But now…now that it was actually about to come to pass, Madison’s concerns had begun to consume her. She doubted she could ever be the kind of wife Luke deserved.
“Maddie? Did you hear me?” he asked gently, drawing her focus back to the moment.
“Yeah. I know. Believe me, I know, Luke. You are definitely not like him.”
“Do you still want to marry me? Because you’re really freaking me out right now.”
“I’m sorry, Luke. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. It’s not you. It’s probably just all the pressures of the wedding and stuff,” she said, looking down at the sand.
He cupped her face in his hands and lifted it so they were looking into each other’s eyes. “So we’re good? You and me?”
She nodded.
“Because I really love you, Madison Baron,” he said, his expression serious.
“I love you, too, Luke Johnson,” she replied, trying to sound lighthearted.
“We’re not kidding around here, Maddie.”
“I know,” she said.
He pulled her close again, and as she listened to the steady beat of his heart, she felt herself relaxing again. Maybe things would be okay after all.
On the drive back to Luke’s house, Madison remembered he’d said something on the phone about needing to talk. Once again she felt her anxiety beginning to surface as she asked, “What was it you wanted to talk about?”
He looked puzzled. “When?”
“When we were talking on the phone before you came home. You said there was something you wanted to talk to me about. You sounded really serious. Like something was wrong.”
“Oh, that. It’s about an offer my dad made me.”
“What kind of an offer?”
Luke pulled over to the curb and shut off the engine. “Before I tell you, I just want you to know that our marriage is going to be a total partnership, okay?”
“What does that mean?”
“It means we make all the big decisions together, you and me. I’m not going to go off and decide anything about our future without you having equal say,” he explained.
“Okay.”
“So, here’s the deal.” He reached over and took her hand. “I know we both were thinking we’d like to be on the mission field together some day. But I also know we talked about staying here in Sandy Cove for a few years first.”
“Right. We were going to both work and save up. You know I got that offer from my internship—the job at the pediatrician’s office. It’s only part time, though, so I’d probably supplement at the hospital or something. They’re always looking for nurses, especially in pediatrics.”
“Yeah. About that…let me explain what my dad and I talked about.”
“Okay, tell me. Did he offer you a position at church?”
“Well, not exactly. He offered to have the church sponsor us on the mission field in the orphanage in China. The couple who have been running it would like to come back to the states for a few years.”
“Wow. Really?”
“Yeah. I know. It’s a big deal,” he replied.
“So we’d go right after the wedding?” she asked, trying to process this news.
“Right after the honeymoon,” he replied, searching her face for a response.
“I don’t know what to say.”
“You don’t need to say anything right now. Just think about it. I really wasn’t planning on springing this on you my first night back. And remember what I said, about us deciding everything together. This is huge. And we won’t go if you’re not ready. But just think, babe—what a great opportunity to use your nursing skills with kids.”
Madison flashed back to images from the orphanage on their short-term trip a few years back. So many sweet kids, and many of them with medical needs. “It does sound like a great opportunity,” she said, while her stomach flip-flopped nervously. “Let’s both pray about it.”
Luke pulled her close and as the waves crashed on the shore, Madison tried to reassure herself that she was up to getting married and taking on the new challenges that life would hold.
As Madison got dressed the next morning, she could hear the loud voices of her brother and father in another one of their heated exchanges.
“I want you out there cleaning the garage in the next ten minutes,” Steve said. “It’s going to take you most of the day, and you won’t get it done sleeping in until noon.”
“I’ll get it done,” Caleb barked in response. “Get off my back. I told you yesterday I’d have it cleaned out by dinner time, and I will.”
“You’d better believe you will. Just because it’s summer, doesn’t give you the license to shirk your responsibilities around here,” their father said.
Madison shook her head. Those two! I’ll be glad when I’m not living under the same roof with them.
By the time she got downstairs, her father had left and Caleb was eating breakfast. “Dad sounded pretty upset,” she commented.
“Nothing new, there,” her brother replied, picking up his bagel and heading out to the garage.
Sighing, Madison grabbed a banana and headed out to her car. She had an important visit to make today. Praying silently for God’s guidance through what she was about to do, she drove in the direction of her great grandmother’s apartment.
Pulling her car into the parking lot of the Shoreline Manor Retirement Community, Madison thought through her plan one more time. Maybe it wasn’t such a good idea to ask Grams about her feelings before she married Gramps. Would it stir up her grief over his death again? That was the last thing Maddie wanted to do.
But something inside her nudged her forward. Besides, she hadn’t been here for three weeks, and she knew Grams loved her visits. She’d keep it brief about her concerns regarding Luke, and spend most of their time together talking about her great grandmother’s new project. Nodding to herself in agreement, she climbed out of the car and headed for the apartment.
As usual, the front door was unlocked. Madison pushed it open and found Joan dozing in her rocker recliner, Bible open on her lap. The small round table by the kitchen still had remnants of toast on a plate and a half empty coffee cup. Beside the breakfast dishes were piles of papers—Grandpa Phil’s sermon notes that Joan was compiling into a devotional book.
Madison closed the door softly so as to not startle her great grandmother. Carrying the breakfast dishes to the kitchen, she gently placed them in the sink, checking the stove to be sure the burners were all off.
“Maddie, is that you?” Joan said, dropping the leg rest and sitting upright.
“Hi Grams. Hope I didn’t wake you up,” she replied.
“Nonsense. I was just resting my eyes for a minute,” Joan said. “Did I know you were coming over?”
Madison smiled. “Nope. I wanted to surprise you.” She pointed to the front door and added, “You should lock your door, Grams. Anyone could walk right in here.”
Joan waved her hand dismissively. “Nobody around here but us old folks. I never was much for locking doors. Your Grandpa Phil harped on me about that all the time. But I guess that’s just how I was raised.”
“Well, Gramps was right. You should lock the door.”
“Enough about my door, sweetheart. Let me fix you a cup of tea,” she offered, rocking herself slightly back and forth in the chair to get up enough momentum to stand.
“I’m fine, Grams. Really. You just relax. I can put the tea kettle on if you’d like.”
“The day I can’t make tea for my guests is the day I’m going home to be with Phil,” she replied with a wink, brushing past Madison and into the kitchen. As she filled the kettle, she asked, “So how are the wedding plans coming along? I heard your young fellow is home.”
“He is. We were over there last night.”
“Must have been quite a reunion,” Grams said as she placed the kettle on the stove and turned to get two teacups from the cupboard. “How long’s it been since you saw him last?”
> “Three months,” Maddie replied.
“That can feel like a lifetime,” Joan said as she walked out of the kitchen with the cups in hand.
Madison noticed the burner was not on under the kettle, and why was Grams bringing empty cups into the living room? “Here, let me take those,” she said, reaching for the cups. “Why don’t we make the tea in the kitchen first? It’ll be easier than carrying the kettle in here.”
“Silly me!” Joan exclaimed. “I don’t know what I was thinking.”
Maddie could see the confusion clouding Joan’s eyes. “No worries, Grams.” Changing the subject, she gestured to the table. “Looks like you’ve been busy with your project.” She slipped back into the kitchen, set the cups on the counter by the stove, and turned on the burner. “Are you finding lots of great material for your book?”
Joan’s face brightened. “Yep. It’s a lot of work. But I think Phil would be pleased.”
“For sure. It’s great that you’re taking the time to do this. It’ll be a treasure for all of us, including my own kids someday,” Madison said.
“Your own kids,” Joan mused. “That someday is probably around the corner, Maddie,” she said with a smile. “It seems unbelievable that I may be a great great grandmother soon.” Her countenance changed as she stared off into space.
Maybe this was the time to ask her, Madison thought. “Let’s not rush things, Grams. I’m not even married yet.”
“Hmmm?” Joan seemed a bit lost.
“I was saying I’m not even married yet, so no kids coming anytime soon.”
Joan nodded, but her eyes were still a bit vacant. The teakettle began to whistle and she shuffled into the tiny kitchen. “I have your favorite cinnamon tea,” she said.
“That sounds great. Want any help?” Madison offered, right on her tail.
Together they made their tea and got some shortbread cookies from the cookie jar. I’ll always remember Grams when I eat these for the rest of my life, Madison mused to herself.
“What a mess,” Joan said as she surveyed the table.
“Let’s drink our tea in the front room,” Maddie offered, carrying their cups.
They settled into the cozy chairs by the window. After a moment of silence, Joan asked, “Now what were we talking about?”
“About how it will be awhile before I have kids.”
“Oh yes. The wedding and your handsome suitor,” Joan replied. “Now tell me again when the wedding is. I’d better get it on my calendar.”
Madison smiled to herself. Gram’s life revolved around that calendar. Most of the entries were medical appointments or something related to her little Bible study group. But lately she’d taken to adding deadlines about her new project. Finish two more entries was scrolled across the bottom of each weekday. It was cute how she took Saturdays and Sundays off. Old habits died hard.
“The wedding is set for August 21st,” Madison said.
“Uh huh,” Joan agreed as she studied her calendar. “Yep. That’s what it says here.”
Madison took a deep breath and rallied her courage. “Grams?”
“Yes?”
“Can I ask you a personal question?”
Joan looked surprised. “Sure, darling. What is it?”
“Did you ever feel like maybe you shouldn’t marry Grandpa?” Madison asked.
“Why, no,” she replied. “You know I was smitten by him long before we courted.”
Madison nodded.
“Come to think of it, we were a smidge like you and your Luke. Seems I recall you two making eyes at each other way back when you were at your mother’s school.”
Madison smiled, flashing back to the crush she’d had on Luke when she was in middle school.
“Do you remember how you two used to sit out on the bench with those thinga-ma-bobs in your ears?” Joan asked.
“Yep. We used to listen to music on my iPod together.”
“Is that what you were doing?” she asked with a wink.
“What did you think we were doing?”
She chuckled. “Never you mind.” She took another bite of cookie and looked right into Madison’s eyes. “What’s troubling you, Madison?”
Her great grandmother could cut from confused to complete clarity in a moment’s time. “I’m just wondering…”
“About?”
“About whether or not I’m the right one for Luke.” The words came tumbling out leaving Madison completely open and vulnerable.
“Oh, my. That old devil’s been messing with your mind, honey. Luke is head over heels for you.”
“But, Grams, he’s going to be a pastor someday. I just know it. And the church has offered to sponsor us on the mission field right after we get married.”
“Well that’s wonderful! You’ll spend a lifetime serving our Lord together,” Joan said enthusiastically.
Madison nodded.
“You don’t look happy, honey. What is it?”
Tears started to well up. Maddie stood and carried their empty cups into the kitchen, trying to regain her composure. When she returned to her seat, Joan was scratching something down on a pad of paper. Hoping to change the subject, Madison asked, “What’s that?”
“It’s my prayer list for our meetings of the Silver Sisters,” she replied.
Madison smiled. Her great grandmother had started her own little sisterhood of believers shortly after moving to the Shoreline Manor. They met once a week right here in this little apartment. The Silver Sisters of the Sword.
“I’m so glad you pray for us, Grams.” Her emotions started to build again. “So you never felt like Grandpa Phil was way ahead of you spiritually speaking? Or that you might not be up to being a pastor’s wife?”
“Well, now, I didn’t say that, young lady,” Joan replied. “My, oh my. I fretted myself silly at times about all that.”
Madison sat on the edge of her chair. “You did?”
“Why, yes. Your great grandfather was a very special man. He knew God like no one else I’d ever met.” She paused and gazed off into space for a moment then returned her focus to Madison. “He never made me feel as though I was lacking, though.”
Madison nodded.
“Phil said the good Lord knew just what He was doing putting us together like that.”
“That’s sweet, Grams. I can just picture him saying that,” Maddie said. “Did you ever feel over your head, though, as a pastor’s wife? I mean, what was it like?”
“Well, it’s a lot of long days and some long nights, too. And I’ll warn you, sweetheart, it can be lonely sometimes. Oh, I’m not saying Phil ever neglected me, or anything like that. But his flock, those folks were like family to us. And when they needed him, he tried to go.”
“Yeah. I get that. Hanging out at the Johnsons’ house, I’ve seen how Ben gets calls after work and ends up at a hospital or someone’s home.”
“But there’s something else bothering you, isn’t there?” Joan asked.
“I guess it’s just that I wonder how I will do in my role,” she confided. “I have no doubts about Luke. He’ll be great.”
“Just what exactly do you think a pastor’s wife’s role is, Maddie?”
“I think they have to run all the women’s ministry stuff, be a role model for all the rest of the church, keep a spotless home, help in Sunday school. All that stuff. Plus be supportive of their husband and his role.”
“Whew wee! No wonder you’re feeling a little scared!” Smiling, Joan reached over and patted her on the knee. “God will show you what He wants you to do. You just focus on Him and on loving and taking care of your young man, and the rest will come.”
“Really, Grams?”
“I promise,” she said reassuringly. “Now, is there anything else?”
Madison just couldn’t bring herself to share about her feelings of shame and unworthiness as a wife. “No. That’s all, Grams.”
CHAPTER SIX
Caleb logged into his computer and pulled up his em
ail account. He could hear his mom in the laundry room down the hall. Before he entered his password, he walked over and quietly closed the door, pushing the lock button on the handle.
After checking his inbox, he clicked the compose button. A new message screen popped up, and he began typing Amber’s name into the address slot. Immediately his email server recognized her name and filled in the rest of her address.
Caleb sat back in his chair for a moment. How should he begin? Rubbing his hands together, he stared at the picture of his birthmother on the bulletin board over his desk. It always felt a little awkward to type ‘Amber’ but he’d never called her ‘Mom’ or anything along those lines.
He opted for a simple greeting instead. “Hey!” he typed, and then hit the return button. Now what? How should he invite himself out for a visit? Leaning back again, he thought about his options. Come on, dummy, he said under his breath. Just tell her it’s summer and you want to come out.
Taking a deep breath, he plunged in.
So, school’s finally out for summer. Logan’s probably going to be working most of the time. Not sure what I’ll do for the next three months. If I hang around here, Dad will probably find plenty of stuff that he wants me to do. You know, fun stuff like cleaning out the garage.
I was thinking maybe I could come out to see you. We could go to that water park we went to last time I was there. Plus, I could help you paint that office room you’ve been wanting to paint.
Everything around here is just wedding stuff. Mom spends all her time with Mad, and Dad’s working like crazy as usual. I could come anytime.
A knock on the door interrupted his typing. “Caleb? Got any dirty clothes in there? I’m throwing in a load of jeans.”
“No. I’m good,” he replied, glancing over at the mess of clothes on the floor by his closet. He still had at least one pair of clean jeans hanging up in there. The rest could wait.
“Okay,” his mother’s voice came back through the door. “I’m heading out to the photographer with Maddie in about twenty minutes.”
Above All Else (Sandy Cove Series Book 7) Page 4
