Actually, this is much more fun than our stupid childlike fantasies. This is real. Remolding Gaia is like the most thrilling rush ever. For the first time, I know what real power tastes like.
And you know what? It doesn’t make me feel like Commissioner Gordon. It makes me feel like King of the Universe.
Freakazoid
THE SMALL BLUE DIE ROLLED ACROSS the coffee table, stopping just before the edge. Five. Gaia bounced her small metal shoe around the game board and landed on Marvin Gardens, where, unfortunately, Skyler owned a big red plastic hotel.
“Damn,” she muttered as she scooped up $1,200 (a good half of her stash) and handed the money to Skyler. Monopoly, she was quickly discovering, was not her thing. Her railroads and utilities had prevented her from going completely broke, but overall it was becoming clear that she did not make a good capitalist.
“So . . . tell me about your love life. Is Jake your first boyfriend?” Skyler asked as he casually tossed the bills onto his stack of play money. She thought it was funny how he never sorted or counted his cash. Maybe rich kids tended to take it for granted, even in games.
“No. There was a guy before him. Ed. He’s just a friend now. And one other guy before that. Sam. That one didn’t work out either,” she said, reaching for the potato chips. “We had good chemistry, you know. But we disagreed on a lot of things. I was just too . . . different.”
“Sounds complicated.”
You don’t know the half of it, Gaia thought wryly. She sat back on her heels and rubbed her eyes. Skyler wasn’t kidding when he’d said he wanted to know everything about her. For the past couple of hours he’d been determined to hear her complete autobiography—from Huggies to high school. In a way, it was flattering that someone found her so interesting. She’d already told him about her father being in the CIA, but she’d decided not to risk much more truth than that. Still, it was tough editing out certain facts, avoiding certain topics altogether, and inserting the occasional bald-faced lie. He now knew, for instance, that her mom had been killed but that she’d been a victim of a hunting accident. And as far as he knew, she was an only child.
All that mental contorting was wearing her down. And she did feel guilty lying to him. But there was no need for Skyler to find out how freakazoid her real life was. Not yet.
“Hey, there.” Skyler was watching her warily. “You should tell me to shut up if I get too nosy. I don’t want to upset you.”
“It’s okay,” Gaia reassured him. She loved it when he got all protective of her feelings. Was this what it was like to have a big brother? “Your turn.”
Skyler rolled the dice and plunked his top hat onto the Chance square. “Go directly to jail,” he read aloud. “Do not pass go. Do not et cetera, et cetera.”
“Yes!” Gaia rejoiced. “Now get your butt in the slammer.”
“Aren’t you forgetting something?” He held up a crisp yellow card that showed a cartoon guy with wings flying out of a birdcage. “Get out of jail free,” he read aloud.
“Crap!” she exclaimed, shaking her head. “See, this is why I prefer chess.”
Skyler shrugged. “Same game, different board.”
“That’s not true at all. Monopoly’s half luck. In chess you have to think ahead and—”
“Please!” he interrupted, rolling his eyes. “You sound just like Chris. Don’t make me go all big brother on you.”
“Oh, really? What will you do? What do you do to Chris?”
“Chris is easy. All I have to do is get his CD collection out of order and he throws a hissy. But you? You’re more complicated. With you I’d probably have to resort to my Liz tactics.”
“And they are . . . ?”
He leaned toward her, raising his hands in a menacing monster sort of way. “Tickling.”
Gaia made a noise somewhere between a shriek and a laugh and leapt to her feet. Skyler followed, pursuing her around the apartment until she ended up trapped between the armchair and stereo cabinet.
She backed up against the wall, holding her elbows close to her rib cage. Never before had she felt such a mixture of fun and fear. As he slowly descended on her, his wriggling fingers inching toward her torso, she stood there cringing but laughing at the same time.
“I haven’t even touched you yet,” he exclaimed as she jerked sideways with a screeching giggle.
And suddenly, for the first time in her life, Gaia began to understand the absurd mystery of tickling. It wasn’t so much the actual sensation of fingers digging into one’s ribs but the anticipation of it that people responded to. She was laughing in expectation. A nervous, manic laugh, full of both dread and exhilaration.
“Don’t worry,” he murmured. “I’ll go easy on you.”
The next thing she knew, his hands were on her, fingertips burrowing beneath her arms. Gaia let out a loud burst of laughter cut short by a cry of pain.
Skyler instantly drew back his hands. “I’m sorry! Did I hurt you?”
“No. It’s okay. I’m just sore is all.” Gaia rubbed the tender spot on her side. Skyler’s eyes were so full of pity and concern, the sight of them overwhelmed her. She had to turn away, focusing instead on the nubby weave of the carpet.
A somber air filled the room, as if someone had dumped a bucket of reality on their fun.
“I’m so sorry,” Skyler repeated. He reached forward and lightly grasped her sweatshirt. “Here. Let me see.”
Gaia moved her arms out of the way as he slowly lifted her shirt to reveal the wound.
“Jesus,” he whispered, his fingertips gliding over the raised, credit-card-size welt. His knitted gaze met hers. “Are there more?”
She nodded.
“Show me.”
Skyler led Gaia away from the wall and circled her, inching up her shirt to examine her back and sides. She stood there quietly, wincing as his warm hands touched her raw skin.
“Damn,” he said under his breath.
She couldn’t help feeling like some battered, neglected mannequin, but she wasn’t going to object. Skyler had the firm-yet-soothing voice of a doctor administering an exam. Plus she liked gaining his sympathy. She wanted more of his big-brotherly concern.
“Come over here,” he said, pulling her over to the bar stools. “We have to do something about this.”
“No, I’ll be okay. Really,” she replied with a shrug. But even to her own ears her objection sounded weak.
“Stop it,” he admonished. “I know those have got to hurt. Just let me take care of you.” Setting her down on a stool, he began rummaging through a high kitchen cabinet, eventually pulling out a small tin box. He placed it on the counter and flipped back the lid, revealing a well-stocked first aid kit.
“Here, take off your shirt,” he directed as he unscrewed the cap of a long metal ointment tube.
For a fraction of a second Gaia hesitated. Then she dutifully tugged the sleeves of her sweatshirt off her arms. Again Skyler had that undeniable air of authority—like a doctor or a judge. She was just the patient. The injured child. She would do as she was told.
Once her arms were freed, Skyler grasped the hem of her sweatshirt and helped her pull it over her head. The cool kitchen air breezed against her bare skin. Gaia felt overwhelmingly awkward, hyperaware of the fact that her breasts were completely visible through the faded meshy material of her bra. She might as well not have been wearing one at all. Under the pretense of being cold, she instinctively crossed her arms over her chest.
This was new. She’d never really been shy of nudity before. It wasn’t that she loved her body—in fact, she’d always thought her long limbs and muscular build didn’t suit a girl her age, making her seem more like a hard plastic action figure than a real live human. But before now—before fear—she’d just never seen what the big deal was all about.
And just as Gaia only understood nightmares and tickling since the onset of fear, only now did she understand why nudity was an issue. Sitting half naked under the yellow fluorescent ligh
ts, she couldn’t shake the feeling of being on display. Was he judging her body? Did he think her breasts were too small? Too big? Did he think her bodybuilder arms were gross?
Get over it, she scolded herself. He’s only trying to help.
Skyler didn’t even seem to be watching her. He was busy opening up bottles and little packets of cotton balls. Soon Gaia felt the cold bite of alcohol being swabbed against her scrapes. She flinched reflexively.
“Sorry,” his voice murmured in her ear. “It’ll sting a little.”
After cleaning her cuts Skyler began rubbing a thick, warm cream into her wounds. His touch was deliberate yet gentle, and Gaia slowly relaxed into his care.
“Is that better?” he asked after a while, resting his hands on her shoulders.
“Yeah,” she whispered. “Thanks.”
“No problem.” His fingers began gently kneading her muscles. “I bet you’re sore all over, huh?”
“Mm-hmm,” she agreed, leaning backward and surrendering into his soothing touch.
“I know just the thing.” He gave her muscles one final prod with his thumbs and moved around to face her. “Come on,” he said, gesturing toward the back rooms. “I’m giving you a bath.”
Opposite of Smart
“THIS WILL BE THE BEST THING for you.” Skyler sat on the edge of his tub, shouting over the running water. “I always take one of these after a workout.”
“Uh-huh?” Gaia said, fiddling as long as she could with her watch clasp. Finally she felt it was too obvious she was stalling. She slid it off her wrist and placed it on the counter.
Okay, she could easily convince herself that taking off her shirt was not a big deal. But completely undressing? That was a big deal. Yet for some reason, she didn’t want to offend him by letting him see how uncomfortable she was. After all, he was only trying to take care of her. And he’d done nothing to make her distrust him.
As casually as she could manage, Gaia unbuttoned the front of her Levi’s and pulled them down over her hips.
“You’re going to love this,” Skyler was saying, pouring a variety of oils into the tub. “You’re being treated to the best Rodke-Simon bath products on the market”
“Really?” Gaia tried to sound casual as she yanked off her jeans, folded them neatly, and set them on the white tile counter.
“This one has lavender and juniper berries, which will help you heal,” he said, holding up a small glass bottle before pouring in a thick teaspoonful. A glistening green oil slick formed on the surface of the water.
“Uh-huh. Good.” She carefully pulled her sock off her left foot and folded it, too.
“And this one has sage, which is great for sore muscles.”
“Right. Great.” She couldn’t put it off any longer. Just do it, she told herself. It’s only Skyler, for chrissake. Quit being such a prude.
Gaia reached back, unhooked her bra, and quickly pulled it off. Okay. That wasn’t so bad, she told herself as she placed it on the rest of her clothes. She took a quick peek toward Skyler. He was busy adding a salty substance to the bathwater. Now for the big finish. She took a deep breath of air and courage and slid off her underwear. There, she thought, adding it to the teetering clothing pile. She’d done it. She was now completely naked. Totally exposed. Body parts on parade.
But so what? she asked herself. What was the big deal? Naked wasn’t bad. It was natural. It was freeing. It was—
“You ready?”
Eep. Gaia jumped slightly. She turned and faced Skyler, who was now looking right at her. At her eyes. Thank God, he was looking into her eyes. But what was he thinking? She searched his gaze for any flickers of amusement or disgust but found nothing. But then, what did she know? Ever since she had gained fear, it had been that much tougher to read people. She found she couldn’t quite separate what was clearly there from what she feared might be there.
Gaia fought off the urge to cover herself with her arms, then wondered what else to do with them. She had no pockets or belt loops or anywhere else to place her hands. How did one strike a natural pose while in the buff?
Skyler smiled and gestured toward the bathtub. “Go ahead. Get in before it gets cold.”
“Okay. Thanks,” she said quickly. As casually as she could, she walked past him and stepped over the side of the tub, settling into the steamy bath. Skyler hadn’t been exaggerating about the strength of the bath products. It was like being dunked in a giant cup of tea.
She stretched out her legs and leaned her head back against the side of the tub. Soon she could feel her muscles become warm and loose. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d taken a long, relaxing bath. The boardinghouse had only showers, and hot water was controlled like war rations. And even if she could have bathed, Gaia typically chose not to, preferring quick, no-nonsense showers. She never was very good to herself.
Ahhh. She closed her eyes and inhaled the pungent vapors.
“How does it feel?” Skyler asked from where he sat at the foot of the tub.
“Fantastic.”
“Told you.”
She was just wondering why Skyler was still there when she suddenly felt his hands on her shoulders. She jerked in surprise.
“Shhh. Relax,” he murmured, his fingers kneading her sore muscles. His strong fingers raked down her back, smoothing out kinks and cramps.
Stop the freaking, she told herself. Skyler probably doesn’t even care that you’re totally nude. He’s just helping you feel better—like a doctor or masseur. Nudity comes with the job.
His hands were now traveling down her arms, smoothing out her triceps, her biceps, everything in between. He was right. It was helping—majorly. She moaned in pleasure, giving in to the sensations. She didn’t even mind when his left fingertips accidentally brushed the side of her breast.
It felt like Skyler was literally, physically fixing her, remolding her into a better version of herself. She could practically hear the old theme from The Six Million Dollar Man start up in the distance. We can rebuild her. We can make her better than she was before. Better . . . stronger . . . less annoying . . . da, da, da DAH!
“Does it hurt here?” Skyler murmured into her ear. He’d moved up to her neck, massaging the skin with firm, circular patterns.
“Mmm. Yeah. A little,” she said, her head bobbing from the movement. “Probably from when that big guy grabbed me from behind.”
There was a long pause and then Skyler spoke again, his tone slightly halting as if he were carefully inspecting each word before using it. “Um, Gaia? Don’t take this the wrong way, but . . . do you purposefully get drawn into fights?”
“No,” she replied, swishing her hands back and forth in the water to create waves. “They just seem to find me.”
“But why give in? Why not take off for safety? Wouldn’t that be the smart thing to do?”
Gaia stared down at the bruises on her knuckles. Sometimes I do run, Skyler. She remembered taking off from the park that time, leaving Jake to deal with all those IV heads himself. And the other time she’d run away—when Ed ended up getting stabbed. That had been the opposite of smart. That had been the most selfish, stupid thing she’d ever done.
“I just try to help,” she said, rather lamely. “That’s all.”
“Do you”—again he paused cautiously—“do you think it’s fun?”
“No!”
“Never? You don’t get the slightest bit of satisfaction out of it?”
“Well . . . yeah. I mean, sometimes they deserve it. Jake says—”
“Jake? Your boyfriend? He knows you do this?”
“Y-Yeah,” she replied, sensing she’d made some mistake.
“And he’s okay with this?”
“Yeah. Sometimes he even helps me out. He’s also a black belt and—”
“Wait. Wait a minute,” Skyler interrupted. “You mean you and he go out and take on bad guys like some sort of crime-fighting duo? Does he put you up to this?”
“No!” Gaia�
�s body seemed to be tensing all over again. “He doesn’t have to do it at all. He just likes helping me—”
“What? He likes it?” Skyler’s strong, warm hands left her back. She felt suddenly cold and exposed.
“No. I mean, yes. I mean . . .” Gaia sighed. She had a sudden urge to sink below the waterline and disappear. “He’s just looking out for me is all.”
“Fine. Whatever.” The disappointment in Skyler’s voice was making her feel guilty. “Look, I don’t mean to pry. I just think that . . . if he was really looking out for you, he’d try to stop you from getting into those situations.”
Gaia hugged her knees to her chest, unsure of what to say. There was no way she could make Skyler understand without opening the giant Pandora’s box that was her life story. No way to convince him that Jake wasn’t some crazy thrill seeker.
She knew how it sounded to him, but he couldn’t be more wrong about Jake. He wasn’t this nutcase who fancied himself her loyal sidekick. He was her rock, her confidant, her understanding boyfriend. Maybe he was a bit too caught up in the intrigue of her life, but he still cared for her. He only wanted what was best for her.
Right?
GAIA
“Take care!”
What nitwit starting using that phrase as a fond farewell? Take care? Take care of what? My teeth? My cuticles? A pet gerbil? Of course, a sane person would probably point out that these well-wishers simply want me to look out for myself in general. But even then, why? What the hell do they know that I don’t? “There will be loads of anvils falling onto Twelfth Street tomorrow. . . . Take care!” I mean, how freaking demanding. Why are they ordering me to take care of my own self? If it’s social politeness they’re after, wouldn’t it be nicer for them to offer to take care of me?
Right. Like that would happen. People would probably consider a wild sewer alligator more in need of concern. “Good ol’ tough freak-of-nature Gaia. Don’t bother looking after her. She can fight.”
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