by Noelle Adams
She wanted to. She’d always wanted to.
And at the moment the only groom she could imagine walking down the aisle toward was Simon.
Who hadn’t even glanced at her in ten minutes.
He was attracted to her. He wanted to have sex with her. And he cared about her as a person. All that was obvious—couldn’t be denied.
But he wasn’t comfortable with their relationship. Nothing had changed significantly since yesterday, when he’d been afraid to even touch her.
If he wasn’t in this all the way, then it was never going to work.
She didn’t want to just claim his body. She wanted to claim his heart.
And his heart was the most guarded fortress she’d ever known.
He might not ever really let her in.
As the minister gave a three-minute homily and started on the vows, this conclusion solidified in her mind.
Whatever existed between them was over before it had ever really started.
She sat stiffly, trying to rein in the wave of emotion that overtook her. Her throat ached and her head throbbed, and she was afraid she was going to cry.
She didn’t want to do that—not in the middle of a wedding, not with Simon sitting right beside her like a marble statue.
She was twisting her hands in her lap, rubbing them together slowly as the only way to channel her tumult of emotion. As the bride and groom were exchanging rings, Simon reached over and covered both her hands with one of his.
His hand was big and warm and strong, and it held hers in a tight grip.
He wasn’t looking at her, but he seemed to know what she was feeling. He was trying to make her feel better.
A tear slipped down her cheek, but she didn’t want to call attention to it, so she didn’t lift a hand to wipe it away. Hopefully it hadn’t smeared her makeup. She didn’t want anyone to know she’d been crying.
She didn’t want Simon to know.
He held her hands until the minister pronounced the couple husband and wife. Then the music burst out in joy and the wedding party recessed out of the room.
She could still feel the streak of the tear on her face as Simon finally withdrew his hand. When she stood up, he turned her around gently to look at her. Then he carefully used his thumb to wipe where the tear had fallen.
“You look beautiful tonight,” he murmured, his eyes full of something she didn’t understand.
She tried to reply, but her throat was tight, so she just nodded to acknowledge his words.
He looked like he might say something else, but everyone was leaving the room now, heading down the hall to the reception.
He didn’t say whatever he’d been wanting to say.
THE RECEPTION WAS A formal plated meal, but it couldn’t begin until the wedding party was able to arrive—and Charlie suspected it would take about an hour for the wedding photo shoot to wrap up. People were mingling in the big room, drinking wine and eating hors d’oeuvres, when Charlie and Simon walked in together.
Charlie saw Madison lingering near the entrance to the room, standing next to Timothy, her handsome Korean American date. The women shared a brief look, and then Charlie told Simon, “I’m going to run to the restroom. I’ll be right back.”
Simon nodded, and Charlie turned to walk back out the room. Madison was right behind her. When they got to the restroom, Madison asked, “Is everything all right?”
Charlie gave a little shrug. “I don’t know. It seems like it should be—I mean, it seems like things should be going well—but it doesn’t feel right. It feels like it’s about to fall apart.”
“He’s still not comfortable with your relationship?”
“I guess that’s it. I don’t know. He just doesn’t talk to me.”
Madison frowned thoughtfully. “Then make him talk.”
Charlie rolled her eyes.
“I’m serious. It worked last night when you confronted him, didn’t it?”
“Y-yes. I guess.”
“So try it again.”
Charlie couldn’t help but acknowledge that that was probably good advice. It didn’t make it easy though. So, in retaliation, she asked, “How much confronting have you done this weekend?”
Madison made a face. “That’s not the point.”
Charlie chuckled, feeling a little better. “So maybe both of us should take some action this evening. I’ll do it if you do it.”
Madison nodded, brushing her golden hair back from her face. “Deal.”
Charlie went to the bathroom, washed her hands, and freshened up her makeup. Then she returned with Madison to the ballroom to find that Simon was chatting with Madison’s date and Hannah’s date, Bruce—who was currently by himself since Hannah was still taking pictures with the wedding party.
Feeling motivated and afraid it wasn’t going to last, she approached Simon, and before he could say anything, she grabbed him by the arm and dragged him away, out of the reception hall and into the corridor.
“What’s going on?” he asked.
There were quite a few people hanging out in the hallway, so she kept dragging him until she found an empty room. It was a small private room with paneled walls and a few big leather arm chairs. It was probably used as a conference room or for small intimate dinners. There was no one in it, so Charlie pushed Simon inside and closed the door.
“Charlie, what the hell is the matter?” He looked bewildered and indignant.
“I wanted to talk.”
“And we couldn’t talk back there?”
“No. There were too many people around. I want to really talk.”
He let out a breath, and it caused his shoulders to slump slightly—as if he suddenly realized what was going on. “What do you want to talk about?”
“I thought we decided last night that you don’t think about me like a child.”
His lips tightened. “I don’t. You know I don’t.”
“And we also concluded that there’s nothing intrinsically wrong with our being together any way we wanted.”
“I... suppose.”
“And you’re really so hung up on what random people happen to think about us that you’ll let it come between us?”
“Who’s saying it’s coming between us?”
“No one is saying it, but there’s obviously something getting in the way of us. You’re holding back. I know you are. Don’t you dare claim you aren’t.”
His jaw was tense, and he didn’t answer immediately. But he finally murmured, “This is complicated. I’m sorry it’s not as easy as you were hoping, but it’s a complicated situation.”
“It’s not as complicated as you’re making it.” She didn’t know where she was getting the courage to say all this, but the words were a relief as they poured out, like something inside her had finally been set free. “Do you care about me or not?”
He made a choking sound. “Of course I care about you.”
“And are you attracted to me or not?”
“You know very well that I am.”
“And is there any real moral or legal reason why we shouldn’t have a romantic relationship?”
“N-no.”
“Then it’s not complicated! We want to be together, and we’re allowed to be together! If you keep getting hung up on the fact that you were my trustee, then I’m going to assume that you don’t really want me at all.”
“I do want you,” he said, his voice so gravely it was almost a growl.
“So then take me! If you want me, then take me!” She spoke the last words in a loud burst of sound.
Simon stared at her, breathing raggedly for a long, tense moment. Then something seemed to snap inside him. He made another rough sound in his throat and reached for her, taking her head in both his strong hands as he dragged her into a kiss.
The kiss was immediately deep, immediately hungry. Charlie sucked in a breath as she surrendered to the force and passion of him.
He pushed her against the wall for support as he ravage
d her mouth, and soon she was pulsing with pleasure, clutching at his jacket and trying to wrap one leg around him. Her skirt had a high slit, so it didn’t restrict her motion. She felt hot and sexy and completely out of control as she rocked against him.
He grew aroused just as quickly as she did. She could feel the bulge of his erection in his trousers as he pushed against her. His tongue was deep in her mouth, and his hands were all over her, holding her thigh, her bottom, trying to maneuver her even closer to him.
It felt like he’d burst into flames in her arms, and it thrilled her.
It thrilled her—that her strong, stoic, thoughtful, careful man could come undone like this.
For her.
She was pulsing with need and urgency so much that one of her hands moved to the front of his pants, feeling his arousal and then starting to unfasten his trousers.
“I don’t have a condom,” he rasped, pulling his mouth away from hers at last.
“I do.” She reached down for the clutch she’d dropped on the floor and pulled out the condom packet she’d slipped in earlier today.
He took it from her hands, tearing it open and then rolling it on after she’d freed his erection from his pants. Then he was parting her legs, moving aside her panties, and trying to align himself at her entrance.
It wasn’t easy because he was taller than she was, but he managed to prop her up on a chair rail, holding her in place with the weight of his body as he eased inside her.
She wrapped her arms and her legs around him and moaned in pleasure.
He couldn’t thrust very much in this position, but he didn’t need to. He pushed against her rhythmically, his face so close it was brushing against hers. He grunted as he rocked hard, and she gasped in pleasure at each push.
She’d never felt so primal, so sexy, in her entire life, even though her back was hurting from the hard paneling behind her, and she didn’t feel entirely secure in this position. She ached and throbbed and soon started to whimper in pleasure as his motion shook and jiggled her deliciously.
“Can you come, sweetheart?” he grunted out after a minute.
“Yeah. Yeah. Think so.” She had to bite her lip to keep from crying out as an orgasm built inside her. “Oh fuck. Oh fuck!”
“Yes. Yes. Come. Soon.” He was like a wild animal—completely raw, primitive as he fucked her against the wall.
She tried to smother a scream against his shoulder, afraid someone might hear her out in the hallway. Her body shuddered through an intense orgasm, and as she tightened around Simon, he choked out his own pleasure and bucked against her clumsily.
They were both panting as they came down, and he finally released her so she could slip to the floor.
Her knees buckled immediately, and she clung to him as he took care of the condom. When he had, he lifted her in his arms and carried her over to the chair, sitting down and holding her in his lap.
She clung to him, loving how warm and relaxed he felt. Sated in a way he almost never was.
She loved him like this.
She loved him in every way.
She just loved him.
No way to deny it.
“See how much better it is when you just take what you want,” she said softly after a few minutes.
He gave a huff of amusement.
“Just so you know, I think it’s pretty amazing too.”
He brushed a few kisses against her hair and didn’t say anything.
It would be nice if he loved her the way she did him, but she couldn’t expect miracles.
This wasn’t frothy fairy tale. It was complicated life.
But at the moment she had no complaints.
Six
All through the reception, Charlie felt warm and tired and like she was keeping the best secret in the world. The meal and toasts that followed passed in a blurry daze, and she had trouble following conversation and acting like her normal self.
No one seemed to realize anything was unusual about her behavior though. Evidently all her emotional agitation was occurring somewhere deep inside her—without spilling over to her expression.
Simon seemed like his normal self, other than a slight flush to his skin and the way his eyes kept resting on her face in that soft, observant way he had.
She couldn’t believe they’d just had sex in a side room at a wedding reception.
She couldn’t believe it had been so good.
She couldn’t believe that Simon wanted her so much.
But he did.
It didn’t feel like everything was settled, but it felt good. And she wasn’t going to expect everything when what she’d gotten was so much more than she’d had before.
She was in a relationship with Simon. He cared about her and wanted to have sex with her. He didn’t have to want to carry her off into the sunset and pronounce his everlasting love right away.
She was going to enjoy what she had and not be even the slightest bit anxious that it wasn’t everything.
After the bride and groom did their first dance, Simon even stood up and held out his hand to her, offering to dance. She accepted, letting him pull her into his arms on the dance floor.
His hands were in perfectly appropriate positions on her body, but she leaned against him, feeling close to him, oddly protected, like he was keeping watch over her.
He always had.
After a few minutes, she lifted her head to look at his face. His expression was unreadable, although his eyes were very deep.
“What is it?” he asked softly, thickly.
“Are we... are we good?” She didn’t know how else to ask the question she really wanted to know.
He seemed to freeze for a moment. Then he gave his head a slightly jerky inclination. “Yes. We’re good.”
“You’re not... you’re not regretting anything or having second thoughts?”
“No regrets. We can date. Take it slow. We don’t have to rush things or get too serious too soon. We’re good.”
Her heart did the craziest gymnastics in her chest—jumping in excitement and then crashing down as he continued to speak.
He wanted to date.
He wanted to take it slow.
He didn’t want to rush things.
It made sense, given how torn he was about their relationship, about being with her at all.
Of course he wanted to go slow.
Just because she was in this all the way didn’t mean he had to be too.
She needed to be patient. Reasonable. Guard her heart so she didn’t tumble into heartbreak.
She gave him a wobbly smile and couldn’t manage any answer with words.
After they’d danced for a while, she told him she was ready to leave whenever he was, so they went back up to their floor and he pulled her into his bedroom.
They didn’t have sex, but she fell asleep in his arms, and she told herself this was more than she could have hoped for, this was all she could expect.
The deepest need in her heart might not have been answered, but when was it ever really answered in this world?
She needed to guard her heart.
She wasn’t living in a fairy tale.
If she wasn’t careful, this world was going to break her.
She didn’t want to be broken.
WHEN SHE WOKE UP THE next morning, Simon was in the shower.
It was almost ten, and they needed to check out by eleven, so she scrambled up (grateful Simon must have turned the heat up earlier), grabbed her pretty clothes from last night, opened the bathroom door a crack to tell Simon she was leaving, and then headed next door to her room.
She got into the shower right away, letting the hot water wake her up and clear her mind. She kept her hair out of the spray so she didn’t have to wash and dry it again today, and she was feeling more herself when she got out. She drank a cup of coffee before she got dressed, and then she had to somehow get her clothes, which were all scattered haphazardly around the room, back into the luggage she’d br
ought with her.
She hadn’t bought a single thing this weekend, but her possessions seemed to have multiplied just the same.
At ten forty-five, there was a knock on her door, and she ran to open it to Simon.
“Hey,” he said, giving her the slightest little smile.
Even that tiny smile made her happy. She beamed at him. “Hey.”
“You about ready?”
“Yeah. Just finishing packing.” She let him into her room, and she went to the bed to finish zipping up her last bag.
“Do you want me to call down for someone to help with our stuff?”
“I think we can probably get it ourselves since all you have is the one case.”
Men always seemed to have it easier with packing for a trip. It didn’t seem quite fair.
When she’d finished closing her case, she glanced back at him almost shyly.
She wondered what he was thinking.
She wondered if things would change between them once they got back home.
She wondered how he felt about her and whether he’d ever let down the walls around his heart enough to really let her in.
She wondered how slow he wanted to go.
She wondered if he’d ever love her the way she loved him.
“You okay?” he asked softly.
She nodded. “Yeah. Of course.” After a pause, she added, “You?”
“I’m good.”
That seemed to be all he was going to say at the moment, so she slung the strap of her shoulder bag in place and let him take her roller suitcase. Her two evening gowns were in a garment bag, so she picked that up to carry down as they left her room.
They brought their stuff down to the lobby and waited for a valet to bring up Simon’s car. As they stood together waiting, Hannah and Bruce came into the lobby. Charlie’s eyes widened as she saw the way they couldn’t keep their hands off each other. They were kissing, even as they were trying to check out.
At least Hannah seemed to have gotten more than she’d wanted this weekend.
Charlie...
Well, Charlie had gotten less.
She was suddenly hit by how much that was true, how much less it felt like she’d gotten from what she’d wanted.
