by Dustin Brady
“Great,” I said. “So why is it trying to zap us?”
“You’re the glitch.”
“Excuse me?”
“Did you do something to break the game?”
“No, we were just fighting a boss.”
“Both of you teamed up against a boss that only knows how to fight a single player.”
We shrugged.
“So you broke the game, and now a Hindenburg is trying to make sure it never happens again.”
“What did you do?” Eric asked.
Mark smiled. “I figured out how to ride those praying mantis things like horses. They don’t like that too much.”
“But you escaped your gas mask guy, right?”
Mark sighed. “I tried fighting him for years. But he’s too fast. Too strong. Too smart. Every time I tried a new weapon on him, he’d dodge it, then learn about it, then create armor to protect himself from it. That’s why I got so upset with you for shooting at your Hindenburg with the blaster, Jesse. Now we can never use a blaster on him again.”
I looked down at the ground. “Sorry.”
“It’s OK, just know that you only have one shot with these guys. Anyways, my Hindenburg eventually figured out that I’m trying to leave through Level 20, so he’s waiting for me there with thousands of aliens armored against every weapon in the game.”
“I just don’t get why they would put something like that in a game that sucks in real people,” I said.
“That’s the thing,” Mark replied. “I’ve looked through this whole place, and there’s not one mention of ‘Reality Mode.’I don’t think this game is supposed to suck in people.”
“Then how are we here?”
“Someone must have added it after the game was finished.”
“Who?”
Mark shrugged.
“One more question,” Eric said. “What happens if the Hindenburg catches us? If he blasts us, we just go to the beginning of the level, right?”
Mark unpaused the mosquito video. The Hindenburg towed the tank-sized mosquito to the base of the Hawaiian volcano and pressed a small, smooth rock. The earth rumbled, the volcano sank into the ground and a giant pit appeared. The Hindenburg waited for all of the rumbling to stop, then rolled the mosquito over the edge into the pit. After 10 seconds or so, we heard the faraway thud of the mosquito hitting a metal bottom. Then the level flashed blue again and everything went back to normal.
“That’s the Black Box,” Mark said. “Even light cannot escape the Black Box.”
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
High Noon
One shot.
According to Mark, that’s all we had. The best way to make it count, he believed, would be to sneak up on the Hindenburg and use the most powerful weapons in the game at close range.
We spent the next hour raiding the warehouse for all the coolest gadgets we could find. Heat-seeking grenades? Check. Holograms? Check. Double-barreled bazookas? Double check. And everything conveniently fit into the handy-dandy tool belts Mark found for us.
Eventually, a plan formed. I would be the bait. Well not me, exactly, but a hologram of me. I’d be hiding in a safe place, while we’d project my hologram into the open to act as bait. When the Hindenburg would strike, Eric would trigger a cage to trap him and Mark would fly over with a jetpack to drop a giant bomb. Then we’d all swoop in and blast the cage with double-barreled bazookas, just to make sure that we got him and also because shooting double-barreled bazookas sounds really cool.
The plan seemed foolproof — none of us would get within 20 yards of the Hindenburg, and we’d blow him up before he’d have time to figure out what was happening. But something seemed off. As Mark ran through the plan one more time, I shared my hesitation.
“Guys, do you think this is the best idea?”
I do,” Mark said. “I’ve given it a lot of thought over the years, and this is what I would do if I had to do it over again.”
“I don’t know,” I said.
“Jesse just doesn’t want to be the bait,” Eric said.
I glared at him. “No, I just think…”
“It’s OK widdle worm,” Eric said in an annoying baby voice. “We’ll make sure the big fish doesn’t eat you widdle worrrrrrrm.”
I turned to Mark. “Am I allowed to shoot him?”
“Definitely not. Are we ready to go?”
Eric saluted. “Aye aye, captain!”
I sighed. “Let’s go.”
We popped miniature radios into our ears so we could communicate from far away and hopped back into the tank. Mark drove through his underground shortcuts again until we reached the level where Mark thought our plan would work best — Hollywood. We emerged onto the set for what looked like a Western, cleared out the enemies and set our trap in front of the general store. I took a second to look at the ghost town, dirt road and bright sun. It was the perfect place for a showdown. I took my position in front of a green screen to film my hologram, Mark found a perch on top of the saloon and Eric finished the trap in the middle of the road.
When everything was set, Eric went into hiding and I flipped the switch to turn on the hologram. I didn’t have to wait long for our friend to show up. When the sun reached its highest point in the sky, the Hindenburg appeared on the opposite side of the street. Showdown at high noon.
I held up my fists (well, one fist and one blaster arm) and nodded at him. He lowered his blaster at me and started walking closer. It was working. I danced in place, jabbing punches like some sort of prize fighter. He started walking faster, then running. When he was 10 feet away, he leaped into the air and pulled his fist back to do some sort of flying punch thing. Just as his punch was about to hit the hologram, I yelled.
“NOW!”
Eric sprung the trap.
CLANK!
A metal cage sprang out of the ground and trapped the Hindenburg. Instead of panicking, though, it calmly looked around for a few seconds before fixing its gaze on me. Not my hologram, but the actual building where I was filming. It slowly raised its four-finger hand and waved bye-bye.
“Guys, I don’t like this,” I said.
Mark was already in the air. “We got him!” he said over the radio.
The Hindenburg continued staring in my direction. It was almost as if he was expecting this. That’s when I figured it out.
“ABORT MISSION!” I screamed over the radio.
He was expecting this. Mark kept flying.
“MARK! ABORT MISSION! HE KNOWS!”
The reflection. We had forgotten about the reflection. The first time we met the Hindenburg in the Statue of Liberty, we were able to escape because he got fooled by Eric’s reflection in the metal wall.
“I’ve got him lined up,” Mark said over the radio.
But you don’t fool the Hindenburg with the same trick twice. And although a hologram isn’t exactly the same as a mirror reflection, it’s close enough for something as smart as the Hindenburg to figure out.
“Mark, stop this now!”
Mark dropped the bomb. The second before it landed, the Hindenburg disappeared. Or rather, the hologram of the Hindenburg disappeared.
BOOOOOOM!
The ground shook. Even as the dust from the blast was rolling through the street, Eric ran out of his hiding spot with his double-barreled bazooka.
“NOOO!” I yelled. I ran out of hiding to protect my friend. I reached the street just in time to see the real Hindenburg sneak up behind Eric.
“ERIC WATCH OUT!”
Eric looked at me with a puzzled look on his face. That was the last thing he did before…
BLAST!
The Hindenburg vaporized him.
“NOOO!”
BLAST!
In one smooth motion, the Hindenburg aimed into the air and vaporized Mark. Then he fixed his aim on me.
BLAST!
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
The Only Way
Not great. Not great at all.
After getting blasted
, I joined Eric and Mark inside a bank vault at the beginning of the level, surrounded by alien guards. I tried shooting them.
BLAST! BLAST! BLASTBLASTBLAST!
“It’s no good,” Mark said. “They’re all protected against our blasters now.”
A praying mantis came over and poked us. It leaned in its weird alien head real close and sniffed before letting out a loud squawk and ripping off our utility belts. Then it left and the Hindenburg came in. He slowly walked around the vault, looking us up and down.
“Yyyyyeesssssseeeeeee,” he hissed through the gas mask, looking at me. A shiver ran down my spine. “Kaaaaaapaaaaan Eeeeeerreeeeeek. Maaaaaaahhhhhhhk.” He turned around and walked out of the safe. A moment later, we heard the sound of loud drilling.
“What’s that?” I asked.
“If I had to guess,” Mark said, “he’s having them seal up the safe, and they’re going to toss it into the Black Box with us inside.”
Eric started to panic. “We’ve got to do something!”
Mark shrugged. “What can we do? All the weapons in the game are useless now.”
That’s when an idea hit me. Well, not really an idea, but maybe like 10 percent of an idea. “Not all the weapons.”
“Yeah,” Mark said. “All the weapons.”
"Almost all the weapons. There may still be a way to escape yet. Eric, do you have any boogers?”
The look on Eric’s face was a mixture of confusion that I would ask such a weird question and pride that he could produce giant boogers on demand. “Of course.”
“Great,” I said. “I have 10 percent of an idea.”
Eric and Mark gathered around me while I whispered my plan. It felt weird to be the one coming up with the idea for once. Weird but cool. After I finished my plan, Mark stared at me with his mouth hanging open.
“I mean, we don’t have to do it if you guys think it’s a bad idea,” I said.
“I think it’s a crazy idea,” Mark said.
“I know.”
“I think it almost for sure won’t work,” he continued.
“I know.”
“But it’s our only chance.” He put his hand on my shoulder. “Thanks for giving us a chance to see our families again.”
I grinned.
“You’ve got good ideas, Jesse,” Mark said. “Never be afraid to share them.”
Eric was already digging in his nose for gold. “Got one!”
“Great!” I said as I moved behind the vault door with Mark. “OK, let’s see what you’ve got!”
“WHOA, LOOK AT THIS!” Eric shouted with all the Hollywood skills he could muster. “I’VE NEVER SEEN ANYTHING LIKE IT!”
The drilling noises outside stopped. I motioned to Eric to keep going.
“WHAT DO YOU THINK IT MEANS?” By now, he was now holding the booger far away from his face and talking to it like he was in a Shakespeare play or something. “UH, WOW, IT’S SO BEAUTIFUL. IT’S SOOOOOO BEAUTIFUL.”
The vault door cracked open and a praying mantis peeked in. Eric didn’t notice it because he was now in full acting mode. Mark and I squeezed farther behind the door.
“TO PICK OR NOT TO PICK, THAT IS THE QUESTION!”
The praying mantis opened the door wider and walked in. It was soon joined by two of its friends.
“A BOOGER BY ANY OTHER NAME WOULD SMELL AS SWEET!”
They got closer. And who could blame them? It was an impressive booger. All three aliens now had their backs to me and Mark. Just a few more steps…
“O BOOGER, BOOGER! WHEREFORE ART THOU BOOGER!”
“NOW!”
Mark and I jumped out of hiding and onto the backs of the two mantises closest to us. They squawked and tried to spin, but we grabbed onto their antennae. That was the key to riding them like horses, Mark had explained earlier — grabbing the antennae. When he saw us jump into action, Eric smashed the booger into the eye of the praying mantis closest to him, grabbed the antennae and spun around onto its back.
“Follow me!” Mark shouted.
We galloped out of the vault and past a horde of surprised aliens in the bank lobby. We almost hit the Hindenburg on our way out the door.
“This way!” Mark yelled as he turned left down the street. Aliens poured out of the bank behind us. We were on the set of a heist movie, and this was our car chase. We tore through the movie set while swarms of aliens flooded the streets behind us.
“Through here!” Mark shouted as we turned down an alley. The alley squeezed between two stone buildings and led us into the courtyard of a medieval movie. Without letting his praying mantis break stride, Mark grabbed a lance from a stand as he passed by. Eric and I followed his example. When we rounded the corner of a medieval stable, we almost ran into three fire-breathing aliens lumbering around the other side to meet us.
CLANG! CLANG! CLANG!
We sent them all to the ground with our lances.
Mark continued galloping toward the castle. He turned around and gave us a head nod to signal that we should follow his example. Unfortunately, his example was “gallop full speed at the deep moat.” Mark pushed his praying mantis faster and faster as he neared the castle, until there was no chance he could stop before falling into the moat.
“MARK!” I shouted as his praying mantis went over the edge and Mark jumped off its back. He tucked into a ball and aimed for a spot in the moat wall. Sure enough, he’d found another shortcut. His body disappeared behind the wall.
Before I could reconsider following Mark’s crazy cannonball maneuver, my praying mantis also jumped over the edge of the moat. I leapt off its back toward the spot where Mark disappeared, praying I had aimed correctly.
“OOF!”
It wasn’t graceful, but I did it. One second later — “OOF!” — Eric joined us.
We ran in the darkness underneath the level until we came to a trap door.
“This is it,” Mark said. “We’re almost to the end of the level.”
I couldn’t believe that my plan was actually working! Just a couple more feet! My optimism lasted for all of 10 seconds until I cracked open the trap door. We were back on the Western set across the street from the glowing portals. But between us and the portals stood a massive alien army.
I closed the trap door. “They figured out that we were coming here.”
“How many are there?” Mark asked.
“I don’t know, hundreds maybe?”
Eric sank to the ground. “Is there any other way to get to where we need to go besides the portals.”
Mark shook his head. “That’s it.”
“So we’re trapped underneath the level instead of a black box,” Eric said with his head in his hands.
“No,” Mark said. “No you’re not.” He walked to the trap door and cracked it open.
“What are you doing?” I asked.
“Getting you out of here.”
“How are you…”
“After I jump out, I want you two to wait exactly three seconds before running like crazy to the portals,” Mark said.
“Where will you meet us?”
Mark shook his head. “I’m not meeting you.” He was starting to get emotional, but it was clear that he had already made up his mind. “Just please don’t tell my parents. I don’t want them to think I’m suffering.”
“Mark, what are you talking about?” Eric stood up. “We’re all leaving together.”
“This is the only way,” Mark said. “This was always the only way.”
With that, he threw open the trap door and jumped out.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
Back for More
I grabbed Mark’s leg, but he was too fast and strong. Before I could say anything, he had already jumped out of the trap door and started to run away from the portals.
The aliens noticed him immediately.
“MARK!” Eric yelled.
Mark didn’t slow down. He ran through a crowd of aliens directly to a jetpack.
“Come on,” I said
to Eric.
“But Mark…”
“Mark is doing this for us. Let’s not ruin it.”
By now, Mark had reached the jetpack, strapped it on and started to fly away. Before he could get too far, an alien grabbed him by the foot and tried dragging him back into the scrum. Mark pushed the jetpack harder, flopping in the air and blowing exhaust in the aliens’ faces.
While Mark was singlehandedly giving the alien army all they could handle, Eric and I made a break for the portals. Mark’s distraction only provided a slight opening, but that was all we needed. We were halfway across the street before the first alien stepped up. With no weapons to defeat the alien and no way around him, I tried the only other video game move I knew. I jumped on his head like Mario.
BOING! SQUAWK!
I didn’t kill him, but I sure confused him. There was no time to celebrate, because before I had even landed, another alien showed up behind him.
BOING! SQUAWK!
And another.
BOING! SQUAWK!
Almost there! The last bit of road was completely clear until —
“HISSSSSSSSSS!”
The Hindenburg rolled in front of me, blocking the path to the next level. I sprinted at him screaming.
“AHHHHH!”
He reached out to grab me. Just before he could close his arms, however, I ducked and rolled. Much to his surprise, I wasn’t going to the next level.
WHOOSH!
I rolled through the portal to the left — the one that led to all the previous levels. This time while I was falling, doors for previous levels rushed by. Eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, one. I wasn’t interested in any of them. Finally, I saw it.
TUTORIAL.
I grabbed the door and swung in.
Barracks. Sand. Sunshine. Everything was exactly as I had remembered it. Everything except the sergeant. Where was he?
“You back for more maggot?!”
There. Across the base. I ran to meet him.
“I need your gun.”
