by B. A. Wolfe
“Yes, you will.”
I released a deep breath, and let go of his warm hand and curled into Melanie as she took us out of his room.
“He’s going to be okay, Cass,” she tried to reassure me.
I felt a hand on my shoulder. Lifting my head from Mel to see Trish, I saw eyes as red as mine. “I’ll call you the minute he is out, Sweetie,” she said. “I know he wants you to check on your dad. You’re doing the right thing, Cassandra.”
“I don’t feel like it,” I said quietly, trying to prevent another outburst.
“You are, Sweetie,” she said, giving me a hug.
I wanted to just get in the car so that I could bawl my eyes without everyone staring at me.
“We’ve done this once before, and he came out better than new. He’ll be alright, Cassandra,” Bart told me before we headed to the elevators.
“Why does it feel like leaving right now is the worst decision I’ve ever made?” I asked Mel as we rode the elevators down to the lobby.
“We’ll be back before you know it.” She tried hard to reassure me.
Thirty-Four
IT TOOK ABOUT AN HOUR AND HALF, but we finally pulled up to the hospital and found a parking spot. We looked at each other, pausing before getting out of the car.
“They would have called if something had happened to your father. He’ll be okay.”
I closed my eyes. I felt like a guilt-ridden monster inside. We were here for my father, and my thoughts were anywhere but on him.
“That’s not who you’re worried about though, is it?”
I shook my head no. “I’m horrible, aren’t I?”
“No, you’re not.”
“It’s not that I don’t care about him. I do. He’s my father, for crying out loud, but he’s an asshole, and he’ll fight as hard as he can before he’ll let death take him away. Jase, he’s just so sweet.” I stopped myself and clenched my teeth together. I would not cry. I had to keep it together.
“I understand what you’re saying, but Jason, he’s a fighter. For you, he’ll fight. Alright, let’s go check on father dearest. Don’t worry; I’m here to change the subject when necessary.”
“Thanks, Mel.”
As soon as we got in the hospital, we headed straight for the check-in desk. The lady at the counter looked up at me as we approached.
“I’m looking for Henry Pierce.”
“Are you family?”
“Yes. I’m his daughter.”
“The second floor, room 215. He’ll be in the left wing.”
“Thank you.” Mel and I headed straight for the elevators.
We arrived on the second floor and headed left. We didn’t have to find his room because my mother was pacing back and forth, talking on the phone in the waiting room.
She noticed us walking up, quickly ended her conversation, and placed her phone in her purse.
“Hello, Mother.” I greeted her with a half hug.
“Cassandra,” she said before pressing her lips together as she looked over at Mel.
“Hello, Diane,” Mel quietly said.
My mother gave a small nod in Mel’s direction. “I didn’t know Melanie was with you.”
“There’s a lot you don’t know,” Mel mumbled under her breath.
“What was that, Melanie? I couldn’t hear you.” She gave Melanie a look that said she was giving her one more chance to rephrase her comment.
“I said, I just love your coat.”
“This isn’t a coat. It’s a blazer,” my mother said, adjusting the collar on her blazer.
“And a fine blazer it is,” she replied in a slightly sarcastic tone.
Melanie looked over and mouthed the word ‘sorry’ to me. It didn’t matter, though. I knew she had just as hard a time being around my mother as I did. I shrugged, letting her know it was fine.
“Mother,” I said, getting her attention. “How is he?”
“Considering he just had a heart attack, he’s doing okay. They are waiting on some tests to come back, but his assistant called for an ambulance just in time.”
“That’s a relief to hear,” I told her, feeling a slight weight lift off my shoulders.
“He’s been waiting to see you. What took you so long?” Her lips pursed together as she peered at me.
“Um.” I stalled, looking over at Mel, trying to figure how to explain our two-hour drive.
“Don’t say ‘um’, Cassandra. It’s what people say when they don’t know what to say. It’s a waste of breath.”
“Um, Diane.” Melanie smiled devilishly at my mother. “Shouldn’t we be checking on Mr. Pierce?”
“She’s right. Let’s go check on him.” I urged. My mother agreed as she popped her nose in the air and walked to the room of doom and gloom.
“Thanks,” I whispered to Mel as we followed my mother into his room.
It was dim and eerily silent. The blinds were closed and the hum of the monitors was the only thing making any noise. Mel and my mother stood on opposite sides of the room, far away from one another. I cautiously walked up to his bed. His eyes stayed closed until he sensed me next to him. They strained opened, searching until they found mine, his face remaining emotionless as he lay there.
“Cassandra?” he asked, his eyes searching my face.
“Yes. How are you feeling?”
“I’m fine. Don’t worry about me. I want to know how school is going.”
Ugh, of course he would.
“You just had a heart attack. I don’t think it’s an appropriate time to discuss my classes.” Not to mention, I’m not going to school. There would be nothing to discuss. My stomach pained with guilt as I thought of the things I was withholding from my parents.
“Answer the question,” he demanded. His eyes made it hard to focus as they pierced into mine like a dagger. My heart raced harder, the longer he kept staring.
“I’m not talking about this right now.”
“Don’t you talk to your father that way.” My mother raised her voice at me.
I let out a frustrated sigh and looked over at Mel who had a pissed off look on her face. A light knock on the door before the nurse entered the room caused us all to look in the same direction.
“How are you feeling, Henry?” she asked as she checked his IV bag.
“The same as the last time you checked, Sarah. You really need to stop asking so often. I’m not dying,” he mouthed off to her.
“Henry, I’m just doing my job. You’re not going to die on my watch,” she sassed back.
I needed out of this room, and now was my chance to leave. I eyed Mel and as though she read my mind, she nodded her head at me. We both quietly headed for the door.
“Where are you going?” My mother stopped us before we could make our escape.
I looked over my shoulder at her. “We are going to get some coffee.”
“Get me a steak while you’re out,” my father barked at me.
The nurse, Sarah, closed her eyes and shook her head. “Henry. You’re not eating a steak.” She reminded him, her voice miffed. “How about a piece of grilled chicken or salmon?” she asked, trying her best to remain calm.
“We’ll be back.” I finally said, grabbing Mel’s arm, and dragging her out of the room with me.
Once we were a safe distance from his room, I stopped, took a deep breath, and let it out. “I can’t believe I’m here. I can’t believe I chose them over him.”
“They’re your parents. They suck, but in their own weird way, they love you, and you love them.”
“Love is such a strong word,” I replied.
Deep down, I knew my parents were like this, and at one point, I was okay with it. How? I didn’t even know, because now it burned me to my core with frustration.
“He’s just being such an asshole right now. Not to mention, what is up with my mother? Could she be any bitchier?”
“It’s definitely tense in there. I think the stress of the situation is what’s stemming the
assholish behavior. Don’t let it get to you.” She tried to convince me.
I didn’t need convincing. My eyes that had once looked up to my parents were now looking down on them, and seeing their true colors.
I looked over at Mel. “Assholish?”
It fit. Let’s go get some coffee.”
I walked with her to the cafeteria.
***
We headed back upstairs after two cups of decaf and an hour’s worth of sitting. We didn’t talk much. My mind sifted through thoughts of Jason and my father. Melanie knew this as she sat silently next to me.
When we got back my father’s room, it was instant tension once again. We sat and listened to my father and mother discuss who knows what for who knows how long since I had clearly zoned out. It had to have been awhile though, because my ass was starting to go numb from sitting so long. All I could think about was how gullible I was. How I was stupid to believe that what my parents told me was the way things had to be. It amazed me to think of how much I always worked for their approval, their acceptance, and I was happy doing it because I thought I had no other choice. Being lost in Boulder had led to finding myself in Keaton. I felt like a person who had just won the lottery. I didn’t win money, but I won my freedom, and it was worth more than millions to me.
I started to get up when I felt my phone vibrating in my pants pocket. I immediately stood and glanced at Mel as I pulled my phone out. She stood and walked over to me. The number on the screen was Jase’s. My chest started hurting as my heart beat like a drum with anticipation. This was it. It felt like time stood still for a moment as I looked over at my mother. She had a questioning look on her face, her mouth agape, as she was about to speak, and my father had his nose in a folder full of work. I looked at Mel, and she looked as anxious as I felt. Without hesitation, I slid my finger across the screen. I dashed from the hospital room. Mel was right behind me as I answered the phone.
“Jase? Please, tell me it’s you?” I held my breath and tears as I waited for his voice on the other end. Please, for the love of all that is holy, let it be him, and let him be okay, I begged.
“Sweetie, it’s me, Trish.” Her soft voice answered on the other end. My heart jumped into my throat. I wished more than anything that it was Jase’s voice on the other end. I could feel the tears stinging behind my eyes as I tried to answer her.
“Trish, is he… Is he okay?” I managed to ask her.
“He… Um. He…” She stalled, and I could tell she was holding back bad news at this point.
“Trish, please tell me he’s okay,” I begged her. The tears slid down my cheeks as I tried to hold them back.
“He’s okay, Sweetie. He’s out and doing well. He wants to talk to you, but he only can have a minute, okay?”
“Okay. I just need to talk to him,” I said, practically out of breath as I yearned to hear him. It felt like several minutes passed as I waited impatiently for his voice on the other end of the phone.
“Sweetheart, it’s me,” he finally said, sounding extremely groggy.
I felt the pain in my chest be replaced by pure happiness. His voice sounded like music to my ears.
“Oh my God.” I let the happy tears saturate my cheeks. I looked over at Mel who looked relieved with a smile a mile wide sweeping across her face. “It’s so good to hear your voice.”
“How is your dad?” he asked slowly.
“He’s fine. I only care how you’re doing though. How do you feel?”
“Better than new,” he answered, still sounding out of it, but little by little, more like himself. “I miss you.”
“I bet I miss you more,” I told him, knowing how much I couldn’t wait to leave this hospital so I could be with him.
“Hurry up so I can see you pretty girl.” His voice sounded so happy as he spoke to me. My heart, that felt ice cold with my parents, was melting back to normal just by listening to him.
“I will. I’ll be there before you know it. I can’t wait to see you, Jase.”
“I’m smiling just thinking about it. Green light, Sweetheart.”
“Green light.”
I sank to the floor as we ended the call, my heart heavy with love and elation. I felt an immense amount of relief. The kind you felt when you ace your final exam or just met a deadline for work by the skin of your teeth. The relief you felt when it counted the most. I felt it and more as Mel knelt down next to me, throwing her arms around me.
“Thank God,” she whispered in my ear.
I couldn’t thank him enough, I thought to myself. We got up and slowly walked back into my father’s room.
“What was that about? Why did you leave?” asked my mother, looking back and forth between Mel and me.
“It was a personal call,” Mel chimed in.
“It was my boyfriend.” I answered, setting them straight, my pulse picking up quickly as I did. Something burned inside of me and I knew that whatever it was, it was about to show itself sooner rather than later.
“Boyfriend? What boyfriend, Cassandra?” my father hissed from his bed.
“We’ve never met him?” asked my mother, as though it was some new revelation.
“Maybe because he’s new, and she didn’t want to scare him off,” Mel muttered to them.
“What?” my mother snarled.
It was coming now. I could feel the burning hot, molten lava rising inside me, ready to explode and set this room on fire.
“Yes,” I spit out to my patents, looking at them both. “I have a boyfriend, and I don’t know if or when you’ll get to meet him, because I don’t care what you think of him. I love him, and that’s all that matters. I also don’t know why I vied for your approval so much, because right now, your opinions are the last ones I care about.”
I looked over at Melanie, her face in a state of shock as her eyes continued to get wider.
I did it. The lava was pouring out, and, unfortunately for my parents, it wasn’t done. The lava was about to sting their hearts with a pain they couldn’t even imagine.
“You know what else?” I asked, directing my eyes straight into theirs. My parents’ faces were getting angrier by the second. I hated being like this, but I was done. I was pulling off the shackles they kept me in, prepared to suffer the consequences. “I’m pregnant AND I dropped out of school AND I’m keeping the baby.”
My mother gasped as she put her delicate hand over her face. The lava wouldn’t stop pouring. I had one more bomb to drop and this one would hopefully burn her heart as it burned mine, searing every inch of it until it was burnt to a crisp.
“And you know what? Here’s another thing for you. I miss my mom. I miss the mom that loved me. That would let me be myself. Who secretly gave me a journal and took me to ballet class. I miss my mom. I don’t know who this woman standing before me is anymore, but she disgusts me and I hope I am nothing like her.”
I pressed my lips together as I watched my emotionless mother walk steadily toward me. It felt like slow motion again as I heard muffled words coming from my father and watched my mother raise her hand in the air and slap it across my cheek. The stinging pain lingered behind as I put my hand to my cheek to stop the pain. I swung my head back to face her as the tears streamed down.
“How dare you? What is going on with you?” she asked.
“Woman, you touch my friend one more time, and I’m going to shove your shoe so far up your prissy ass that you’ll taste the dirt on the sole of it. The dirt you walk on just like the rest of us. You are no better than anyone here. In fact, I feel sorry for you assholish people. We’re out.”
With that, Mel led me out of that hospital room faster than I could blink.
She took me to a waiting area and let me cry on her shoulder. It was normal for people to cry in a place like this. What the passersby didn’t know was that I wasn’t even crying for someone who was here. The lava that I’d unleashed was slowly sliding itself back inside, searing my skin as it did. I unleashed the fury, but wasn’t prepare
d for the burn it would cause me.
“Thanks for standing up for me,” I sobbed into her.
“Do you have any idea how proud of you I am?”
“Proud? Look at what I’ve done.”
“Yes. I’m proud. You stood up for yourself. You don’t have to be afraid of the monsters anymore, Cass.”
***
After pouring my heart out to her for a good fifteen minutes, we began our drive back down to where my heart knew I should have stayed. They were my parents, yes, but they weren’t the people I should have been with today. No. Today was important for Jason, and I needed to be next to him, not my parents. I knew Jason was okay and out of surgery, but that still didn’t stop me from being overly anxious to see him. I had a lot to make up to him for being gone when he needed me the most. Thirty minutes into our drive back, I felt my phone vibrate against my leg, breaking me from my restless thoughts.
I looked over at Mel who was peering at me out of the corner of her eyes. “Who is it?” she asked curiously.
I glanced at the unknown number on the screen. I looked up at her and shrugged. “It says ‘unknown’. Should I answer it?”
“Yeah, it might be the hospital,” she reminded me.
“Good point.” I replied as I slid my finger across the phone to answer it. “Hello?”
“Cassie?” I heard a faint voice on the other end of the phone. It sounded like Moose, but I wasn’t positive from the muffled voice.
“Moose? Is that you? I can barely hear you.”
“Yeah, it’s me, Cassie.” His voice sounded strained and subdued as he spoke into the phone.
“What’s up? Trish already called me a while ago. We’re on our way back now.”
“Cassie, you need to hurry. It’s bad.”
“Moose? What are you talking about? What’s bad?”
My heart stopped. It literally stopped beating as I froze, trying to understand what he was saying. “You have to tell me what that means. I don’t know what you’re saying. Please tell me what it means Moose?” I screamed into the phone, my body shaking with nerves, my heart racing a mile a minute as I waited for his response.
