by Lila Felix
Table of Contents
Prologue - Brent
Chapter One – Vivian
Chapter Two – Brent
Chapter Three – Vivian
Chapter Four – Brent
Chapter Five – Vivian
Chapter Six – Brent
Chapter Seven – Vivian
Chapter Eight – Brent
Chapter Nine – Vivian
Chapter Ten – Brent
Chapter Eleven – Vivian
Chapter Twelve – Brent
Chapter Thirteen – Vivian
Chapter Fourteen – Brent
Chapter Fifteen – Vivian
Epilogue – Vivian
About the Authors
Copyright 2017 © Gone Writing Publishing
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Table of Contents
Prologue - Brent
Chapter One – Vivian
Chapter Two – Brent
Chapter Three – Vivian
Chapter Four – Brent
Chapter Five – Vivian
Chapter Six – Brent
Chapter Seven – Vivian
Chapter Eight – Brent
Chapter Nine – Vivian
Chapter Ten – Brent
Chapter Eleven – Vivian
Chapter Twelve – Brent
Chapter Thirteen – Vivian
Chapter Fourteen – Brent
Chapter Fifteen – Vivian
Epilogue – Vivian
About the Authors
Prologue
Ten years ago
Brent
“I DON’T KNOW.” If Viv said those words one more time, I was going to implode. She didn’t know a lot of things lately. She didn’t know why she needed to leave – she just did. She didn’t know why I couldn’t come with her – I just couldn’t. She didn’t understand the need to go so far away – she simply had to go.
Without me.
Leaving me and my dreams of making a life together obsolete.
“Viv, tell me what I did. I’ll make up for it. I’ll apologize. Just tell me what I did to make you love me one day and the next day you’re up and leaving me to go to Texas. Or have you been planning this all along? You’ve known you were going to leave me, so you kept me on a leash? Is that it? Which one is it?”
I wasn’t pissed as much as I was hurt. The girl with the eyes that could move mountains was mine, and I honestly didn’t know what I was going to do without her in my life.
“I applied to some schools last semester. I was going to tell you but…”
“But what? You wouldn’t have a convenience boyfriend for prom and graduation? No one to spend the summer with? After all we’ve been through, Viv, am I some kind of fling to you.”
“You’re not a fling to me and you know it, Brent. I love you. I always have.
“Don’t you dare say ‘I always will’ because if you do, I’m going to lose it. Anyway, when you love someone, you don’t leave them to chase your dreams. You chase your dreams with the person you love.”
“I just can’t, Brent. I have to do this on my own. It’s nothing I can share with you or anyone. I have to do it for me.”
I could see it in her eyes. She was sincere. Tears were streaming down her face. I wished there was something I could do to make her stay. Either that or let me go with her.
“Let me come with you.”
“No, Brent. I have to do this alone.”
“We can make it work long distance. I swear I’ll be faithful to you.
More tears fell. “If there was anyone in the history of faithful boyfriends to take the trophy, it would be you, Brent Rush. It’s not that. I know you would. I can’t explain it. And I’m tired of trying. I’m leaving tomorrow morning. I thought the right thing to do was to tell you to your face. You deserved the truth.”
“The truth sucks.” We both chuckled – a little – but there was no humor. “Let me take you to the airport at least.”
She thought it over. “Okay. As long as there is no more begging me to stay.”
“No more begging you to stay. But...can you stay a little longer with me tonight?”
“Of course. I wanted to spend time with you tonight.”
We cuddled up on my couch like she wasn’t leaving tomorrow and my stomach and mind weren’t churning in a thousand different directions.
This girl in my arms was everything to me. Each night, I go to bed thinking about seeing her the next day and would wake in the morning with a smile knowing she was mine.
Tomorrow that smile would be gone.
“Brent?”
“Yeah, Viv?”
“Hold me tighter. I feel like I’m falling apart.”
“Anything for you.”
THE NEXT MORNING we were both solemn. I placed her suitcases into the trunk of my car. We held hands on the drive to the airport. I kissed her palm at every stoplight.
“Here.” I handed her a lunch-size brown paper bag at one of the red lights.
“What’s this?”
“Peanut butter and grape jelly. What else? Besides, this will be the last time I get to spoil you.”
“I’m sorry, Brent. Not for what I’m doing but what it’s doing to you – for what it’s doing to me.”
It seemed like if this was something she was so willing to do, it wouldn’t be this hard.
She used a whole box of Kleenex.
I watched her eat her sandwich in silence.
We arrived at the airport, and I walked with her toward the security gate. As we got closer, we stopped and I reached out and touched the side of her face, taking it all in. In those few moments, I memorized the way she talked to me. I made my mind remember the way her hands fit into mine.
“Brent, I’d better go.”
“There’s one more thing.”
I softly grabbed her face. Her beautiful face I have loved for so long and kissed her full lips. She tasted like peanut butter. I didn’t care about the people around us. Right now, it was just her and me in the world and no one else existed.
She stepped back with watery eyes and gave me a small smile. “Someday I’ll explain it.”
Chapter One
Vivian
I LOVED BOOK signings. I didn’t do them often, but I loved them and my job. I shook the hands of readers and smiled brightly for pictures. However, this is a long one, and I was at the point I wanted to find a Starbucks, fire up my laptop, and go back to my writing cave. No one seemed to
understand how much I loved to be alone in the world I created with my mind and words.
With my successful imagination being turned into books, along came personal appearances, such as this. I was posing for another picture when I noticed my never-ending line. I shouldn’t be complaining. I was truly thankful for every book I have sold and for each fan who bought them but exhaustion was setting in. I’ve been at it for hours already.
“Here.” Olivia my publicist handed me a bottle of water. “Do you want something to eat?”
“Yes. A steak, baked potato with lots of butter and sour cream.” I joked. Actually, it sounded delicious and couldn’t wait to find a place to eat. I was currently in Las Vegas at the biggest book convention in the United States. I was certain I could find a restaurant to fulfill my needs.
If I could ever get out of here.
I took a deep breath, picked up my pen and greeted the next reader. For the next few hours, I continued smiling and listened to the readers tell me how much they loved my books, characters, and me. Who would have thought I would ever grow sick of hearing praises.
“Only ten left,” Olivia whispered in my ear. Relief filled me knowing the end of the line was nearing.
As the last book was handed to me, I didn’t look up. I wanted to be done because my heels were killing me. “Hi,” I said.
“Hello, Vivian.”
I froze. All the air left the building, and I couldn’t breathe at all. “Brent?”
His caramel eyes bared down into mine. The last time I saw him – ten years ago – he wasn’t as built as he was now and his hair was longer. Now, as I studied him, his hair was shorter, and I liked the slight scruff on his face. Other than that, he was exactly the same.
I remembered the first time I saw him. I was sitting in the back of the classroom trying to remain invisible when I watched him and his friends laughing and joking. I wished I had friends like him. He looked back at me and gave me small smile. It was then he stole my heart. Of course, I would never do anything or even say anything because I was fat and never had self-esteem.
“What are you doing here?” The nervousness clearly came out with my question.
“I’m in Vegas for a convention but I heard author V. Rush was signing and...” He shrugged.
“And here you are.” I finished his sentence for him. I used to do it all the time when we were together. “Wait, you’ve read my books?” Suddenly I realized what he had said.
“Yes. Actually, you’re one of my favorite authors.” He leaned a little closer to me. “Imagine my surprise when I read about Detective Brian who seemed extremely familiar.”
I swallowed back the lump in my throat. “He’s just a character.” I didn’t want to admit the truth in front of him. He was Brent. I took everything I knew and loved about him and turned him into a fictional character. He was strong, determined, kind, and sweet. I knew all these things to be true of Brent because I experienced them all. He was the Alpha hero every girl wanted and hoped for. Although, I left it all behind me.
“Is he?” He smirked. For a second I thought he was mad, but Brent never got mad. He was a great guy.
“Hello.” Olivia poked her head in between us with her bright smile.
“Hi, I’m Brent.” He stood up tall and held out his hand.
“Olivia. I’m Ms. Rush’s publicist. How do you know her?”
“We go way back.”
I rolled my eyes at his comment. His statement was correct, but there was much more than way back. He and I were together all throughout high school. He was my knight in shining armor. Well, really it was my knight in cowboy boots and driving a big ol’ truck. At the time, I loved it.
“Oh.” Olivia glanced at me and then back to Brent.
I scribbled my name on the book and handed it to him. “Here you go. Have a great day.” I put on my best fake smile.
“May we talk for a moment?” he asked softly.
My head nodded before I could verbally answer. I knew he wasn’t going to just take the book and leave.
“She’s all done here.” Olivia chimed in and pushed on my shoulder. “I’ll clean up and meet up with you later.”
“Sure. Right. Okay.” I muttered and stood up.
My body was on autopilot. I gathered up my purse and cell phone. Brent walked by my side as we strolled out of the convention hall and into the lobby.
“Would you like to grab a coffee?” He suggested.
“Fine.”
I didn’t know why I agreed. I’ve not talked to or seen him in ten years. I didn’t owe him anything. Although, the nosy part of me wanted to see what has become of his life. I’ve made this conversation up in my head a million times, but I never knew what was real or not. Brent was a good guy and I hoped he was still an equally good man. I knew he was going to have a lot of questions and I didn’t want to answer any of them.
There was a coffee shop down the block. We ordered our drinks, and Brent paid for the order. I went to protest but gave up. It’s built into his southern DNA to be chivalrous. I take our drinks and was able to find a table in the corner away from the blasting Jazz music and loud laughter. He sat across from me and neither of us spoke. It reminded me of our first real date when we were fifteen. We had been friends for a long time before our first date, and it made it a bit awkward.
I cleared my throat. “How’s your family?” Maybe keeping the topic light and easy would get this over with more quickly.
“They’re fine. And yours?”
I shrugged. “I guess they’re okay. I’ve not really talked to anyone since I left Billings.”
“You were never close to them.” He gave me a sad smile.
He knew – better than anyone – my home life was horrendous. I didn’t have the worst family, but my parents had always pushed me into school and being independent. Now, I relied on myself and no one else. My parents didn’t seem to miss me, and I was okay with it. I liked being by myself and lost in my imagination.
“Did you graduate college?” he asked.
I nodded. “Yes. I was able to finish in three years. It almost killed me.” I half joked. It was rough on me, but I wanted my degree and to start my life.
“You look great, Viv.” He commented looking me over.
I glanced down at myself. I knew what he was thinking. He’s wondering how much weight I lost. “Thanks. I got rid of all those fat rolls.”
“You were never fat.” His voice was sincere.
He would always tell me how beautiful I was and how great I was. I never believed him. I was very overweight as a teenager.
We stood in his barn and brushed the horses. He had asked me for the tenth time today and I sighed.
“I can’t go.” I shook my head, stepping away from the horse and crossing my arms. “And you can’t make me.”
“You’re right.” Brent came over and hugged me. “I can’t make you go to prom with me. However,” he stepped back, “I can bring the prom to you.”
I furrowed my brow and looked at him. “What?”
“I can set up everything here at the ranch. I can get the CD I burned for you with all your favorite songs and order our favorite pizza. It’s just like prom, but without all the people around.”
I loved the idea, but he didn’t understand – I didn’t want to wear the dress. I was seventeen and overweight. I couldn’t fit into anything at the store and didn’t even dare to look at a magazine. My self-esteem would plummet.
“Brent, I can’t.”
“Why? Talk to me.” He looked deeply into my eyes and comfort washed over me.
“I’m too fat for a dress.”
“No, you’re not.” He kissed me. “Besides at our prom, jeans, boots, and t-shirts are the only acceptable attire.”
I smiled. He always had the best plans. He brought me the greatest joy.
The day after I left Billings to go to college, I made promises to myself. One, I would lose weight. Two, I would graduate college with no one’s help. Three, I wo
uld be happy. Three was the toughest one and wasn’t there yet. Overall, my life was great, but there were times I missed having friends. Not all the time but sometimes. Brent had been my best friend and leaving him was hard, but it had to be done. I knew if I told him where I was going he would have followed.
“What made you read the “Love to Death” Series?” I changed the conversation to something I was more comfortable with.
“I picked it up in an airport,” he said. “I was hooked after the first chapter. I never thought it was you though. Imagine my surprise when I saw you at the table.”
“I’m certain it was shocking.” I tucked my curly hair behind my ears and looked out the cafe window. He couldn’t imagine the shock I felt seeing him. I hoped I hid it well enough, but he knew me too well.
“To say the least.” He muttered.
We fell into silence, and I knew what was coming. Brent never beats around the bush when he wanted an answer about a topic. I knew the question was coming.
“Why did you leave me?”
And there it was...
Chapter Two
Brent
EVERY FEW MINUTES I’d look up and think to myself Sweet baby donkeys, I’m sitting next to V. Rush.
I’d been following her work for years. She was relatively new on the mystery scene – maybe a dozen books to her name – but everything she wrote was brilliant. I practically hung on every phrase and word.
My obsession bordered on insanity.
It was amazing to be sitting across the table from your favorite author. We readers tended to think of authors as our friends. We took them in the tub, on the toilet, into bed. They tucked us in at night and greeted us at dawn.
Their words stuck with us. We carried around the pieces of their souls in Kindles and paperbacks. We stuffed them into purses and backpacks. Sometimes we clutched the paperbacks after we finished them if the story had particularly touched us.
I’d done that many times.
There was no way I could’ve known that V. Rush was even a woman. There was no indication on her website or any other social media platform what gender she was. Her profile pictures are books and the picture on the back of her paperbacks was a stretch of trees with the sunset pouring through the spaces between.
