by B. A. Wolfe
“How was work?” I asked, trying to get something out of him.
He ran his hand through his tousled hair. “It was fine,” he said quietly, keeping his eyes in front of him.
The minute his mouth let out the word “fine” my heart sank. He and I both knew how much that word meant the opposite of what it was. He was definitely not fine. I could feel my pulse start to race the longer we sat in silence. I scared him; he had time to think today and I knew it was me that he was having a hard time with. I guess I was the one percent that had the pre-planned conversation in her head actually end the way I thought it would.
“How was your day?” he asked, finally looking over in my direction but giving me the worst excuse for a smile that he could.
“It was fine,” I replied. It seemed as if we weren’t even friends, let alone two people who had kissed. We felt like strangers.
He let out a long breath as he grabbed the back of his neck and began rubbing it. “Cassandra,” he began to say until Trish interrupted.
“Guys, time to eat,” she said in her normal cheery voice.
I felt relief that she came out when she did. I wasn’t sure if I could have handled what Jason was about to say. I got up from the swing with Jason behind me and walked inside to the kitchen. I was beginning to love the smell of home cooked meals all too much.
“Smells wonderful you guys.” I tried to put on a happy face in front of Trish and Bart. They were doing me such a big favor by letting me stay here. They didn’t need to get involved in the problem that was clearly between Jason and me, one that after last night I honestly didn’t see coming.
“Thank you, it’s one of our favorites,” Trish said.
From the looks of what was cooked and from the scent traveling under my nose, tonight we were having lasagna. We all grabbed platters of food and sat them down on the table that was set with forks and plates. Jason sat next to me but not once did he even call me Sweetheart, let alone act as though we just spent the night together. Dinner felt awkward between us. I only hoped it didn’t feel that way for Bart or Trish. My heart was hurting, badly. I was feeling embarrassed and my mind was laced with confusion. He interacted with his parents the same as usual but he was completely different toward me tonight. I tried my best to eat the meal that was cooked, it was delicious but the nausea hit and this time it wasn’t because I was pregnant.
The conversation throughout dinner was plentiful and seemed normal for them. I tried to participate, but my thoughts were elsewhere. I was going to have to talk to Jason. I didn’t want to but it needed to be done. I would just have to wait until after dinner, until we were alone.
When everyone was finished eating and the dishes were cleaned, courtesy of Bart and Jason, I knew my opportunity to talk to him was approaching. The knots in my stomach grew.
Bart and Trish excused themselves to go swing on the porch, something they said they loved to do. Jason and I were finally alone. I could feel the tension building as he stood in the kitchen, his arms holding him up on the counter top as he kept his head lowered.
I stood on the other side of the countertop waiting for him to say something… anything. It never happened though. I had to be the one to break this frigid ice that was going on between us for whatever reason.
“Jason?” I asked quietly, placing my hand on top of his. He didn’t move. “You seem, off tonight. What’s going on?” It was the hardest thing to have to ask him, partially because I didn’t know if I was prepared for his response.
He slowly raised his head, his eyes found mine. Nothing. There was nothing in them. “Cassie,” he sighed. “I’m… Well, I mean we… Damn it.” He took his hand and rubbed it over his face. “Just forget it. I don’t know what I’m trying to say.” He looked at me with another fake smile.
I could take a hint. I slid my hand off of his and across the counter top until it was next to me again. I took in a deep breath and felt the pain in my stomach. I didn’t have to pre-plan any of this conversation in my head to know what was really going on; it was called woman’s intuition.
“Listen,” he muttered, breaking the silence between us. “I’m just really tired. I need to get some sleep okay?”
I pressed my lips together. Sleep was a good idea, except I knew I wouldn’t get any, thinking about what just happened.
“Good idea,” I replied and gave him the fake, horrendous smile he showed me, before letting out a sigh and walking to my room.
I sat on the bed watching the doorknob, waiting for it to turn for at least an hour before finally realizing that wasn’t going to happen. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t wish he had come walking through that door. Wanting to tell me what was wrong, or even better, that he was sorry for being distant, but that didn’t happen. I finally got up from the bed and got ready to go to sleep. I didn’t know why, but I put on Jason’s shirt he had me wear this morning. I was either a glutton for punishment or just sad and wishing it was his body that was wrapping itself around me and not his shirt. I got under the covers and hugged myself tightly until I fell asleep.
Twenty-Five
“You don’t deserve this baby. I’m keeping it. Get out of here and don’t come back.”
I SHOT STRAIGHT UP AND LOOKED around confused, until I finally realized it was just a dream. I put my hand to my chest and tried to calm my erratic breathing.
“It was just a dream, Cassandra, just a dream.” I tried to tell myself, but I couldn’t help but feel the realness of it.
It was vivid. It started off with me waking up, just like I did this morning, except Jason was in my room taking my clothes out of the closet and literally shoving them into my suitcase. He didn’t say a word as he finished, but then he saw me wearing his shirt. He told me to take it off and give it back. So that’s what I did as I cried, soaking the shirt before handing it over to him. He didn’t even let me put anything else on as he took me outside where everyone I had met in this town was standing out front waiting. It didn’t take long to see what he was waiting for as it headed toward us. Moose was driving my wrecked car that was still in shambles, down the street. He parked it up front, as Jason told me to get in it, yelling at me to leave, and get out of his life. I got in the car that was missing the windshield and looked the same way it did in the garage the other day and started driving off. I looked out the window one last time only to see him holding a baby, my baby, and he took it and kept it. I stopped and asked him what he was doing with my baby, telling him it wasn’t his, that I needed to give it to a family that would adopt it. He told me I didn’t deserve it, so he was keeping it. Then I woke up. Talk about heartache. I still wasn’t sure what to think of it as I replayed the dream in my head. It was troubling and left me distraught. I needed to get out of this house; I needed some fresh air, badly. I reluctantly looked over at the nightstand where my phone was. Nothing. Not a damn message or anything.
After getting ready, I knew I needed out of the house. I made a sandwich, took a ginger ale, grabbed my phone and I locked up the house. It was gorgeous out. The wind was steady providing a slight breeze through the hot rays that were beaming down, warming my skin. I remembered the spot Jason took me to eat lunch the one day in the grass, my wonderful picnic lunch, ugh. I didn’t know why, but I decided to go there. It was shaded and just far enough away from the house that I could sit and think.
Once I got there, I sat down on the cool grass and slipped my boots off. I looked at them as I set them beside me. I loved them, but what I loved more was who got them for me, Jason. I let out a sigh as I ate my sandwich with my legs stretched out, my toes touching the grass underneath them.
I felt my phone next to me vibrating. Looking down, my heart did a little flip until I saw it was Mel, not Jason.
“Hey,” I answered quietly.
“Whoa, you don’t sound like someone who just kissed a hot guy. What’s up?” she asked, sounding concerned.
“That obvious?” I asked as I put the empty sandwich wrapper to the side of me.<
br />
“Uh. Yeah. Spill. What’s going on?”
I took a sip of my ginger ale and put the can next to me. “I honestly don’t know what happened. I just know something is definitely wrong. He was fine yesterday morning. I talked to you and then when he got home, he was a completely different Jason. Shut off, didn’t want to talk to me, barely wanting to make small talk. His sorry pathetic attempts at smiles were what hurt the most.”
“Maybe he just had a bad day. Where was he all day?”
“Work and it wasn’t a bad day, it was clearly a horrible day for him. He obviously sat at work and stewed about us, about me. He probably realized what a shitty mess he got himself into. I’ve been thinking, and I might just try and find a way to come see you. Maybe staying here was a bad idea.” I didn’t like the words that were coming out of my mouth, and neither did my eyes that were stinging with tears.
“Don’t say that. You’re thinking too much into it. People can have off days. They’re allowed that. You have them. I have them. My gut tells me it’s nothing. Just stay and see what happens tonight. Is he at work again today?”
“Yeah. I’m hoping to just spend the day alone, but I can’t help think it would be better if I just left and came to see you. Get my car later. I don’t even have to see him when I leave. He has dinner at his grandma’s tonight I think.”
“Whoa, Cass. I want to see you badly, but don’t leave like that. Don’t run. Where are you right now?”
I looked around; I was in a perfect spot. “Outside, in the grass. I just finished eating.”
“Cass, promise me you won’t run from him?”
“It’s not just that. I had a weird dream last night too, so I’m all funky right now,” I said.
“A weird dream?”
“It was so weird.” I said, going over the horrid details with her.
“Okay, that’s just creepy.”
“You’re telling me. I’m the one that had to wake up from it, thinking it was real.”
“Listen, stop over thinking, and just relax. Don’t leave. Take some deep breaths and relax. Enjoy the fresh air.”
“Okay, I’ll trust you. I’ll stay for now.”
“Good. Call me later. Love you.”
“Love you too, Mel.” I ended the call and put the phone down next to me. I realized how nice it was to just sit and do nothing again. I was getting too used to it. I laid myself back and decided to close my eyes and think.
I thought about everything as I replayed my whole journey down here in my head. I beamed at the good times and the cringed at the scary moments, but nothing prepared me for how I felt about this guy. This guy who had me so wrapped up in him I didn’t know which direction I was heading. Running away wasn’t the right option and I’m glad Mel talked me out of it. It still didn’t help the knots in my stomach as I thought about the way Jase was acting toward me. I continued to let my mind wander where it wanted to as the breeze blew over me and the grass tickled my arms and legs for what felt like a few hours of pure alone time.
Twenty-Six
“HEY PRETTY GIRL,” I heard his familiar voice say from behind me. I didn’t move as I continued to lay with my eyes closed. Hearing the words pretty girl only confused me more. Yesterday I was nothing, this morning I wasn’t even worth a goodbye, and then tonight I was back to being called a nickname. My head was overwhelmed.
“Is this spot taken?”
“No,” I answered quietly.
I heard him take a seat next to me, and the ruffle of a bag he placed down on the grass. “You’ve been out here a long time.”
“How do you know that?” I asked, curious if he had some sort of spy cam on me or not.
“The shop is just down the street. I saw you.”
“Well, it’s a nice spot to think,” I told him.
“It’s my favorite spot to think,” he said quietly as his body shuffled in the grass. “Will you look at me?”
I slowly opened my eyes to see him leaning close to me. His eyes were happy, his lips curled into a smile. He was a completely different guy from yesterday.
“Hey there,” he whispered, his hand brushing away a loose piece of hair from my face.
“Hey.”
“I brought dinner,” he said as he lifted the bag next to him.
“Thanks, but I thought you had dinner at your grandma’s tonight?” I asked.
He shrugged his shoulders. “We can miss one night.”
He pulled the bag over as I sat up, crossing my legs underneath me.
“Chopped salad,” I said surprised.
“A different ‘usual’,” he said. “So why did you need to come out here to think?”
I looked down at my salad as I used my fork to push the lettuce around, trying to dodge his question.
“Do we need to play a game so I can get some answers out of you?”
“No, no trivia. I was just thinking about things, nothing in particular.” I was such a liar. It was all I did these days. I hated it.
“Hmmm.” That was all he responded with. His eyes looked back down to his food, mine did the same.
The clouds were getting darker the longer we sat. It was looking as though a storm was about to roll in.
I took a bite as the wind picked up, making my fork move to the side before I was able to put the salad in my mouth. I saw Jason start to chuckle as he reached his hand out to my face. My body froze as I felt the warmth of his fingers on my cheek. I couldn’t help but close my eyes for just a moment, remembering how much I loved feeling his touch. I pried them open and watched as he used the pad of his thumb to wipe something off the side of my lips.
He slowly took his hand off of my cheek, leaving it feeling cold again. “You had some dressing on the side of your mouth,” he said quietly.
The wind picked up again and then a few sprinkles dropped from the sky. I continued to sit there as I watched the small drops hit my flesh. He didn’t seem to want to move either as we both sat there finishing our dinner.
I couldn’t eat anymore though; my stomach was shredding itself as I continued to think about Jason. I was confused, frustrated, and needed to know what we were, if we were even anything at all. I couldn’t take not knowing anymore. One day he was kissing the shit out of me, making the world come undone around me, and then the next day he ignored me like the plague. Now tonight, he’s all smiles and taking my breath away as his hand touched my cheek. More drops were now falling out of the dark ominous clouds that hovered over our heads, no longer feeling like sprinkles.
“You ready to get out of here, Sweetheart?” he asked, wiping away the rain that was hitting his face.
That was all the confirmation I needed, the second he called me Sweetheart my heart had to know, I just had to know. I put my salad container in the bag and stood up, Jason doing the same thing. I didn’t move though, my body wouldn’t let me. Instead, I felt hard raindrops hitting my skin as a crash of thunder barreled through the town making me close my eyes as it rumbled through my body. It seemed like the storm was right above us.
“What are you doing? Let’s go!” he yelled.
My hair was now completely drenched to match Jason’s; our clothes looked as though we just jumped in a pool with everything on. My heart was pounding with every second that passed. Thud. Thud. Thud. I opened my quivering lips; this was it.
“Tell me you feel it Jase. You feel your heart on fire every time we get close. That you try not to even think because all you want to think about is what it would feel like to have our lips touch again, knowing that it will be just as earth shattering as the first time. That everything inside tells you it’s too fast to fall this hard for someone you just met. That it can’t be real even though your heart screams to you that it is. Damn it Jase!” I screamed as the rain soaked my face. “Tell me you feel it too.”
“I do. I feel all of it, every goddamn bit of it, Cassie. From day one, you had me, you owned me, my thoughts, my everything. I couldn’t stop thinking about you. I didn’t w
ant to.”
“So what happened yesterday and this morning Jason? What the hell was that about?”
“I was scared. I was afraid of what would happen the moment you left. I knew that I wouldn’t be able to handle it. So I thought by giving us some distance, it would be easier for the both of us, but it’s not. I was wrong. I was so fucking wrong. If you’re in this, then so am I, but you’re stuck with me forever because my heart won’t be able to handle losing you now Sweetheart,” he said as the rain continued to run down him, soaking every inch of his body.
“I’m in Jase, I was already in,” I admitted.
A large grin swept over his face as he took three large steps and was standing in front of me. His hands cupped my cheeks as his wet lips found mine.
“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry,” he said through the kisses that felt like our lips were starving for them.
“Don’t be sorry, just don’t do it again, please,” I said against his mouth.
“Never again, I promise,” he said, pushing our lips even harder together, deepening the kiss that we both craved.
It didn’t take long for our affection to stop as another crash of thunder radiated through the town followed by a bright streak of lightning, a little too close for comfort. I screamed like a girl as he grabbed our trash and my hand as we ran. I thought we were headed for the truck but he took us into the abandoned building behind us. We went around to the back entrance, which was unlocked and made our way into the building. It was dark but I could still see enough, especially when the lightning would strike, lighting up the room. There was a desk and a few tables around along with carpet still on the ground.
I couldn’t help but notice our drenched bodies from the downpour of rain outside. “We are soaked,” I said, looking at him.
“Just a little. Let’s wait out the storm in here. Wait there a sec.” I saw him walk into a closet only to return with a lit candle and a smile on his face, the one I loved seeing.
“Where are we?” I asked, trying to figure out what this building once was.
