by B. A. Wolfe
I know you have your assumptions of why she’s running, but let her tell you. She’s fragile right now. She just needs someone to be there for her. Take it slow. Just be the nice guy that you are. I think she’ll appreciate it.
Jase had shared his suspicions of why I was running with his brother? My stomach buckled as I tried to grasp the words I read. Aidan understood I didn’t want to talk about why I was running. How did he know me before he even knew me?
I couldn’t absorb all the words I read. My poor heart couldn’t make it through each letter in its entirety. It was too much to bear. My soul couldn’t hold it all without breaking apart forever.
Jase,
You need to tell her, man. She needs to know why you keep leaving on your ‘secret missions.’ I mean it, Jase. It will be worse, the longer you wait. Tell her. I don’t think she’ll take it like Anna did. From what you tell me, this girl seems different. In a very good way.
Aidan wanted me to know that his brother was sick. He knew telling me was the right thing to do. And I seemed different in a good way? Oh, Aidan.
Each letter grew harder, almost impossible to read. I looked up, and my tear soaked eyes found Mel once again as I handed her the letter to read and add to the growing pile. With an extremely shredded heart, I grabbed the next letter.
Jase,
I’m glad you had a great day with the boots. Sounds like it helped you both. Turquoise, huh? What a bold color choice. I love it. Did you read the book I sent? I think you’ll like it. Read it!
Tucked behind the letter was a paperback. The Notebook. A sob escaped me. Holy Shit! Oh my god! I couldn’t take anymore. My mind took me back to our conversation about Noah and Allie. That’s how he knew about them. He loved to read and said this was one of his favorites, just like mine.
I lowered the book to my tear soaked lap. Every letter ran through my mind, filling me to the brim with everything I already knew deep down inside.
It was Aidan.
“He knew me without really knowing me,” I murmured, clutching the book in my hand. I peered up through wet lashes. Jesus, how could I have been so stupid not to see it all? Everything was real. Down to the single last word he ever said to me.
Mel looked up from the letters in her hand. “You have to go find him, Cass.” She wept. Mel never cried. She was the strong friend who never broke. Yet, there she sat with tears streaming down her face, telling me to go find Aidan.
I stood, rushed to my purse, and grabbed my phone. I was about to hit Aidan’s number when Mel’s voice stopped me.
“No.” Her eyes were still wet from crying. “Go to his house. Maybe he’s there? That’s more romantic.” She grinned. “I’ll watch Jase. Go!”
I nodded. It was more romantic. I’d surprise him. I was ready to go, but there was one thing I needed first. I stared at my cowgirl boots standing beside the box. I hadn’t worn them since that terrible day, but these boots needed to be a good memory now; not one laced with heartache. I mustered the courage and with a heavy heart slipped each boot on over my jeans. My breath hitched as I stared down at the bright turquoise covering my feet. A tear escaped the corner of my eye, but what I didn’t expect was the smile that tugged on my lips. My boots. I had my boots back. They were mine and Aidan had saved them for me. Suddenly, a calmness washed over me and I knew with every ounce of my heart that what I was about to do was more than right.
“Thank you,” I told Mel.
She smiled down at my boots and then up at me. “Go get him.”
With a grin, I grabbed my purse and keys, and rushed out the door. I got in my car and sped to his apartment, parking in the first open spot I could find. I stepped out of the vehicle and as if it was second nature, my eyes scanned the surrounding parking spots. I saw Aidan’s car parked down the way. He was home!
I made my way to the entrance of his apartment building and gripped the outer doors. My lungs forced a breath as I yanked them open and crossed the threshold.
“What are you doing here?”
My feet froze inches before the stairs that took me to Aidan. Was that high-pitched voice talking to me? I turned to look.
The sight of Shay stilled my heart. Her silky hair, her long legs, and her snarky expression brought back all the memories of when I first caught a glimpse of Anna’s sister—and Aidan’s ex—back at Dog Gone. She stood in front of me with furrowed brows and a hand on her hip.
“I asked you a question. What in the hell are you doing here?”
I swallowed back the lump in my throat and gripped my trembling hands. What in the hell was she doing here? I tried to straighten my back as I spoke. “I’m here to see Aidan.”
She shifted her weight to her left foot. “Well that’s funny, because he just called and asked me to come over.”
What?! There was no way. My wide eyes couldn’t look at anything but her. She stood so confident in front of me, making me feel only a foot tall.
“Oh you better believe it, honey. You’re just the little skank who stole my sister’s boyfriend and now I guess you’re trying to steal mine too. He doesn’t want to see you, though. I can assure you of that.”
Razor blades sank into my flesh, slicing it with every hateful thing she said. I shook my head in slow movements as I listened to her cruel words. “That’s not true.”
She smirked as she pulled her phone out of her designer purse. Her fingers played on the screen for only a second before she shoved the phone in my face. My heart sank deep into my stomach as I saw Aidan’s name on her screen of incoming calls. “No,” I muttered.
“Oh, yes.” She let out a contented sigh and the smile on her face grew wider. “So, you can go now. Save yourself the embarrassment of going upstairs. He wants me, not you.”
She dropped her phone back in her purse and with a glare in her eyes, brushed past my shoulder, and headed up the stairs to see Aidan.
I held a hand over my chest and walked back out the front door. I backed up against the brick building as I processed what I saw. Never did I expect Shay to be at his apartment. Never. I closed my eyes and slid down the wall, tucking my knees under my chin as I sat baffled, confused, alone . . . hurt.
I was sure my heart couldn’t break anymore. I was sure there was nothing else left to crack, but I was wrong. My heart broke like glass. But I didn’t cry. I couldn’t. My body was too stunned, my heart too sore, and my mind too confused. All I could do was sit, alone, at the front of his building as he and Shay sat together in his apartment.
Vomit crawled from my stomach up my throat the longer I thought about them and I knew I couldn’t take it anymore.
With a lifeless body, I lifted off the sidewalk and slipped on my sunglasses as if to hide from the world. I crept back to my car, one foot in front of the other, slowly widening the gap between the building and myself. I opened my car door, fell into the driver’s seat and drove off. On the edge of my mind sat a lone thought . . . He doesn’t like to see anyone in pain. He’s a giver, a helper, and a man with a big heart.
Oh how wrong you were, Jase. Ten minutes later I parked once again, in front of my own apartment building this time, stabbing needles forcing their way through my skin. Several minutes ago, I was bursting with excitement to find Aidan. To tell him how I felt, throw my arms around him and never let go. Joke’s on you, Cassie. He already had someone to do that for him. What in the hell was I thinking?
I turned the knob and took a deep breath as I entered my apartment.
“What are you doing back? He wasn’t there?” Mel asked as she made her way toward me.
I pulled my sunglasses from my face and set them on the table. “He was there.”
“So why are you here and not there?” Her eyes grew concerned.
“Someone else is keeping him company right now.” My voice was monotone as I spoke.
Mel cocked her head. “Excuse me?”
I shook my head, trudged to the couch, and lowered myself on it. My head fell between my legs as I tried to forge
t what I saw at Aidan’s doorway. But it was useless. Shay’s voice echoed over and over again. Well that’s funny, because he just called and asked me to come over. He wanted her to come over. That stung the worst.
“Who’s over at his place right now?”
“Shay . . .”
“What?!” She knelt in front of me and lifted my face up, forcing my eyes to meet hers.
“Shay,” I repeated. “She was at his door when I walked up.” Pain threatened behind my eyes, but I was still in too much shock to cry. Part of me thought maybe I didn’t see her, that she was just a figment of my imagination. The other part knew I’d lost him. I already told him to leave me alone. I drew in a shallow breath. “She said she was there, just like he asked her to be.” He was only doing what I asked. He was moving on.
Mel sat next to me, holding me in her arms.
“I don’t know what to do,” I whispered.
“Well, first of all, Shay needs to be thrown in battery acid. Second of all, you fight for your man, Cass.”
I shook my head.
She pulled away and looked at me with fierce eyes. “Yes. Go get him!”
“Shay’s with him. That’s who he wants. Not me. Not a girl who yells at him because all he was trying to do was watch out for her. And definitely not a girl who didn’t believe him when he told her all of his feelings were real. I shoved him away and he pulled Shay in.”
“Oh, Cass,” Mel muttered, drawing me into her once more. “You know I’ll call his ass and ask for an explanation if you want me to.”
I left her arms and sank into the cushion. “I know you would. But I’m done, Mel. I don’t have anything left to give right now.” I bent over and stared at the turquoise boots on my feet. I sniffled as I yanked each one off and placed them to the side, letting them lean against one another for support. I didn’t want to look at them. I was supposed to smile while I wore them, and I definitely couldn’t right now. “Cass, don’t be like this.”
My shoulders fell. “I don’t even know what to do with myself. I need to go to bed.”
She nodded as she rubbed my back. “Okay. Get some sleep. We’ll figure it out in the morning.”
I picked up Jase from his blanket and hoped Mel was right. Maybe things would be clearer in the morning.
Forty-Three
Dan
SHAY WOULD BE AT my door any minute. I almost didn’t answer the phone when she called, but I needed her address so I could mail her shit to her—the shit she left behind on purpose. What pissed me off even more was I knew she did it so she’d have a reason to come back.
I had two weeks before the move. I couldn’t deny I was stalling on packing. I didn’t want to move. I didn’t want to leave Colorado, my family . . . Cassie. But who could be in the same state as the girl you loved when she wouldn’t even look you in the eye? When she clearly didn’t want to be near you? You couldn’t. You had to leave. And that’s what I was doing. Leaving.
The only woman I wanted in my life was probably at her place crying, and there wasn’t anything she’d let me do about it. I couldn’t help her or comfort her. She made that very clear. An ache gnawed in my stomach; I hated this situation more than she’d ever realize.
I grabbed the box from my closet and piled it with the rest of Shay’s garbage. I shoved an old sweater in the box as my phone vibrated.
Shay: Be there in five.
I sucked in a deep breath. I should’ve just mailed it to her, but part of me didn’t want to waste the money on her and the other part wanted to reiterate how we were never getting back together. All I wanted was my Sweet Tea. My Cassie. I’d never give up hope. In fact, I’d hang on to that hope like it was a damn lifeline. Maybe someday our paths would cross again and we’d get our happily ever after. But right now, I couldn’t bear the thought of how much she hated me. How much I hurt her for lying. I had to give her the space she needed.
My doorbell rang and I cringed. My eyes lifted from the box and with an agonizing pain in my chest I headed to the door.
“Well I’m here, just like you asked.” Shay leaned against the doorframe wearing a pair of tight jeans, heels that were way too tall for her and a top I could almost see her bra through. I huffed as I looked at her. She didn’t even compare to Cassie. In no way was she even worth my time. But I needed her to take her stuff so she could finally be out of my life.
“I have your box, come on in.”
A baffled look crossed her face as I moved out of the way. She adjusted her top and strutted past me. I laughed under my breath. She just didn’t get it, did she? That kind of shit didn’t do it for me. Not when she was missing a heart and her insides were the color of coal. I wanted the whole package that included beauty on the inside.
She set her oversized purse by the door and continued down the hallway into my living room. I grumbled as I shut the door.
“I’m glad you answered when I called.” Her over-bronzed face was all I could focus on as she spun around.
“Yeah, me too.” My tone was more than sarcastic.
“You are?” Her eyes widened. My sarcasm flew straight over her head. Jesus!
“Definitely not in that way, Shay.” I went to the kitchen and grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge.
“So, you don’t miss me?” I could tell from her voice she was pouting.
I almost spit out my water. “No.” Hell no.
“Well hello to you too.”
“I want your shit out of my apartment and that’s it.”
“Aren’t you sweet today?”
I leaned against the counter, setting the bottle next to me. “If you wanted, I could’ve just chucked your shit in the dumpster.”
She made her way toward me, resting against the fridge. “Dan, don’t be rude.” Her hand flicked her straight hair over her shoulder. “Why don’t we grab some dinner first?” She sauntered across the tile floor, standing uncomfortably close.
I ducked out from the cage she was trying to put me in. “Are you delusional? I told you. We’re done. I’m not trying to rekindle anything. We. Are. Done. We ended a long time ago. I don’t know what you’re holding onto, because I’m sure as hell not holding onto anything.”
A lengthy sigh echoed through the kitchen. “Fine. I get it. We’re done.” Her tone sounded as though she was mocking me, only fueling my fire more.
I shook my head. “Do you? Do you really get it? Shay, we were never going to work. We were never in love. You need to let go, like I did. Go find someone who wants to deal with your drama and bullshit. Just come get your crap before I end up throwing it on the street. Okay?”
“We’re really done?” She sounded shocked . . . hurt.
I laughed under my breath. “We’re really done, Shay. I don’t love you. I don’t really think I ever did. Let it go.”
Her hands slapped against her hips and she held them there. “You’re such an ass.”
I shrugged nonchalantly. “No. I’m just trying to put my life back together and I need your shit gone in order to do that. Just . . . take it and leave. Please. I’m sick of you hanging onto us.”
Her head dropped to her chin and her hands rested against her legs.
It was time for her to have it drilled in her head for good. “We’re never getting back together. Ever. I mean it, Shay.” My voice was firm as I told her one last fucking time.
She lifted her head. Her eyes were wet. It didn’t even affect me, seeing her upset like this. She didn’t deserve my sympathy. She released a deep drawn-out sigh before opening her mouth. “Okay . . . I get it, Dan. We’re done.” Her expression had changed completely from the girl who was at my door just minutes ago. I think she finally understood. “Where’s my box?”
“I’ll grab it. It’s heavy, so I’ll take it down to your car for you.”
“Gee, thanks,” she spit.
I was getting her backlash and I was happy. I’d rather it was that than her still hanging onto the thought of us as a couple.
“I�
��m not an asshole, Shay. I’m just trying to move on and I need you to understand that.”
“You’ve made it perfectly clear.”
I didn’t say another word as I marched past her and grabbed the box from the living room. She walked in front of me the whole way to her car. I put her belongings in the backseat and that was it. Neither of us waved, said goodbye, hugged or anything. A fifty pound brick lifted from my shoulders. She was finally gone.
I made my way back to my apartment, slipped a hoodie over my head, and laced up my Nike’s. I couldn’t sit in my apartment a second longer. I needed to free my mind; I had to go for a run. I grabbed my phone and shut the door behind me. Pushing through the doors of my building, I hit play on my iPod and blasted my playlist. I looked left and then right like it was second nature to look for her, but Cassie wasn’t there. My chest clenched. I couldn’t go in the direction of her place. If I did, I knew I wouldn’t have the willpower to not pound on her door and beg to see her.
I took off to my right and let my legs do the work while my mind reeled. The only thing I could think about was Cassie, though.
I didn’t know what she’d think about the box I gave her today, and that terrified me. I gave her everything I had, down to the turquoise cowgirl boots I’d saved for her. I couldn’t bear to see them as they sat next to his casket. Especially knowing that Jase did as I suggested and helped her pick out her first pair. I knew Jase had taken her, but I felt as if I helped her that day too. The only thing that brought me some sort of comfort was knowing she’d finally have them back, along with any other answers she needed.
All I ever wanted was for Cassie to heal and be loved. I couldn’t help that it was me who fell in love with her. I thought of each letter I’d stuck in that box. She had my whole world in her hands right now. It wasn’t much, but it was everything to me.
***
Cassandra
My heart felt just the same as it did yesterday. Sleep hadn’t done me any good. The only thing going for me was I knew what I had to do. I waited until early afternoon when I was done with my work and placed a few pieces of clothing for Jase and myself in my overnight bag.
