“Really?” Michelle asked. “When?”
“Tuesday nights starting in a couple of weeks.”
“After the wedding, right?” she asked.
Caleb got a disgruntled look on his face. “Is that all this family can think about? No, it’s the Tuesday before the wedding,” he answered defensively. “But it’s just for one hour that week. Think you can spare me?”
Michelle was taken aback by the tone of his voice. This wasn’t like Caleb. Maybe he was feeling like a third wheel with all the attention going to Madison these days. She decided to cut him some slack. “Sorry, bud. I’m sure it seems like that’s all we talk about lately. I’m sure it won’t be a problem for you to take the class that week.”
His voice softened. “Thanks, Mom. Sorry I snapped.”
Madison sat on a bench by the shoreline, her Bible in hand as she gazed out over the turbulent waves and the gray horizon. She’d thought a lot about what Taylor had said about being completely open and transparent with God.
As she began to pray, memories washed over her, one after the other. Walking on this same beach with Miles, how he’d made her feel so special and beautiful, and then how she’d given her whole self to him, losing not only her virginity, but also her integrity and self-worth.
Tears pooled in her eyes, as she once again became that high school girl. When Luke, her crush since middle school, had left for college, she’d felt so bereft, like a ship without a sail. Flipping through fashion magazines and studying the popular girls at school, she’d found herself lacking. Not thin enough, not pretty enough, not stylish enough.
After spending time and effort running and dieting, revamping her wardrobe, and adding layers to her makeup, she found herself the object of attention by the new guy at school. Miles was so cute, and even the popular girls were vying to catch his eye. But for some reason, he’d chosen Maddie.
She smiled through her tears as she remembered him asking her out and then the way he draped his arm over her shoulder and would even kiss her in the hallway between classes—right in front of those envious cheerleaders! He made her feel so attractive and even sexy.
Soon their kisses had progressed to new levels of intimacy, and Madison could remember how her body had responded with cravings that made it difficult to say no. She’d held her ground for a while, but then one day…She shuddered as she remembered that afternoon, alone with him at her house. Her parents had forbidden them to be there without either her mother or father home. But it seemed silly to Madison, and she defied their rule, only to her own eventual chagrin.
Miles said he loved her. And Madison believed she loved him, too.
Then, it seemed like things began to cool with him. When her conscience got the better of her and she reigned in their physical relationship, he reigned in his affection and attention. Soon he was working the cheerleader circuit behind her back.
Madison’s heart ached, just replaying the memories of his rejection and the shame she’d felt in the aftermath. There was no excuse for her. She’d known better from the start.
Gazing out over the water, she shook her head. If only she’d waited! The following summer, when Luke returned home from college, they’d reconnected. And on the short-term mission trip to the orphanage, he’d confessed his feelings for her.
At first she pushed him away. She was damaged goods and didn’t deserve a godly guy like him. But Luke had persisted and had given her the gift of grace.
Madison reached up and fingered the necklace she’d worn ever since—a gift he’d given her to express how much both he and God loved her. Feeling the tiny ladder and cross, she remembered what he’d said that day. First he’d told her how much he loved her, not just romantically, but as a person and a friend. Then he said, “I know you think you’ve really blown it. But who on this earth hasn’t.” He reminded her of God’s unconditional love and Jesus’ gift of the cross.
Then he’d said something she would never forget. “If there was any way I could help you climb up a ladder beside the cross and look into His eyes, I know you’d see a love you’re not letting yourself receive…a love that never ends.”
She’d told him everything. All about how she’d given herself to Miles and didn’t deserve Luke’s love. He turned the fault partly on himself, telling her that if he’d only been honest with himself and Madison before he went off to school, none of it would have happened. And then he reassured her that what they had would be completely different; it would be like Madison’s first time all over again.
“Oh, God,” she prayed, tears streaming down her face. “I’ve really blown it in the past. The truth is I’m not worthy of Your love or Luke’s.” She felt her heart sink as she allowed the full weight of her sins to encompass her.
Finally she said the words she’d feared for such a long time. “I’m a wretched sinner, Lord.” Like a sudden storm, the winds of regret let loose completely. Her chest began to heave as she poured out her grief along with her tears.
After the storm in her heart had subsided, Madison closed her eyes and imagined all the dark scars of sin within her. She asked God to scrub them all away with His love and mercy.
And then it happened.
A peace washed over her. A peace she’d never experienced before. The peace of total surrender. Miraculously, a shaft of sunlight pierced through the heavy clouds shadowing the ocean, lighting up the horizon with sparkling radiance.
Almost as if she could hear His voice audibly, the Holy Spirit spoke into her heart, “I have loved you with an everlasting love. Your sins are washed away, and you are clothed in My white robe of righteousness.”
Maddie sat very still, soaking in the love of her heavenly Father and the forgiveness she’d denied herself for so very long. And then she recognized a new feeling—complete freedom from the past.
That Sunday at church, Madison sat beside Luke in the second pew from the front. She felt so very close to God, and to this man who would soon be her husband. Next week at this time, they’d be Mr. and Mrs. Luke Johnson. Her heart soared at the thought.
As they listened to the message Luke’s father delivered from the pulpit, they leaned their heads together, sharing the same Bible that rested partly on his lap and partly on hers. At one point, when Ben mentioned the blessing of raising a houseful of kids, Luke nudged her with his elbow. When she looked at him, he smiled and winked. Then he pointed to himself and to her. “That’ll be you and me someday,” he whispered.
Caleb, who sat on the other side of Madison between her and her parents glanced over at them and cleared his throat. Madison flashed him a smile as he rolled his eyes at her.
Steve leaned slightly forward and looked down the pew at them, giving them a “what’s up?” expression.
Madison feigned innocence, raising her eyebrows and tipping her head toward Caleb, which just roused her brother even more. He looked at his father and shook his head in mock disdain.
Try as she might, Madison had a hard time focusing on the message for the remainder of the service. She kept imagining what it would be like ten years from now, as she and Luke raised however many kids they ended up having.
She knew her future pregnancies would be higher risk because of a condition she’d been diagnosed with as a young child, a bleeding disorder called von Willebrand disease. But her hematologist had assured her that with the proper prenatal treatment and monitoring, and extra precautions during delivery, she should be able to have children.
Luke wanted a slew of kids, and Madison was getting used to the idea. As with most new phases of life, she had her anxieties and apprehensions. Would she be a good mom? The role seemed a bit daunting to her.
One step at a time, she reminded herself mentally. Taylor was helping her look at life differently now, not borrowing trouble from tomorrow, and trusting that God would provide for her every need that very day. She’d helped Maddie see that she was missing out by living too much in the regrets of the past and the worries of the future, rather than
soaking in the blessings of the present.
As Ben wrapped up his sermon and the worship team came back to the front, the congregation stood to their feet for the final song. Luke clasped Madison’s hand in his as they lifted their voices to God, praising Him for His faithfulness and love. Leading her by the hand, Luke guided Madison to the front, where they were meeting his folks to go out to lunch.
Soon his family would also be hers, Madison thought with a smile. Ben and Kelly were already like an uncle and aunt to her. They’d been close friends with her parents since before she was born. God must be smiling to see all this, Maddie thought. He sure is in the details of life, she observed silently as Kelly moved in and gave her a big hug.
“Can I borrow the car?” Caleb asked his mom. “My karate class is starting in less than half an hour.”
Michelle handed him the keys. “Would you mind filling up the tank? I’ve got some errands to run for the wedding tomorrow morning.”
“Sure. No problem,” he replied, heading out the door.
A few of the other students in the class were already on the mat when Caleb walked in. Two looked like they were just a little older than Luke. The third was closer to Caleb’s age.
Over the next few minutes, five other students appeared and found places to sit on the mat. The class was supposed to start at seven, but there was no sign of Adam. Caleb made small talk with the other young guy, discovering that he was also a student at the high school. They compared notes about overlaps in teachers and classes. The guy seemed decent enough, although his language cued Caleb that he probably wasn’t a Christian.
Finally, at five after seven, Adam strode into the room, his presence silencing the small talk among the students.
“My name is Adam Wilson,” he began. “I’ll be your instructor over the next six weeks.” Explaining the format and routine of the class, he eventually had them do a few simple stretches and then taught them the first night’s poses and moves.
Caleb noticed that Adam didn’t smile much. He kept his instructions short and to the point, demonstrating as he went along and then watching the students for their form as they attempted to copy what he had shown them.
He spent a little time talking about the importance of focus and mental exercise throughout any martial arts undertaking. “You can know all the moves in the world and be completely defeated if you don’t discipline your mind and keep a razor sharp focus,” he explained. “Karate is not based on brute strength or weight. It is a science of learning to anticipate your opponent’s moves and artfully respond to use his own force against him.”
At the end of the hour, he taught them the concluding bow and then directed them to practice what they had learned throughout the week ahead. After making sure there were no questions, he dismissed them and began walking out of the room.
Caleb caught up to him, not quite sure what he was going to say, but hoping for at least a moment or two of conversation. “Good class,” he said.
Adam nodded. “Thanks.” No smile, just a very brisk response as he continued walking.
“See you next week,” Caleb added, feeling lame.
“Right,” Adam called over his shoulder.
Caleb watched him leave the studio and walk out to his car, pulling immediately out of the parking lot and driving away.
The guy Caleb had been talking to before class patted him on the back. “See you around.”
Caleb turned and lifted his chin in acknowledgment. “See ya.”
As he climbed into the car and drove home, he was so preoccupied with thoughts about Adam that he completely forgot to gas up the car.
Walking into the kitchen from the garage, he was greeted by his mother. “How’d it go?” she asked, looking apprehensive.
“Fine.”
“Did you gas it up?” she asked, holding out her hand for the keys.
“Sorry, I forgot,” he replied. He could see her irritation mixed with exhaustion, as she gave him one of her looks and then gazed back down at the lists of last minute wedding details.
Just then Madison walked in. She looked at her mother and then turned to Caleb. “What’s up?”
“I forgot to gas up Mom’s car,” he replied, grabbing a cookie from the counter. “Give me back the keys and I’ll go do it right now,” he mumbled, his mouth full.
Michelle held them out to him. “Come right home afterward,” she said. “I may run over to the ATM.”
He nodded.
“And Caleb?”
“Yeah?”
“I want to hear more about your class,” she said, her tone communicating her curiosity.
But by the time he returned, she was in a conversation with Madison about the boutonnières. Caleb took the opportunity to slip upstairs and avoid talking with his mom. There really wasn’t anything to say, anyway. For once, he was glad everyone was focused on the wedding. Even his dad seemed to have backed off.
CHAPTER TWENTY
The last four days had been a whirlwind of last minute details for both Madison and her mother. Tomorrow was the big day! She’d soon be married to the man of her dreams and her very best friend.
Madison checked herself in the full-length mirror. Her floral sundress accented her blue eyes and fit like a dream. Heart swelling with joy, she felt like she could cry. It was really going to happen! Tonight was the rehearsal dinner, and tomorrow the wedding.
Opening her door, she could hear laughter downstairs as her Uncle Tim and his wife, Traci, chatted with her parents. Traveling up from Seal Beach for their niece’s wedding, they’d arrived late last night, and surprised them all with a visibly pregnant Traci.
“Why didn’t you tell us?” Michelle asked as she embraced her sister-in-law.
“We wanted to wait until the end of the first trimester, and then we got the invitation for the wedding, so we decided to just wait and surprise you in person,” she explained, looking over at Tim with a conspiratorial smile.
“Does Mom know?” Michelle asked her brother.
“Nope. You’re the first,” he replied.
“Other than my parents and sister,” Traci added.
“I can’t believe I finally get to be an auntie!” Michelle exclaimed, giving her brother a playful shove. “You kept me waiting long enough,” she added with a grin.
“Don’t tell Mom,” he replied with a wink. “Let’s all just pretend like nothing’s different and see if she notices.”
Everyone laughed. “Right,” Michelle said. “Like she wouldn’t notice!”
Madison smiled thinking of a new baby cousin. She was due in early December, and Uncle Tim promised to try to come up for the holidays when Maddie and Luke would be home from the mission field on their two-week holiday vacation.
Smiling to herself, she tried to imagine her uncle as a dad. He’d always been so carefree—more like a kid than an adult. She knew Traci would be a great mom, but she figured Tim would probably be one of those playful parents who relied on his partner to be the disciplinarian adult.
She did have to give him credit, though. He was a lot of fun! And Traci and Uncle Tim were perfect for each other—with his outgoing, rambunctious nature drawing her out of her shyness, while her calm, thoughtfulness civilized his wild side.
They were much older than Madison and Luke when they got married. Maddie had a feeling that was a good thing, especially for Tim. He definitely wasn’t ready to settle down at twenty-two.
Now Uncle Tim was almost forty, and Traci was thirty-five. They’d been married for two years. I’m glad they’re starting a family before it’s too late, Madison thought to herself. If she and Luke had kids in the next few years like they planned, their kids would be more like cousins to Tim and Traci’s than she and Caleb would ever be.
Kids. The idea was exciting but scary. Well, she didn’t have to think about that now.
Knocking on Caleb’s door before heading downstairs, Madison called out, “Time to go, Cale.”
“Be right down,” he replied wi
thout opening the door.
The church was so quiet compared to the usual Sunday hustle and bustle. Kelly and Ben were sitting in the front pew discussing something when Madison and her family walked in.
Turning around, Ben smiled and stood up to greet them with Kelly on his heels. As they all exchanged hugs and hellos, Madison glanced over the sanctuary. As if reading her mind, Kelly said, “Luke will be right here. He left something at home.”
Madison smiled. Luke was so responsible, but he’d been a little distracted lately. The last time he was over at her house, he forgot his keys, came back inside, and then after kissing her goodbye one more time, walked out without them again. “Guess I’m just having a hard time saying goodbye,” he commented with a grin the second time back to retrieve them.
Starting tomorrow, they wouldn’t have to say goodbye at night again. It was hard to fathom. Instead, they’d be just saying goodnight and falling asleep in each other’s arms.
“Hey, there,” Luke’s voice interrupted her thoughts as he came up from behind and wrapped his arms around her waist.
Turning her head, she smiled and said hello. Then he released her and greeted everyone before Kelly took over as the wedding director.
Step by step, she walked them through the entire ceremony. Madison tried to concentrate on what she said, but she kept wondering if she’d remember everything and do it all just right tomorrow.
Ben must have noticed because he leaned over and said softly, “Don’t worry, we’ll coach you through it all as it happens. You just show up in that gown of yours and leave the rest to us.”
Relief washed over her, and she began to relax and even kid around a little with Luke.
Soon the rehearsal was wrapped up, and they all headed over to the Cliffhanger Restaurant to meet up with Madison’s grandma Sheila, step-grandfather Rick, and great grandma Joan.
As they filed into the restaurant, Sheila rose from her seat on a nearby bench, followed by Rick. They began greeting everyone and explaining that Joan felt a bit under the weather and wanted to rest up for the big day tomorrow. Madison and her mom stood side by side watching Sheila as she came to Tim and Traci. Momentarily, she didn’t notice. Then, squealing, she exclaimed, “You’re having a baby!”
Above All Else (Sandy Cove Series Book 7) Page 13
