Gino’s arms pulled me into a life-giving hug. “Shush, m’hija. We will not do God’s work for Him. Rather, we will let Him do His work through us. He says, ‘Vengeance is mine.’”
Huh. A God into justice. That was some theology I could relate to.
Gino and I walked back to the road in silence, arms linked. Hathoway and Nick remained behind with the team, securing and processing the scene. By the time we reached the road, dark sedans rushed down the highway toward us, lights flashing.
“Looks like quite a crowd is gathering.” I nudged Gino. “Nothing I want to stick around here for. Let’s get back to the station. See what we can do. Or see.” Thick, steel bands wrapped around my shoulders.
“I have a better idea.” He opened the passenger door for me before walking around and sliding into the driver’s seat. I placed Nick’s smart key in Gino’s hand, squeezing it hard before letting it go.
“Shoot.” I rubbed my eyes.
“I take you home.” He raised his hand to me, patted the air. “Do not object. You are too tired, and you have seen too much. There is nothing we can do for the moment. Trust that our Nick can clear a crime scene and that he and Commander Mitchell can write up a report. Let us take care of that little bit for you, m’hija.” He tipped my chin up.
I looked into his soft brown eyes. He was right. “I am exhausted. A shower and a nap would do me a world of good. And then I’ll look in on my mom, and we’ll go catch us one bad cat. Before she kills again.”
“You do recall we have posted guards ‘round the clock at your mother’s hospital room door, yes?” Gino’s hand trailed down to his seatbelt, buckling it.
“Yes. I know she’s safe. And I know there’s nothing else we can do, but that doesn’t mean I don’t hate every second of sitting around. The vulnerability. The uselessness of it all.” I rubbed my temples.
“Still, even the useless ones need to rest, m’hija.” Gino winked at me, like a Cuban Santa, and I started to laugh.
“Basta! You win, amigo mio. Take me home already.” I grabbed his hand and squeezed. Maybe he could feel the gratitude flowing from my heart to his.
“And on the way, you can forget about la mala long enough to tell me what it is that has gotten into you to be treating our St. Nicholas con tanta fria.” He pushed the start button, and the engine roared to life.
“What are you talking about?” Might as well feign ignorance. To start.
He shook his head with a grunt and steered the SUV onto the country highway. “I could as easily have died from frost bite sitting near you two as I could from triggering explosives planted in the woods.”
Two more sedans and an ambulance, lights flashing, no sirens, zoomed past us in the opposite lane.
“It’s… I can explain…” I fidgeted in my seat, running my hand up and down the shoulder harness.
“Uh huh.” He flashed a crooked smile in my direction as he drove. “A glacier warms the soul more than your way of looking at the man I thought you loved.”
I couldn’t even argue his point. “I, uh, it’s hard to put into so many words.”
“Is it really, Josephine? Is it words? Or is it fear?” The radio crackled. Gino stopped midsentence and turned it up.
Nick’s voice came on. “G, you copy?”
“Venga, hermano.” Gino answered in a flash. C’mon, brother.
“Get her home safe for me, will you?” Tenderness, encased in sorrow.
Gino nodded. “Te prometo. I will care for her as fiercely as you would, old friend. Go with the protection of our God.”
He ended the call and turned to look at me as he drove.
“St. Nicolas even now wishes only to protect you. Why would a woman refuse such a love as this?”
I had a better question, but I kept it to myself. Which would be worse, continuing to push a good man away, or risking everything for a chance at something real… and losing it?
The automatic porch lights were on when Gino pulled into my driveway. My eyes wandered to Donna and Jim’s house next door. Porch lights on, house lights off. Must’ve gone out for the evening.
Gino scrolled through the messages on his cell. “Will you be alright for a few hours, m’hija? There have been some more problems with the tracking equipment I must tend to. But it could perhaps wait.”
It seemed more a request than a question. Gino needed rest as much as I did. Maybe even more.
“Go. And know how much I appreciate you, G.” I half hugged him over the front seat, kissed his cheek, and slid out onto the pavement.
I gave a weak wave as he backed down the driveway, then trudged up the steps to my front door. The sky rumbled overhead. Signs of yet another spring shower on the way sprang across the sky in quick flashes, followed long seconds after by muted thunder. Perfect sleeping weather. I’d be snoring by 8:00 p.m.
A slip of paper was jammed between the screen door and the frame. I snatched it out and turned it over, squinting at the small but elegant scrawl I knew so well.
Josie, we’re heading to Lake Geneva for the night. The dogs insisted on spending the night with you—hope you don’t mind. Love you.
I smiled and opened the front door, alerting the two Brittany spaniels to my presence. Lennie and Lexie bounded to the door, barking as if they’d treed something big. Taking care of them might be just the therapy I’d need to give myself permission to tend to my own needs.
I sank to my knees in the foyer, talking to them each in turn. Their sleek coats drained the tension that had consumed me for the past several hours. Good grief, the amount of tragedy and mystery that had occurred since I’d gotten out of bed that morning was ridiculous. And I didn’t want to think about it anymore.
Was there enough time to get the dogs out for a quick walk before the rain started in for good? Lightning lit up the sky outside the windows at random intervals, sending both dogs into nervous fits of barking. I parted the curtains. A pillar of angry clouds hung low in front of the house.
We’ll let this blow over, go outside later. I could’ve killed for a shower, but after settling the dogs in with food and water, I tossed myself onto the sofa like an old blanket, falling asleep the minute my head hit the cushion.
Sharp barks pulled me out of my slumber. Lennie and Lexie were pacing and barking feverishly. How long had I been asleep? There was a deeper sound piercing the night than their barking. Rain bulleted the roof, and gale-force winds rammed the house with ghastly shrieks and groans. Something thumped against the wall next to the couch. Lawn furniture?
The low sound bleated again. The town’s tornado siren. How long had that been going off? Another whomp against the house. Lennie and Lexie nosed my legs, urging me to my feet. I grabbed a flashlight from the kitchen junk drawer, dogs on either side of me. Dragging sounds fluttered around me right before the trilling of breaking glass. Another round of lightning sizzled across the sky, immediately chased by peals of thunder, sending me scurrying toward the basement steps.
The dogs clambered after me. Lennie hesitated as I rounded the corner and headed down. Lexie froze behind him. Dang! They hadn’t been down there before. I stepped back up and grabbed Lennie’s collar. Maybe Lexie would follow.
“C’mon! Move!” I spat at them like a madwoman, patting Lennie’s head and tugging his collar, before resorting to pushing him down the stairs ahead of me with my foot while dragging Lexie behind me by the collar. The flashlight knocked against her head twice, but it couldn’t be helped. She barked out her response. Lennie started answering.
Another violent crack of lightning lit up and shook the house. Mighty roars of wind drowned out their barking as we scuttled down the stairs.
A sense of home hit me when my feet touched the cement of the basement landing. Teeth rubbed against the back of my hand as I pushed through the door, but the roaring and the shaking of the house demanded my attention. The lights flickered once before going out and plunging us into darkness. I switched on the flashlight.
The door s
lammed behind us, and I fell against it, breathing hard, speaking to the dogs in soothing tones. “It’s alright… it’s alright… you’re okay. You don’t need to cry anymore.”
Both dogs yelped in response, their frantic eyes locked on mine. Overhead, crashing sounds continued. What was happening up there? Another wallop sent the house shuddering as if a giant had taken a bulldozer to it, stirring the dogs up into a new frenzy. I pulled them both into an alcove behind the stairwell, well away from any windows. The pulling turned into dragging.
“Shush! C’mere guys.” I did my best to find low soothing tones, but they ignored me, barking non-stop. Lennie was even foaming a little. Then, they both leapt to their feet and circled in front of me, growling.
“Enough! No! Quiet!” They returned to barking, now at a fever pitch as a blast of hot air slapped across my face. “Are we on fire?” I crab-walked over to the basement door—it was warm to my touch. I worked my hand carefully up the hollow door. I jerked it away halfway up and shook it rapidly. Fire!
We’re trapped. Smoke poured under the door. I started coughing and looking around the room through the warm haze. There had to be something I could do, but I had to be fast. Cast iron kitchen stools, long ago out of date, lined the basement wall. Perfect.
They were heavy, and my back was sore from the crazy hours behind me. Please be with me, God. Go before me. I strained to heave one up over my shoulder and fast-walk to the window well. When I got within two feet of it, I used every ounce of energy I could muster and slammed the heavy stool against the window. Nothing—not a crack, not a scratch. I drew the stool back and tried again. Still, the window held. Smoke curled in layers around my feet, and Lexie started howling like a soulful coyote.
Lennie yipped and snapped at my cloudy ankles, shaking drool every which way as he gave himself over entirely to primal fear. “Lennie, no!”
He emitted a high pitched yelp right before charging me. I hit him in the side of the head with my fist as he lunged.
“We’ve got to get out of here!” If the fire didn’t kill me, Lennie might. I looked around again, pointing the flashlight beam up and down each wall. God! I need you! Half a dozen field stones from a garden project long forgotten glinted on a shelf on the opposite wall. I ran to the shelf, grabbed a medium sized quartz stone, ran back to the window, and flung it as hard as I could.
The stone clattered off the window, leaving a small crack along the base. I picked up the stone with both hands, backed up a few steps, lifted it over my head and shot-putted the thing. The stone hit the lower middle of the window and landed in the gravel on the other side, sending shards of broken glass to the floor. Thank you, God!
I staggered back to the heavy stool and used it to knock out the jagged glass, eerily reminiscent of what I’d done only a few hours before. I coughed and gasped as the smoke billowed into the room with the lure of fresh air.
“Lennie, come! C’mere, Lexie!” Both crazed animals stood a few feet behind me. Lennie was still wild eyed. I grabbed Lexie first, pushed her through the jagged glass opening onto the damp earth of the basement window well. Good enough for now.
I snatched a lamp from the floor and wrenched the cord, breaking it off at the base. Then I dragged the heavy stool over to the window. Lennie was panting, holding one front paw up. His eyes rolled back, and I took my chance. I dove at him, wrapped the cord twice around his muzzle and once around his neck, and fireman carried him over to the stool.
Help me hold on just a little longer, God! Get us through this! I put Lennie on the stool first, then climbed up the rung and put my left foot next to his body. He didn’t move. Maybe he was in shock, but it worked. I grabbed him by the collar, struggling to get his hips into my arms. He started growling as I slipped my hands under his hips, and then he tried to open his jaws. The cord gave, and he bit me, right on the neck. I screamed and threw him through the window and onto the damp earth next to Lexie, where he got to his feet and started barking again.
Drained, I hoisted myself up onto the iron stool and pushed myself through the window, scraping my back on protruding glass shards for the second time that day. Warm blood drizzled its way down my back as I squirmed through. I knelt in the window well, surrounded by furry legs, muddy ground, and hailstones. I tried to push myself up, but my shaky thighs wouldn’t move. Spaghetti arms flailed through a dark tunnel right before my cheek fell hard against the mud.
Lexie licked my face. A voice called to me from within. Get up. Get up, Jo. I obeyed. Heat rose around me, and I looked up. My house was a blazing inferno. It burned, wild flames bursting through the roof, through every window on the first and second floor, unrelenting in the pouring rain and hail. Flames licked my hair, and I crouched low.
I grabbed Lennie one last time, heaved him up the four feet of warm steel window well, and tossed him as far as I could. Then I did the same with Lexie. Both dogs circled back to me, confused in their new-found freedom, crazed. I felt the sides of the window well. It was growing warmer, but I could do it—I had to do it. Please be with me, God. Give me one last ounce of strength.
On three. I gripped the steaming metal with both hands and pushed myself up onto the side of the window well. My abs hit the hot steel, and I cried out, but I kept pushing until I was free. My stomach, thighs, and hips burned in agony, begging me to give up and lie still. But I listened to another voice, pulling myself out onto the wet grass. I pushed myself up with blistered hands and half jogged, half ran into the tall wet prairie grass that grew between homes on my street, chased by Lennie and Lexie, singed and smelly… but alive. An eerie calm filled the air.
Strong hands gripped my shoulders, and I was maneuvered along the wet path toward a bright light, while the cold rain pounded. Surrounded by a cacophony of sounds—chirping, screaming, barking, roaring… so many sounds… so many people… Where did they all come from? Armies of black-cloaked beasts with hoses and bright, bright lights loomed before me… in the midst of all of the screams, sirens, and chaotic sounds, the chirping continued.
The sound was coming from my pocket. I dug into the remnants of my pants pocket, pulled my cell phone out, and pressed it against my ear. A sultry voice broke through the clamor of noise. “Hot enough for you now?”
Fluffy clouds of pink, green, and blue floated past. Sam and I, eating cotton candy, hand in hand, laughing and walking through midway of the Sauk County Fair.
My eyelids, sewn shut with sleep, opened lash by lash and revealed a large shape next to the bed—fuzzy, shaggy-headed. Warmth like a puppy squirmed in my hand, caressing my fingers, little kisses moving from tip to tip. I smiled, giggling at the sensations, the warmth, the life flowing through me.
“Hello, beautiful.” Nick’s golden voice. Nick. At my bedside, holding my hand to his glorious lips. Nick to the rescue.
Nick. Always and ever Nick. His were the strong arms that led me to safety, away from the fire. How had he known to come find me? How did he always seem to be in the right place at the right time? I didn’t believe in divine appointments, did I? Maybe Nick was… maybe I should…
Cold marble slabs boxed in my heart. My tongue stuck itself to the roof of my mouth. The giddy incertitude of the hospital-strength painkillers wore off. Nick was killing my buzz. With his love. What did that say about me?
My world-weary eyes found his. Deep brown pools of adoration and steady promises stared out at me from an impossibly handsome face, custom-stitched together in love. For me. For us. Did I deserve an ‘us’ with him? Did I even want it?
That was it.
The root of my fear—I didn’t deserve him. I wasn’t good enough for him. Between my horrible marriage and drama-laden life, how could he love me? If and when he saw the real me, the me behind the tough-girl mask I always wore, he’d bolt. He’d leave me. Just like Del. It was a risk I couldn’t take; a belief I couldn’t confront. Shame burned across my face, dragged my eyes away from his, severing the connection between us.
“Nick… I can’t.” I
shook my head, eyes burning, my skin clammy. Maybe he would read the finality in my tone, in the sad turn of my head. In the words I couldn’t speak. In the shame I couldn’t escape, couldn’t outrun, couldn’t kill. My fear was a love-sucking zombie, and I was out of ammo. At the worst possible time. Surrounded by Nick’s love, unable to put my fears to death. Unable to move ahead, too scared to step back.
“Josie, I don’t care what’s in your head. I know what’s in your heart. And I’m a patient man. I can wait for you to face your fears.” He kept his steady eyes on me and traced the layers of gauze on my blistered palm with his finger.
My hand was numb. Drugs? Or fear? Petrified in place. I shook my head, kept my eyes trained on the wall behind him. Come on, Nick, get the message, walk away, don’t tease me any more with a love that can’t last.
He rose, scooted the chair closer to the bed, and sat back down, leaning in. I flinched. He drew back, fished in his jacket, pulled out a picture, and placed it next to a vase of Easter lilies on the table next to the bed. Easter… my favorite holiday. Was it today? Sam smiled down at me, nestled in my arms, Nick’s arms around us both. That had been a perfect day together. The warmth of the memory was better than a chocolate bunny.
He persevered. “I need you to know a few things, and then I’ll give you some time alone. I’m telling you now, and I’ll tell you again when you’re out of this place and back on your feet—fighting the world, fighting me. But, Josie, you don’t need to fight me. Not now, not ever.” He brushed my bangs out of my eyes, trailed his finger over my lips.
The hallelujah chorus sounded in my heart. Moments later, I was a country under siege. I loved his touch. My tears threatened to ruin another perfect moment between us.
I moved my head away.
He kissed the top of my head and cupped my face in his hands. “I love you. Whatever this is, this push-me-pull-you thing you’ve got going on, is not from me. And, maybe more importantly, it’s not from God. ‘God is not a God of confusion, but of peace.’”
Shattered by Death (A Jo Oliver Thriller Book 2) Page 18
