by Tamara Lush
“Hey, Leo? You okay?”
Leo opened his eyes and stared upward. Jessica was standing over him. Her voice was soft.
She wore a concerned look, and her ponytail had blown over her shoulder. She dropped to the sand in front of him and reached out. Her fingertips landed on his knee, and he nearly shrank back from her, afraid of her touch because it was so pleasurable.
Breathe.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt. I was wondering if you had a butter knife or something I could use for detail. I left mine back home.”
He mustered a smile. “I was just meditating. Thinking. Listening to the waves.”
“You looked like you were in pain.”
Leo shrugged. “Sometimes I can’t help but think about Afghanistan. It sometimes pops into my mind. The military counselor said it would, that it was part of the PTSD.”
Jessica drew in a breath. “You have PTSD?”
He nodded. “Yeah. You’ve heard of it?”
“I saw a TV program on it once, about Iraq war veterans.”
Could he trust her enough to be honest about the workings of his dark and tortured mind? She seemed open to talking. Maybe he could ease into the subject. But should he?
She’d know soon enough, of course. When he turned himself in for what had happened in New Orleans. Hell, he’d probably make the national news.
“Yeah. I sometimes have nightmares. And a little anxiety. But it’s no big deal.”
Jessica removed her fingers from his leg, and he wanted to plead with her to touch him again. Her voice was even.
“Are you on some kind of medication for it?”
“Naah. I was, but it didn’t work for me. I had a therapist back in New Orleans.” He pushed out a breath and couldn’t look her in the eye. “He said I also have something called moral injury.” There. That wasn’t all that bad. Was it? It made him sound just a little wounded, not broken. Manly, not a mess.
“I’m…sorry. What’s that?”
Leo sighed. “My therapist describes it as ‘bearing witness to horrible things that transgress deeply held moral beliefs.’ He held up his hands and made quote marks, as if he didn’t quite believe it himself. Maybe he didn’t. He wasn’t sure. “Basically it’s how I came to grips with everything I saw during the war—or how I haven’t. Things that don’t really mesh with my values.”
Shit. She looked so serious. He knew this was a lot to unload on her, and yet he didn’t expect her to fix him with a quick smile or a patriotic platitude. She was surely smart enough to know that you didn’t just recover overnight from something terrible.
“What do you do when you have the nightmares?”
Leo lifted a shoulder, trying to appear casual. “I turn on the light. Sit in bed. Read. Try to do some breathing exercises that my therapist showed me.” Oh, and I also have panic attacks, scream and sleepwalk. And burn shit down.
Jessica’s brows knitted. “Do you have someone you can talk to? Do you call anyone? A friend or…anyone?”
He scowled. “No. And why would I do that?”
Jesus, he hadn’t had to come off so harsh, though. He ran his hand over his scarred arm then opened his mouth, but nothing came out.
“I…I can’t even imagine what you went through. You know, if you ever feel really bad in the middle of the night, you can call me.”
Their eyes met, and he prayed that he wasn’t seeing pity on her face. Silence, thick and awkward, swirled around them. He watched her draw in a huge inhale and he grunted.
“Um, never mind that butter knife,” she said in a quavering voice, suddenly looking down at her watch. “I just realized I need to be somewhere. Thank you, though.”
Jessica rose and walked away. As he watched her walk over the beach, Leo’s heart sank into his stomach. Apparently she might not be able to handle his psychic wounds after all.
* * *
By the time she reached the sidewalk, Jessica had caught her breath and undone her ponytail. Her fingers were wet from sweeping away the tears streaming down her face, and her insides felt raw and exposed. Between Leo’s story of his PTSD and her feelings about him, she didn’t know what to do.
One thing was clear: His wounds and damage were far greater than her own troubles, and she felt an enormous pang of guilt about how she’d alternately teased him and been bitchy over the last few days. Selfish, even. She’d always assumed she was the type of person who lived to please others, but now she suspected she had been totally unfair to Leo…which made her feel like crap. Sure, he’d ghosted her. But they’d been teenagers living in different states and maybe there’d been more going on than she realized. He’d been through hell in the war, so maybe he’d suffered enough. What sense did it even make to keep being angry for something that had happened before he enlisted?
She wished they could have a do-over right from day one.
Well, she could start again regardless. She’d get an iced coffee at Sunset Brew, take a moment to sit with her thoughts, then go back to the beach and tell him she was sorry. Never mind that it was difficult to reconcile the hurts of the past. Never mind that he’d hurt her, that Jacob had cheated on her, that it seemed like every guy in her life had failed her. Leo was older now, and he deserved another chance if he wanted one. They had a connection she didn’t want to break.
Yanking open the door to the coffee shop, she went over in her mind everything she had to do for the rest of the day, calculating how much time she’d be able to spend with Leo. She had to return to the hotel eventually, because she needed to relieve Nicole behind the desk.
After she ordered and grabbed her coffee, Jessica went outside and sank into a chair at a table in the sun. Five minutes by herself to collect her thoughts, that’s all she’d need. She rarely sat and enjoyed the Florida weather because she always was in motion. She’d never taken a real vacation, which was ironic. Tourists constantly surrounded her, and each year at the sand sculpture contest she had won a trip to a Caribbean island. She had always given the trip to Mom and insisted Mom take a friend. This had been the year that, had Jessica won, they’d planned to go together.
Now they would never go anywhere together.
Jessica brushed the sand off her shins and felt sadness welling up inside, both for the past and the future. She had lived a block from the beach her entire life. Sand and sun were a constant presence. Maybe once the tourist season was over they really would sell the hotel and she would move far away. To the mountains. Or to smelly New York City. Somewhere away from this sand and these palm trees. Somewhere away from the handsome Marine who made her feel like she was shattering into a thousand pieces every time she looked at him.
I just wish I could be there for him and hold him at night when he wakes up.
If only it could be as easy as climbing into his bed and living happily ever after. She wiped the wet condensation off the side of her plastic cup with her finger. She had never before met a man who made her simultaneously want to flee and to kiss him.
She sipped her drink, leaned back and closed her eyes. The sunshine felt comforting against her skin and—
“Jessica.”
The voice was totally familiar and entirely unwelcome.
Jacob.
She sighed before even opening her eyes. When she did, she stared straight ahead, and not at the blonde-haired, blue-eyed sack-of-shit. This wasn’t the first time he had tried to talk to her since their breakup, and it wasn’t the first time she’d been forced to ignore him.
“You showed up at my mother’s funeral and my uncle asked you to leave. You sent flowers and I threw them away. You tried emailing me two months ago, but I ignored and blocked your address. I don’t care what you have to say. So why the hell are you standing here?”
“I was on the island to drop off papers at City Hall when I happened to be driving by the café and saw you. Can I sit down?” her ex asked.
Jess shook her head. “Did you not hear what I just said? No. You can’t.”
Her eyes swept over him. He wore rattan sandals with no socks, khaki pants and a white guayabera, a Cuban-style men’s short-sleeve shirt that signified the wearer was both casual, formal and distinctly a South Florida native. Jacob was five years older than Jessica, and she noted with some satisfaction that he had the makings of a paunch. His blue eyes, which she’d once loved because they reminded her of Leo’s, looked at her pleadingly.
It was hard to believe she’d allowed him into her heart. She’d been so lonely, though, figured that no one would ever want her the way Leo had—or seemed to have—and when Jacob had walked up to her at that bar in Fort Myers, she’d allowed herself to say yes to everything he asked. Now she realized he was nowhere near as handsome or charming as she’d once thought. Actually, he looked a bit dowdy. And his eyes were nothing like Leo’s. She’d been so wrong about so much.
She openly grimaced, as if she smelled a foul odor.
“I’ve been wanting to talk to you,” he said. He leaned a hand on the table and another on the arm of her chair. His body was close to her. Too close.
Jessica felt a jolt of rage and grabbed her purse. “Back. The hell. Off.”
Jacob straightened, sighing. “I’ve wanted to apologize. You haven’t given me the chance.”
Apologize? Again? Jesus. Was this the part where she found out there was a hidden camera somewhere?
Jessica’s mouth tightened in anger. She wasn’t going to dignify him with a response. She’d first dated him because he’d been so romantic and flattering and had reminded her a little of Leo, but she’d never felt even close to as comfortable with him as Leo, which made sense because Jacob eventually complained about her size and her inability to screw. Then he’d cheated on her, and she’d been ashamed of falling for his bullshit. How much had been true? Would he have refrained from cheating if she were prettier, thinner, more successful? If she had been able to fuck him like he wanted?
What was the difference? She was seeing him now for what he was: a smarmy asshole with a paunch, and who wanted to talk. No damn way.
“Please, can’t we talk as friends?” Jacob pleaded.
“Friends? Us?” Jessica asked. “Leave. Me. Alone.”
Jacob swallowed. “I deserve this and more. But, Jessica, I want you to know something.”
She rolled her eyes and sighed again. Would she be arrested if she doused him in iced coffee? No, she didn’t want to waste the coffee. What if she punched him in the throat? Because that’s really what she felt like doing.
“Jessica, I still love you. I think I made a mistake. Please, let’s talk. I was unfair about your condition. I’ll be patient this time, I promise. And I didn’t mean all of that about your body. You’re gorgeous. Can you give me another chance? Unless there’s someone else in your life now.”
When he mentioned her size and her physical problem, she wanted to smack him. “As a matter of fact,” she growled, “there is someone in my life. You are pathetic, Jacob. Leave. Now.”
Her words came out louder than expected, and a few people on the sidewalk turned their heads. But she didn’t care. The nerve of him! She sat ramrod-straight in her chair. If anger could kill, Jacob would be dead and a few people driving by might be collateral damage. A flicker of pure disgust flashed through her, and she rooted around in her purse for her keys. Why wouldn’t he take a hint and leave? And where were her damned keys?
She heard rushed footsteps and a deep voice. “Jess. I am so sorry I’m late.”
Looking up, she gasped. It was Leo. Where had he come from?
Before she could say anything, Leo slipped in front of Jacob, who stepped back a few feet to make room. Leo bent down and stroked her face with a strong hand then kissed her full on the mouth as if he had been doing so for years. The kiss was firm and slightly longer than would be proper for a greeting. His tongue even briefly touched her bottom lip. Jessica thought she might faint.
“I got here as fast as I could, baby.” He tugged on her upper arm, drawing her toward him, then slipped an arm around her waist, which was probably for the best because her legs were unsteady. “Leave your coffee. I’ll make you a better one at the bakery.”
Jessica was breathless and tingly. Her mouth slightly open, she noted that Leo was several inches taller than Jacob and quite a bit more muscular. Okay, massively more muscular. That made her happy.
Leo shot Jacob a cool smirk. “Oh. I don’t think we’ve met. I’m Leo.”
With his free arm, he extended his hand. Jacob looked even more surprised than Jessica, but he reluctantly took Leo’s hand. She saw Jacob’s eyes go to Leo’s scars, then to his tattoos. His gaze lingered on the military dog-tag tattoo on Leo’s forearm.
“I’m Jacob. Her…”
“Her past. That’s what you are.” Leo’s voice was like steel.
Jessica stepped a few inches towards Leo, and he hugged her close to his chest. His beachy, salty-smelling male skin was delicious. She fought the urge to nestle her nose into the side of his chest and inhale.
He was better-looking than Jacob, and she knew he was way braver. And he was standing up for her, something that Jacob had never, ever done. She recalled once when a snotty waitress brought a wrong dish—one with shellfish in it, which Jessica was allergic to—Jacob had sat mute and allowed Jessica to fight her own battle. She suspected that Leo wouldn’t do that.
He addressed Jacob with a touch of arrogance and reproach, and Jessica found it sexy as hell. “I’ve heard all about you and what you did to Jess, so I think it’s best if you leave her alone. Forever. And if you don’t”—Leo shot her ex a hard glare—“you’ll have me to deal with.”
He then propelled her away.
Jessica couldn’t help herself. She broke into a happy little grin.
CHAPTER TEN
Shaking with anger, Leo led Jessica away from her douche bag ex-boyfriend and down the street. As they walked, he threaded his strong fingers through her delicate ones. They walked at a quick pace, still hand in hand. No matter his situation, he was determined to make her understand that he was in her corner. That he cared about what happened to her and whether she was safe. Scaring that parasite away had been a good start.
“Where are we going?” she asked, slightly breathless.
“I’m taking you to the bakery,” Leo said.
“But—”
“No buts. Please.” He knew he sounded gruff, but seeing Jacob block her from getting up from her chair really burned him. Counting to ten, he did some breathing exercises as they walked. He rolled his shoulders back, willing his body to relax.
Jessica looked up at him. “Why did you say that you’ve heard all about Jacob? I didn’t tell you anything.”
Leo glanced at her out of the side of his eye. He unclenched his jaw. “Catalina told me about the breakup the other night at the party.”
She nodded.
“Does he stalk you like that a lot? Jacob, I mean.” Leo tried to tamp down his rage. Thank God he’d followed her after she all but ran off the beach. He’d watched from across the street as she walked into the café, and had intended on talking to her when she came out—he had wanted to apologize for talking about the war and being such a dick—but then she had looked so peaceful and happy sitting in that chair that he didn’t want to disturb her. He’d been about to return to the sculpture when he saw the guy approach.
At first jealousy had flared inside of Leo, but when he saw her narrowed eyes and the sneer on her lips he’d realized it was her ex. Then hearing her strong, clear voice telling the guy that she had someone new in her life had spurred him to action. That someone was obviously him, and he knew he needed to intervene and prevent this asshole from ever talking to Jessica again. It was the least she deserved.
“Not really. No. He’s tried to win me back and talk to me since we broke up, but I want nothing to do with him. He cheated on me.”
Leo muttered a harsh swear word under his breath. “If he bothers you again, we’re going to the poli
ce.”
She huffed out a little laugh. “I don’t think he’ll bother me anymore, not after he saw you kissing me like that.”
Stopping abruptly and spinning her by the shoulders to face him, Leo smiled and stared at her. He gently cupped her face in his hands. “Then I might have to keep kissing you every chance I get.”
He lowered his head and coaxed a kiss from her lips, tentative at first, and then deep and urgent. Just what he needed.
He broke away, grinning. “I can keep that up for hours. Days, even.”
She opened her mouth and gasped, then grinned. She obviously liked the idea of him kissing her, and that sent a fresh rush of desire through his body. Leaning down, he gave her another kiss. With a little bit of tongue. Just enough to hear a low moan erupt from her throat.
“Let’s get you that coffee,” he said before he did anything foolish. His voice sounded foreign and gravelly in his ears.
They resumed walking, passing a T-shirt shop, a bar and an art gallery, then turned down a street next to a dolphin sculpture before arriving at the bakery. Leo let go of Jessica’s hand to dig in his pocket for his keys, but she stayed close, her shoulder touching his.
Once the door was unlocked, he allowed her to go inside first then locked it behind them. Jessica stood in the middle of the room. She looked gorgeous there, curious and a little lost as she took in the recent renovations.
“It’s coming along fast,” she said, pausing at a booth and running her hand over the smooth surface of a heavy wooden table.
Leo stepped up behind her and put his hands on her arms. He lightly brushed her bare skin up to her shoulders then down to her wrists. It was velvety, warm, edible. Waves of pure lust surged through his body, and he pressed forward against her.
She turned, her ass up against the table edge, and gazed at him. Her green eyes darkened, became more intense. Not from surprise or fear, though. This was pure, molten need.
Jess put her arms around him and sighed pleasurably. The noise sent him over the edge. His hands traveled up the sides of her body, over her shoulders and up her neck. Taking her face firmly in his hands, he leaned down to kiss her. Taste her. Claim her.
