by Lana Hartley
Wow. I don't know what to say to that.
"It isn't his baby!" She says with a laugh.
I laugh, too, hoping to lighten the mood some. I realize I'm being moody and she's being cheery. "That's very kind of him."
"Yes, Mr. Renaud is a very nice man," she says.
I digest that for a moment while eating a crepe. I don't imagine anyone else in his life would ever say that. I know that he owns an empire and that he's taken down others with lesser claims to business thrones. I know that he did shady, underhanded shit with my shady, underhanded father. But he seems to have a soft spot for the maid, and that's nice. I wonder if he's slept with her, which makes me feel kind of gross for thinking about it. It is rude when she's been so nice to me from the start.
"Do you have a picture?" I ask. "I'd love to see your little boy."
She sits down and pulls out her phone and shows me an image of the cutest little boy I've ever seen. I've not really seen a lot of children in person, but he's definitely adorable. "What a little angel, he's precious." It's the truth.
I feel a weird pang in my stomach. I wonder if I want children.
I wonder if Jacob does. And if he expects me to have them.
I take a huge gulp of coffee. These are so not the things that I want to think about. But I guess it is good that they're bugging me, because they're giving me the fuel to figure out how to get away from Jacob, away from everyone who tries to control me, and live my own life. I don't know exactly what I want, but I know that I want to make those decisions for myself.
And now I know that while Tatiana is very kind, she's very loyal to Jacob. She has her reasons.
And I have mine for not being loyal. Tatiana is nice. She's someone I can talk to. But I won't be able to trust her. There's no way that she knows how Jacob brought me here -- that he bought me, accepted me as payment. And I get the feeling that if I told her, I'd be wasting my breath. She'd not believe me. Or maybe she wouldn't care. She has a son to worry about, and I’m not her problem.
"Thanks for sitting with me," I say. I know I should make more conversation, but I have no idea what to say. Maybe I'd ask about her son, but what would I ask? I hope she volunteers something as a conversation topic, so I don't have to feel so awkward. Perhaps when I don't come up with a conversation topic, it will feel awkward already, but I'm certain that Tatiana has more experience with conversations than I do.
"No problem, Leah, I know that you've been through a lot and it would be nice to have some company without pressure," Tatiana says. Her eyes tell me there's more she's not saying. Hmm. Maybe I can't count her out just yet, but I still am not going to jump off any cliffs to think that I can trust Jacob. Tatiana, as far as I know, is more like me than him. She's taking care of her son. I'm trying to take care of me. Jacob Renaud is trying to own me.
"Yes, I hear that Jacob wants you to take me shopping today. I don't think I want to buy new clothes, though..." I shift in my seat. "I don't think so, anyway."
"Oh, Leah, he's not going to expect any more from you than he already does. Plus, you'll need something to wear to the office. I put your clothes away. You have barely anything. Let me help you out today. We'll have fun. Maybe go to the spa? Mr. Renaud owns a lovely place, they will see us without appointments." Tatiana's warmth is contagious. Somehow, I feel more comfortable and calm than maybe I ever have. It makes me wonder what having a mother, or even a friend, is like. I already know that I can't resist Tatiana when she gives me a very insistent look.
"Fine, that sounds pleasant," I say with a smile. "It can't hurt."
He won't expect any more than he already does. Oh, Tatiana knows something. But what, I don't know. And she says that I'll need something for the office. So she knows that I'm to work for Jacob. She put my clothes into a master bedroom closet. Good lord, I wonder what in the hell she thinks is going on. This is all so abnormal. I can't imagine that she knows the truth, but I don't know what would make any sense as an explanation, either.
Leah
A spa day. Shopping. This is all so surreal.
But I know this is all a distraction. I know Jacob's not going to expect any more than he already does...
Because he expects to take my virginity. I guess tonight. I asked him to make me come when he was taking me away from my father, but now...do I want this?
I know I do. But I'm terrified. I hate that I feel like I have to question my every thought. My world is getting bigger...and smaller, all at once. I'm not trapped at my father's house, but all I can think about now is the man who owns me. What he wants. What he'll do to me.
Tatiana is looking up from her coffee cup with a well-manicured brow raised. She's thinking about something and leans forward when I meet her gaze and pull myself from my thoughts. "Mr. Renaud has given me a rather large list of things he wants me to help you with this month. Would it make you feel better if I shared it with you?"
The remaining tension I felt breaks within me. "Thank you so much. I feel so...lost. It would help to see the list, yes." I'm so grateful for Tatiana, I decide. Trust isn't an all or nothing thing, is it? Do I need to trust her completely, or can I only trust parts of her? I know that I shouldn't feel safe with her because I know where her loyalties lie, but I need at least this idea of safety.
Tatiana pulls her phone back out of her pocket and scrolls through a few things and brings up a list. It is long; I see when I start to look over it.
She's supposed to help me with my wardrobe, take me to the gym, buy food that I like, help me choose a college...
For a few moments, I'm excited that it sounds like I may have a real life. Not be sheltered and shut off anymore. But how can I be any of those things when Jacob owns me, he dictates and buys every portion of my life as well? I'm frustrated, but I don't want to tell Tatiana that now.
"Sounds like we're going to be busy," I tell Tatiana, handing her phone back to her and taking a final sip of my coffee.
"Yes, you are," Jacob says, reentering the room and making me jump enough to clank the now-empty coffee cup on the hard oak table. That sound only makes me jump more, and I imagine that I look as disheveled as I feel, like a bird with all ruffled feathers. How can he have this effect on me? So many effects on me...I think of what's to come. "I have a full day ahead as well, several deals to wrap up. I'm not going to come home tonight," Jacob says in a voice tinged with regret. He sounds like he's trying to sound calm and even, but I hear sadness coloring a voice I've only heard sounding ultra-confident before. He steps toward me and kisses me on the forehead. I turn to ice when he walks near me, but when his lips touch me, I stop breathing and the ice in my veins is now heat pooling in my belly. I hate myself for reacting this way to even the simplest of his touches. I try to push the thought away, and I see Tatiana is blushing. Perhaps she thinks she's witnessing some intimate moment.
And perhaps everything was written all over my face. Goodness gracious, what crazy shit has my life come to now? I suck in my lips and try not to watch Jacob leave. I can't help but notice the way he moves so elegantly, and how he sucks all the air out of the room with his departure. I notice that his scent lingers, and it stirs something in me. His whole home smells like a fresh burning fire, leather, linen, such a different environment than my father's house. It always smelled like alcohol, cigars, and cheap perfume.
Tatiana stands, and I do the same. She's looking at me strangely like she's sizing me up. "Haircut first," she says. No wonder she likes Jacob, she's bossy like him, too. Bossy seems like an understatement for Jacob...but I see the confidence they both have in their statements, and I feel like a small mousy girl all over again. "Just a trim," she says, reaching out and touching the end of my hair. "The length is beautiful, so is the color. But it needs more body." Her words are sweet, and I think it would be nice to have a haircut. I've only had a few in my life, as my father rarely let me leave the house, he'd had a few women he dated that paid attention to my existence who wanted to play with me like I was a doll. But Ta
tiana feels sweeter than they were. She's not sleeping with my father either, so even if she likes Jacob Renaud; her judgment has to be better than those gold-digging bimbos my father dragged home.
I've always thought my hair was dull. I look at Tatiana’s thick, curly black mane of hair and think it is a force to be reckoned with, yet mine is boring and stick straight. Still, I suppose with some professional help, I could have some actually glamorous hair. At least to get my hair cut I won't have to navigate a massive store or several, and try to figure out what to buy. Someone cutting my hair just requires me to sit still. I can do that.
I stand there realizing I have no idea what to do with myself. I need to put on shoes. I can't drive. Will Tatiana drive?
Tatiana looks at her phone. "The driver is ready for us, let's grab a coat and get you some shoes!" She's saying this with a cheery tone, and I don't know if she can see the lost-in-the-wilderness look on my face or she just happens to be saying what I need to hear to keep me grounded.
I follow her to the entryway of the home. I'm looking around this massive compound of a home, a massive mansion that is worlds apart from my father's house not just in size but in the way it looks. Every inch of Jacob's home is elegant, classy, beautiful. My father's house was so tacky; it always felt uncomfortable to be in. Not that I didn't have other reasons for hating being there. But I can't believe the scope of Jacob Renaud's house. The massive windows. The spiraling staircases. The vaulted ceilings. Marble and stone and other walls made of things I didn't know existed. Crown molding so elegant I feel like I'm in a palace. Based on what I know about Jacob's business holdings, well, the owner of Renaud Enterprises probably does live in what can be classified as a palace.
Tatiana walked into a closet by the massive dark wood double doors and pulled out a pair of slip-on boots, some gray socks, and a camel-colored, butter-soft cardigan. It was all simple items, ones I assumed belonged to Tatiana, but it felt like these items were nicer than anything I owned. I was glad to be giving in to letting her help me shop for clothes. It was clear that I couldn't exist in Jacob's world without getting a wardrobe upgrade. At least this one thing seemed a simple way to make me feel like I belonged.
Was that what I wanted? I slipped into the boots, luckily they were the right size and comfortable, and followed Tatiana, who closed and locked the door behind us. I took a moment to turn and look at the massive house since I didn't remember entering it, having been asleep when Jacob brought me in. It was a harrowing sight, a massive stone building reaching toward the sky, not unlike a castle. It was massive, breathtaking, and somehow it seemed that this foreboding tower of a home was exactly the kind of imposing home that Jacob Renaud would have. The sky even seemed gentrified around the idyllic setting. Looking ahead, I saw a driver, a circular driveway, impossibly large gardens and a gate around the whole compound. I knew my father had a large home that was separate from any neighbors, but his house was nothing like this secluded home. I felt a shiver creep over me. I was alone out here. I didn't know where I was and no one was going to save me from Jacob.
Still, I liked that I was far from my father's house, and I was heading away from the tower I was to be locked up in now, even if only for a day. No amount of lists that seemed to be constructing a life for me would convince me that I was anything but a prisoner.
Leah
The car was a black SUV, with rims shinier than my bathroom mirror at my father's house. The driver, who opened the door for me, was a tough looking man with a buzzed haircut and broad shoulders. He looked like he might smack a bullet back if someone tried to shoot him, I thought to myself. It would have made me feel safe if I was actually Jacob's girlfriend, but as his prisoner, I just saw another person that would make my escape that much tougher.
One step at a time, I told myself.
Tatiana closed the door once I slid inside onto the leather backseat. I could see through the tinted window glass that they were discussing something, and then Tatiana walked around to the other side and sat next to me. The car started, and I thumbed my finger to put the window down, as it was too tinted for me to see through, but there was a child lock on the window. I felt scared for a second like I'd done something wrong and the seat was going to electrocute me, but the driver clicked something on his panel, and my window started to go down. The bracing whip of the wind was a welcome distraction from the storm inside me.
I watched us pull from the gates and out of a long driveway. Jacob's home is truly separated from anyone. When we hit the highway, and then the city, I'm excited despite all my misgivings. I've only been in the city a few times, and Alanor Heights is instantly an exciting, if not an overwhelming, change of pace. I've been shut in my whole life, though, and when we step out of the car and toward the salon, seeing the sheer number of people actually hits my chest like a brick is dropped on it. I suddenly have the urge to hold my hands together. I wish for a second that Jacob was there.
I curse that thought. Why would I think that? I don't want that. I unclench my fists and breathe slowly. Of course, trying to control my breathing sends erotic flashbacks of Jacob Renaud licking my pussy so good that I almost get dizzy just thinking about it. Fuck.
"Carlotta, she's my girl now, she'll take care of you," Tatiana says, and she puts her arm on my back and walks with me. "Do you think you want bangs? With that baby-doll face, they could be so cute. Mr. Renaud would like them," she says, adding that last part like she might be measuring my response.
I want to build up her trust in me, and I don't want to be any ruder to her than I might have already been, so I smile, nod, and tell her that I'd like that, too. "Let's try it!" I hope my enthusiasm rings true. I am curious to know what I'd look like with well-coiffed hair, with adult, well-done makeup. With fancy clothes. Maybe today will be exciting and feel good, and that's okay. It isn't like I could run right now, and I don't know where I'd run to. I have to let go of the feeling like static under my skin and quicksand under my feet, that I'll never get away if I don't do something now. There's nothing to do now. Right now, I need to assess the situation. Besides, I never thought I'd get away from my father, and now I'm free. If I'm honest, I know that I was never going to try to get away from my father's house. I knew he was going to sell me someday, but it wasn't until it was really happening that I felt a fire was lit under my ass. Now, I have to bide my time and be smart.
And for just a moment, maybe be a little happy. I know better than to think I'll ever be fully happy, because if it is a destination, then it isn't one for me. But for a few moments today, I'm normal. I'm just another girl getting her hair cut.
We walk into the salon and a gorgeous woman who's nearly as tall as Jacob walks up to Tatiana and they hug. "Darling, who is this angel cakes you brought me today?" The woman I presume is Carlotta says, looking at me.
My face heats. When Jacob said he thought I was beautiful, it was shocking to me. I feel plain. When Tatiana was sweet to me, I thought that's all it was. Carlotta now is probably just being nice. Still, I'm shy again, and I try not to stammer as I put my hand out to introduce myself. "Leah Waterson," I say. Part of me wishes I didn't use my last name. I don't want anything that reminds me of my father.
"Sugar, please," Carlotta says and shakes her head. She wraps her arms around me and pulls me in for a tight, squeezing hug. "Lotta gonna take care of you, come over here." She points to a seat, and I sit down. She adjusts the stool with her foot and puts a smock on me, lifting my hair up and securing it at the nape of my neck. "So tell me you're keeping this length. This color is perfect too. Ooh, let me play with it. Can I?" She's talking fast, and despite everything, I have a huge grin on my face and simply nod along with her, even laughing when she finally pauses to let me answer. "Good, good. Now, let's shampoo first, come here," Carlotta says and extends her hand. I take it and follow her over to the sinks, laying my head back when I sit down and feeling the extra-hot water sink into my scalp and transport me to a calmer state of mind. Tatiana can't have known j
ust how much this would put me at ease, but she did well in making me comfortable. Before I close my eyes, I see her sitting down at a station for a pedicure. I've never had one of those. It sounds totally indulgent, but after feeling how soft Jacob's sheets are, the next time my feet are on them, I want them baby smooth. After everything on that list, I know that Jacob won't care that I'm spending whatever it costs to get a pedicure, so I think I'll have to give the pedicure a try.
I suppose knowing that he has so much money and knowing that I want to get far away from him, I shouldn't care about how I spend his money. But I know that's not right. It feels gross to imagine using him like that, which is maybe foolish.
"Child, your shoulders are so tense." Carlotta says and does a tsk, tsk sound sucking at her teeth. "Is the water too hot?"
And now, again, thoughts of Jacob have ruined my relaxation!
"No, I just got lost in unpleasant thoughts. Please, keep working your magic," I say earnestly, taking a moment to try and still my mind.
"No problem, girlfriend," Carlotta says with a chuckle. "I've got you."
The water cascaded down my scalp. Carlotta's long, strong nails worked circles through my scalp, scooped up all my hair to the top of my head, and then lathered the most incredible smelling shampoo through my hair. It was similar to the shampoo in Jacob's shower, but the scent was somehow more upbeat. I didn't know scents could have moods, but this one definitely did. Carlotta worked the shampoo out of my head, giving my scalp a gentle raking motion that felt really good. It was impossible not to feel relaxed. After she'd turned off the water and worked conditioner through my hair, I felt overwhelmed with gratitude. "Your hands are magic," I told her, laughing. "I will have to do this again, soon."
"Girl, with them ends, I expect to see you at least every few weeks. You're abusing some otherwise beautiful hair." She shook a comb at me. "That shit won't fly!"
