by B. A. Wolfe
Tears slipped from the corners of my eyes. “Stop! It’s not like that.” It sounded bad. I knew it did. But he wasn’t in my shoes.
He raked a hand through his hair, tugging the ends of it before dropping his hand to his side. “Unbelievable, Cassandra.”
He used my full name. A chunk of my heart fell to my feet, breaking into pieces around us. Wetness fell down my cheeks. I threw my hands in the air. “What do you want me to say, Aidan?”
“I want you to realize that Jase has a family. That he has you, Moose, Mel, my mom and dad, and, for Christ’s sake, me in his life.”
“How can you say that? You all mean the world to me, but Parker—he’s Jase’s father.”
His eyes closed as I said the word father like I’d just fucking crushed his soul.
“God, Cassandra. That disgusting asshole sitting in there doesn’t deserve to be that little guy’s father. He lost that chance.”
A couple eyed me as they passed us. I didn’t even care who saw this public display. I stomped my foot into the sidewalk. “He never got the chance, Aidan! Things were bad the first time, but I didn’t tell him. This is my fault. This is my problem to fix.” I tapped a finger on my chest.
He shook his head, slowly. “You want to know the sad part?”
“What?” I asked, sniffling.
His eyes softened. “I really thought I was enough for you both. I really thought I could be a father figure for Jase. I wanted to be your everything because you and Jase are mine. I guess I was stupid to believe that.” He closed his eyes and pivoted. His back faced me and his feet stepped one in front of the other.
He was leaving, walking away from me. “Aidan, wait!” I cried.
He halted, turning to see me. My hand went to my chest when I noticed the sheen that coated his eyes. I glared at the coffee shop in front of me. All of this because of Parker.
Aidan followed my eyes and the sadness in his gaze deepened. “I need time, Cassie. This . . .” His eyes drifted to the ground. “This one fucking hurts.”
Those were his last words as he marched down the street and probably out of my life.
I hope you’re happy with yourself, Cassandra.
***
Numbly, I strode down the crowded sidewalk toward my apartment. I wove in and out of people as I tried to call Aidan, but it went straight to voicemail each time. Of course it would. Do you expect anything different, Cassandra? I shook my head, answering my sub-conscious.
I took each stair one at a time to the second floor of our building. With shaky fingers, I unlocked our door and entered the living room. My face was soaked, my lungs sore from walking so far, so fast, and my heart . . . well, it was crumbling. Mel stood facing the window as she bounced a giggling Jase on her hip. If there was ever a time I needed my best friend, it was now. She spun around. Her eyes pinned me, freezing me to the spot I stood in. What was this hatred glare for?
“I just got off the phone with a certain someone. Care to explain?” Her tone mimicked that of my cruel parents.
“No, no, no.” I whispered over and over again. My hands immediately went to my face, protecting myself from her wrath.
“You lied to us both,” she stated matter-of-factly.
I heard the swing turn on and then sensed her standing inches from me. I peeled my tear-soaked hands from my face and sank to the floor. “I really messed up, Mel.”
She huffed in a wicked witch sort of way. “Damn straight, you did.” Mel marched off, leaving me alone on the floor. I really, really messed up.
“I’m off to work. By the way, he came by this morning. I told him you were at work and he said he was going to grab a coffee and come back. He wanted to surprise you and spend the rest of his day off with you.” Her voice was laced with disgust. Each word slapped me in the face as she spoke them. “I guess the surprise was on him.”
I craned my neck, my eyes finding hers. “Mel,” I muttered as the tears kept falling.
“Don’t.” She lifted her hand as if to say, ‘you disappoint me.’ “He left something for you on the table. I think he wanted to watch you open it. He seemed excited about it.” Her voice trailed off. And then before I knew it, she was gone and out the door.
As if each foot were dipped in concrete slabs, I trudged my way to the table where a pink polka dotted gift bag sat all by its lonesome. Each hand pulled out a piece of white tissue paper, setting them beside the bag. I swallowed as I reached in and pulled out a paper napkin. My insides coiled at the sight of his chicken scratch.
You and Jase mean the world to me. I hope you know that, Sweet Tea.
I saw these and thought of you both.
Aidan
A loud cry escaped my wet lips as I read his words. I gently set it aside and pulled another item out of the bag. It was Dr. Seuss’s Green Eggs and Ham. My eyes closed at the sight of it, remembering our first phone conversation when we shared how much we loved that damn book. I shook my head and set it on the table. I wasn’t sure how much more I could take, but my broken heart fished into the bag once more. A gasp left my mouth as I pulled out a small black velvety box. Far too scared to open it, I lowered it to the table. My heart couldn’t bear it though; I lifted it back up and peeled the top open. I stifled back a cry as a delicate silver necklace stared back at me. Two simple yet powerful charms dangled from the chain. An X and an O. I screamed and slammed the velvety box onto the table.
I dashed into the living room where I scoured for my purse. Finding it, I grabbed my phone from the side pocket and fumbled for Aidan’s number. I pressed on his name and listened as the phone rang and rang and rang. I called him again. And then once more. This time, it went straight to voicemail.
“Aidan, please. Call me back. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I was wrong to lie. I thought I would do worse by telling you what I decided rather than just keep it from you. I was wrong. But Aidan . . .” I sniffled. “He’s Jase’s father. He’s getting a second chance. Those don’t come by very often. I had to do this. I had to for Jase. You mean so much to me, but—.” Beep.
Shit! I wasn’t done yet. I called him again, knowing it would go straight to his voicemail. My lips quivered as I heard his voice telling callers to leave a message at the beep. “Don’t be mad at me. Please. I’m sorry for lying. I won’t be able to say it enough. Aidan . . .” My voice ran out. My tears streamed and I still had so much to say. Beep.
I opened my text message app.
Me: I know I let you down. But you of all people should know how much a parent means to a child. Please talk to me.
I’d lied to him and to Mel, and for that I was sorry. But Parker was Jase’s father. What I wanted from him was to be that for Jase; he deserved a chance to know him. That didn’t mean Aidan wasn’t good enough for us. I shuddered as I recalled the words he spoke at the coffee shop. He was more than enough.
Me: You are enough. That was never a question. Thank you for our gifts. You’ll never know how much they mean to me.
I set my phone down, knowing I wouldn’t receive a message back. He was furious. I had just taken all that I had and thrown it away, all because of a lie. Was it worth it? I peered over at Jase. Parker had better not let me down. Aidan had to realize what a parent meant to a child. I fell back onto the couch and stared at the ceiling. My thoughts ran a mile a minute through my brain. Who was wrong here?
Thirty-Eight
Dan
IT WAS FRIDAY, four excruciating days since I heard her voice. Ninety-six hours since she single handedly tossed my heart into a wood chipper. Not that I was counting or anything. I rested my elbows on my worn wooden desk.
“Mr. Bradley, are you going to teach us today?” Rebecca, my most studious student’s voice echoed. Each day since Monday had gotten progressively worse. Tuesday and Wednesday, I had the class watch a video. Yesterday, they silently read. Today, I hadn’t a damn clue what to teach or where I was with my plans. Hell, I didn’t even remember driving to work. I glanced up; thirty-six sets of eyes were o
n me.
I blew out a heavy breath. “Yes. I am.” I ran a hand through my unstyled hair and rose from my desk. “Take out your books. What part were we on last, Rebecca?” We were reading The Great Gatsby.
I listened as Rebecca explained the part we were at: the lie Gatsby kept from Nick Carraway about Daisy. My mind swirled. I’m a liar. I was the one who held a huge secret from Cassie, so why was I angry with her? It was simple; I wanted to be her everything. I wanted to be her superhero. I didn’t want that fucker in the picture taking my place just because his DNA matched Jase’s. What kind of shit was that?
What I saw at that coffee shop—her eyes wide like a little kid who had just been caught as she sat across from that prick. Seeing them together had me seething with anger. But, God, her texts and voicemails had me ready to kiss her feet and tell her I was sorry for reacting the way I did. She’d pleaded and apologized, but all I could think of was myself and my own crushed soul.
“Mr. Bradley. You’re doing it again.” Rebecca was becoming irritating and far too attentive for a high school student. My eyes toured my restless classroom. I huffed and slumped down in my chair. “Just pull out your test packets and study for next week’s exam.”
The room erupted into conversation. A few curious eyes stole glances at me as I remained at my desk, numb. I was worthless the rest of the day. I didn’t even break for lunch. Practice that afternoon went even worse.
“Coach. What’s up with you today? Lady problems?” Jenkins, my quarterback, teased. I scowled at him. My players were definitely more vocal with their concerns. Grunting, I left the bench. The last thing I wanted was look at a damn X or a fucking O. I handed Jenkins my playbook and told him to have at it. I marched across the field, retreated to my office, and locked the door. I snatched my phone and dialed my mom. Maybe she’d have some insight.
***
Cassandra
Five days. Five days since the coffee shop incident. Five days since I’d spoken to Aidan. The longer we didn’t speak, the angrier I became. My hands tightened on the steering wheel.
“He still hasn’t called, has he?” Mel asked cautiously.
My peripherals caught sight of her in the passenger seat. I pressed my lips into a hard line and shook my head.
“You messed up, mama. But if he doesn’t call soon, I’m going to his house and wring his neck.”
I snickered a little as I imagined that.
Mel and I had since made up. It wasn’t peachy, that was for sure. I received a lecture with her finger in my face for over two hours as she huffed, screamed, and paced in front of the couch where I sat. Telling me I shouldn’t have lied or trusted Parker. I took her lecture. Why? Because she was my best friend. A small part of me wanted to hear her out. Another part knew she wouldn’t ever move past this until she said her five cents’ worth. I let her speak and then I calmly gave her my two cents. It was my life, after all. I could do as I pleased. I couldn’t understand why my choice had hurt the two people I never wanted to hurt.
None of this got back to Moose, thank God, or he’d have screamed for not letting him protect me too. He was all too curious why I wasn’t my normal self and why Aidan wasn’t over when he came to visit. I gave him the run around and ended up leaving Mel to hang with him. They seemed more pleasant to one another, which I appreciated, but also didn’t understand. That would have to be a book for another day, I supposed.
We parked in front of Trish and Bart’s house. Trish had asked if she could watch Jase one weekend, and since I had to meet my parents this weekend, it was the perfect opportunity. Mel waited in the car and I took Jase and his belongings inside. Trish answered with a wide smile and rosy cheeks. It made my insides warm seeing her so excited to watch him. I set Jase’s diaper bag down, and glanced around the house. “Is Aidan here?”
“No, he’s not. Do you want to tell me what’s going on?” she asked as a single brow rose. My heart stabbed. Did he tell her? “You can tell me anything, you know that, Cassandra.”
On an exhale, I spilled my words to her. “I think I lost him, Trish. I think I pushed him away in the worst possible way.” I hurdled over the sharp pains in my chest and told her what I did to Aidan. How I’d lied and hurt everyone around me, all because I wanted Jase’s father in his life.
Deep lines settled around her mouth as she smiled. “You of all people should realize you don’t have to be blood to be family. We love you and Jase as if you were our own.”
My throat grew tight, clasping around the words I needed to say. “But Parker wanted a second chance, Trish.”
“Second chances are hard to come by, aren’t they?”
Processing her words, I nodded. They suddenly took on a different meaning, and instead of Parker, I thought of Aidan. I was getting a second chance at love. And I may have blown it. All because I wanted to give someone who probably didn’t deserve it a second chance.
“Aidan tries to be the rescuer. He’s not sure how to take someone else being there for you. Give him time.”
I scrunched my face and asked the one question I needed answered the most. “Did I just ruin everything we had?”
Her lips stilled as she stared at me. Her non-existent answer was more than enough for me to realize that I probably did ruin everything. I handed a squirming Jase over to her waiting arms. And as I did, her lips finally parted. “We lie to protect the ones we love. It’s human nature. We all do it,” she said with a distant look in her eyes.
I couldn’t take it anymore. I had to leave before I dropped to the floor and never got up. “I better go before it gets too late. Thanks for taking Jase this weekend.” I was going to miss him. The pain of not seeing him in the middle of the night or in the mornings tightened my chest. I hugged them both and began my drive back to Denver with Mel. I had a brunch to get through tomorrow.
***
“Do you want me to go with you?” Mel offered as she helped me pick an outfit from my closet. Aidan still hadn’t called. I tried one last time to text him, but got nothing in return. It wasn’t even the thought of him not going along today that had me upset. It was not hearing his voice or having him squeeze me as he held me to his chest. Or his words as he told me things I only dreamed of hearing. I missed him, all of him.
“No,” I told her, continuing to sift through my clothes. “I need to face my parents alone. I’ll be fine.”
“You’re really going to see them?”
I jerked my head, flashing her a deathly glare. “I’ve learned my lesson.” My voice was overly soft, weak, and sad.
“How did Jase do?” As if on cue, Mel changed the subject, thank, God.
“Trish called this morning. She said he’s doing great, but she’d probably say that even if he cried all night.”
“Grandmas!” Mel chuckled, then held up a pair of black skinny dress pants and a silky, cream colored button up blouse. “I think you should wear this today.”
I shrugged in defeat. The clothes worked. Fall had definitely reared itself in Colorado. The crisp, cool air kept the days chilly. I changed into the outfit, then added one piece she didn’t know about—my necklace from Aidan. I’d wear it for the comfort I desperately needed today. I slipped my arms through my hunter green trench coat and told Mel I’d be back later. She waved apologetically to me as I left.
I pulled up to the restaurant, handed the valet my car keys and drew in a fortifying breath before going inside.
“Ah, Ms. Pierce. It’s been too long, darling. Your parents have already been seated. Please follow me this way.” The owner, Douglas, greeted me with a kiss on both cheeks. Who knew after not coming here for over a year he’d still recognize me? I followed him past the sleek bar to a booth in the corner. “Madam,” he said, gesturing to the empty side. He unfolded my napkin and laid it across my lap. I had yet to make eye contact with the two hungry wolves who sat across from me. My racing heart wasn’t ready yet. I told Douglas thank you and dropped my gaze to the open menu. I counted to three, wishing and
willing that this was a dream and a certain someone was sitting next to me, calming me with his touch instead of leaving me to face this alone.
On the count of three, I lifted my gaze to two sets of glaring eyes. I gulped.
“Thank you for dressing appropriately, Cassandra.” My mother spit her vile compliment at me as she gave me a once over.
“Clearly, I’m not as ignorant as you think I am.”
Their eyes widened and my father’s lips twitched in a disapproving fashion. “That tone won’t be necessary, Cassandra.” My father’s voice was eerily calm with an underlying message in his words.
“What would you like to drink ma’am?” Saved by the waitress. I glanced at my parents, who both had glasses of wine at their fingertips.
“Water with lemon, please. Thank you.” The server smiled politely and was off faster than I’d have liked.
I straightened my posture as if I were back at home, seated at the dinner table. This felt like a past I didn’t want to relive. Realizing that, I let my back slouch a little and watched my mother’s lips tighten.
“Tell us, daughter. How is the community college treating you?” Coldness frosted my mother’s words, turning them to ice as they reached my ears. A single shiver coursed through me.
I lifted my brows ready to play their game. “Wonderful. I’m taking the most exciting courses. Did you know they have a Strippers 101 class there?” Their mouths dropped open. “It’s a lovely class. The instructor is quite flexible. You should see her twirl around a pole,” I added, smoothing out the napkin on my lap. “I’ve learned some great moves.”
“Enough!” My father slammed his palm on the table, causing the wine glasses to wobble, and the votive candle to shake in the middle of the table.
My body shuddered, my lips pressed together, and my back suddenly straightened as if it knew better than to use poor posture. I’d gone too far with the stripper class. Suddenly, I was back to being a twelve-year-old girl. My hair was pulled into a French twist, I wore a wrinkle-free outfit, and my hands sat delicately in my lap as I waited for brunch to be served.
