by Lana Hartley
The news is playing on the screen in my room. I'm constantly staying attuned to it so I can see what they uncover and if I'm close to being found. I've had it on mute but I turn the volume up as soon as I realize they are arresting Robin, the violent boy from my school who was expelled last year and who Jeremy's had framed for his crimes. Robin is in cuffs and they're leading him away, probably for the rest of his life, and I feel upset by it. They have a lot of evidence against him and he will likely go down for this. How could Jeremy condemn someone that's innocent to a torturous life? He's not that sinister, is he?
I decide that I need to confront Jeremy about this. I doll myself up a little and roam around the massive house to search for him. I finally find him in the study, or rather the library as it hosts two floors of rare and vintage books, along with the new age classics.
"Jeremy? Are you busy?"
"Not at all. Never too busy for you." He glances up at me from his paper.
"Have you heard the news? They've got that guy Robin pegged pretty good for the crime, for killing my classmates."
"And...?"
"And, I want to know how you could do it. How could you do a thing that would hurt somebody for so long? I thought your whole tagline is 'pain-free death’. And now you're willing to hurt this kid forever?"
He puts down his paper and looks at me carefully before asking, "Do you know what that 'kid' Robin was expelled for?"
"No," I say feeling uneasy now like maybe I shouldn't have broached the subject. "Why?"
"He is an elitist prick that will never accomplish anything on his own, known for his parent's money. He got into a drunk driving accident that killed two people, including a teacher's daughter. Were you aware of that?"
"No," I whisper as I shift between feet. "Still," I say finding my voice again. "That doesn't give you the right—"
He cuts me off. "Guess what his punishment was? Twelve hours of community service and expulsion. That was it."
"So he got off easy. What's the point?"
He shows me a file full of medical records. I take a seat across from his desk and sort through the information.
"They're all girls," Jeremy shows me. "Girlfriends of this Rob guy, And they're all dead. Do you think they were accidents? All of them?"
"I guess not. I mean, that is weird. So you're saying..."
"I'm saying his last girlfriend was admitted to the hospital on account of falling down the stairs. She has suffered permanent brain damage."
"Oh God." I am horrified by what I've just learned. "So this guy, he's a bad guy," I say almost to myself.
"Yes Carrie, you could say he's a very bad guy."
I feel Jeremy's imposing eyes taking in my expression, my body, my every move. Everything about him and even this moment turns me on as I've come to realize that Jeremy is like a modern day Robin Hood. He catches the bad guys, the criminals, the bullies. He punishes people who deserve it and for some reason that makes his mission more noble. He inches closer to me and traces his finger along my collarbone.
"Now," he says in that deep voice that melts me like butter. "Do you want to leave? Will you call the police and turn me in?"
"No," I say almost immediately and I catch his gaze and it draws me in and I get ready to hang on for dear life. This man has me in his snare and the problem is that I don't want to escape...not ever.
Jeremy
The fact that Carrie confronted me over the person I framed for the mass murder, well, that has me shaken. I've never been interrogated like that before to such a point that I felt I had to answer. I could never lie to her and I told her the truth...about everything. She has the power to turn me in and to ruin my life, but that's not what I'm afraid of. I'm afraid that what I've done has scarred her innocent heart to such a degree that I'm past forgiveness. What if I lose her over this? What if my motives and dark desires are just too much for her to handle. I would be crushed, wounded beyond all repair. But I can't change who I am. I just have to trust that if Carrie and I are meant to be, then it will happen.
This emotion of fear is entirely new to me and it has me shaken. Normally I am so in control, so meticulous about everything. I have never cared what people think of me, good or bad. I had my life planned and I was in the driver's seat. I was not expecting this. I didn't plan for this. Carrie has penetrated my soul in such a way that she has me questioning myself which I never do. Normally I am so reserved and stoic, considering my surroundings at all times. Why has she pierced me to such a degree? Why have I let her make me come undone like this? Fear is not something I'm used to feeling and I'm not sure I like it. It's uncomfortable knowing my future hangs in the balance of another person's inclinations. I know I couldn’t care less what happens to me, only that I might be without her. If I ever lost her that would be the end of me. I might as well end myself right there. She is the only person I have ever known who truly understands me. And to face her rejection would be my undoing. This new territory I'm in has me doubting and questioning everything but one thing I'm sure of, one thing I could never doubt, is that this is all happening because I love her, I actually care about someone outside of myself, and she's exquisite. If I were to ever end my life over somebody it might as well be her. She's the most precious commodity I have ever had. She would be worth losing it all over. She would even be worth the pain of being separated from her because at least I had the opportunity to know her, if only for a brief moment in time. It has all been worth it. No matter which way the pendulum swings, I will never regret my time with her. And I will always love her even if it means my ruin. I'm obsessed, infatuated, in love. It has me practically on my knees, begging life to deliver this perfect girl on a silver platter. I want to have her now and for all time. It's hard for me to give her space to make a decision, but once she does my fate will be sealed and I'm trying to prepare myself for that moment.
"Carrie," I say. "Are you okay?"
Her eyes fill with tears and my heart melts. What have I done to her? "I'm really not okay Jeremy. I have so much on my mind. So much has happened and I don't feel prepared at all."
"I want to make it right. I want to fix it for you."
"Jeremy you can't! This is all just who you are and I either have to accept it and to make a part of me too, or I have to deny it, and deny you. How can I make that decision?"
I sigh. I want to pull her into my arms and hold her and never let her go. But I don't. I stand unmoving, my life hinging on her every word.
"I can help you if you let me. This life, it's not so bad. It's even fun, sometimes. I want you to be in with me, Carrie, but I understand if you can't. I won't hold that against you. I will not betray you even now. You determine the course of what's to come and if you can't handle it then that's fine. I will step away, or go to jail, or whatever, the choice is yours. But know that I love you now and I will always love you despite what happens, good or bad."
Her eyes look hopefully up into my face and I see that my words have brought her at least some measure of comfort.
"Why don't you go, retire to your room, and take some time and space to think about it, to think about me. Okay? Wouldn't that help to get some distance? To clear your head?"
She looks at me like she doesn't want to leave but I see the pained expression on her face. She knows she has some decisions to make and that she will have to make them soon. The waiting game is over. All my cards are on the table and I can only hope she sees them through my eyes. Yes, this life is different...it's intense, but it is so worth it. If she can peel back the layers of her soul, like an onion, then she will see what I see — which is this strong, talented, and profound person. If she can let herself be that then her senses will become heightened and her fury will be unleashed and it will feel so good. My world is crazy and intense, but it's also raw and truthful. There's no hiding here, everything is shrouded in secrecy and yet to share that with another person would mean total transparency. She will peer through my soul like she sees through a glass. With her, I
will be an open book…and yet the question remains if she can accept what that entails.
I watch her climb the stairs, slowly and deliberately, and it feels like there are miles between us, a distance that I long to shorten.
Carrie
I am again getting dressed for dinner. Everything's so formal in this house but I love it that way. I love having somebody to dress up for and I love being in this regal environment. I've been around money my whole life and usually, it doesn't impress me, but with Jeremy, I feel like a princess locked away in a hidden castle and the notion becomes exciting with him.
I dress for him every night, for his eyes alone. Tonight I've chosen a short, black cocktail dress. It's velvet, the better to touch me with, and it accentuates my ass perfectly. I throw on some six-inch stilettos to match, and a black velvet choker that has a diamond hanging from it. It was here in the closet for me and at this point, I can only imagine that the diamond hanging from my neck might be real, such is the way with Jeremy. He spoils me in all the right ways.
I make my way carefully down the stairs in my new heels. To my surprise and consternation, there is another guest in the house and I can only imagine, what now?
I lock eyes with Jeremy who takes my hand as I come down the stairs and he doesn't look happy.
"Carrie, this is Detective Peterson, he is the private investigator who your parents have hired. Apparently, he's very expensive."
My eyes open wide as I realize I might be done for. I have been found out and my private sanctuary with Jeremy could potentially dissipate this evening. Fuck. I should've known it wouldn't last. I have been living in some fantasy world and it's starting to come undone. My reality is so depressing compared to this. And I can't imagine leaving Jeremy's side. I look at him anxiously and I know he's read my expression. He sees my panic.
"Hello, Mr. Peterson," I manage to say. "I'm Carrie and I guess you found me."
"I have. It wasn't easy, but I've been looking for you for a while now and it's time to come clean."
"Well, I am an adult and I have every right to be here. I don't want to see my parents."
"You can't be here under the guise of living with some boyfriend. You know your parents have empowered me to use every resource to bring you home."
"You wouldn't dare," I say, trying to test the waters of his conviction.
"I absolutely would. I will tell them everything. Of course, if you have a better price for me then I can assume that I haven't seen you and pretend to keep on looking."
"This is blackmail!" I'm enraged and Jeremy's arm hooks around my waist as I'm about to kill the guy, figuratively of course.
"Whatever you may call it, it is what is. I'm either getting double what your parents have paid me or I'm bringing you home tonight."
"Like hell, you will," Jeremy chimes in. He's not coming to my defense in the way I thought he would. I think he's letting me handle this and it feels good to flex my capabilities a little bit. I can stand up to this guy…I think.
"Listen, sir.” I am confident. "I don't have any personal money anyway, my parents own it all so you won't get a dime out of me."
"Hmm," he looks around the scope of the place. "It looks like your boyfriend here has plenty of coin. Why don't you cash in on that?"
I glance at Jeremy, afraid he would ever think that I'd use him for his money. I never would and I would never give in to this detective even if I had the money.
"I will never pay you for what you want. It's despicable and if I pay you then you will just keep coming back for more."
Jeremy gives me a look like he's proud. "I always knew you were a smart girl."
Before the detective has any idea of what's happened, Jeremy has knocked him unconscious and the man tumbles to the floor.
"Oh my God! Jeremy!" My hands are covering my mouth in surprise. I definitely was not expecting him to do that. I'm afraid to ask my next question. "What are you going to do with him?"
"You know exactly what I'm going to do Carrie." And he pulls a knife from a drawer in the oversized console table that adorns the foyer. He shows me the knife and he's smiling something villainous.
"You cannot be that heartless, Jeremy please. he doesn't deserve to die. Just let him go. He won't come back." I am near hysterics as I realize what's about to be done. "Please stop! Don't do it, Jeremy, please."
He looks at my reproachfully as though he was expecting more. He hands the blade to me and asks, "Do you want to do it?"
"Of course not. No." I recoil to even think of the question. "This is so wrong."
"Is it really?" The tone of his voice has deepened and it's full of a lascivious taunt. "You realize what will happen if we don't do it, right?"
I think upon his question. Do I really want to be found out? Do I want my parents to gain a hold on me and for this all to over? Can I ever even go back to my old life now that I know what it's like to experience Jeremy? My life would be empty without him. It would be nothing. I might as well die. So it's either him, this impertinent investigator, or it's me.
"Do it," I say, my own evil-mindedness surprising me.
"Excellent." He's happy with me, I know. But I've just become an accomplice and I don't know how I will live with myself after this.
"Just don't let him suffer, okay?"
"The carotid artery it is then."
I watch in astonishment and private resignation as I see Jeremy start to pull the man out of the foyer. "It would be far too messy to kill him in here," he says it so casually. "You can go ahead and start without me if you'd like. I prepared Beef Bourguignon." He pauses to look at me in that dark, deceptive way. "Unless of course, you'd rather watch."
I turn on my heel and walk away from him without another word. What has he gotten me into? I slump into a dining room chair and sip on the wine he's set out. I'll need the whole bottle to calm these nerves. I drink, and I sit, and I wait.
Carrie
I awake in a pitch black room so shaded that I cannot tell if it's morning or afternoon. The heavy curtains are drawn tightly as if to keep every glimpse of the day and of reality out of my sight line. Jeremy is curled around me, not yet awake. It feels nice to be here in bed with him, his arms wrapped around my stomach in a tight hold. He always holds me like that at night, as if he thinks I will slip away unless he's got a firm grasp on me. I wish it could be like this always. I wish our lives were normal and there wasn't this dark undertone of murder and deceit. If that were true then I wouldn't think for a second about leaving Jeremy but as it is I am just not sure that I can be committed to a life of criminality.
Jeremy stirs and I feel him wake. I hop out of bed and pull the curtains open, revealing my nudity to his now attentive eyes. I lean against the windowpane and peer out into the day. It must be mid-morning. The distant sheep in the fields are having their brunch and my stomach rumbles and I realize I need food...and coffee.
"You look incredible," Jeremy says to me, gazing at my ass, watchful of my every move.
"Thank you, my love.” I bend down to give him a kiss before pulling him out of bed. "The day is bright and full of possibilities."
We shower together under the rain head that has become my favorite feature of Jeremy's master bath. He turns the steam on and it's the best way to wake up. I stroke his cock that is always hard in the morning and then I bend down to my knees so that I can kiss it and take it down my throat. He thrusts into me hard and holds my head in place and it only takes a couple minutes for him to come. I love to suck his cock in the morning and wake him up to my heated desire. I swallow his cum and it feels like the best start to a day a girl could hope for. It makes me happier than I can imagine ever being before.
He washes me sweetly and rubs my back. Eventually, when we're all clean I pull on his robe and walk out with wet hair. I go down to the kitchen to make an espresso at the coffee bar. The kitchen is outfitted with every gadget and technology one could ask for.
Jeremy appears, still in a towel and I have to watch w
hile he is drying off. "I have to go take care of that business from last night, you know, our special friend."
The real world dawns on my private fantasy of existing purely in this house, this state of heaven with Jeremy, and I am again reminded of his sinful existence and my caged life.
"Okay," I say sadly as he kisses my forehead.
I head back to my room and pull on a simple pair of jeans and a soft sweatshirt I find in the closet. I sit in the chair by the window and stare out over the grounds.
I wonder what he's doing and where he's doing it? Suddenly my heart races as I realize I am alone for the first time ever since he captured me. I could technically walk out right now and never look back. I know there are cars with keys in them. I'll just take one and drive away. He won't come after me if he knows I left of my own volition.
I slip on some shoes and race down the stairs, through the outside gate, and into the garage. I pick the closest car I can find that has keys in it. I get in and feel the cool, supple leather against my skin. I'm in some gorgeous sports car. I know nothing about cars but I do know that this will get me out of here quickly. I never have to see Jeremy again or think about his vicious nature. I can leave and be free. I won't even have to see my parents. I'll just go somewhere and start a new life and pretend that none of this ever happened. I start the car and it purrs.
I don't drive away though. Not yet. Thoughts of my parents remind me of how Jeremy is the only person in my life who has ever loved me. He has done things for me when nobody else has veered bothered. My parents used me for their own gain, my classmates taunted me constantly, and I've never had a friend in the world until this one man, this handsome man, came into my life. He's killed for me. And when my classmates were getting slaughtered I didn't flinch, I didn't move, I didn't try to help them at all. I just felt...nothing. I didn't care whether they or I lived or died. So why am I feeling things so deeply now? Replaying in my mind how Jeremy has killed for me brings up feelings of satisfaction that are entirely foreign to me but which feel so good. I love him. I secretly love that he kills for me. It makes me feel gratified, protected, and safe. Maybe instead of running away from him, I am running away from the person I am becoming because of him. My truth has been dormant, sleeping, unable to wake because life was almost not worth living. Now he's ignited the passion in me and it's sick and wrong but I don't care. Something about killing bad people makes me feel strong and powerful. They deserve. it. Jeremy doesn't kill out of diabolical spite, he kills to make things even, to level the playing field, and to bring justice to depraved people who deserve to die.
