Sarah had gone to London to see Greg and sort out her contract. They were hoping to go to Italy where British troops were making progress towards an end to the fighting. Everyone wanted to hear Sally Charles sing and Sarah was in her element entertaining the troops. She’d told Louise that it had been the most fulfilling time of her career and she couldn’t wait to get back to it. Perhaps I could go with her, she thought. No, it was a foolish thought. She belonged in Holton. It seemed she was destined to stay in her home town. At least here she might catch a glimpse of Andrew now and then. He’d called her a friend and that was better than nothing. She was still a married woman after all, and even if he did care for her, Andrew was far too honourable a man to do anything about it.
But I don’t want just friendship, she cried silently.
She stood up abruptly. She had to get out of the house. It was very windy and black clouds were massing to the west but she didn’t even think of putting on a coat or taking an umbrella.
She strode along the esplanade, the wind at her back whipping her hair over her face. There was no one about and she quickened her pace, relishing the solitude and the wild weather. Determined not to dwell on recent happenings, she recalled the walks with Sarah and her father. What fun they’d had picking up shells and stones and strangely shaped pieces of driftwood. In earlier days Louise had kept the prettiest pieces to arrange on her windowsill. They’d all been thrown away when Dora came on the scene. She didn’t like her home cluttered with bits of rubbish.
Louise would still enjoy beachcombing if it weren’t for the barbed wire barriers preventing access to the beach. Still, it was good to be out in the fresh air, striding along as she used to do, feeling fit for the first time in ages. And free. She hadn’t fully realized until now how restricted her life had been, chained first to Dora’s wants and needs, then to James and his controlling behaviour. How had she let this happen to her? Was she so weak that anyone could manipulate her?
She shook her wind-blown hair back from her face impatiently. Surely having a sense of duty, of what was the right thing to do, wasn’t weak, she thought. James had called her a doormat, but she didn’t think she was. Hadn’t she tried to stand up to him? She’d have succeeded too if it hadn’t been for the drugs.
Forget all that now, she told herself. Start living for today, not in the past. As she walked, she began to make plans. Hard as it would be to leave the family home, the house her great grandfather had built, she couldn’t let sentiment stand in the way of being sensible. Besides, the past few unhappy years had completely wiped out the memories of happier days and Steyne House wasn’t practical for someone living alone anyway. She smiled at the thought of James’s reaction when he heard she was selling after all.
The wind had grown stronger and she was about to turn back when a squall of rain pelted her with large cold drops. By the time she reached the nearest seafront shelter, she was soaked. Before the war the wooden shelters had been well maintained, repainted every year in time for the holiday makers. Now the paint was peeling and several of the glass panes were broken.
The wind whistled through the gaps and drops of rain trickled down Louise’s neck. Shivering, she huddled into a corner, hoping the rain wouldn’t last.
She didn’t hear the man approach and jumped when he spoke.
‘Andrew,’ she gasped.
‘I called out but you didn’t hear me.’ He took his coat off, draping it round her shoulders, and sat down beside her.
‘Thank you,’ she whispered, hardly daring to look at him. Could he hear the thunder of her heart? Did he realize she wasn’t just shivering from the cold?
When he put his arm round her she tried to pull away but he drew her closer. ‘Louise, I know this probably isn’t the right time, but you must know that I….’ He moved away from her. ‘I shouldn’t, you’re still married, but – I can’t go back to London without knowing….’
She looked up at him, tears trembling on her lashes. ‘Knowing what, Andrew? That I love you?’ She smiled. ‘Oh, Andrew, if you only knew how hard I’ve tried to hide it, to pretend to myself that I didn’t care.’
‘I could understand that after you married but – before?’
‘From the moment I first met you,’ she said. ‘But you went back to London and I didn’t hear from you. Your uncle said you had all the nurses after you.’ She gave a small laugh. ‘I didn’t think I could compete. And when you came back to Holton again, you were so cool towards me.’
‘Oh, yes – that church social.’ Andrew’s lips twisted in a bitter smile. ‘You seemed to be having such a good time and James was so possessive of you. Your stepmother told me you were about to become engaged. That’s why I backed off.’
‘I was only happy because you were there….’ Louise’s voice broke.
Andrew put his arms round her and she nestled against him. He sighed. ‘So much time wasted. If only I’d spoken before. But I was so afraid of rejection. I’d just been jilted you see and I was reluctant to risk being hurt again.’
‘Did you love her?’ Louise had to ask.
‘I thought so at the time. Later I realized it was for the best. She wasn’t the person I thought she was. Her father was a Harley Street consultant and she thought my ambition matched his. She didn’t relish the thought of being married to an impoverished doctor working the back streets of London. When I made it clear I wasn’t going to change my mind she….’ He shrugged and smiled down at her. ‘Seems like we’ve both made mistakes,’ he said.
Louise nodded. Her mistake was greater than his, she thought. She’d actually married the wrong man. Was it too late for them?
Andrew echoed her thought. ‘Can we put those mistakes right?’ he asked.
‘I hope so.’ But she wasn’t so sure and she moved away from him. A doctor marrying a divorced woman would cause a scandal and having an affair while still married would be even worse.
‘I know what you’re thinking,’ he said. ‘But I don’t care. I love you and I want to be with you.’ He drew her towards him and kissed her, gently at first, then with mounting passion. She melted into him, her hands in his hair, murmuring his name between ever more ardent kisses.
The rain still pelted down and thunder rumbled overhead. The wind rattled the broken glass. But neither of them noticed.
At last Andrew released her and she reluctantly moved away, laughing a little. ‘You don’t know how long I’ve waited for that,’ she said breathlessly.
‘Me too, and not just kisses either.’ His blue eyes sparkled.
Louise blushed a little but she smiled and said, ‘I can’t wait.’
He frowned. ‘Louise, my love, we can’t – not yet. I couldn’t bear it if you were involved in a scandal. There’ll be gossip enough as it is when James comes to trial. We mustn’t see each other until everything’s settled. You should have no trouble getting a divorce after what James did.’
‘But Andrew, that could take months,’ Louise cried.
‘We’ve waited this long, we can wait a bit longer. I want everything to be right for us. Besides, we’ve got our whole lives ahead of us.’
‘You’re right of course. I don’t care about myself but you have your career to think of.’ She smiled as a thought crossed her mind. ‘But we can still see each other – you are a doctor after all, and I have been ill.’
He laughed and pulled her to him one more. ‘I don’t think that would be wise. I’m not sure I could trust myself to behave as a doctor should.’
‘You’re probably right,’ she said, laughing.
‘Just one more kiss and then you must go home. I don’t want you getting another chill.’
The kiss lasted a little longer than perhaps it should, but eventually Andrew pulled away and took Louise’s hand. Reluctantly she stood up and they walked out of the shelter onto the esplanade. The storm had passed and to the east a rainbow arced over the sand dunes. Bright sunlight reflected in the puddles and whitecaps danced on the sea as, hand in hand, they
walked back along the esplanade.
Epilogue
1946
A small crowd had gathered at the entrance to the former Steyne House to watch Sarah cut the ribbon and declare the Charlton House Convalescent Home open. Louise and Andrew stood beside her, their eyes shining with pride.
Introducing her, the mayor said how proud they were of their famous former resident and the work she’d done raising money for the home. ‘Doctor and Mrs Tate, too, have played their part in getting this project off the ground – Mrs Tate by making over her lovely house to the Trust and Dr Tate by freely giving of his services.’
There was a burst of applause and a few cheers, loudest of all from the thirteen-year-old boy, standing tall and proud beside them.
Andrew’s hand rested on the boy’s shoulder and he gave it a squeeze. Alfie looked up at him, grinning. ‘When they gonna serve the grub, Doc?’ he asked.
Louise shushed him but she was finding it hard to suppress her laughter. How different he was from the peaky little boy she’d first seen huddled in his wheelchair. And how fortunate that they’d been able to take him in after his father had been killed in the D-Day landings. When the adoption was complete, Alfie would truly be their son.
She looked down at her swelling stomach. Soon there’d be a brother or sister for Alfie. She caught Sarah’s eye and smiled. Her sister too was now married and had a child on the way. She and Greg were still touring, though – nothing could stop Sarah from singing. But they would return often to Holton. The children would grow up together.
We’ll be a proper family, Louise thought, reaching for Andrew’s hand and smiling up at him.
By the Same Author
Abigail’s Secret
No Sin To Love
On Wings of Song
Threads of Silk
Copyright
© Roberta Grieve 2011
First published in Great Britain 2011
This edition 2013
ISBN 978 0 7198 1088 6 (epub)
ISBN 978 0 7198 1089 3 (mobi)
ISBN 978 0 7198 1090 9 (pdf)
ISBN 978 0 7090 9236 0 (print)
Robert Hale Limited
Clerkenwell House
Clerkenwell Green
London EC1R 0HT
www.halebooks.com
The right of Roberta Grieve to be identified as author of this work has been asserted by her in accordance with the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988
Love or Duty Page 28
