“Ah, right.”
Another awkward pause, and then Paige spoke again. “Well, we better get our shopping done. We’re cooking in tonight. Enjoy dinner with your sister.”
“I will. See you later.” Wyatt forced himself to nod at Paige and then Gavin and head for the checkout. There was no way he could he go in search of wine at the moment. Joselyn was going to have to settle for flowers.
»»•««
“We’re cooking in tonight?” Gavin asked thirty minutes later as he perched on one of Paige’s barstools at the island that attached her boring off-white kitchen to her dull off-white living room. He lifted his soda to his lips, took a long drink, and then smiled. “I can’t wait to hear the details of this story.”
Paige cringed. She had hoped he might drop the subject since he hadn’t said a single word while they were shopping. No such luck apparently.
“Paige.” He hesitated. “Is this Wyatt guy the reason you were so flustered the other day?”
She lifted several items out of the grocery sack and piled them on the counter. “What? No. Of course not.”
Silence. Deafening long silence at her back, and then, “Paige. Look at me.”
She opened the fridge and stuffed several things inside before turning around, not meeting his gaze. He knew her too well. Far too well. Better than anyone else alive.
“How long have we been friends?” he asked.
She cocked her head to one side and shot him a glare. The rhetorical question was not necessary.
“Whoever Wyatt is, he already knew me. So, I’m going to bet you met him the other day, he got you flustered, and you told him you had a boyfriend.”
“Yep. And that’s all there is to it. So, can this line of questioning be over?”
Gavin shook his head. “Not a chance. Where did you meet him?”
“My parents’ house.”
“Is he…”
She flinched. “Yes. He’s a shifter,” she muttered.
“So, you’re attracted to him.”
She shook her head but spoke the truth. “Who wouldn’t be?”
Gavin chuckled. “Okay. I’m going to give you that one. Even I’m attracted to him.”
She finally met his gaze. “I don’t think he’s your type.”
“Is he your type, though?”
She shrugged. “Doesn’t matter. I’ll never know.”
Gavin sighed loudly. “Honey, you’re twenty-four years old. It might be time for you to let go of the past and come out of your shell a bit. If you like him, why not give him a chance? He seemed nice. Huge. But nice. I mean really huge but nice.”
She narrowed her gaze. “I get the picture. But I’m still not interested.”
“Paige—”
She stopped him. “Gavin, don’t go there. You want me to come out of my shell? Fine, you go first.”
He flinched, as she knew he would.
“You come out, and then I’ll come out. How does Thursday work for you?”
He pursed his lips.
“I thought so. We have a deal. I’m not interested in breaking it. Are you?”
He slowly shook his head. His shoulders fell. “I just don’t think it’s equal anymore. It hurts me to see you lonely and in pain. You don’t go out. You don’t date. You don’t even have friends.”
“I have you.” She forced a grin. “I go out with you. We date…sort of.”
He rolled his eyes and leaned closer. “Trust me, hon. This arrangement works fantastically for me. If I could go my entire life without my parents learning I’m gay, I totally would. If I could marry you and keep a boyfriend on the side for the next eighty years without anyone suspecting, my life would be perfect. But none of that is fair to you.”
She crossed her arms, holding herself together by a thread that seemed to be unraveling. “You don’t get to decide what’s right for me. I do. And my opinion on this subject hasn’t changed. I have no interest whatsoever in dating anyone, human or otherwise. Men are pigs, present company excepted. I like things the way they are. It makes your parents happy that we’re together. No one questions us.”
“It doesn’t make your parents happy,” he pointed out.
“My parents love you.”
“Your parents want you to find a nice shifter and settle down.”
She waved a hand through the air. “They’ll get over themselves. Eventually.”
“Would you actually go so far as to marry me to cover up your distaste for men and help keep me in the closet?” His question was serious. It had been a long time since they last addressed their mutually beneficial arrangement. It worked for them. Most of the time. They enjoyed each other’s company. Gavin was her best friend. Her only close friend.
“Yes,” she responded without hesitation. “I absolutely would, if I thought it was the right thing for you. But I don’t. You’re going to want to come out one day. And I’m not going to hold you back. What about Reese? Surely he can only take so much more of this.”
“We broke up.”
She jumped in her spot, dropping her arms from around her and setting her palms on the island. “What?” The word came out on a squeak. “When? Why? I thought you two were getting serious.”
Gavin blew out a slow breath. “He couldn’t take the secrecy anymore.”
Paige slowly closed her eyes and forced deep breaths. Finally, she managed to speak again in a relatively calm voice. “This is what I’m talking about. You let a perfectly good relationship go in the shitter in order to remain hidden from the world.”
“Yep. And may I point out that you just let a really nice man walk away from you in order to remain hidden from yourself.”
She shook her head vehemently. “Not the same thing. And this isn’t about me. It’s about you. I’m worried about you.”
He leaned closer until they were eye to eye, only inches separating them. “It’s exactly the same thing. And it’s about both of us. I’m far more worried about you than I am about me. At least I know who I am inside. I may not be prepared to let the world know, but I can admit it to myself. I have relationships, albeit usually short ones, but I have them.
“What do you have? You’ve never dated a single man even once in your life. You keep yourself so closed off from the rest of the world it’s a wonder you don’t implode. You need counseling. You’ve needed it for ten years. I never should have agreed to this farce in the first place. I was young. Naïve. A kid. But in hindsight, I should have run and told your mother what happened to you that day.”
Her face heated with frustration. Anger closer to the surface. “Don’t even go there, Gavin. You’ve needed counseling longer than me. Should I have run to your mother and told her you were gay?”
His voice rose. “You think those two things are equal? You think if you had gone to a counselor to learn to cope with the effects of rape so that you could later have a normal relationship with a man is the same thing as me being sent away to some religious camp for the summer to pray the gay away? Huh?” His voice got even higher. “You know what they do at those camps? You know what conversion therapy is, Paige? Do you?”
She jerked back a few inches. “Yes,” she whispered. “I do. You know I do.”
He calmed marginally in front of her, sitting back. “Then don’t try to compare our experiences. I’m gay, Paige. I’ll never not be gay. I know it. I accept it. I work hard to live in a society that doesn’t readily accept me for who I am. And I’ll never be able to thank you enough for everything you’ve done for me in my life to help me cover it up. You’ve lied for me. You’ve spent two years pretending to be my girlfriend. You’re the best friend I’ll ever have.
“But, honey, you were raped. Violently. I was there. I’m not a psychiatrist. I can’t fix that for you. I can’t take away the pain you live with every day. There are people who could help you, Paige.”
She swallowed to keep from crying. “See, it’s essentially the same thing. You can’t be someone who isn’t gay no matter
what therapy you get. And I can’t be someone who wasn’t raped. It will always be with me no matter what I do. And I handle it fine. I have a great life. I have wonderful parents, a great friend, and an awesome career ahead of me. So much to look forward to. Not everyone has to fit into a perfect mold. My mold will always look a little different from others. I’m okay with that.”
Gavin bit his lower lip, probably to keep from arguing further.
“You want to change our arrangement? We can do it anytime you want. I’ll be fine on my own. Promise. If you care about Reese, don’t let him go. Not for me. If you’re doing it for you, fine. But not for me.”
“Reese is gone.”
She nodded. “Okay.” No sense arguing with Gavin any longer about Reese. It wasn’t the first time Gavin had broken up with a great guy because he wasn’t willing to come out, and it wouldn’t be the last. “I love you.”
“I love you too, honey.”
She pasted on a smile. “Then let’s make some dinner so at least I won’t be a total liar today.”
Gavin chuckled. “Sounds like a plan.”
Chapter Four
Three months later…
“Paige? What are you doing?”
She heard Gavin’s voice, but she didn’t lift her head. She had no idea how long she’d been sitting at the kitchen table staring at the piece of paper clutched in her hand. She hadn’t even heard him come into her apartment.
“Paige?” His voice was filled with concern as he slid into the chair next to her. “What is it?” He took the paper gently from her hand, sliding it between her fingers.
She continued to stare at nothing, wondering how the hell she’d gotten so unlucky.
“Is this your assignment for your summer internship?”
She nodded slowly.
“It’s perfect, and it’s close by. Why do you look like someone died?”
She lifted her gaze to his.
“Jesus, Paige, you’re white.”
“Yeah, that’s Silvertip, Gavin. I can’t go to Silvertip.”
“Why not? You’ve always wanted to study in the mountains. Banff National Park is perfect.” He scanned the paper closely. “Sounds like the citizens of Silvertip are statistically in better health than other places. They live longer. They’re taller. Interesting data. I’m confused. You love this sort of shit. It’s what urban anthropology is all about.”
She swallowed the lump in her throat. “They live longer and stay healthier and grow bigger because they’re shifters, Gavin. Grizzly shifters.”
“Oh.” He smiled. “Cool. You never told me that. I didn’t realize there were communities of your people. You mean like all of the citizens of Silvertip are bears?”
“Not all. Most.”
“And your professor doesn’t know that, does he? I mean, he’s just interested in figuring out what those people eat or if their water is cleaner or if they have better air, a less stressful lifestyle, something like that.” He giggled. Giggled. “I love it.”
“I don’t love it.”
“Why the hell not?”
“First of all, the last thing I want to do is spend the summer surrounded by shifters. It gives me the creeps. And I’ll be the laughing stock of the community when they find out the farce of a job I’m there to do. But more importantly, remember that guy I met a few months ago at my parents’ house?”
“Wyatt something or other. Yeah. Does he live there?”
“Yes. His entire pack lives there. They own one of the two microbreweries.”
“Pack? You call them a pack? What does that consist of?”
She took a deep breath. She had deliberately never told Gavin much about shifters. The less he knew, the better. It wasn’t against Arcadian Law for humans to know, but it was frowned upon. Especially intentionally telling someone. In Gavin’s case, the blame lay with her attacker. Neither Paige nor anyone in her family ever would have told him. But he’d seen her attacker transition to grizzly form because the asshole either didn’t pay attention to his surroundings before he transformed, or he didn’t care.
She took a deep breath and blew it out. “A pack is an extended family. Blood relatives and anyone the family takes in. Some are tight. Often they live near each other. In the case of Silvertip, two main packs are living near each other—the Arthurs and the Tarbens. They’ve historically been in a feud, though I’ve heard they’re making amends. Each of those two packs owns a microbrewery in town.”
“That’s cool. Does your family belong to a pack?”
She nodded. “Yes. But it’s much smaller and more spread out. We aren’t as close as others. It’s harder when people live in the city. We can’t shift as often for fear of detection. We have a tendency to live more in tune with our human side.”
“Do you have like an alpha?”
She smiled. “Yeah. Each pack has a leader. My pack is spread out to the north of here. The Hart pack. We’re comprised of many different families.”
“I see.” He glanced at the paper again. “Did you ask your professor if you could switch with someone?”
“Yeah. He said no. He wants me to take this internship, and he was kind of confused by my request. I didn’t have a good reason to explain myself.”
“So, you have to go.”
“Looks like it.” She bit her lower lip, closing her eyes. She wondered how in the hell she could do this. Three months in Silvertip, Alberta. Three months surrounded by shifters for the first time in her life. She knew how potent their pheromones could be. Especially Wyatt Arthur’s. She’d only been near the man three times, and he’d almost brought her to her knees.
In the three months since she’d last seen him, she’d never gotten him out of her mind. She dreamed of him, awake and asleep. No matter how hard she tried to concentrate on anything else, he was always there in the forefront of her mind.
Had he thought of her too?
Did he wake up in a sweat most nights from a dream that wouldn’t let go?
Paige had never been an overly sexual person. She didn’t like the idea of being touched. It gave her the creeps just thinking about having a man between her legs. Even though her rational mind told her that sex with the right person was nothing like what she’d experienced with that rapist monster her freshman year of high school, she couldn’t shake the images.
He’d ruined her for other men.
She squeezed her eyes shut, trying to fight back the memories. His hands grabbing at her no matter how many times she told him to stop. He’d left bruises on her breasts and thighs. He’d jammed his fingers inside her and then his dick. She hadn’t been able to wash away his smell. It disgusted her. Sweat and stale alcohol.
“Paige?” Suddenly Gavin was in front of her, grabbing her shoulders. “Look at me.”
She jerked her eyes open, knowing she’d gasped or cried out. “I’m sorry.”
“Honey.” He tugged her against him, soothing her with a hand in her hair.
Suddenly, she had an idea. She shoved against him to meet his gaze. “Go with me.”
“Where?” His eyes narrowed until it dawned on him. “Silvertip?”
She nodded.
“I can’t do that. I have to get a job. I’m stretched thin as it is. I can’t take three months to hang out in the mountains. I need to be in the library doing research and working on my thesis. I can barely pay my rent.”
Her lip quivered. She hated asking this of him. He too was finishing his masters this summer. His degree was in Canadian Lit. He had a thesis to write. But she was desperate. “Please. I can’t do this without you. You won’t have to pay rent. I’ll cover it.”
He stared at her.
“It’s a paid internship. I can float us both. We’ll live frugally. Get a cheap apartment. You can spend the summer hiking and mountain climbing in between your research.” She forced a broader smile, loving this idea more by the second. “Please.”
“Do you realize what this would do to my mom? She already thinks we’re go
ing to get married and have ten babies soon. I’m pretty sure she has china patterns picked out and a crib. If we run off and live together for the summer, she’ll probably plan an engagement party.”
Paige cringed. “I know. I’m sorry. I hate lying to her like this.”
“It would be tidier if you went without me and we pretended we broke up by the end of summer.”
“Gavin.” She gasped, her eyes growing wide as she grabbed his biceps.
“I didn’t say I wouldn’t do it. I’m just pointing out how tidy it would be. My mom’s going to be so disappointed when we end this thing.”
“Then we won’t end it.”
He rolled his eyes. “Right. We’re just going to spend the rest of our lives in a fake relationship in order to keep our secrets tight and close.”
“That’s the plan.”
“Honey, I’d love nothing more, but one of these days, I promise you that plan is no longer going to be nearly as attractive to you.”
“Don’t be ridiculous. I’m yours for as long as you’ll have me. Until you balls up and get your head out of your ass and come out of the closet, I’ll be your fake girlfriend. It’s not going to be me who decides to end this arrangement, Gavin. It’ll be you. When you meet the right guy, I’ll be history.”
“Don’t bet on it.”
All she could do was smile back at him. He was so full of it.
»»•««
“Can you believe how lucky we are?” Paige asked as she spun around in the apartment that was now all theirs for the summer. She didn’t feel lucky at all. She was having daily anxiety attacks from the stress of inevitably bumping into Wyatt, and this apartment was indeed absurdly small. It had no color, and it bored the hell out of her on sight. But she was trying to make Gavin believe she was excited about the arrangement and hide her anxiety.
“Lucky? I was thinking about how claustrophobic I already feel,” Gavin stated while tugging on his collar. “This is smaller than the place I had in Calgary, and we’re going to share it. I’ve had dorm rooms bigger than this.” He set his bike helmet on the floor next to the door and ran a hand through his messy hair. After some deliberation over the past week, they had decided to bring both his motorcycle and her car to Silvertip. He’d followed her. Her Nissan Versa was jammed with their belongings.
Grizzly Promise: A Werebear Shifter Romance (Arcadian Bears Book 4) Page 4
