by Allan Cole
I did and I was oddly touched as we sank down on the soft pillows. Pip sighed as he lowered himself and took great care adjusting the pillows beneath him.
“Sat on hard things all me life, Cap’n,” he said. “Especially goin’ to Tyrenia. I set me poor bum on so many rocks it begun to think it was a rock itself. Desert ain’t bad, there’s sand, yer know. Hate the woods. Too many snakes, which ain’t healthy for a good honest gods fearin’ arse like Pip’s.”
I laughed. Pip shared my view of life. As any soldier will tell you: Take care of your feet and your arse and the rest of you is likely to arrive safely and with a majority of its pieces.
“‘Twas inna critical moment,” he explained, “that I promised me arse comfort fer life if it didn’t get whacked off and leave me.” He slapped one of the pillows. “This is me arse’s reward, Cap’n,” he said. “Fer bein’ such a good mate.”
As I was chortling over that, he motioned and a ruffian wench with snapping black eyes and swirling skirts sauntered out balancing a wide tray. She laid it out between us.
“Got some good grog like yer asked, Pip,” she said, indicating a large crystal goblet of delicate wine. “And some eats.” She smiled at me and shrugged. “Didn’t know what yer liked, lady,” she said. “So’s I thought what the hells, try ‘em all.”
She pointed out more than a dozen covered dishes of the rarest kind. When she lifted the covers there were all sorts of things to tempt the hungry. Steamed oysters and fine cheeses and hams and deviled meats.
“Oh, I think it’ll do just fine, thank you,” I said.
The wench blushed and curtsied. She turned to Pip and put a hand on her hip.
“Some king’a thieves you are,” she said. “Don’t even tell me yer gots somebody comin’ to dinner, much less a quality somebody.”
“Here, now,” Pip said. “Mind yer manners. Give yer old da’ a kiss and get on about yer business.”
He fished a large necklace from his sleeve as he said this, dangling it in front of her.
The wench yelped delight, scooped up the necklace, gave him a peck on the cheek and scurried off.
“Is that your daughter?” I asked.
Pip coughed. “Oh no, Cap’n, she wouldn’t be anythin’ like that. Young, she is. Call’s me da’ outter deep affection. But we ain’t related - if yer don’t count cousins too close. She’s sorter one my wives.”
I goggled at his description. “Sort of?” I said. “Wives?”
Pip hesitated, then said, “My situation’s kinder complicated, Cap’n Antero. As King Of Thieves I got all kindsa responserbilities. Different guilds of cutthroats to look after. From the raggediest beggar to the flashiest Gentleman Of The Pad.
“It gets, like I said, complicated. Gotter smooth things over sometimes. Especially when the families go at it. So I get married a lot. And sorter married a lot more. So I got sorta wives and wife wives, with some inbetwixt lasses I ain’t quite sure how they fit in. But I ain’t sayin’ anythin’, long as they mind their manners in bed.”
Pip looked up at me, serious. “A soft, quiet bed’s an important thing, Cap’n Antero,” he said.
“Like the pillows?” I asked.
Pip smiled, pleased that I understood.
“Exactly so, Cap’n,” he said. “Exactly so.”
At that moment something passed between us. An important bond was sealed over what on the surface seemed a very trivial matter.
Trivial, except to Pip.
So I told him my tale, leaving nothing out but keeping it brief. And I told him of my mission.
When I was done Pip rubbed his hands together and said, “I’m sorry for what happened, Cap’n. And that ain’t worth a pea on a dinksman’s second pass. But I’ll tell yer somethin’ that is, Cap’n Antero. Put a spark, it will, in yer remainin’ glim.”
He leaned close, narrow face twitching like a mouse.
“Yer Emilie’s alive, Cap’n Antero,” he announced.
Pip grinned hugely at my glad reaction. He puffed himself up, proud and full of good feeling for being the messenger bearing such delightful news.
“Not only that,” he said, “but she’s in the care of yer own Maranon Guard.
“And they’re all still with Quatervals and Lord Palmeras, fightin’ the good fight at the siege of Galana.”
I clutched his arm. “Are you certain?” I said, fearing it’d prove to be nothing but a rumor. “How can you know for sure?”
“No one could be certainer, Cap’n Antero,” he said. “Fer ain’t it Pip himself who’s the glims and ears of his mates in Galana?
“And ain’t it Pip who sneaks in the arms and supplies so’s they can keep fightin’? Supplies me rogues lift from ‘neath the very noses of those arsewipes Novari and Kato.
“And ain’t it Pip who fights the war right here in Orissa ever’ day? Whack ‘em a good un ever’ chance me rogues get. Don’t let ‘em rest, is Pip’s motto.
“Hit ‘em ever’ time they shuts their glims.”
Pip pointed to a large ornate hourglass that had to be straight off some old merchant prince’s mantle.
“Mark it, Cap’n,” he said. “See where the sand lies. In ‘bout an hour, yer’ll see old Pip’s more’n just a flappin’ yammer.”
“I’m the one with the flappin’ yammer,” I said. “My mouth’s flapping wide open with amazement.
“First I learn that my dear little niece still lives. And as long as she does, we have hope to stop Novari.
“Then it’s revealed that the fighting spirit of Orissa lives on as well. I’d truly despaired when I saw all the glum citizens in the streets. They acted whipped, beaten. Not like Orissans.”
“Don’t be too hard on ‘em, Cap’n,” Pip said. “Some deserves it. Some don’t. It’s the ones that don’t what helps me devil Novari and Kato. Yer’d be surprised what kinda chances they takes. And who’s takin’ them chances.”
“I’ll take your word for it,” I said. “But I swear this. If I live the greedy men and women who let Novari seduce them will pay a high price.
“Orissa was given a gift not even the gods knew existed.
“That gift was from my brother and Janela Greycloak. Wisely used and freely shared, no one needed to ever suffer again.
“Not only didn’t they heed my brother, but they let my family be wiped out to achieve their own shallow dreams.”
“Aye, Cap’n,” Pip said, grim. “There be a high blood price someun’s gotter pay.”
“But I’ll have to be careful,” I said, “that my anger doesn’t cloud my view.”
I glanced at the hourglass. Only a few minutes worth of sand had fallen.
“Maybe you’d better tell me what’s been happening, Pip,” I said. “It’s been a long jump to reach this ship and if I’m going to take the helm I’ll need to know the course.”
Pip thought a moment, then nodded. He drank some wine. To clear his pipes, he said. And then he began.
“Me and Otavi was the last outter Tyrenia,” he said. “Yer bruvver give us the last bit of his journal and says, ‘See it gets home boys. I’m countin’ on yer.’
“So me and Otavi lit out fer Orissa, guardin’ them pages like they was scribbled by the gods. And maybe they was, considerin’ what’s in ‘em.
“It weren’t an easy stroll down Market Street, yer know. Lots of villains took a shine to our hides. And some hungry critters mistook us fer their dinner from time to time. But we got home, okay. And that’s the main thing.
“We was big heroes, of course. Hells, if a roach woulda gone to the Kingdoms Of The Night with Lord Antero and come back unsquished, he’d a been a hero.
“We hands over the journal to Hermias, just like yer bruvver asked. With Lord Antero gone, yer nephew was head of the family, yer know. On account’a Cligus bein’ such a disserpointment to yer bruvver and all.”
Pip touched an eye, smearing away a tear. “It was hard to kin tha’ such a traitorous bastard was born to Lord Antero. ‘Twas almos�
� as heavy blow to all’a us in his crew as ‘twas fer him. Yer bruvver was a fine man and the gods oughtter be ‘shamed of theirselves fer what they done when they stuck him with Cligus fer a son.
“But yer bruvver picked well when he got his own choices. Hermias Antero was more of a son to him than Cligus ever was. And he was the best feller yer could’a asked fer to run the family business.
“Anyways, we give Hermias the journal. And he thanked us kindly and stuffed our packs with gold enough to make a hundred men rich. And he saw to it we got proper honors fer the part he said we played in history.”
Pip shook his head and grinned. “Ever since I can ‘member me dear old muvver said I was born fer high places. I figgered it was a scaffold she meant. Seein’ as me family’s been right rogues since Te Date was a pup.
“But when I hitched up with yer bruvver I knew old Pip was meant fer better things. When I got to Tyrenia and saw things no man or woman’s ever seen afore, I got a glim of what better was.
“And then we kicked the demon’s arses and put the world straight again. Now, that’s history!”
He thumped his chest. “And Pip’s in it!”
“So I come home a hero, like I said. And it turned out bein’ a hero means I gots lots more responserbilities than other folks. It’s up to old Pip to see that what’s right stays right. And what’s wrong is bashed in the yammer.”
Pip paused to oil his throat some more, then continued.
“But old Pip didn’t know that when he got back. First thing happened was that yer bruvver was mourned by all. Whole city was at the funeral for him and Janela. Strange, it was. On account of because there weren’t no bodies, you know. But it was right grand, just the same. Not only Orissans came but folks from all over. King and queens and princes was there. Stood next to old grannies and grandda’s what used to be slaves, afore yer bruvver freed them. All payin’ their respects.
“After that was done, and done proper, yer nephew, Hermias, got a big celebration together. Said Amalric Antero and Janela Greycloak wanted us all to be glad fer them. That they’d gone on to a grander place, where’d they be happy. And maybe even was watchin’ us just then and hopin’ we’d have good time. So we had that good time. Feasted almos’ a month.
“After that, ever’thin’ was fine fer awhile. Lord Palmeras got together with King Solaros’ wizards and word was they was gonna put the whole world right with the stuff yer bruvver and Lady Greycloak discovered. Some kinda unified law, or other. Don’t know much about it but it sounded fine by me. Especially when things started gettin’ better.
“Some of it was ‘cause we’d licked King Ba’land. Weren’t no demons around to devil us. But most was from the stuff comin’ from the Evocator’s workshops. New cures fer plagues. New ways to keep the weather sweet. New things to make life better fer the workin’ man and woman. Yeah. Fer a time it sure looked like there was nothin’ but bright days ahead.
“But then this Novari woman come along and hooked up with Kato. And the whole thing went busto. Flatter’n a rolled drunk’s purse.”
He snapped his fingers. “Just that quick, it was. Just that quick.”
“All’a us rogues what went to Tyrenia with Lord Antero got set up pretty. So’s we was probably caught squattin’ on our sore bums. Life was pretty good, see? I hadda nice place here in Cheapside. Big manse, it was. Bought another fer me muvver and pa. Got a whole street a tenements fer me family.
“The others did sorta the same thing. Otavi got him a nice big farm. Quatervals got together with Cap’n Kele and was buyin’ a fleet of merchant ships. Plannin’ all kinds’a adventures, from what I heard. And the rest done the same, or similar. Livin’ the good life and thinkin’ we had reason to deserve it.”
Pip snorted. “Buncha fools, we were. Never seen dumber marks. Wide open to the slick boys, we were. Like bumpkins with fat purses on an innercent stroll in Cheapside on a foggy night.
“I ain’t a political sort by nature, Cap’n. So this Kato bastard didn’t catch my attention right off. He was a Magistrate, see. He was an Evocator first, but then got his arse elected somehow.
“In fact, afore he was a Magistrate he was one of th’ Evoctors what backed Cligus when he turned on yer bruvver. Don’t know how he hung on to his office when it all came out about what Cligus had done. With the help, mind you, of rogues like Kato.
“He was in disgrace, that’s fer sure. But there’s more rogues in the homes of the rich than all’a Cheapside, and that’s the friggin’ truth, Cap’n Antero. That’s the friggin’ truth.”
Pip supplied us both with more wine. “Real graspers, some of them rich boys are. And they grasped real hard at Kato. Then the new magic stuff started comin’ from the Evocators and they got good and pissorfed, they did. Because Lord Palmeras and yer nephew, Hermias, made sure ordinary folks got just as much as anybody else. Just like Lord Antero said to do.
“But Kato and his rogues wanted to control it. Said Palmeras was conspirin’ with the Anteros to bust up the old families. Put the masses in charge. The riffraff. With them on top. Controllin’ the whole thing.
“Most Orissans saw through it. Laughed at ‘em, in fact. But those rich old rogues weren’t laughin’. Not one chuckle, Cap’n. Yer can take old Pip’s word fer that. They was noddin’ and lookin’ at all them riches bein’ handed out to one and all and grindin’ their teeth if they had ‘em, mushin’ their gums if they didn’t. They wanted it to themselves somethin’ fierce.
“Then Kato went off on some kinda made up holy quest. Raised a fleet, he did. With money from those rich old rogues. Acted like he was Lord Amalric Antero himself, goin’ on a great Findin’.
“Didn’t take him far, as it turned out. Stopped at some island off’a Lycanth. Said he had a vision there. Said he got the truth. And when he come back he paid to put on a big show. At the Amphitheater. Whole city was there. Includin’ Palmeras and the Evocators.
“Kato makes this big speech about his vision. Said he had proof Cligus was right all along. That Amalric Antero had conspired with the demons to cause all the troubles we’d had. Said he’d made a pact with King Ba’land, himself. And that Cligus had tried to stop them and died bein’ a big hero.
“We were all rattlin’ our noggins at that nonsense. But then there was this music. Lyre music, it turned out. And this big damned bird appears outter nowhere. Settles next to Kato. Then we all jump, ‘cause there’s a lightin’ flash and the bird turns into this woman.”
Pip’s eyes glowed. “Never seen such a woman. Fry yer curlies, she would, just lookin’ at her. And she had this lyre she was playin’. Wonderful music. Evil, too. Turned yer mind inter busted yolk.
“We all kind’a gaped at her, women and men alike. And she played the lyre and sang this song about the demons and the Anteros. And how they’d been plottin’ though all’a history to sell our souls to the demons. Which was why the Anteros were so rich. And why so many of ‘em had done such grand things. Which weren’t grand at all, but a lie.
“But even with that spell music she was playin’ the story didn’t sit well with ordinary folks. Lost their noggins, they did. Started shoutin’ stuff. Throwin’ stuff. Yer don’t insult the Anteros to Orissans, yer know. At least yer didn’t then.
“Now this made her madder’n a coin clipper who comes up copper when he thought it was gold. She made her voice loud as thunder.
“Said Orissa was doomed if we didn’t change our ways. And that she, Novari, was gonna turn her back on us and leave us to the mercy of them devil Anteros.
“Then, poof! She disappears. And Kato’s in a fit, stalks outter there like a throat slitter just found out his cutter’s dim.
“We all laughed, but whilst we was laughin’ we weren’t glimmin’ to what was goin’ on. Like all the rich old knaves that walked out with him. And some generals, too. Couple a Evocators, even. Regular rogues’ gallery starin’ us in the mush. And all old mates of Cligus. Old mates who got cut off at the knees when Cligus fell.
/> “But we didn’t notice. And shame on us. Next thing we know, Kato’s ridin’ high again. Havin’ all kindsa private meetin’s with important types. Black-hearted types. Story made the rounds there was sex magic orgies goin’ on. With that Novari woman the center of the orgies. I didn’t pay it any mind, to tell the truth. Wished I had, Cap’n. Wished I had.”
Pip stared out at the chamber, reflecting. Little mouse nose twitching, twitching.
Then he said, “Sex magic, or no. That Novari is a schemer. She and Kato must’a burnt a river of oil stayin’ up nights conspirin’. Must’a spent another river of gold passin’ out bribes and makin’ the stickers soft, if you know what old Pip means.
“One day I wakes up and Kato’s been elected Chief Magistrate.”
