception of Holly’s car, I was greeted by an empty parking lot. Thank goodness. Walking inside, she was sitting at the register picking at her black nail polish, and her jet black hair was put up in a messy pile on her head. She had skin so pale that it almost seemed translucent, and the purple lipstick she wore made her appear even lighter than she really was. When I first met her, I had been tempted to ask her if she slept in a coffin at night.
I knew her appearance put some people off, but she was on
e of the nicest people I knew. And thankfully, right now she was someone I could speak to who wouldn’t run their mouths about what I confided in her. Plus, she was honest—sometimes painfully so—but I liked that about her. When she heard the bell above the door ding, she looked up and smiled at me. It was warm and genuine.
“What’s the Goody-Two-shoes doing gracing me with her presence?” she singsonged.
She was teasing, and I knew she was. She and I couldn’t be more opposites, yet we got along incredibly well.
I approached the counter and kept my voice low even though no one else was here. “I need your wisdom.”
She arched a perfectly penciled-in brow. “Well, let me go grab my eight ball. I’m not sure about wisdom, but I can give you sarcasm. What’s up, buttercup?”
I bunched up my shoulders. “There’s a guy.”
She rubbed her hands together. “Oh, juicy admissions while I’m on the clock. Lay it on me.”
Gnawing on the inside of my cheek, I decided to dive right in. “Foster has a new roommate.”
She blinked and waited for me to say more. When I didn’t, she spoke. “Erm, congratulations?”
“No. He got a new roommate, Holly. A freaking attractive roommate.”
“Even better. Tell me more.”
“He’s attractive.”
She grinned. “We’ve established this. Why is this attractive roommate bringing you in to talk with me?”
Was this the part where I spilled my guts? I hadn’t given much thought to what all I wanted to confess to her, but I was here … so when in Rome, right? “I think I like him. He’s not at all who I’d see myself with. Tattoos, bad boy, sexually alluring.” That last bit made me sigh.
She exhaled as though she’d been holding her breath. “Honey, I’m thrilled for you. This whole time, I wondered if you were into the female variety.”
I shook my head. “You thought I was lesbian?” I sputtered. “What? I’ve always liked boys, Holly. Keep up.”
“Well, how was I supposed to know? You haven’t had a boyfriend since I’ve known you, and you never talk about them. I don’t care what your preference is. I’m just happy you’re into someone.”
The conversation was derailing. “I’m so confused.” I rubbed my forehead and tried not to laugh. “Boys are definitely my thing. Can we stay on topic?”
She waved her hand out in front of her. “Please, continue.”
My heart beat a little erratically as wild eyes and a body made for pleasure flipped through my head like a picture show. All tight skin and muscles with an air of a wild side. Crew was attractive in the most unconventional ways. He was certainly not the suit and tie type my dad would pick out for me. I wonder if that was what made him more captivating.
“I think the interest is mutual.”
She smirked. “What makes you think that?”
As much as I didn’t want to, being blunt was the only way to go about this. After all, I did come here seeking advice. “He came out of the bathroom with just a towel on, and he was ... you know ... excited?”
A giggle bubbled out of her mouth. That was the most girly I’d heard her ever sound. She cleared her throat. “Are you sure the towel wasn’t just sitting on him funny? I mean, there are men out there who aren’t exactly turned on, but they can puff out some sweatpants like they are packing some serious heat. They are just a little larger than the average Joe.”
“Fine, call it a hunch.”
“Okay and how did you react to that?” She seemed so unfazed by all this.
I sucked in my lip, slightly embarrassed. “I wanted to go to him.”
Holly gave me a soft smile. While she looked like she was all hard edges on the outside, the inside was a gentle female with a heart of gold. I didn’t know why we had never hung out aside from meeting for margaritas a few times because she was a good person. “And you didn’t?” When I shook my head, she placed her black nail polish-clad hand on top of mine. “It’s okay to want someone. I know you have your own ideas of what love and desire are, but sexual attraction is a good thing. It can be nameless, it can be faceless, and sometimes, it shocks the hell out of us when it doesn’t quite fit the box we envisioned for ourselves.” Her voice was gentle and appeasing. “It’s a normal thing. It’s something that beats most battery-operated friends … unless your name is Gunther, and you’re the drummer in my band and think you can have any woman you want. Then I’d recommend a vibrator. Otherwise, you’ll be sorely disappointed.”
I barked out a laugh. “Poor Gunther.”
“Poor me.”
My brown hair fell forward as I leaned halfway over the counter to be a little quieter. A patron came in, and I didn’t want them overhearing. “The way he was watching me was just so … animalistic. As though he’d bite if I got too close, and I might just like it.”
“Roar.” She slashed her fingers through the air like a wildcat. “That sounds hot.”
I slapped a hand over my mouth to muffle my laughter. “It was, but it’s so out of character for me.”
“How do you know it’s not you? We all change as we get older and go through life. I’d be willing to bet you don’t have much experience.” She had no clue how spot-on she was. “But we don’t know how different and good things can be until we take chances. Believe it or not, I used to wear ankle-length khaki skirts and Ann Taylor tops to school and was the most prim and proper girl on the block. Once I stepped out of that little bubble, I learned a whole new incredible and fun world was out there to live in.”
I let her words sink in. Standing up straight, I tucked my long tresses behind my ears. I essentially was in my own little world, living my pre-planned life and checking off the boxes as I went. I was doing what was expected of me. What my dad wanted of me. I was afraid to break the mold he put me in. Not that I would jump right in the sack with Crew if he offered, but maybe I should flirt with that line I’d drawn for myself. What would it hurt? I could always pull back if things got weird or if it wasn’t something he wanted.
“You know what? You’re right.”
She nodded and smiled, seeming pleased with herself. I think I was too.
Crew
THE SUNDAY I WAS SUPPOSED to have dinner with Foster’s family, I had to cancel because my uncle made me come in and clean the garage. When I demanded time and a half, he laughed in my face and told me to grow up. I had finished well before it was time to head over to the Brooks’, but I was so pissed off it was best I wasn’t around a bunch of strangers. I drove around blasting music and wound up finding an abandoned runway. Sitting on the hood of my car under the sky where the lights of town weren’t ruining the view of the stars, I inhaled the problems and exhaled the stress.
It was now the following Sunday, and from the sound of it, I was meeting the whole family today. I was slightly leery about meeting the Brooks but only because I was missing my own family, and I felt that being around them would only increase my desire to go home.
From the second I walked through the large painted oak door, warm smiles and laughter greeted me. I didn’t ask Foster if Ashton would be here, nor have I seen her since that night I decided to be a douche. I didn’t know what the fuck I was thinking, but she had me upside down and turned on just from directing her innocent blue eyes at me. I’d played that moment over and over for the past two weeks. She was so responsive, and that was what killed me.
I needed not to give a shit.
Who’s this good-looking fella, Foster?” asked an older man who I could only assume was his grandfather sitting back in a recliner watching a Packers game. The resemblance even through the wrinkles was uncanny.
“This is Crew, my roommate,” Foster replied, bending down to give him a hug and clapping him on the back tenderly.
A familiar pang vibrated through my chest.
He looked at me, his eyes pausing briefly on my tattooed arm. “Crew, huh? Well, that’s a name I’ve never heard before. Is that short for something, son?”
; I shook my head. “No, sir.” I was taken aback when he didn’t say anything about my tats. I found that nine times out of ten, older people had some sort of remark to make, and it was almost always something negative.
He nodded once. “I like it. Unique name like everyone else around here. Except for me and Donna.” He chuckled. “I’m Paul, but you can call me Gramps or Grandpa.”
I smiled, already feeling the small discomfort in my chest releasing even though the ache of emptiness grew. I would do anything right now to sit down with my grandpa like this, even if just one more time. To ask him why he had to tell me about this place. “Will do and thank you.”
“So you from around here?” He had one of those wooden folding tables next to him with a large glass of what I assume was sweet tea. He had a walker on the other side of his chair and a cane leaning right beside that.
“No sir, just here working for my uncle.”
“No need for formalities. I know it’s the South and all, but we can leave the sirs and ma’ams at the door. Who’s your uncle? I bet I probably know him. After living here for over sixty years, I’d like to think I know everyone here except the youngsters at the college.”
I hesitated. “Mac. We have that garage a few blocks from downtown.”
I watched as he connected the dots. “Oh sure, I know Mac. I mean, I don’t get my truck worked on there, but I’d know who he was if I saw him out and about.” I could tell that he wasn’t sure what else to say about him. Join the club. I wanted to tell him it was okay, we all thought he was an asshole too.
“Where’s the rest of your family?”
