by Emma Davies
Flora looked up, taken aback.
‘There’s nothing wrong with lighting the fire as such,’ continued Hannah. ‘But what happens when Ned wants to sit in the front room and have a warm-up after a hard day’s work… and all the wood is gone? Are you seriously going to chop the logs?’
‘Well yes, I would. I’d try anyway. I wouldn’t expect Ned to do it.’
‘Ah, but would he be happy with you doing it?’
Flora frowned. She hadn’t thought of it like that. But Ned wouldn’t mind, surely…
‘After all, you wouldn’t expect him to bake the cake for supper, would you?’
‘I wouldn’t expect him to, no, but I wouldn’t mind if he did. I don’t see that it’s any more my job than it is his… It’s about sharing the workload.’
‘Which is fine if Ned worked in an office, but he doesn’t. He works from early morning to late at night and it’s hard, physical work which, however much you might want to, you couldn’t possibly share. Believe me, there’s nothing equal about the workload on a farm and these modern ideas are all very well, but they just don’t seem to fit in with life here. You could spend an awful long time and a lot of heartache trying to find that out for yourself, or… you could just accept it.’
Hannah gave her a sympathetic smile. ‘I do understand how you feel,’ she said. ‘And it’s commendable that you want to do your bit to help on the farm, but if you want to feel useful then it’s better if you realise that it’s your job to support Ned in doing his, rather than to try and change things. You can still have your little hobbies and so on, and goodness, no one is saying that you have to do things exactly as I do…’
But they are, thought Flora, that’s exactly what’s being suggested.
‘…You’ll find your own way of doing things, put your own stamp on the household… which brings me rather neatly to the other thing I wanted to talk to you about.’ She leant forward in her chair. ‘Fraser and I have been talking, and I realise that there’s a huge amount that needs to be discussed with regard to the wedding, but we’d very much like you to consider having it here. What do you think?’
Flora thought that this was a conversation she would rather be having with Ned at her side, but she couldn’t possibly say so.
‘Your offer is lovely, Hannah, thank you. I’ll make sure I talk to Ned about it soon so we can decide, and please thank Fraser for me, it’s a very generous gesture.’
‘And it could be the most enormous fun, don’t you think?’ Hannah drank the last of her tea. ‘A big upheaval of course, but I think we could manage it, and I’ve also been thinking…’ She leaned in again. ‘Now don’t quote me on this, because it’s not for definite yet, but I have made a suggestion to Fraser about our domestic arrangements, and I think he might be prepared to consider it.’
‘Go on…’ said Flora, sounding more cautious than she had intended.
‘Some years ago when Ned was… well, when he was in a different relationship, Fraser and I decided that it might be the right moment to give Ned a little more space for… entertaining and the like.’ Hannah broke off to clear her throat, slightly embarrassed at the mention of Ned’s past. ‘And the sheds at the far end of the yard are very well built so it didn’t take much to start converting them into a cottage for us. It has always been our intention that, once Fraser and I retire, the farm would pass into Ned’s name along with the farmhouse. The cottage would provide the perfect place for us to downsize, leaving Ned and this… person to take up the reins, raise a family and so on. However, when things didn’t work out with the girl in question, it didn’t seem sensible to waste all that time and money and so the work on the cottage stopped. But now that you’re here it changes things again. Of course there are plenty of years left in Fraser yet, and so we’re not about to retire immediately…’ She broke off to give a rather forced laugh. ‘But everything at the cottage is still in place so it wouldn’t take much to restart the alterations. I wondered if it might provide a solution to any… difficulties we might have, all living under the one roof.’ She sat back, clearly pleased with her suggestion.
‘I’m sorry, Hannah. I’m not sure I’m following you.’
‘Well, like I said, nothing is definite, but seeing as you and Ned are going to be married soon, I thought it might be rather nice for you to have a little more space of your own. It wouldn’t be straight away of course, there’s still a bit of work to do in finishing off the conversion for us, but I do think that Fraser might consider it. It wouldn’t change anything as far as the running of the farm goes though,’ she clarified, just in case Flora thought otherwise. ‘At least, not at the moment. But if we moved out at some point you might feel that the house becomes more your domain than at present. Which in turn might also help you to settle in.’ Hannah plucked at an imaginary piece of fluff on her sleeve. ‘It’s all about feeling in control, isn’t it?’ She smiled. ‘Think of it as a wedding present, if you like.’ She sat back, beaming.
But Flora didn’t feel like it was a wedding present. She felt like she had pushed Hannah and Fraser out of their home. Was she really that difficult to live with?
Hannah inhaled a cleansing breath. ‘I’m so pleased we’ve had the opportunity to have this little chat,’ she said. ‘Rather overdue, I suspect, and I am sorry you got so upset. But I hope that things are a little clearer now?’
Flora nodded dutifully.
‘And you must always come and ask me if you need help with anything. Us women have to stick together, don’t we?’ Hannah glanced at her watch. ‘Now, shall I finish off the bread and make a start on the soup? We don’t want the men missing two meals, do we?’ Her eyebrows were raised.
Flora got to her feet. ‘Thank you,’ she said. ‘I might just go and tidy myself up a bit, if that’s okay? Wash my face, that sort of thing.’
‘Of course,’ replied Hannah. ‘It wouldn’t do to have Ned see you looking like that.’ She frowned slightly. ‘Not that you don’t still look lovely, I didn’t mean it like that. But men don’t really understand, do they? Ned will take one look at you, see that you’ve been crying and want to know why… and that’s when it all gets rather complicated. Best not to let them see in the first place, dear.’
Flora was rather banking on Ned understanding, but she simply nodded instead. ‘I won’t be long,’ she said, and slipped from the room.
But she didn’t go upstairs. Instead she crept back into the dining room where her things were all still laid out on the table. The room was still warm, or warmer than the rest of the house at least, but the fire had died down and was now just a bed of glowing ashes. Flora picked up a poker from the set on the hearth and gave it a vicious prod. She could feel tears threatening again but, by inhaling deeply and clamping her back teeth together, she managed to keep them at bay. This was so much harder than she had thought. Ordinarily she would have spoken her mind, pointed out that Hannah’s rigid ideals were entrenched in a past that had no bearing on how Flora lived her life. But how could she speak up when this was Ned’s mother, and she had no idea how he really felt on the subject? She stared sadly at the table. Perhaps that was part of the problem. She didn’t really know how Ned felt about anything much.
With a sigh, she began to clear away the debris of lino waste that littered the table. She had so nearly finished her print and had been pleased with how it had progressed, but she had no stomach to complete it now. The sketches she had made were almost finished too, and at least one of them was of sufficient quality that with a little extra work she could offer it for sale. But it would be going back in the box along with the rest of her things. Flora didn’t really know when they would be unpacked again. And that meant no pictures for Grace to sell, and no money either.
Chapter Seven
Lunch was fine. Normal service had been resumed and although Fraser was very quiet, he didn’t appear to be harbouring any ill feeling. Flora could see that Hannah was relieved to have got things off her chest as well; it was just Flora who
wasn’t at all sure how she felt.
It was heading towards late afternoon by the time Flora was finally free to visit Ned. And she still wasn’t sure which way to think. She veered between bouts of anger at the sense of injustice she felt, and guilt that she could dare to feel such a thing. She was the newcomer here. She had no right to expect things to change simply because of her arrival, and who was she to think that her way of doing things was any better than anyone else’s? Hannah was obviously happy with her lot, as was Fraser, and even though their old-fashioned attitudes made her want to scream, it was just a different way of life. It didn’t make them bad people.
And so, hens fed, she set off for the milking parlour in determined fashion. It seemed ridiculous that Flora hadn’t yet ventured this far into the farm. Hannah had shown her where things were a little closer to the farmhouse and waved in vague fashion at the rest, but she’d had no need to go exploring on her own, or the inclination as it happened; it would have felt like trespassing. Ned had offered to take her but every time he was free it was already dark.
Reaching the milking parlour entailed walking right to the other end of the farm buildings, past the row of brick sheds, which Flora now realised were destined to be Hannah and Fraser’s new cottage, and the assorted barns and other buildings that she guessed were used for storage.
As the troughs of flowers dwindled away and the level of mud increased, she realised she’d reached the ‘business’ end of the farm. It was different from the lush area surrounding the farmhouse, but still beautiful in its own right. The buildings around her were made from warm red brick and had an air of tradition and permanence about them. She crossed over the roadway which led into the bottom end of the farm and approached the low long shed she could see running along the other side.
The smell and the noise reached her before everything else. It was a warm sweet smell, but sour too, the type that invaded your nostrils and stayed there. And the noise was loud and clamorous, a rhythmic clanking to it, interspersed with the odd shout. It took Flora quite a few moments to take in what was going on and to even spot Ned among the machinery. And when she did, she saw he was not alone.
Caroline was leaning up against a metal railing that ran the entire length of the building, separating a raised walkway from the bright blue concrete floor of the parlour. The walkway was filled with cows, and everywhere Flora looked were legs and tails and bulging udders. Coils of pipework hung from machinery suspended on the ceiling, on the ends of which were four yellow tubes, and it was in among these that Flora had spotted Ned.
Caroline, in jodhpurs and a bright pink quilted jacket, had one arm draped casually over the railing, her hand lifting up and down as she talked, the other hand repeatedly running itself through her hair. Despite her glamorous appearance, which was in direct contrast to the functional atmosphere in the shed, she looked very much at ease.
Ned, unusually, looked rather agitated. He had his back to Caroline as he worked, but every now and then he turned slightly towards her as she spoke. He looked as he always did whenever Flora had seen him in his work clothes, his wellies a dirty green, with a thick brown apron covering his navy blue overalls. But rather than the normal tiredness she was used to seeing, today, he looked harassed.
She had half a mind to turn and leave before she was spotted, but just at that moment, Ned looked up and saw her. And scowled.
Seeing the expression on his face change, Caroline spun around, her face breaking into a smile.
‘Flora!’ she exclaimed, coming forward. ‘Goodness, I didn’t think we’d ever get you in here.’
‘Well, you know…’ Flora muttered, looking past her to where Ned was standing, relieved to finally see a smile on his face.
‘Is everything okay?’ asked Ned.
‘Fine,’ replied Flora airily. ‘I just thought it was high time I showed my face in here. I’ve just fed the hens and thought while I was out I should come on down and say hello.’ She turned back to Caroline. ‘I’m sorry, I didn’t realise you were here,’ she said. ‘Or I’d have offered you a cup of tea.’
‘Actually I’m just leaving, so don’t worry.’ Caroline turned back to Ned. ‘I can see that things are a bit busy just now, but have a chat with Flora and let me know if that’s okay. There’s no rush.’ She was having to raise her voice over the noise of the machinery and it was evident that she didn’t like shouting.
Flora wanted to ask Ned if she could have a quiet word, but she wasn’t about to do so in Caroline’s hearing, and so she smiled and nodded. She wasn’t about to ask what Caroline was referring to either, and she stood to one side to let her pass. As she did so she noticed another figure at the far end of the shed. Clad in red overalls, Fraser was standing, one hand on the rail, staring up at a point on the far wall a little bit higher than his head. She raised her hand in greeting, but perhaps he didn’t see her. Or perhaps she wasn’t quite out of his bad books just yet.
‘What are you supposed to be talking to me about?’ she asked Ned as soon as Caroline was out of earshot.
Ned looked blank.
‘Caroline?’ she prompted. ‘You were supposed to be talking to me about something and getting back to her.’
‘Oh that,’ muttered Ned. ‘Some bloody engagement party her mother wants to throw for us.’
‘Engagement party?’ Flora frowned. ‘That’s very generous, but a bit too formal for us… isn’t it?’
‘Yeah, like I really have the time to be poncing about at parties…’
‘And I would have thought that if there was going to be an engagement party it would be something we would throw, seeing as it would be our friends who were invited…’ She searched his face. ‘Why on earth would Caroline’s parents want to throw us a party? I mean, at the very least your mum and dad should organise it. It’s a bit rude actually; I can’t see Hannah and Fraser being very happy about it, that’s for sure.’
Ned stared at her. ‘You’re right,’ he said, and then shook his head. ‘Sorry, Flora, I don’t know how Caroline gets this stuff in her head at times.’ He bent to kiss her cheek. ‘Well, this is a rather lovely surprise,’ he added, changing the subject.
She frowned again but then decided to let it go. ‘Is it?’ she replied. ‘Only I seem to remember you didn’t want me to come here this morning.’ She gave him a cheeky smile instead. ‘And I can see why. God it stinks in here!’
He grinned at her. ‘It’s an acquired taste, there’s no doubt about that. But you don’t really notice it after a while. Just as well, I suppose.’ He looked behind him. ‘Hang on a minute…’
She watched as he uncoupled the machinery from one of the cows, moving it along to the next, and then repeating the exercise several times. The ceaseless clanking seemed to increase in volume as she tuned back into it. As he walked back towards her she could see that his face had resumed its agitated expression.
‘I’m sorry,’ she said. ‘I can see you’re busy – I should let you get on. I guess I just wanted to come and say hello. I’ll see you later, okay?’
She was about to go, when he reached out to touch her arm.
‘Is everything okay?’ He held her look for a moment. ‘I asked you before, but with Caroline here, well… but now it’s just us. So let me ask you again, and answer me truthfully this time?’
Her shoulders sagged a little as she sighed. ‘I didn’t intend to burden you with this now,’ she replied. ‘It can wait.’
She saw the tussle on his face; his desire to reach out to her against the pull of his work.
‘Honestly, it can wait. You’re busy and it’s not fair.’ She smiled. ‘I’m okay though, in fact it’s probably better if I wait until later to talk to you. I got a bit wound up and should calm down first.’
Ned cocked his head to one side. ‘I don’t know… if it’s not one thing, it’s my mother… Am I right?’
Flora blushed. ‘That makes it sound awful, and it wasn’t, not really. Your mum was lovely in fact.’ She paused to chew at
the side of her lip. ‘I got upset after that stupid mistake over breakfast and Hannah came in just as I’d decided to start blubbing. It’s okay, it was my fault after all, but after I’d cried all over her we had a little chat…’ She broke off at the look on Ned’s face. ‘Which was fine… except that she mentioned the wedding, and one or two other things and… I’m really not sure how I feel about it all. I’m probably just being stupid. Hormonal or something, I don’t know.’ She threw her hands up in frustration.
‘I doubt that,’ replied Ned. ‘Hormonal possibly, but how you feel is how you feel, you shouldn’t try to ignore it, or pretend it’s something else.’ He touched the side of her face. ‘Listen, I know Mum is stuck in the Dark Ages, and she’s been a martyr to the “women’s place is in the kitchen” cause for so long she doesn’t know how to be anything else, but we’re getting married, Flora, and that changes things whether she likes it or not. The important thing is that you don’t get caught in the middle. We’ll have a chat about it, I promise, all of us together.’
Flora nodded, smiling gratefully. ‘Could we? I know now isn’t a good time,’ she said. ‘But with her and Fraser potentially moving out of the farmhouse, it seems like a good opportunity to get a few things straight. I do understand her position… I’m just not sure I can be who she wants me to be, and that could cause problems, for us too, and that’s the last thing I want to happen.’
‘Oh, Flora,’ sighed Ned. ‘I do love you. How do you manage to be so sensible and yet so bonkers at the same time?’ He scooped the hair back from her face and leant forward to kiss her, but then a sudden frown crossed his face. ‘Hang on a minute, who said anything about them moving out?’
