She jerked awake. White-hot fear rushed through her veins, pinning her to the mattress, holding her perfectly still. But it couldn’t stop her mind from racing.
What the hell should she do? Turn on the lamp on the bedside table? Make a grab for the pepper spray that was in her purse on the chair across the room?”
Her heart hammered so loudly, she was certain it was echoing throughout the room. But then her eyes adjusted to the silhouette, and her brain registered the red T-shirt. Shane’s red T-shirt. She sat up.
“Shane?” Her voice shook.
“Yes, it’s okay,” he said. “It’s just me.”
“You scared me to death. What are you doing?”
“I’m sorry. I was just checking on you.”
AJ blew out a sigh as a rush of adrenaline and relief made her flop down onto the mattress.
Shane hesitated for a minute, then sat down on the edge of her bed.
“I didn’t mean to scare you,” he said.
She pressed her palms to her eyes for a few seconds, and then she felt steady again. “No, it’s okay. I wasn’t really asleep. I was just sort of drifting. You know, that sort of twilight sleep where you’re not really awake, but you’re not asleep. It’s okay. Really. It’s just that I’ve had some strange dreams.”
She rolled over on her side, propping herself up on her elbow, suddenly aware that he was in her bed. Well, on her bed. Next to her. And despite how he’d startled her, she liked the nearness of him. To make sure it wasn’t a dream, she reached out and touched his arm.
It was warm and solid and strong. And he didn’t pull away.
“Yeah, I’m having the same kind of night. Except for the not-really-awake part. I’ve been wide awake the whole time.”
He turned over his arm and suddenly her palm was in his. He caressed the top of her hand with his thumb.
“For any particular reason?” she murmured, reining in her mind to keep from imagining that this was going any further than where they were right now. In bed. Together. Touching...
* * *
Now, that was a loaded question, Shane thought as he mulled over the many ways he could answer her. Saying he wanted to watch her sleep sounded creepy and it wasn’t really the truth. True, he did want to make sure she was safe. Truer still, he’d regretted sending her to bed alone after the good-night kiss they’d shared. He hadn’t come in to watch her sleep. He’d come in here hoping to find her just like this, awake and receptive to his touch.
Rather than answer her with words, he lowered his body, stretching out along side of her, propping his head on his free hand. All the while, he didn’t let go of her hand.
She went very still for a moment and then she rolled over, so that her lips were a whisper away. Her curves were flush to his body curve for curve—thigh to thigh, abdomen to abdomen, chest to chest.
“I can’t sleep when I have unfinished business,” she said.
He closed the distance between them, allowing no room for common sense, claiming her lips with his. She responded by moving her hips so that they were square to his, which released all the want and longing that had been bottling up since the day he’d first laid eyes on her. He groaned at the heat that coursed between them, savoring the feel of her, reveling in the anticipation of what was about to happen.
It had been such a long time since he’d felt this way about a woman, since he’d allowed himself to lose control, to go a little crazy.
It was good that they’d had that talk tonight. Even though their future wasn’t completely clear, one thing he’d realized since meeting AJ was that the future wasn’t a given, that you had to seize every opportunity to live. Right here, right now, he intended to make love to her like this was their last night on earth.
His hand found the hem of her nightgown. It was pushed up around her midriff, and he trailed his finger under the elastic of her panties until he found the curve of her waist. Then he traced his way across the flat expanse of her stomach. She inhaled sharply and her eyes widened.
“Evidently, this isn’t a dream.” Her voice was softly hoarse in the darkness.
“Well, in some ways it is.” He smiled down at her, and brushed a strand of hair off her forehead. “Are you sure about this?”
She nodded, then kissed him lightly on the mouth.
“I wish I could offer you more. I wish I could promise you I’d stay and that we could have a life together here—” Shane kissed her collar bone. Then the dimple at the base of her neck. Then he found her lips. “I want you so badly, I can’t think of anything else. So, if right now is enough for you, then—”
“Shh...” She pressed her finger to his lips. “I know you can’t promise me anything long term, at least not here. But we have right now. So right now, just kiss me. Make love to me. Let’s worry about tomorrow...tomorrow. Because tonight, I’m really glad we’re here.”
He kissed her softly, then he slowly pushed up her nightgown and pulled it over her head. She was beautiful, all curves and smooth skin. He marveled as he cupped one of her breasts lightly. Dipping his head in reverence, his lips found her neck. He trailed kisses until his mouth closed over a nipple.
The sound of her sighed pleasure made him want her all the more.
He pulled away only so he could roll her over on to her back. He stretched out on top of her, gently nudging her legs apart with his knee. Through his clothes and the thin layer of her panties, he could feel how their bodies would join together perfectly—
But then he felt her stiffen. She bit her lip and looked at him like there was something she needed to say, but couldn’t find the words.
Had she changed her mind?
“What’s wrong?” he asked, smoothing his hands up her back.
She bit her bottom lip. “It’s been a long time since I’ve... I haven’t been with anyone since... So, I’m not on birth control.”
He bit back a curse. How could he have been so damn dense? He’d always been careful. He’d never had unprotected sex. It was a chance he wouldn’t take for so many different reasons. Yet, tonight he’d pushed toward this union without thinking things through. Mainly because he hadn’t been so presumptuous to think that he’d find himself in AJ’s bed.
“Well... Wow.” He pulled himself off of her, shifted back so he could looked at her. Maybe if they had some space, some room, they could cool off. “I don’t have anything, either.”
Damn.
Damn.
Damn damn damn damn. He cursed inwardly, because he wanted her so much it almost caused him physical pain. He hoped it didn’t show on his face as he stared into her beautiful, tormented blue eyes, hoping to find an answer.
She crossed her arms over her breasts and he realized he’d probably never seen her look so beautiful. That’s when he knew... Being here with her like this... Holding her, feeling the warmth of her against him was perfect.
“We don’t have to have sex tonight. We can do other things. I’ll pick up some condoms tomorrow.”
* * *
“Umm...well...no...actually, I have condoms.” She spat out the words before she lost her nerve. “My friends gave them to me as a...”
As a what? A joke? An incentive?
She was an adult. She didn’t need to justify the fact that she was in possession of a box of condoms. It simply meant she practiced safe sex.
Well, she would if she actually had sex. Like she was going to now. Okay, now she was blushing. “So, yes, I have condoms. They’re in the medicine cabinet in the bathroom. Will you go get them...please?”
He seemed uncertain at first. For a moment she thought he might say no. But then he moved closer and his lips softly brushed hers as he lifted himself off the bed.
When he returned, he took one out of the box and put it on the night stand before he settled in next to her. “I like your friends. They sure know how to give the perfect gift. Tell them I said thanks, okay?” He winked at her, and she reached up and ran her fingers over his jaw line.
She smiled. “So kiss me?”
He complied. They kissed her for a long time. Languid and unhurried kisses that had her convinced, once again, that maybe they were going to take things slow. Considering how that meant she’d still get to touch him, that might be okay. With one stipulation: she tugged at his T-shirt, which had already come untucked from the waistband of his jeans. She pushed it up and he helped her by drawing it over his head.
What had been hidden underneath was pretty close to perfection. She drank in the raw beauty of him, running both hands over his muscles. His biceps were well defined, and his shoulders were broad and ropy, making his torso appear to taper into a graceful V that disappeared beneath the waistband of his jeans. It made her wonder about other parts of him that were out of sight.
She inhaled sharply.
Pace yourself.
She steadied herself by allowing her hands to travel over his abs, memorizing his form and the feel of the muscles under her hands.
She was so caught up in the beauty and feel of him, of his skin on her skin, that she was a little startled when he slid her panties down and his hand glided over her hips, down to her thighs and dipped between them.
This was really going to happen. She was ready and hyper-aware of every breath, every kiss, every touch. When his hand found her centermost heat, she shivered with erotic ecstasy. She noticed that his whole body trembled, too. As his hips surged, searching for her innermost harbor, she welcomed him by opening her thighs so that their bodies could be even closer.
“Shane,” she whispered. “Oh...Shane...”
The rest of what she said was lost in his kiss. He touched her with such care, and seemed to instinctively know exactly what made her feel good.
She wanted to him to feel good, too. She needed to touch him, to give him even a fraction of the pleasure he was giving her. So she slid her hand between their bodies, reaching for his hips. But he grabbed her wrist and held her hand away from his arousal.
“Not yet.”
“Why not?”
“Just...not yet.” His rapt breathlessness stole her own breath. “When you touch me, you make me...crazy. And this...this time is for you.”
His lips reclaimed hers. He released her hand and found her hot center again. The more he touched her and kissed her, the more aroused they both became.
The way he touched her proved exactly how much he wanted her...but his hunger for her was never so evident as when he came up for air and devoured her with reverent, voracious eyes.
She couldn’t get enough of the way he touched her. As if he read her mind, his touch demanded more. Still gentle, but more forcefully, he drove into her with such intensity she fisted her hands in to his hair and gasped, arching against him. She was enraptured by him, by the pulsing heat that was growing and throbbing in her.
“Let yourself go,” he whispered in her ear, his voice a husky rasp. “Just let go, AJ.”
Maybe it was the heat of his voice in her ear, more likely it was the way he virtually made her levitate with his magic touch, but a moment later she went over the edge. He held her, until she rode out the wave.
She curled into his body and buried her face in his chest, needing to get as close to him as she could. He enfolded her in his arms and held her tight. She lost herself again in the fortress of his broad shoulders, the smoothness and warmth of his skin.
“How was that?” His voice was a hoarse and throaty rasp.
When she lifted her head and looked at him, his eyes searched her face.
“It was great. Really, fabulously great.”
He smiled. “And that was just the warm up.”
Snuggling into him, she could feel his erection pressing into her leg. “Well, then, I’m prepared to have my mind blown.”
The thought of his body—so sexy and tight—inside her was enough to make the heat glow in her again. She wanted him more now than before he’d first touched her.
She put a little space between them and unbuttoned his fly. Slowly, she unzipped it and together they got him out of his pants and his underwear. This first glimpse of all of him made her wet and ready. She reached out and brushed her fingertips over him. His body shuddered. He inhaled a sharp breath into his lungs, his head fell back slightly. She devoured his male glory, from his flat, muscled stomach...up farther to his biceps and his shoulders...to his throat and the shadowed, imperfect beauty of his face. She stroked him and learned every inch of him, committing it to memory, but he didn’t let her linger for long. He pulled away and she thought she would go over the edge again, as she watched him put the condom on the generous length of his maleness. After he was done, he made his way back to her body, and stretched out on top of her. He settled into the cradle of her hips. The knowledge of what was about to happen made her shudder with excitement. He entered her with a tender, unhurried push.
The heat that radiated from Shane seeped into her. His body was stiff as he gently inched forward, going so very slow and being so careful. As her body adjusted to welcome him, she joined him in a slow, rocking rhythm.
Pleasure began to rise and she angled her hips up to intensify the sensation. His bare skin against hers was a breathtaking pleasure that was almost too much to for her to handle.
She was so aware of him, of the two of them fused so close that it seemed they were joined body and soul.
Their union seemed so very right she cried out from the sheer pleasure of it. Shane let go of her hands, moaned and then buried his head in the curve of her neck.
She eased her palms down his back, wondering about his life, wondering about the time he’d spent in different parts of the world, wondering about the woman in Italy he was still so hung up on... Even though she only knew a few things about his life, she sensed she knew his heart very well.
The thought made her kiss him hard and fast, and then things got a little crazy as she wrapped her legs around his waist and dug her nails into his shoulders. He didn’t seem to mind how tightly she was clinging to him. So she held him in place by the shoulders and shifted under him. The way he groaned was so delicious that she arched beneath him again and drew him deeper inside.
* * *
At that moment, staring down into her clear eyes, his body joined with hers, Shane felt the mantle of his life shift. All of a sudden, without explanation, his world was different.
Oh, no, he thought. It wasn’t possible?
But it was. He was in love with her smile and her mind and the way she felt in his arms right now. It was the smoothness of her skin and the way she smelled and the way she gazed up at him with a look in her eyes that seemed to mirror his very own feelings. It was everything he knew about her and all the things he had yet to discover about her. And, yeah, though it made him a total caveman, but the fact that he was the first man in five years to make love to her nearly knocked him out.
“Shane?” Her eyes searched his face. “Are you...okay?”
“I am absolutely better than okay.” He kissed her deeply, pulling her to him so tightly that every inch of their bodies were fully joined. Then he gathered her in his arms and held her tight. He hadn’t particularly cared how close he’d felt to other women he’d been intimate with. But as he built up to the pace that would transport AJ and him to Nirvana, he wanted to see her face. He needed a one hundred percent connection. Not just body to body, but eye to eye and soul to soul.
It didn’t take long before their bond, coupled with the rhythmic motion of their bodies carried them over the edge. As he lay with her, sweaty and spent, he cradled her against him.
As he’d made love to her, three words had been racing around his head. Now they’d somehow found their way to the tip of his tongue.
Oh, man... Don’t do that, he thought. You’re caught up in the moment. Don’t say things you don’t mean.
The problem was, he did mean it. With all his soul.
Even so, him meaning it and following through with the implications of “I love you” were two very differe
nt things.
* * *
She looked up at him. “Are you okay?”
He wanted to tell her exactly how he felt, how she made him feel. Except when he opened his mouth all that came out was, “I couldn’t be better.”
Maybe it was the words that were bottled up inside, but something had his eyes stinging a little. He didn’t want her to think he was disappointed in her. That was so not the case. He was disappointed in himself, in the situation that put a barrier between them. So, instead of ruining the moment, he snuggled closer to her, and tried to live in the present. Not in the not-so-distant future when they would have to say goodbye.
Chapter Twelve
Shane parked his truck on the cobblestone circular driveway in front of Agnes Sherwood’s mansion. He slanted a glance at AJ, who was sitting beside him.
“Who all is going to be here tonight?” he asked.
“Just my grandmother and my mother. So, you’ll get to meet her.”
Earlier that day, Agnes had summoned AJ and him to dinner at her home that evening. Interesting that a woman who prided herself on being the poster child of propriety would issue a last-minute invite for which they’d made themselves available because it wasn’t so much an invitation as a summons.
“What’s your mom like?”
“We look a lot alike, actually. As far as her demeanor, she’s one of the sweetest women you’ll ever meet. She’s bent over backward trying to get back into Grandmother’s good graces. I think I told you that my grandmother basically disowned her when she married my father. Then, as she started having kids, my grandmother realized that by cutting her daughter out of her life, she was also cutting out her grandkids. So my grandmother opened the lines of communication...slightly. But it wasn’t until after my father died that Grandmother played the martyr and really allowed the lines of communication to reopen. But it was strictly on Grandmother’s terms. That’s how it’s always been. It was totally ridiculous, because my mother could’ve had the upper hand with my grandmother because she controlled when she got to see the grandkids. But in my mother’s eyes, it would’ve been punishing us to keep us from our grandmother.” AJ shook her head. “As far as I’m concerned, nobody has any business dictating anyone’s life. As you can see, my mother does not hold the same opinion. My grandmother pushes her around all the time. For example, when I was fourteen and it came time to ship me off to Le Claire, my mom practically packed my bags for me because she knew my studying at Le Claire was exactly what my grandmother wanted. And, of course, since Grandmother footed the bill, whatever Grandmother wanted, Grandmother got. She still does for the most part. I’m her biggest disappointment because I’m the nonconformist of the family. All my sisters went to an Ivy League school because our grandmother had the power to get us in. But I opted out and chose culinary school. Big disappointment.”
Texas Wedding Page 13
