by Linda Bridey
“Hey, are you all right?” he asked when he saw the scowl on her face.
“I’m fine. You can thank me again,” she said and continued on her way.
Marcus looked after her and then at the barn. His laughter rang out as he caught her meaning.
*****
That night, Tessa decided that they were going to have it out finally.
“Dean, we need to talk. No, don’t touch me!” she said when he moved toward her. “I’m completely serious and I am not going to let you distract me with sex.”
Dean laughed. “I think that’s the first time I’ve heard you use that word.”
“That’s not important right now! We need to talk about our disagreements. I’m still upset with you and you’re still upset with me,” Tessa said.
“I am?” Dean asked. “I’m still mad at you? I don’t think so.”
“You’re not?” Tessa asked.
“No. I thought we made up?” Dean said.
“No, we didn’t,” Tessa said.
Dean grinned. “It sure felt like we did. Several times, as a matter of fact.”
Tessa closed her eyes and groaned. “I know, but that wasn’t my intention.”
“What was your intention?”
“To get you to listen to me so we could work things out,” Tessa said.
“I listened all right,” Dean said. “You talked, I listened.”
Tessa’s anger was piqued by his humorous remarks. “No, you didn’t. We made love. That’s not listening.”
Dean sighed and sat down on the bed and gave her his attention. He could tell that she wasn’t kidding around. “Ok. I’m listening now.”
“I need you to really hear me, Dean,” Tessa almost pleaded.
“Ok. Go ahead.”
“You don’t seem to understand why I’ve been angry about this whole letter business,” Tessa said.
Dean’s face fell. “You’ve gotta be kidding me, Tessa. I thought all was forgiven and forgotten.”
“No! That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you but you keep distracting me. You don’t understand why what you did was wrong,” Tessa said.
“I’m gonna sleep on the floor again tonight, aren’t I?” he asked.
“You’re not listening to me,” Tessa said. “Please listen to me.”
“I’m listening and I’m not believing what I’m hearing. Do you want to fight? Do you want me to still be mad at you for not tellin’ your folks about me? Because I can get mad about it again, if you like. In fact, I’ll save us both some time and just go sleep in the barn right now,” Dean said.
“No! Don’t go. Can’t you see that this is important to me? Why do you think I want to talk about it?” Tessa said frantically as Dean started dressing. “Take your pants off!”
Dean stilled. “Tessa, there’s only one reason I’m gonna take them off and I don’t think we have the same idea about that at the moment.”
Tessa had to work hard not to scream. Through clenched teeth, she said, “Why is it so hard for you to do one simple thing for me?” Tears of anger and disappointment gathered in her eyes. “I don’t ask you for much, Dean. Please.”
Dean saw that her eyes were overly bright and cursed under his breath. “Ok. Fine. I told you the other night that I know I was wrong and that I was sorry, but that wasn’t good enough for you, I guess. Do you want me to say it again, because I will if that’s what you need?”
“I’m telling you what I need, but you won’t hear me,” Tessa said.
“I’m confused, Tessa. I really don’t know what’s going on here,” Dean said.
“I was trying to get you in a good mood last night,” Tessa said.
Dean said, “Well, it worked.”
“Yes, but we didn’t talk about what I wanted to discuss. Can we please talk now?” Tessa said.
“All right.”
Tessa could see by his mutinous expression that he really wasn’t willing to talk. “Never mind, Dean. Go to the barn or wherever you want to go. I’m going to sleep.”
“What? I thought we were going to talk.”
“No. It’s not important. Goodnight, Dean,” Tessa said and got into the bed. She lay down facing away from him.
Stunned, Dean stared down at her for long moments. Rising from the bed, he put on his shirt and left their room.
*****
“What the heck did you do?” Marcus asked as he came into the kitchen the next morning. “He’s worse than ever!”
Tessa sent Marcus a scathing look. “It is not my responsibility to keep him in a good mood. I need more than…that. He will not listen to me and he thinks I shouldn’t still be upset. Just because you make love it doesn’t mean that issues have been resolved.”
Marcus sighed and sat down at the table as she cooked. “Is this about the letters?”
Tessa said, “Yes, but it’s more than that. It’s about him not really listening to me. He thinks that I enjoy fighting or something like that. I’m getting myself confused.”
“I get what you’re saying. Dean is stubborn and listening isn’t always his strong suit,” Marcus said. “I could hog tie him for you and then he’d have to listen to you.”
Tessa smiled. “Although that offer is tempting, I’ll pass on it.”
“Ok, but if you change your mind, let me know,” Marcus said. “That smells good.”
Tessa said, “Go ahead and get your breakfast, Marcus. Where is my husband?”
“Over in the other barn. He’s curing hay,” Marcus said.
She nodded and took off her apron. Marcus watched her go out the door.
*****
Dean saw her coming and he almost groaned at the furious expression on Tessa’s face. Now what? he thought.
“I want you to listen and I mean listen, Dean,” she said. Her blue eyes flashed fire and there was a stubborn set to her jaw.
“Ok. I’m listening,” Dean said.
“You need to stop being nasty or bad-tempered with others because we are having a disagreement. It’s not fair to them and I’m tired of being told that I should keep making love with you so that you will stay in a good mood,” she said. “So do not take your frustrations out on others. Do you hear me?”
Shock kept Dean silent for a moment before he said, “Who said that to you?”
“That’s not important. You need to change your attitude, Dean. It’s not right to make others miserable because you are. Stop it right now,” Tessa told him. She whirled around and walked angrily away.
Chapter Eighteen
Seth watched Dean walk back and forth across the main barn floor. His brother was highly agitated and seemed to be growing more so with every passing minute.
“Dean,” Seth said softly.
“What?”
“You wanna talk about it?” Seth asked.
Dean let out a sarcastic laugh. “Talk? Why does everyone have to talk about everything? I thought we did talk about it. I thought everything was fine. Then, all of a sudden, it’s not again. I have no clue what’s going on. All I know is that I keep sleeping in the barn because I can’t sleep in our bed because I can’t sleep while she’s so close and mad at me or I’m mad at her.” His groan of frustration was loud in the barn.
Seth watched a couple of the horses’ ears flick back and forth at the sudden sound.
“Dean, quit scaring the horses and just tell me exactly what’s goin’ on,” Seth said and leaned against a wall.
Looking at Seth, Dean said, “She’s still wound up about those letters. Can you believe that? I thought it was done and over.”
Seth frowned. “What made you think that?”
“Because we made up,” Dean said.
“So you talked about it?”
“Sort of.”
Seth asked, “What does that mean?”
Dean resumed his pace and said, “We, you know. Made up in bed.”
Seth sputtered with laughter, which drew an annoyed look from his brother.
“I’m sorr
y, Dean, but it always cracks me up that you’re so shy about this subject,” Seth said. He cleared his throat and forced himself to be serious. “Ok, so you thought because you, ‘made up in bed’, as you put it, that it meant that the argument was over?”
“Yeah. I thought she forgave me and I forgave her,” Dean said as he came to stop in front of Seth.
Seth let out a sigh. “Dean, sit down here and listen to me,” he said as he indicated a couple of hay bales.
Once they were seated, Seth said, “Dean, I want you to think about something, ok?”
“Ok.”
“Are you really over bein’ mad that Tessa didn’t tell her family about gettin’ married?” Seth asked. “Think about it carefully.”
Dean didn’t want to think about it. Like with everything else, Dean just wanted to forget it and go on. “What good does it do to keep going over it? I’d like to just move on from it.”
“That’s not what I asked you, Dean. This is why she’s still mad. You don’t want to talk about stuff. I’m not sayin’ that I’m the chattiest guy, but I’m not afraid to face what I’m feeling,” Seth said. “You are. When Ma and Pa passed away, you wouldn’t talk about it. I’ve yet to really hear you talk about it and you don’t talk about them very much at all. It was the same way with Sarah and the baby. When you keep buryin’ stuff, it’s got a way to come back on you later, Dean.”
Dean wanted to hit something. “You wanna talk about Ma and Pa? Ok, let’s do that. I was here with Marcus when both of them died. I had to arrange the funerals and take care of Marcus while you were on drives. I had a wife and we had Sadie at the time. The ranch wasn’t gonna run itself, Seth. I didn’t have time to sit around wallowing in grief. There was work that needed done so that I could keep us fed and everything else.”
“Again, when I lost Sarah and the baby, I was alone. You know that if Lydia and Charlie hadn’t been here to keep me sane, I might have−. You know what I’m saying. I had another funeral to arrange and I had to watch them put my wife and child in the ground. I had two little kids to comfort and take care of, Seth. I lost the woman I loved and I had to face the fact that she was never coming back! And the ranch. It’s always here, always needs attention, and I don’t have the luxury of constantly whining about crap that I can’t change. So you’ll have to forgive me if I don’t talk about things like that because the fact is that I can’t handle it!”
Seth had never seen Dean so worked up before. “I’ve always felt guilty that I wasn’t here, Dean, but I was tryin’ to keep our business going, too. It was just in a different way. Pa couldn’t do the drives anymore, so it was up to me. I’m sorry, Dean.”
Dean nodded. “And now, I’ve got this woman who I love who is mad at me and she wants to talk. Sarah never had to talk all the time.”
“Tessa isn’t Sarah, Dean. There’s partly where you’re making a mistake. She’s her own woman and has different ideas about things. You’re expecting her to act a certain way because that’s what you were used to with Sarah. I loved Sarah. You know that. But she was very sweet natured and didn’t rock the boat. Tessa’s not like that. She speaks her mind and she’s not a pushover,” Seth said.
Dean half-smiled. “Yeah, she sure does. I think it’s one of the things I love most about her. She’s not boring, that’s for sure. Ok. You asked me if I was really over her not tellin’ her folks about me.” He blew out a breath as he looked at it honestly. “No. I’m not.”
“Then why say you are?” Seth said.
Quietly, Dean said, “Because it’s easier than dealing with it.”
“Exactly. Tessa’s not going to let you get away with that, Dean. She needs and deserves more than sex from you. Sex is not gonna fix what’s wrong. You gotta dig deep here and face the real issues or you’re gonna lose her,” Seth said. “Don’t let that happen, Dean.”
*****
Marcus whistled as he poured some coffee, put a splash of brandy in it, and walked out onto his porch. He spent a lot of time out there because he loved being close to nature and the view was always pretty. Sitting down in his favorite chair, Marcus took a sip of his coffee and thought about what he wanted to do more, read or whittle.
He did neither because he heard hoof beats on the lane and he wondered who it was this time of night. Marcus was used to late night visitors because he didn’t require much sleep and was usually up when other people were sleeping. It was still fairly early, however. Geoff and Tessa rode into the light thrown by his lanterns.
Marcus gave them a big smile. “Hey, you two. This is a nice surprise.”
“Papa wanted to see your house and I wanted to pick out a book to borrow, if that would be all right?” Tessa said as she dropped Zip’s reins. She’d finally gotten on to ground tying a horse.
Geoff followed suit.
“Well, there’s not much to see, but you’re more than welcome, Geoff. I’m sure you’ll find something to borrow, Tessa,” Marcus said as he rose from his chair.
Geoff climbed the three porch steps and looked at all of the curls of wood on the floor. Three chairs sat across the porch that ran the length of the house. A small table sat by one of the chairs and Geoff saw whittling tools and knives sitting on it along with a lantern. A small stack of books sat by the porch railing.
Marcus saw him looking around and said, “My porch might as well be another room. I’m out here most evenings.”
“It’s nice,” Geoff said. “It seems like it would be very relaxing after a hard day of work.”
Marcus nodded. “It is. Well, c’mon in and I’ll show you around.”
Tessa had already gone inside. Geoff followed Marcus into the small house and found himself standing in a small kitchen.
Smiling, Marcus said, “Welcome to my chaos.”
Geoff laughed because that was exactly what Marcus’ house looked like. He was astounded at the number of books in the small space. Tessa crouched in front of a bookcase in the parlor, searching through titles. As he looked at some of the books, Geoff saw that Marcus had very eclectic tastes. The books were not arranged in any particular order or even by subject. Fiction and nonfiction were jammed together.
“Marcus, you have quite an impressive collection,” Geoff said as he looked at the younger man.
“Thanks. Our pa was an educated man and I guess I followed in his footsteps that way. We don’t have a school so I read whatever I can. As you can see, I’m sort of a packrat when it comes to my books. Even if I’m not going to read a book again right away, I hang onto it. You never know when it’ll come in handy, especially when people around here want something to read,” Marcus responded.
“Yes, I appreciate the one you loaned me,” Geoff said. “I’m enjoying it very much.”
“Good. I thought you might. Would either of you like some coffee?” Marcus moved toward the kitchen.
“I would love some,” Geoff replied.
“Yes, Marcus. That would be nice,” Tessa said.
Marcus said, “Do you want a little kick to it or just boring old coffee?”
Geoff laughed. “A man after my own heart. Please add a kick.”
“None for me,” Tessa said.
“As you wish,” Marcus said in a lofty manner.
Geoff found Marcus very amusing. “Are you always like this?”
“Guilty, sir,” Marcus said as he carried their coffees out onto the porch.
They joined him and sat down. Tessa took a sip of coffee and made a face. She switched cups with her father while the men laughed at her.
After swallowing, she said, “I think there is more brandy in that than coffee.”
“Good. Just the way I like it,” Geoff said.
Marcus picked up a new piece of wood and turned it around a few times while he made a thoughtful face. Geoff watched as he smiled and started carving. Marcus’ hands were strong and his movements sure as he began shaving of large pieces of the wood as he rounded off the corners.
“What are you making?” Geoff aske
d.
“I think it’s going to be a wolf. Speaking of dogs, I wonder where Roscoe got to. Maybe he has a lady friend,” Marcus said with grin.
“Perhaps he does,” Geoff said. “How do you know what it’s going to be?”
“Well, I just sort of see it in my head. Each piece of wood has its own spirit, so to speak, and it tells me what it will be,” Marcus said.
Geoff thought that was very unusual. “So what you’re saying is that the wood tells you what it wants to be?”
“Yeah, that about sums it up,” Marcus said.
Geoff took a long sip of his coffee and enjoyed the brandy laden drink. “Mmm. That hits the spot.”
Marcus smiled. “I thought you might like that.”
Tessa enjoyed listening to her father and Marcus talk. While her father was getting to know him, Tessa was also gleaning more information about her brother-in-law.
“Who taught you how to whittle?” Geoff asked as he looked out into the night.
Marcus’ hands stopped working for a few moments before starting up again. “Ma. She was always working with wood of some sort. She said it relaxed her when she was upset or nervous.”
“Your mother? I don’t think I’ve ever heard of a woman doing woodworking,” Geoff said.
Marcus' throat became clogged with tears as he thought of his mother. His voice was thick as he replied, “Ma was an extraordinary woman who was strong and kind. Woodworking wasn’t the only talent she had.”
“I’m sure not,” Geoff said as he frowned with concern. “I didn’t mean to upset you, Marcus.”
“Don’t think anything of it,” he said. “As closed up as Dean is about his feelings, I’m the exact opposite. I don’t hide my feelings very well and, frankly, I don’t care to. Well, sometimes, anyway.”
“Where does Seth fall in that category?” Geoff asked.
Marcus brushed away a tear and said, “Somewhere in the middle, I guess. Seth isn’t as touchy about stuff like Dean and he doesn’t get misty-eyed at the mention of our mother.”
Geoff cleared his throat and said, “I, um, noticed that Dean is rather a strict task master.”
