I gaze into his blue eyes. I know he still has a thing for me, and it would be easy to pick up where we left off. Right now he’s my closest friend, other than my sister. Could I manage to rekindle romantic feelings? “I’d love to. Why don’t I get Trina to make us a picnic for dinner?”
“Great.” Drew downs the last bit of his champagne and stands. “I’ll pick you up at seven.”
“I’ll be ready.”
The door clicks shut behind him as he leaves, and I lift my glass to watch tiny bubbles climb up the sides. Dreams. What are my dreams now that I’ve changed the direction of Bellae and set us on a course that will pump new life into the company?
Nick’s face comes to mind again, and I let myself imagine his killer smile that could melt snow with its charm. And the way it melted me. I wonder how he is and if Stacy managed to win him over yet. My heart feels as if it’s being squeezed when I picture the two of them together, and I shove the thought away.
I take another sip of my drink and let it sit on my tongue. The bubbles burn a bit, and I wish they could mask the pain over losing Nick, because I’m still helplessly in love with him. I swipe away the tear that managed to escape. There’s no use going down that path again. Nick and I live in two different worlds now. I down my champagne and stand to get ready to leave. Time to move on with my life.
* * *
A briny aroma seeps into my nose, and it’s so strong I taste it as Drew and I clomp down the dock to the steward’s boat, which will ferry us to his Hinckley. It’s low tide, and I gaze out over the mud flats, where a man is digging for clams. My stomach growls as I think about Trina’s chowder in the pack Drew is carrying. It makes me remember Nick’s first night here. I glance at the ring on my finger and then quickly away. I really have to stop doing this to myself.
I switch the jackets I’m holding to my other arm as Drew reaches out a hand to help me on the motorboat. The odor of gasoline and exhaust is heavy in the air, and I’m reminded why I prefer sailing. The young girl who’s driving is sunburned, and I’m tempted to give her my bottle of sunscreen and lecture her on the dangers of skin cancer. I refrain.
When we get to Drew’s boat, the two of us go through the ritual of preparing to sail and are out on open water in time for the sunset. I stand next to him as he steers, and wind blows through my hair and roars softly in my ears. I say, “I love this so much.”
“Me too. It’s such a feeling of freedom.” We don’t speak for a while before he says, “The usual?”
I nod. He’s taking us toward Gardiners Island, where we’ll drop the anchor and float for the night. The sun is the tiniest sliver of light, and darkness is settling in, but tonight the moon is full, and we’ll be in a protected cove that will keep us safe.
When I was a kid, I used to imagine living on a sailboat would be heaven. At the time, my excursions were limited to sailing camp, and it wasn’t until I met Drew that I spent enough time on a big boat to know how hard it would actually be. Even so, I do enjoy sleeping on the ocean.
When we drop anchor, I go to the galley to get what we need for our picnic. I hand things up to Drew, and he says, “Grab my bag please.”
His backpack is heavy, and I grunt as I lift it. “What’s in here?”
He lifts it easily from my hands. “A little something to set the mood for dreams.”
I come up the stairs with the wine opener and two goblets. Drew has already opened his pack and is removing white candles enclosed in clear plastic hurricane lamps.
“Nice,” I say as he sets them out, and the flash of sulfur wafts up my nose when he strikes a match. The result is a warm glow of yellow bathing us.
I remove our meal and hand Drew the wine. Trina packed us two small thermal containers of chowder that we can also use as bowls. The cooler scrapes on the slip-resistant deck surface as I pull it over to be our makeshift dinner table. I set the rest of the food on it.
Drew hands me a glass of wine and asks, “Who needs fancy restaurants?”
Water lapping at the sides of the boat as we rock gently creates a soothing environment. One that has me in the mood to ponder deep thoughts. I reinvented myself in the last six months, and I need to talk things out to figure out what that means.
I say, “It really is beautiful.” I set my glass down and break off a piece of blueberry muffin. I hold it as I speak. “Talk to me about your dreams. Do you see yourself still working for me in five years?”
A saltine cracker crumbles as Drew breaks it to put in his soup. “Five years feels like a lifetime right now. You know I love working at Bellae, but I’m ambitious and want more than being a VP. I want to be the CEO.”
I grin at him. “That’s a bit lofty at our age, don’t you think?”
He smiles back and lifts his wine glass. “True, I don’t have a company to inherit.”
“You don’t need one. You’ve got your own family money.” Drew has a trust fund that probably doubles my assets. But you’d never know by how hard he works. I say, “I know you set high goals for yourself. It’s part of why you’re so good. I’ll keep your need for more power in mind and do what I can to keep you around. Alex and I need your logical perspective as a male”—I pause for effect—“who doesn’t wear makeup.”
I get the snort I was going for, and he asks, “Do you think Alex will stay? Knowing she’ll always work for you?”
“Yes. And you’ve seen our relationship. She works with me more than for me. Really, my title is more in name than anything else.”
“That’s true, and I appreciate you bringing me into the Donavan-sister fold.”
We’re silent for a while, and I gaze up at the sky. The full moon is bright, but it can’t disguise the glittering stars. Drew asks, “What about you? Where do you see yourself in five years?”
“Good question.” I came back with the intention of paying my dues and getting the hell out of Dodge to return to skiing. But I didn’t expect to like my new job. If only I could have both. I catch myself twisting my ring, and it makes me think about Nick and how I used to imagine him as the father of my children in my fantasies.
I say, “I’d like to be in a place where I can start a family.” I swirl my spoon around in my soup, searching for a clam. “But finding a husband is one of those things you can’t plan to happen. It sort of happens to you.”
Drew’s voice is soft when he says, “Yes, it does.”
His eyes shine in the light, and the candle’s glow makes his facial features strong with shadows. I recall how Nick said he didn’t fit in my world. My heart aches missing him, and I realize I’m lonely. Drew does fit in my world. Could I fall for a man like Drew? I set my soup down with a thud and reach for his hand. “Tell me I’m going to get what I want. Tell me that someday I’ll find a man I want to marry, and that it’s going to be okay.”
Drew stands and tugs me up to join him. “Come with me.”
We walk to the bow of the boat, and he sits to dangle his legs over the side. I join him, and the metal rail is cold under my arms as I rest them on it. He nudges me, and I lean against his warm body as he puts his arm around my shoulders. He lifts my chin with his fingers and whispers, “Kiss me.”
I stare into his eyes. Drew would be so easy. While he’s not Nick, we could be happy. I lean toward him, and our mouths join. His lips are soft, and he nibbles at me the way I remember. It’s like riding a bike in its ease, and we deepen the connection. But the flutter in my stomach isn’t there. And Drew doesn’t exhibit the same passion I recall.
I break away and shake my head. “There’s no spark.”
“Nope. I think my memory of us was much better.” His teeth gleam in the moonlight as he smiles. “Mind if I pretend that didn’t happen?”
I chuckle and say, “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
We turn to look out at the ocean. Fractured bits of white from the moon reflect back at us, and he asks, “Remember the day last spring when we went swimming even though the water was too cold?”
I smile at the memory of Nick flailing before he hit the water. “I do.”
“You knew it was going to be freezing, and you jumped in anyway. Because what you wanted was more important than the fact that it wasn’t going to be easy to stay warm.”
“Or because what I needed was to feel the ocean on my skin after being away for so long.”
“That too.” Drew turns to gaze at me. “Maybe that need is Nick.”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean that I see you twist the ring he gave you and stare off into space dreaming of the love you had. You’re not getting over him.” Drew lifts my chin to gaze into my eyes. “Nick is the one. I think you need to jump in the frigid water to get what you want.”
Sadness washes over me, because it’s too late. “I’m sure he’s moved on.”
“I wouldn’t be so sure. What do your Breck friends say?”
My texts to them have been minimal, because I was so busy when I first started at Bellae, and now that I have the time, I’m embarrassed to say I’ve done nothing to fix it. “They haven’t said anything. I don’t think they would unless I asked.”
“Then your first step is to ask.” Drew nudges me again. “Right?”
I push back. “Right.”
But the reality is I probably won’t. I haven’t got the first clue as to how Nick and I could work. I sigh. “Let’s get drunk, tell old stories, and laugh tonight. I’m tired of trying to figure out my life.”
“We can do that. But only if you promise you’ll ask about Nick. Because I think you’re trying to dismiss me.”
“Okay, fine.” I reach in my pocket for my phone and pull up Casey while Drew stands.
He says, “I’ll go get our wine. I have another bottle in the fridge, so we can definitely get drunk.”
I text her. Hey, pathetic friend here, begging for a Nick update.
I shake my head and text again. A little drunk and hopelessly heartbroken. I thought you might be able to help me move on.
If there’s a friend in my life who understands my situation, it’s Casey. She moved to Breck to find what she was looking for, and it ended up being the guy she left behind.
When Drew comes back, my phone buzzes, and it’s Casey. He leans over and reads the text with me.
No can do. He’s heartbroken too.
“Well, there you go,” says Drew. “We’ll just have to figure out a way for this to work.”
“You do that, and I might make you CEO.”
Drew’s glass clinks with mine, and he says, “Into the water we go.”
I gaze down at the ocean, and a tiny shiver runs through me in memory of that icy plunge I took last spring. The sensation of swimming was definitely worth it. I’m not sure how I can make things work, but if I end up back with Nick, I’m willing to pay the price.
Chapter 25
My overnight sailing trip with Drew was more than a confirmation of my love for Nick. It was as if I had been lost and suddenly found a map. The tapping of my pen on my desk matches my heart as it beats quickly with excitement while I wait for Alex. I think I have the answer to how I’m going to make things work with Nick.
I almost pounce on Alex when she enters. “What took you so long?” As I stand, her eyes widen, and I say, “I have a plan, but I need you to poke the holes in it.”
“I’m your girl.”
“Good, and then you have to help me fill them, because this has to work.”
She draws out her answer. “O-kay.”
I begin to pace in my bare feet, and the carpet muffles my anxious steps. “I’m sorry. Let me bring you up to speed. I’m miserable without Nick and need to find a way to make the Colorado-New York thing work.”
Alex makes her signature move and plops down on the couch to kick off her ridiculous shoes. They thud near me, and she says, “You are miserable.”
I squint at her. “Thanks.”
She grins back. “Go on. What’s this great plan?”
“Telecommuting.”
“You and Nick plan on a virtual relationship?” She snorts at her joke.
“Alex.”
“Sorry. I know you want this to work, and I want it for you. I’ll be serious. So you would move to Colorado and work from there?”
“Yes. But only for the ski season. I can do most of what I do now at a home office and leave the traveling and public engagements to you and Drew for those five months. If necessary, I can always fly back for a couple days.”
“I’d be in charge of all things public?”
“Yes. You love the dressing up and social events so much more than I do anyway.”
Alex reaches out with her arms to rest them on the back of the couch and thrusts her chest out. “I do wear couture better than you, don’t I?” She sobers and asks, “That doesn’t sound like something I need to poke holes in. Well, except for the part where you get Nick to come here for the summers.”
“I don’t think he hates it here. Maybe he needs a boat.”
“Poke. Nick doesn’t strike me as the kind of guy who wants to be kept. Isn’t that part of why he left?”
“Yes. But the biggest part was that I was never around.” She has a point. There isn’t much for Nick to do here unless he wants to work at the bike shop. Somehow that sounds okay in Colorado when it’s how you survive until the next ski season, but I wonder how rewarding it would be here. I say, “Okay, so I haven’t sorted that part out yet.” I tap my lip as I think. “But I’ll come up with something.”
“Assuming you can, I’m not finding any more problems.”
“That’s because I’m not done.” I sit down across from her and perch on the edge of my sofa. “I want to bring Drew into the business as a one-third owner.”
Now Alex sits up. “Whoa, okay. That is big stuff.” She stands to take my place pacing. When she gets to the other side of the room, she turns to face me. “So you and I would sell equal parts of our portions, and each of us would have a third of the company, effectively making him an equal in the decisions we make.”
“Yes. We had a long talk this weekend, and he told me he might not stick around if he could go somewhere else as a CEO instead.”
“Oh, that makes sense.” She frowns in concentration for a moment and then says, “I like it. Making him an equal owner would keep Drew around. And”—a grin forms on her face—“I have something to tell you.”
I get up to be closer to her. “Spill it.”
“Evan and I are talking about getting married.”
I squeal. “Oh my God!” I rush over to take her hands. “Why didn’t I know you were so serious?”
Alex says softly, “Because I wasn’t sure how you’d feel, knowing you still ache for Nick.”
I sigh. “You’re sweet, but I’m capable of being thrilled for you. Which I am.”
“Oh, good. So let me finish. I’ve been thinking, and I’m not sure I want to live and breathe Bellae anymore. I want to be a mom and do what real moms do.” She walks over to the fridge, and light flashes when she opens the door to pull out two seltzers.
“You mean not what our mom did?” I follow her and reach out my hand for a bottle. It’s cold on my palm and spits when I twist off the top.
“Yeah. She tried really hard, and we had a pretty good childhood, but I want more for my kids.”
I nod, because I get it. We’re in a position that we don’t have to kill ourselves for Bellae. “Sounds like we might need to hire more assistants so we can back off a bit.”
She swallows soda and says, “Yes. Lighten our loads so we can enjoy family as well as work.”
Family. I’d settle for my boyfriend back. “I’m not sure I’ll have children any time soon. But it would be nice to have free time to ski.”
The intercom buzzes, and Krissy says, “Drew’s here for you.” While he usually walks in after a brief knock when Alex is here, I asked Krissy to hold him so I could talk privately with my sister.
I say to Alex, “I think we should wait on sayin
g anything to him.”
She nods, and I push the button. “Send him in.”
Drew saunters through the door as if he’s a rooster in a chicken coop. “Project love connection is here.”
Alex rolls her eyes at him as I ask, “What have you got?”
“It’s so simple, I can’t believe it didn’t come to me Friday night.” He pauses to smile at both of us for drama. Alex huffs at him. He says, “Two headquarters.”
I frown at him because that sounds like a big waste of money just so I can live out west. “Explain.”
“Split the company into two arms. Have the Natural Girl line in Colorado”—he holds his palm out toward me—“where the natural girl lives, and Bellae Originals stay in New York with Alex.”
While I don’t necessarily like his idea, it does give me one. “Wait a minute. I’ve got something I think is better.” But I need to consult with Frank, our lawyer, before I throw it out. “I need a little time to figure out if it can work.” I smile and take a sip of seltzer so I don’t squeal at the possibilities. “I promise, if it does, you two will be the first to know.”
When they leave, I call Frank and pose my idea. I’m not allowed to step down as CEO for five years, but if I divide the company into two arms, I can have two presidents, Alex and Drew. Alex can have as many vice presidents as she needs to maintain the hours she’d like to keep, and Drew can take on as much as he wants with his portion of the business. Since my job is supposed to be strategy and dealing with the board of directors, with video conferencing I should be able to live and work in Colorado.
Frank believes it’s doable and will handle the legal research for me. Once I get the go-ahead from him, Alex, Drew, and I can figure out the rest.
I lift my hand and twist it to make my ring sparkle in the daylight from my office window. This time when I think about Nick, my sadness is replaced with hope.
Chapter 26
The holiday comes and goes with little fanfare. Alex did her in-love thing with Evan, and my mother took off for an Alaskan cruise after a lobster dinner and presents with Alex and me on Christmas Eve. My relationship with my mother keeps getting better as time passes. While I’m not sure either of us minds the trips she takes, I do enjoy catching up when she’s around.
Pulse: Sport Romance (The Boys of Winter Book 6) Page 13
