by Jessica Gray
His worst nightmare had come true, and just because he was a freaking stupid idiot. Sighing in resignation, he pulled a small duffel bag from the closet. He grabbed her favorite jeans from the closet and tossed in several tops, a lightweight jacket, and two pantsuits he’d always loved seeing her wear. Then he added shoes, her fluffy robe, and a handful of lingerie from the top dresser drawer.
At last, Robert entered the adjoining bathroom, scooped up her makeup, and tossed it into the overnight bag he found beneath the sink. Shower gel, shampoo and conditioner, and toothbrush and toothpaste followed into the bag. As each item joined the last, a little part after part of himself shriveled.
A sense of impossibility settled in his mind. Dejected and hopeless, he carried the bag out to Peter and handed it over, before he shook his head and dropped onto the couch, his head resting between his hands.
Peter joined him, asking, “Did you try to explain things to her?”
“She wouldn’t let me.” Robert thrust his hands through his dark blond hair and then met his friend’s eyes. “She told me there was nothing to explain.”
Peter looked at him and then offered, “You can’t really blame her.”
“I just wish…I just wish I’d found the courage to tell her earlier.”
“Give her some time. You can’t really hold anything she said tonight against her. She wasn’t prepared to hear something like this. Not from you.” Peter patted his friend on the shoulder, and Robert wanted to believe everything would be fine.
“I don’t know. She looked at me so…I don’t even know what word to use. It was as if everything we’ve shared over the last three years shattered into a million pieces right there in that moment. If you had seen the utter devastation in her eyes…”
“Look, man, do yourself a favor and don’t let your mind spin out into space. You need to calm yourself down and give her some time to do the same. Right now, she’s hurting and reacting to that hurt. She needs time to process her emotions and get past them to a point where she’s thinking with her head once again.”
“I don’t know that time is going to fix this,” Robert said. “That look on her face. Do you really think time is going to make a difference?”
“Maybe. Maybe not. Finding out you’ve been married this whole time is a lot to swallow.”
Robert looked up at the ceiling before asking, “Do you think she’ll ever give me a chance to explain my actions?”
Peter paused for a moment before answering. “Give her a few days to calm down and then talk to her. Just give her a little space right now.”
“Thanks, Peter. For everything. And please take good care of Karen, will you?”
“I’m sure my wife will see to that. Don’t worry, okay?” With those words, Peter walked out of the door, the duffel bag with Karen’s stuff firmly in his grip.
Chapter 4
Karen arrived at Peter and Rachel’s home and found herself shuffled into the living room, where she sat down on the couch to sob inconsolably while Rachel went to get them a drink.
“Here, drink this.” She jerked up at Rachel’s voice and became aware of a steaming mug offered to her.
“What’s this?”
“I didn’t have ice cream, so I figured hot chocolate would serve the purpose as well.” Despite her sadness Karen’s lips quirked up. How often had the two of them treated each other’s love sickness with ice cream? But today was a hundred times worse than anything she’d ever experienced before.
The sound of the door opening indicated Peter’s return, and as soon as he entered the living room with Karen’s duffel bag in his grip, the two women sat up and bombarded him with questions.
Peter sat the bag down beside the hallway entrance, awkwardness apparent in his face. He didn’t answer any of their questions as he sat in the large armchair directly across from the couch. “Robert packed your things.”
Karen swallowed and then tried again: “His wife…”
“It’s not my place to say anything. Robert needs to explain…about everything.”
Rachel glanced angrily at him. “Can’t you see how upset Karen is? The last thing she wants is to see Robert. Do you know his wife?”
Peter shook his head. “I’m not going to say anything.”
“Peter!” Rachel implored him.
“Rachel. This is not our fight. Robert will say what he wants to say.” Peter stood and prepared to leave the room.
“Peter?” Karen called after him.
He sighed and then turned to meet her gaze. “Yes?”
“Is it as bad as it seems?”
Peter walked back towards her and softened his reply: “Karen, you need to be asking Robert these questions.” When she started to protest, he held up a hand to stop her, “I know that right now you never want to see him again, let alone listen to him. But you and Robert were good together.”
He paused for a moment and then continued, “When Robert got married almost five years ago, I was sworn to secrecy, and even though my wife is glaring daggers at my back right now, I won’t break a promise made to my best friend. You wouldn’t respect me if I did.”
Karen was silent for a moment and then nodded in acceptance of his statement. She dropped her gaze, wishing desperately for something – anything – that would help make this less than the nightmare it appeared to be.
Peter evidently saw her thoughts written on her face and he squatted down so he was level with her eyes. “I can tell you this. He has always – and I mean, always – been faithful to you. I’ve known Robert for as long as I can remember and if I know anything, I know that he truly loves you. Don’t ever doubt that.”
He searched her gaze for another moment and then rose to his feet. “I’m heading to bed.”
“I’ll be with you in a moment,” Rachel said, returning his brief kiss.
Karen watched their interaction, Peter’s words rolling around in her head. If what he said was true, Robert loved her. And I love him. But admitting that fact only made his betrayal that much harder to bear.
Her whole body physically hurt, from the shock and devastation she felt. Her heart ached and she wondered if one could die of a broken heart. She longed to feel his arms around her again, making the hurt go away, but how could that be, since he was the one who’d caused the hurt in the first place?
“He lied to me, Rachel. Three long years. Every single day...” Her voice broke and Rachel slung an arm around her shoulder.
“I know. Sweetheart. Why don’t I show you to the guest room? Sleep is what you need right now.”
A faint nod was everything Karen could muster. She could have forgiven him most things, but lying…how would she ever forgive him that? To make matters worse, he’d been lying to her every day since they’d first met. Three years. Over one thousand days of living a lie.
Rachel guided her to the guest room and then disappeared, closing the door after her. Karen felt completely drained, so drained that her worries she’d only lie in bed and cry dissolved the minute her head hit the pillow. She welcomed the blessed respite of sleep. It was only in the early hours of the morning that her despair infiltrated her dreams, causing her to wake up several times with tears dampening her cheeks. She managed to go back to sleep each time, but when morning finally arrived, she was tired and sad, and dark circles showed beneath her eyes.
Her phone persistently rang starting at 10 a.m. Each time Robert’s name showed up on the caller ID, but she wouldn’t respond. After one hour of her not answering his calls, he relented and texted her.
Karen. Please. Call me. We need to talk.
At first she continued ignoring him, but the text messages kept coming.
Karen. Please. I’m am so sorry and want to explain. I love you.
At lunchtime Karen finally grew exasperated and sent him a reply.
R. Stop calling and texting me. I need some time right now. I’ll call when I can.
He sent back an immediate reply.
Babe. I know I hurt
you and I want to make things right. Please, call me so we can talk.
Karen could sense his despair, but she had to be strong for herself. Right now, she needed distance. She needed to think straight again. How on earth that was possible, she didn’t know. But she knew that in his presence her confusion would only grow worse.
After lunch, Peter had quickly disappeared to play golf, and Rachel and Karen started to watch a movie, but she’d burst into tears fifteen minutes into the action. Her sobbing wouldn’t stop, and Rachel finally switched off the movie.
The same happened when they played cards, unpacked her duffel bag, or ate chocolate. When Rachel suggested they take a walk down to the corner store, Karen readily agreed. They almost made it to the store before she started crying again.
Karen could see the worry on her friend’s face, but she couldn’t stop her tears. Everything she thought of, or saw, reminded her of Robert. Reminded her of their life together. Of what she’d lost.
On her third day with Rachel and Peter, Karen was still bursting into tears at odd times of the day. After one such crying jag that resulted in her having to go put a cold cloth over her puffy eyes, she returned to the kitchen by way of the back hallway just in time to overhear Rachel talking to her husband.
“Peter, I’m growing concerned about Karen. She’s crying as much now as she was three days ago. I’m afraid this is going to continue until she winds up in the hospital if she doesn’t get some answers.”
Hearing the worry in her friend’s voice jolted Karen back to reality, and she felt horrible for having allowed herself to become mired in her misery. Robert was still calling and texting her, and she knew he was just as miserable as she was.
She turned around and headed back to the bedroom. It was time to hear what Robert had to say and see if there was any chance of saving their relationship.
Chapter 5
Three days without Karen, and Robert was barely able to function. He’d gotten no work done, had spent more time staring holes into the air than he could ever remember in his life. It was as if a part of him had disappeared with her, leaving a gaping hole in his life he had no idea how to close.
Karen had left him and taken his heart with her. He was merely a shell of his former self, trying to function in a world that was gray and miserable without her. And the hardest part to deal with was that he had no one to blame but himself. Himself alone.
On the third day with little eating and even less sleep, he was sitting on the couch once again, staring holes into the air and worried crazy about how she was doing, when his private cell phone rang.
He turned his head warily; hope flared for a tiny moment that maybe she’d changed her mind and decided to give him a chance. Nah. I don’t deserve a chance to redeem myself. It’s probably Peter.
With that thought in mind, he answered his phone without looking at the caller ID. “Hello?”
“Robert?” a hesitant voice that shocked him to his core came back.
“Karen? Oh God, Karen.” He started crying into the phone. “Babe, I’m so sorry…”
“Stop it. I don’t want to hear any of that right now.”
“But, I need to explain…” His feet moved restlessly while his hand grabbed the phone like it was a lifeline.
“That’s why I’m calling. I can’t go on this way. I need to hear from you why you lied to me for three long years.”
“Everything you want,” he assured her.
“This isn’t about what I want, but what I need. I need answers. Good answers,” she said, her voice becoming demanding.
He could hear the struggle she was maintaining over her emotions and it tortured his heart. “How about we meet at your favorite coffee shop?”
“Perfect, let’s say in two hours,” she answered.
“See you there. And…I love you.”
He hung up and rushed for the shower.He hadn’t shaved in days, because without Karen in his life, he was a wreck, and hadn’t had the energy or motivation to do even the simplest tasks. After showering and shaving, he put on a crisp, clean shirt and a pair of casual khakis and headed out.
Twenty minutes before their agreed time, he was already pacing the sidewalk in front of the coffee shop, before finally he entered and secured a table in the back of the shop, away from prying eyes and ears.
He sipped a cup of coffee, keeping his eyes glued to the front doors. When Karen stepped inside, he felt his heart start and almost spilled his coffee. She’s so beautiful. I missed her so much.
Robert stayed seated until she approached the table and then he attempted to kiss her cheek. But she turned her head away, his lips landing on thin air. Seeing her move away from his kiss was like a knife to the heart, and he bit the inside of his cheek to keep the emotions from rising to the surface.
It took a moment to gather his composure, but then he indicated the chair next to him, pulled it out, and once again was left hanging in the air. Karen shook her head once and took the seat across from him. Putting the table between them was another stab to his already bleeding heart.
He took his own seat again, looking at her sitting there with her arms wrapped around herself like a shield. She looked angry, but beneath the anger, he saw the hurt in her eyes.
“You look…”
“I didn’t come here for small talk,” she said. “Let’s start with an explanation of why you forgot to tell me you’re married.”
Robert wanted to protest, but he knew the time of his reckoning had arrived. The waitress arrived, which allowed him to take a deep breath and brace himself for what was to come, while Karen ordered a big café latte and a chocolate chip cookie.
“As you already know, I got married almost five years ago.”
When he paused, trying to figure out where to start, Karen helped him by asking, “Where?”
“Las Vegas. With a few friends, Peter and I had flown to Las Vegas for a few days of booze and fun.”
“How long had you known her?” The waitress brought Karen’s coffee and she grabbed it with both hands. He couldn’t help but notice the slight tremble in her hands as she brought the mug to her lips.
Robert squirmed. “A couple of hours.”
“What?” she all but screamed, and put down the mug with a bang.
“Yes. Her name was…is…Marcela. Peter and I met her in one of the bars we went to. I bought her a drink, we danced, had fun, flirted, and then … you know.”
“No I don’t know.” Karen squinted her eyes. “Then you proposed to her?”
He felt the blood rushing to his head; did he really have to tell his girlfriend about his former sexual escapades? Apparently yes, because Karen kept staring at him.
“One thing led to another and we ended up back in my hotel room. We’d both had more drinks than we should have. And Marcela needed to be with someone, even if for just one night, but I realized that much later.”
Karen held onto her mug again, her eyes glued to his. “Go on.”
“I’m not telling you this to hurt you, but I want you to understand.” He paused for a moment. “The sex was amazing.”
The dampness in her eyes told him just how that must have sounded. “Oh god, I’m sorry. Up till then I’d only had flings, but she’d evoked my emotions and suddenly the sex was totally different.”
She pressed her lips together and he continued his story. “Somewhere in the middle of the night, I woke up to her sobbing. I tried to ask what happened, but with every one of my words, she only cried more. I was at a loss for what to do.”
“So?” Karen asked.
“She finally calmed down long enough to tell me her story. She was from Mexico. Her tourist visa for the United States was about to expire and she’d already been denied an extension. But she couldn’t go back.”
“Why?” Karen asked, a slight softening to her tone of voice.
“She insisted her uncle would kill her once she crossed back into Mexico. He was the reason she came here in the first place. She’d been
on the run for years, desperate to escape her uncle, whom she painted as this horrible villain who had no conscience and the local law enforcement in his pocket.”
Robert tried a small grin and continued, “You know how I can’t see a woman crying. And in my drunken state of mind I had the not-so-brilliant idea of marrying her. She’d get the ability to stay inside the United States, and I wasn’t thinking at all about the consequences for me. I just wanted to help this woman who’d touched a piece of my heart.”
“She agreed to marry you,” Karen stated, completing this part of the story for him.
Robert nodded, “Yes. We sneaked out of the hotel and minutes later stumbled over the 24/7 Sunset Wedding Chapel right next to the hotel. We walked right in, got married, and then went back to my hotel room to celebrate, after drinking an entire bottle of champagne.”
He took a deep breath, knowing this part was going to be the hardest to get out. “When I woke up hours later, hung over but more sober than the night before, I was shocked to find a strange woman lying in my bed, who wore a cheap and tacky wedding ring that matched the one on my own finger.
“After I noticed the marriage license lying on the dresser, I dressed hurriedly and went out to find Peter in the hope my friends had played some bad joke on me...”
Robert fiddled with his hands, before he answered. “It had been our last night, and they all had left that morning before I sobered up. Aside from Marcela, Peter is the only person in the world who knows what happened that weekend – until a few days ago.”
“Why would Peter keep something like this from me? He was supposed to be my friend,” Karen asked, pale around the nose.
“Please don’t be angry with him. He swore an oath to me that he would never say a word and he kept that promise, even when he knew I was screwing up. He insisted several times I needed to tell you the truth.”
“Peter wanted you to tell me?” Karen sounded slightly mollified.
“He did, but...”
